I told myself I would never take the pills again, but it turns out I have terrible self esteem. Even if it made my insides feel like shit, it was better than looking miserable on the outside. Besides, there were too many cons to not taking them. I glanced over at the overturned couch, a faint smile flicking over my face. Yea, way too many. That's what I told myself, anyway, that it would be better for everyone if I took them. I know the truth.

The last few pills rattled in the bottle. I made a face, knocking a couple in to my palm before picking up the water bottle on the dresser, one of the few things that hadn't been completely ruined. True, most of the drawers had been thrown in the floor, but ... I swallowed the pills and took a long drink of water.

After staring at the mess for a few seconds, I picked up one of the drawers and started to put it back. Immediately I felt my blood pressure go up. If he would just learn to listen, I wouldn't have this problem. I had tried a dozen times, and failed. He didn't understand even the simplest of messages, but if I made it much more obvious, it would ruin the game, and somebody would end up dead.

I ended up leaving the mess where it was, and with some reluctance, stepped outside. At some point I had developed a nervous habit, which involved tapping my flashlight against my thigh. I don't know why I bring the thing in the first place, it's not like I ever use it. Even as I reached the door headlights sweeped over the street.

The moment of panic passed. I didn't have time to put up with his shit tonight. The car kept driving, but still I backed up, locking the door as I went. Not like it had worked the last time, but I could at least try. Forbid he look at the door like a normal person. 'Oh, this door is locked, I'm probably not supposed to be in here.' Of course not.

Only when the pills rattled in the bottle did I realize I had picked up the bottle again. Maybe if I took enough it would knock me out until something interesting happened. Several seconds of me staring at the bottle passed before I pocketed it, then picked up the flash light I didn't remember putting down.

Memory gaps are a bitch.

I glanced up a second before I heard the thud, a little tingling in the back of my skull giving only a half-second warning. Something pulled at the mask and I automatically put up a hand to hinder it.

Why do you always wear that thing?

Maybe I should have taken a few more pills. Walking around a couch cushion, I walked through the house, resisting the urge to plug my ears. Like it would help. Even though there wasn't a physical sound, laughter hummed on the air.

Do you even remember what you look like?

It should have been easy to block it out, to ignore it, considering how long I had been trying. That voice ate through every barrier and picked at my brain, laughed at me. There wasn't a thing I could do about it, except go about my normal routine until it left.

The only problem was, I didn't really have a routine.

You don't even have a real life.

"Go away." The first words I'd said in awhile. It would probably be better just to ignore it all together, but tonight I felt like reacting. I felt another slightly more painful twinge in my skull. Even before it happened I knew it was going to be one of those nights. The best thing to do would be to walk away, go outside, something. Just find something to distract.

But I didn't.

You'll rot away in here. Do you think you can protect anyone like this?

The second attack sent me to my knees, and I gritted my teeth. Again came the tug at the mask, and a snarl passed over my lips. It was a piece of me, and I'd only remove it when I wanted to. Not to the whims of a -

"Stalking freak."

It wasn't until the screaming stopped did I realize I'd been the one doing it. Somehow I managed to let out a string of obscenities without being able to breath.

You better stop while you're still alive.

I grinned, staring at the carpet and my hands, knuckles white against the skin. I had reached the state of the far gone, but it didn't matter. Tendrils invisible in everything but a mental state dug in to my mind, and everything went black.