A day to remember

by PhantomlikeGirl

a love story about a simple plain girl and quite a handsome young male. yup, it's like reading a manga comic :P she's a quiet long-haired simple girl and he is the cool, tempered smoking guy whom no one bothers with. will they get along?

1.

This should have been a day to remember for me, although I didn't know why I thought it in that way. I had PE classes soon and perhaps that is why I felt like I should remember this day. I always enjoyed PE classes in high school because we were able to watch the guys play a bit of basketball and football, just before we were supposed to play volleyball. I don't think I've ever enjoyed anything else rather than running around the field as if I were a frightened wild goose, which knew it had been aimed at by the hunter. It was even funnier to watch your female team-colleagues running around yelping, giggling and gasping around as if the ball was on fire or the one throwing it had a killing intention. It was always fun because you never knew who was aiming who and when the discovery was done, then it would have been perhaps a few seconds late.

The boys enjoyed watching our girls' ball-games as well. They laughed a lot, sitting in their seats in the gallery. They talked a lot amongst themselves and whenever I went to the bathroom – to the girls' bathroom, obviously – I could hear them chatting off amused about their girlfriends or other little "delicate creatures", as they used to call them. I knew that no one would be talking of me. I was never the type to be talked about it and I wouldn't have enjoyed it either. I loved sitting in the gallery and let no one notice me. It was enjoyable to be a quiet, stiff part of the scenery. If I was on the field, I was the thing running up and down, left and right, without having anyone notice me in general, without letting them bother about my presence. A few times, I got scolded by the teacher, because he had this silly idea that I was very good at jumping and he wanted me to join some basketball club, but I couldn't possibly accept. I didn't like girls from the basketball club. They were all too tall and too grumpy for my taste. Whenever I sat next to one of them, I felt like I was sitting under the shade of a tall, old tree.

We had a girl in our class whose name is Keiko Yamada. Keiko is from the basketball club. She's almost 1, 72 m tall and she's always got a terribly bored look on her face. It's as if she could care less of the world around her if it were to completely collapse around her one day. I talk to her very little, but we seemed to share the same table at the canteen or the same bench when we eat in the school-yard. She liked to sit under the shade in the summer-time and she liked to keep warm by the air over in class, during winter-time. Whenever we were supposed to change places in class – at the beginning of each semester – she always had a lucky hand. She got to sit by the window three times in a row. Only once, she exchanged places with a person. She chose to sit behind that person and let the person sit by the window. That person was me. I was the one to ask her at the beginning of this semester if she could let me sit by the window and she agreed boredly.

How should I describe Keiko? She was tall and black-haired and she liked to show off her legs, because they're very well built. Though I hardly think she wore short skirts to look more feminine, I think she just enjoyed having her legs all revealed. The school uniform was to her taste as well. Long ago, she had managed to pick the shortest-in-size skirt. I picked the trousers. It's not like I don't enjoy skirts, but I do not want to attract attention. I don't want to show off skin and I don't want people to see the dark shade of it either.

Dad takes me to the sea-side at least twice a year so I get lots of sun-tan. I enjoy it, but it's something rather private, which is why I don't want to dress as if I'm showing it off.

We didn't talk much, me and Keiko. We just waved to each other in the morning, when we entered class or when we parted on the bridge by the river. When we part, indeed we go home together. We discovered that we could have gone half way back home together about two years ago. We mutely agreed to follow one another. We liked sitting around the bridge, watching the flowing river, waiting for the night-fall. We sometimes found ourselves all alone walking around the park situated near by the bridge.

When I was in middle school, I had a friend – a girl whose name is Aya – who told me that it was vital for me to have talkative people around me. Since I never talked much, that is why my group of friends should be one which has many, many things to share. I never kept Aya's advice in mind. I always went with the flow. People came right at me to bully me or to push me around because they thought that I might have some secret I was keeping away from them – since I was this quiet – but I never considered becoming friends with a talkative person. My parents never cared much about my inability to adapt, which is why I also grew up careless about it. Me and Keiko, we have something special I guess. I'm rather small and skinny, she's rather tall and well-built. Every boy turned his head after Keiko. No boy turns his head after me. No one whistles when I cross the street and there is no dog that wants to have me pet his head. Keiko had something special about her – even though she was sometimes as quiet as I am and more bored about life – which, whenever we were together, made the world notice. And with her, the world also noticed me. I didn't mind this contrast – if I may say so – between us. It has never upset me so far, because I was never the type to get angry on something this trivial.

Perhaps Keiko was another reason why I enjoyed PE classes. She sparkled on the field, while I was like a fly moving and buzzing around her. I was like the ambulant pillar she used whenever she had to throw off the ball and have it bounce back into her arms. We synchronized quite well, I would say, although the teacher didn't like it. He said that I mostly confused Keiko. Keiko never said anything to me about confusing her on the field. We were like a truly great team.

After I changed into my PE trousers and t-shirt, I went to the gym to see what has on there. The boys had already started their game of basketball and they were yelling everywhere. Among them, the captain of the team, Kinnousuke Ushimatsu, sparkled – as usual – fresh and energic in his basketball costume, swirling around his men, giving them instructions and throwing off balls to the newcomers in the team so they would score. In the absence of the coach, Kinnousuke was like his substitute and there was never a complaint about him since he was kind and generous with everybody. The girls enjoyed the most to watch him. There was always a wave of sighs coming from the gallery whenever he scored in basketball games.

Kinnousuke was as tall as Keiko and he was as handsome as she was. But, unlike Keiko, Kinnousuke was always smiling and his hair was as black-sparkling as a crow's feather. I like crows very much, which is why I love Kinnousuke's hair. I find it rather silly when girls come off sighing whenever he was around because it feels as if he's from another planet. It's wrong – in my opinion – to consider someone from another planet. I mean, it's wrong to consider someone an alien.

To be quite honest, Kinnousuke, Keiko and me, we went to the same middle school. But even then, Kinnousuke never wondered about me and never knew I existed for that matter because I was very good at hiding away from people.

When the coach came over the gym and noticed girls gathering about as usual, he announced that the volleyball was in first and then the boys would play their usual football and basketball games. As usual, I teamed up with Keiko and our duo was on again. It irritated the coach, I could see it often on his red face, but there wasn't much I could do about it. Keiko depended on me because she was accustomed to me helping her around and jumping off to bounce the ball back to her. The boys never looked at me because – as I said before – I was too small to even be considered human. I was like the pillar Keiko's ball bumped into and returned to its original owner.

'Kobayashi!' the teacher called my name as soon as the volleyball game ended. Keiko and I departed: she went to the bathroom and I headed for the coach. 'Yes, sensei?'

'How many times have I told you, Kobayashi! How many times – ' the coach growled, with his trembling curved fingers waiting to clutch my neck and break it in anger. 'How many times - !'

'Told me what, sensei?' I wasn't playing dumb. I sometimes get this absent-minded and make people repeat things to me. This time, my confusion only made the coach angrier. There was a group of boys approaching us. They were probably getting ready for the game because they were laughing and twisting their arms and wrists around for warm-up. Kinnousuke was among them. Just when the coach yelled at me a third – or perhaps a fourth time – how many times he had told me so (although he had failed to remind me what he had told me in the first place), Kinnousuke stopped close behind me and said: 'Sensei, Kobayashi-san was great. She really helped Yamada-san score so many times. They're such a good team! Don't you think so, guys?'

Although I couldn't see their faces, I knew that the boys' mumbling affirmative answer was just a way of showing Kinnousuke that they agreed with him, but no more than that. The teacher, however, looked pleased after their fake praising. He smiled from the corner of his mouth and instantly placed his arm on my shoulder: 'Kobayashi! Good job!'

'Arigatou gozaimasu, sensei', I said half-pleased and then the coach left me alone, as he turned on his feet and headed for the right corner of the chamber, where the boys would have to start their football game. Kinnousuke lingered next to me for a couple more seconds, during which I humbly showed him a smile and muttered a quiet domo, after which he smiled back, more widely than usually and turned back to run off to the field.

When I got back to the changing room, Keiko was already there, in her bra and short school-dress and she was resting her body on the long bench sitting in the middle of the room. Her eyes were closed and I imagined she was going over our volleyball match in her mind. Whenever she closed her eyes, I found that Keiko was very pretty. I never knew if she ever had a boyfriend or even if she currently had one. If not, then surely she must have refused many boys.

'Scolded again, eh?' she asked suddenly, as I pulled off the t-shirt and remained in my bra as well. I looked at her surprised. 'Guess so', I answered back. 'Is it a bother to you? We make a good team, don't we?'

'Yeah, but he doesn't like it. Says you're confusing me. You get in my way…'

'Is it true?'

The answer did not come immediately. Keiko stood up and pulled on her pullover. She then put her boots on and after turning towards the peg to grab her jacket, she said: 'Guess not. You're no bother. You're help.'

I smiled because I liked the fact that her answers were always blunt and short. We headed home afterwards. Keiko had a few friends of her own, a few tall girls from the basketball team she was in, but they never seemed to join us on our way home. I guess I was the main reason for that, although they never talked to me and therefore I had never had the chance to say something nasty to them to justify their ignorance/dislike towards me. This time, there was a tall girl waiting for us by the entrance gate. I recognized her as Tomoko-san from class 3 C, who had been in the same basketball team with Keiko since the beginning of our high school life. She was blonde and blue-eyed because she was half-European, although she was born and bred in Japan. She smiled to us the minute she looked at Keiko and then she lifted her arm in a waving gesture although she did not make any movement with it. When we stopped in front of her, Keiko also lifted her hand and they high-fived.

'Yo, Keiko-chan!' Tomoko smiled to her, without the slightest consideration towards me. I involuntarily hid behind Keiko's tall figure, because I always felt that this way I would less of an embarrassment for her towards her friends. This time, right after I hid, Keiko stepped away and uncovered me. 'Say hello to Ryun too', she said to Tomoko and the next minute was awkward for the three of us. Tomoko looked at me with the kind of look adults give to children other than their own. She blinked a couple of times before I could realize that what Keiko required of her was beyond her capabilities. Suddenly, Tomoko's lips changed their shape. They grew sweeter and the corners lifted up into a pleasant smile.

'Oh, sorry! Didn't really see you there!' Tomoko smiled off untroubled. 'Hi there, Ryun-chan!'

'Tomoko-san', I mumbled, feeling like I was swallowed up by a giant meteor. Although her smile was pleasant enough, I felt like she did not enjoy the fact that she had been admonished by a colleague of hers for some other girl she did not even know and who – on top of everything – was as small (compared to her) as an ant was to a rose. But quickly after she greeted me, Tomoko turned back to Keiko and then – mutely agreeing to join us on our way home – they started talking about the basketball game they had had earlier during the day. Well, as usual, Tomoko was doing all the talking, since Keiko was quiet and resting her eyes on the ground, as we walked on. I was next to her, on her left and the fact that I was standing beside two giants must have looked to other people as if I was their youngest sister or something. Still, it was a good thing that I was not a boy, or else this situation would have seriously been odd. I didn't eavesdrop on whatever they were saying. All I heard was Tomoko's voice high or low-pitched, but other than that, I could simply resume the conversation to a conflict which Tomoko had had with a girl from the adversary team. Apparently, this girl had intentionally aimed the ball towards Tomoko's head and when she explained that to the coach, he denied it and called Tomoko a spoilt brat. It was unreasonable of him, as I heard them talking. I didn't like the coach much so I kind of agreed to whatever Tomoko had against him.

Soon, we reached the bridge. The city is divided in two by the Asakawa river and in order to keep the two parts united, a bridge was constructed on it. It's quite long to walk on it, but it sometimes looks like a promenade alley. There are three different bridges for the pedestrians and two large bridges for cars and other vehicles. Since it was considered dangerous to place them side by side, the pedestrians' bridges are on the ends of the vehicles' ones. If one could be looking at it from a helicopter, the entire construction would look like a complicated twist of suspended alleys and roads. Still, it has worked so far and there have never been any accidents. And at night, I could waste my time there, mutely meeting Keiko and walking from one end to the other, following the course of the river up to the borders of the city.

At one intersection, on the pedestrian bridge, Tomoko parted from us. She was smiling again when she left us. This time, Keiko did not tell her to say goodbye to me too. This time, Tomoko waved at us and her smile seemed to have included me in it as well, not just Keiko.

'So troublesome,' said Keiko afterwards, when we were safely away from Tomoko. Ahead of us, the pedestrian bridge was stretching as if it was aiming for the horizon. The cold sun was hidden behind the clouds so everything looked like it was covered in a nasty shade of ash-grey and fog. I didn't like this weather much, but I enjoyed a good rain. It felt like it would clean up all the evils from this world.

'What's so troublesome?' I asked just before Keiko headed for her house, in the opposite direction I was going.

'Basketball teams. And sometimes Tomoko-san', Keiko answered as evasive as she could. I didn't ask any further questions. I learned that - underneath Keiko's silent and bored attitude - there lied many reasons which greatly justified her actions. She must have had a reason for considering Tomoko a troublesome person.

'See ya tomorrow, Ryun!' she said and I nodded back. I stood still, as Keiko turned her back against me and went on towards her house which seemed to be situated somewhere in the opposite direction where mine lied. Her tall, slim figure was beautiful and her dark figure seemed to sparkle under the cold colours of the coming-of-evening.

Ten minutes after we parted, I also headed home. For now, I lived alone in the apartment of an old ex-villa. The neighbourhood was quiet and gentle, to my taste and not many people minded my presence. No one said hi, unless it was absolutely necessary. Mom and dad helped me move out of their house and mom was the one to pick this joint. She had a great taste for picking the right things for me. They didn't say much, just as they didn't say much about Keiko when I first spoke of her to them. Dad was always the smiling type, so it didn't really matter to him who my friends were, as long as he knew that his single daughter was not alone.

The ex-villa where my apartment is was built half a century ago and even now the exterior walls look shiny and beautiful. I like it when it's summer-time because there is no sun sparkling on my side. My balcony is situated against the sun rays. I can see the sun-set clearly, but not the sun-rise, which is fine by me, especially during summer, when the weather becomes so hot and sweaty.

As I reached the street at which end there was the gate of the ex-villa waiting for me, I got my entrance key ready. It took me quite a long time to find the door-key in my bag since in the morning I would always wake up late and rush things over, just so I could get to school on time.

There was a huge car parked on the side of building. It looked like it belonged to a firm which helped people move around. The sign painted on it said so. I only took a few seconds of my time to notice it, and other few minutes to see why it was there. There were three workers there, two of them pulling out some boxes and one – supposedly the driver – was giving them instructions. There was also a blond, young man with them, wearing a black t-shirt, "I'm a perv" message written on it and he smoked a thin-looking cigarette. His face reminded me of Keiko in some way, because it looked bored and uncomfortable. He didn't even look at the people who were handling his stuff (I presumed he was the one moving in, since he wasn't working like the others were and since he didn't quite like the manager-type). His casual way of dressing, plus his ruffled blond hair and the cigarette in his mouth spreading a thin, dense cloud of smoke into the air gave me the impression that my new neighbour must have been one of those "bad-boys" kind of guy. He didn't look at the guys handling his stuff, he didn't look at the stuff those guys were handling… all he did was smoke off his cigarette. That's as much as I noticed, while I took a brief look at him. It was easy to judge someone just by looking at him and just by seeing what he was doing or what he was wearing or how he physically looked like. To me, in that instant, this man appeared to be one of those persons people didn't enjoy to be acquainted to.

I suddenly felt the heavy weight of my school-bag and somehow, my shoulder went slightly down with it. I pulled it off of my shoulder and I grabbed it in between my arms. Perhaps something moving at the other end of the building – which does not represent another worker from the firm helping with moving people's stuff around – suddenly caught the blond guy's attention. His eyes moved from the ground and onto my figure. Probably what he had seen was a skinny kid who was currently carrying her schoolbag in her arms, looking down, quietly searching for the right key to the entrance of the building. I didn't care. People always considered me a kid and people always think that I have nice parents who live with me in this building. It's true I do have nice parents, but they don't live with me. I'm 17 years old and I'll pretty much turn 18 at the end of this year, so why can't people see through all of this? Why is it so hard to believe I'm this old and not some 15 or 13 year-old kid whose probably run away from home if I live alone?

I opened the entrance door after I threw back the key in my coat-pocket. I pushed aside the door with the arm that was holding the schoolbag. It threatened to come back almost instantly…

2.

I must have looked scary to her, to be honest. I knew that the way I dressed and the way I smoked my cigarette is probably – and most of the times – too much to bear. I guess my ruffled, uncontrollable hair wasn't much of a help either. I never looked like a nice guy to begin with anyways. That's why I chose this neighbourhood.

These guys have been pissing me all day; I had to call them every five minutes to see if my stuff was still in one piece. I followed them with my car and I found out how I could sort of get to work without using much of the vehicle-bridges on this river. It's a nasty piece of work, all these suspended constructions above this side of the river. Always thought that one day they would collapse. What would people do then? What if people walking or people driving will be there when this happens? What then?

When I noticed that something – a human, obviously! – was moving around the entrance door, I turned my head. I guess I was just curious to know what kind of neighbours I'd have around here. Haven't seen many faces excepting the administrator's, who's such a junk of a jerk!

I don't mind girls much, especially those of her age, to be honest. Kids in school these days tend to look all polished and polite, but in fact they're all scumbags who know a sack-full of swearing expressions and how to pay you back for telling on their moms. I don't mind them cause I can pay'em back too. Double, if possible. But there was something about this girl here… seems girls in school these days tend to get all grown-up and mature like, as if that would change the fact that they're a bunch of two-faced bitches. I admit! Not all are, but at least, most of them. At least, those with a pretty short skirt and a lot of attitude!

But this girl… what struck me the most about her was her hair. It was the longest I've ever seen, to be honest. And such a dark colour to it too. For a moment, I imagined her taking a walk on one of those pedestrian bridges with her long hair, all creepy and stuff! Reminded me of Oiwa… when's the last time I saw a horror movie?!

The bag she carried seemed to be quite heavy for her. Looked kinda skinny too. Parents must've put her through a lot of stress, I bet. Wonder what floor she's at…

The moment she opened the door, I knew it would swiftly come back to strike the opener. I hate doors like that. They're never properly taken care of. This is gonna be added to the list of things I hate about the shit-administrator.

I rushed – cause I have long legs and I'm tall and all – to stop the door on time and prevent this kid from getting her nose all bloody. Parents would surely scold her or somethin'. My hand stopped the door on time. For a moment, she suddenly petrified there. Thought she was going to collapse or something cause she went all pale and big-eyed. I raised an eye-brow. Must've scared her a bit, I s'ppose. I grinned at her and I hoped she liked it. 'Hey there', I said. 'You better take care now, kid!'

She quickly let her face down. She kinda looked as something about me seriously frightened her, but then again, she didn't look like she was very anxious to get away. 'Kid, huh?' was all she said and her voice sounded oddly low for the kind of girl I thought her to be. I looked at her surprised, as she easily – cause she was quite small-sized – made her way under my arms. I stared at her curiously, as she went straight for the stairs, completely ignoring the elevator which – if she was living somewhere on the third floor or something – would have easily and rapidly taken her to her place, since she seemed so frightened of me. Saw her long hair (worn in a plain pony-tail) slightly dancing with each step she took. I know, sometimes I'm fascinated by the stupidest things, but this didn't look like a stupid thing at that time. She had a very long, dark hair and I suddenly thought "What if I just ran my fingers through it? What would happen then? Would she be more frightened of me? Her hair must be soft and warm. She must take care of it so much…" I slapped my forehead the minute her figure disappeared up the stairs. I shook my head. "What's wrong with you, idiot? Getting all frizzled up cause of some chick's hair, seriously!"

I got back to see what those morons were doing. They were all done with discarding my boxes. They were getting ready to leave apparently so I had to do some screaming and some swearing before they humbly agreed to help me carry my stuff to my new apartment. They looked like the type of bastards who just couldn't wait to get what they considered their job to be done as quickly as possible. I had twenty frickin' boxes to carry up onto the second floor, damn it! Had no pals to help me out.

They tried to grab a little something from me, but some more screaming and swearing expressions put them in their place. Soon, I saw myself with only half a dozen boxes still safely sealed (those I had managed to carry) and the rest all rugged and almost cut into pieces. Those bastards took their time in throwing them one to the other. Bastards!

I had decided to move out because the place where I had been staying before had got infested with cockroaches. Apparently the block had been a bit too much of an old fellow, so half the tenants had been forced to move out. But I was the only one to have actually done it. Unlike them, I didn't enjoy living with tiny, disgusting creatures which lurk at night and bother your brains out, walking all over your body and even underneath your clothes. Disgusting buggers! Just like these bastards here.

I opened all the boxes and decided to open the main door too, since it was too much of a stiff atmosphere and I didn't feel like opening the windows because there were none in the living room and it didn't do much good to open those in the bedroom.

I was half-way going through the third box I had unsealed, when the door from the apartment in front of me opened.

If I was going to describe the floor, it was like the one under it or the one above. The hall was big and rather square-shaped. There were two doors (which meant two apartments) on the left of it (which meant in front of my apartment) and three on the opposite direction. My apartment was the one in the middle. The opened door belonged to the apartment in front of mine on the right. The girl with black hair appeared in the doorframe. She was all changed, school uniform all gone and she wore clothes tight around her body: some plain jeans, a pair of old trainers and what looked like an under-blouse. Looked like she would be cold in the next 5 minutes, if she was going to go out. She was carrying a large plastic, black bag and it must have been the garbage. Her hair was loose, resting partly on her shoulders. Now that I looked at her better – cause the moment lasted for a few good 2-to-3 minutes – I found her kind of cute, although she wasn't exactly my type. She must have been in middle school or something.

I was about to light up a new cigarette and now the thing was sure to drop from between my lips, but I was already so acquainted with smoking that this kind of trick was easy to hold it back from happening.

3.

He didn't look like he was going to say anything to me. He frightened me a bit when he helped me half an hour ago with the entrance door. I didn't exactly know what to say back, when he said that I should be careful. If Keiko was there, I'm sure she would have acted all cool and undisturbed. But when people get so close to me – and I don't even know who they are – it's just a bother. It's like something that's just not right, that's just not how it's supposed to be.

It suddenly started to rain quickly after it thundered one time. It had been a strong thunder. Its rumbling startled both of us and he quickly moved his eyes from me. I quickly took the chance to escape his staring at me and without a second thought I left my house with the door opened. There was nothing much to see, as it was. Plus, the guy looked like he was already busy with his unsealed boxes, pulling out his stuff, getting his apartment fixed. So I was right: he was moving in, just as I thought.

I pulled the garbage bag behind me and the hair was a bother, because - looking down to make sure I went down the stairs properly – it went all on one side and kept on dropping close to the garbage bag. I should have caught it with something. I often thought of cutting it, but then I would always remember what my grandmother made me promise before she died. She told me not to cut my hair because it was very beautiful and because it reminded her of the kind of beauty Japan had in the oldest days. She used to read a chapter of Genji Monogatari to me every night. I used to imagine the beauties living around the Shining Prince and not once did I trouble myself in believing that I could be Murasaki. Perhaps that's why grandma told me not to cut my hair until perhaps when I got married. Sure, I could cut a finger-size of it, but no more. Mom would then notice and she would then scold me and bring me to grandma's grave and make me apologize for disobeying both of them.

I didn't want to have this new guy talk to me. I didn't want him to say "Hello" or "Need any help?" or anything at all, because I didn't feel like talking. I wish Keiko had surprised me with moving in his place, because then we would have watched a horror movie or something at this moment. I knew that when people move to a new place and see a new neighbour of theirs, they just want to start chatting off and they want to talk about the story of their life and why they moved out in the first place. I didn't feel like I was a good listener at that time. The rain makes me happy, but not new people. They just tend to make me feel uncomfortable.

When I first moved here, I was perhaps like he is now. I wanted to say hi too; I wanted to make friends, get along with everyone. But no one bothered. No one cared. So in about a month I was already acquainted with the fact that I will not be speaking to any of my neighbours excepting perhaps the administrator.

The garbage container was somewhere in the back-yard, behind the block. There was a green fence with a piece of iron rolling about it, keeping it closed. It was easily put aside, if you wished to visit the backyard. Although the backyard had the garbage container (which often smelled like it was hell coming out of it), it was once a nice garden with a small alley to it, keeping a way towards the main road by the back side of the building.

Since now it was raining cats and dogs - a foggy curtain of water and mud all in one - I had to make a run for it. I rushed to the green fence, I took some 5 minutes to open it and then I rushed to the garbage container to throw in the bag. It took about another 10 minutes. I was already soaked to the skin. It was cold too. I started trembling. My long hair was all attached to my back and it gave me a weird, disgusting feeling, as if something heavy and slimy was attached to my back. I grabbed it all and twisted it on my hands, to dry out the water. I left it resting on one of my shoulders.

4.

She was stupid in all, to take out the garbage on that frickin' rain too. She must have got all soaked and wet. I noticed the way she so clumsily threw the garbage bag in the container. Obviously, it dropped out a few minutes after she left the place. She was moving fast though. It was like watching one of those cockroaches moving up or down your hand, too frightened to stop walking, or else it might get caught and squashed. When she disappeared behind the block, to the side of the building, I knew she must be in. I got out of the apartment and I stared at the stairs, waiting for her small figure to appear climbing up to her apartment. It took too much though and it seemed like there was no one in the entrance hall at all. I stopped by the banister and looked down towards the hall in the first floor. I saw the administrator's figure moving towards the entrance door. His fat face and body were hard to forget.

'Kobayashi-san?' he asked and opened the entrance door. It was a heavy door for anyone and it often took vengeance on the one opening it by quickly pushing itself back to its initial place, but it always seemed to be frightened of the administrator. Twice today I saw the man opening it as if it were his own and the door did not dare leave its place in his presence. 'What are you doing, Kobayashi-san? Come inside in the hall, where it's warm.'

The entrance door opened widely and I could see the girl's soaking black hair sparkling under the heavy, big hand of the administrator. He was probably addressing to her his disgusting smile. She was drying off the water from her clothes.

'What were you doing on such a weather, kiddo? It's no time to walk now!' the administrator laughed as he kept on petting her beautiful hair. It pissed me off just to see his disgusting fat hands placed on that silky dark hair of hers. And she looked obedient and all. What a disgusting shit-bag…

'I didn't go for a walk, Tsuboushi-san', she answered back and the man took off his hand from her head. 'I went out to take the garbage bag to the backyard.'

'Pretty nasty rain, eh? How was your day at school, then?'

'Alright, I guess.'

'Well, I've got news for you, Kobayashi-san! 'Apparently you've got a new neighbour now. Got acquainted with him 'till now, kiddo?'

'Tch!' I growled under my teeth and I tip-tilted my nose. I heard her say no and I heard their feet going up the stairs. He was talking to her about me. I rushed to my apartment and pretended I was still working on unpacking my boxes. There was a knock at the door. I turned and saw the fat administrator smiling his disgusting smile to me.

'Kurosaki-san? I beg your pardon for intruding. I would like you to meet your new neighbour. (I came to the door as he spoke and I saw the black-haired girl, her head held down, her hair gathered and twisted up on her shoulder and her clothes all soaked up. The bastard didn't even let her dry up or change or something…) This is Kobayashi Ryun-san. She lives right across the hall. She is a third-year student at Kitamura High School. Please take good care of her.'

She didn't move as he spoke. It was as if he was doing this for her because he was s relative of hers or something. Her hands were carefully folded by her lap and she looked obedient enough in that half-inclined-in-front position. Her hair touched the floor-carpet. She stood quiet for a few seconds, after which she straightened her body and looked at me. She didn't really smile. But the look in her eyes told me she was expecting something from me. I slightly blushed. I guess she slightly blushed too because she saw me blush.

'Kobayashi-san, this is Kurosaki Tatsuru-san. He's recently moved here from the North-west neighbourhood. Do you know it?'

'Yes, I know it', she said softly and then she bowed again. 'Douzo yoroshiku onegaishimasu!' she said and I startled. 'Douzo yoroshiku', I said as well and then I saw her excuse herself and enter her apartment.

'Kobayashi-san is a very good person', said the administrator. 'I hope you enjoy your stay here, Kurosaki-san. Please take care', he said politely and after I gave him a brief "thanks", I returned to my apartment. I closed the door and I leaned against it. I smiled off. This kiddo was nowhere near middle school! She was in high school! Last year too! And from the looks of it, there's no one to take care of her, except this disgusting pig. Well, maybe she's got her dad or her mom, but they're both at work. Or maybe she's got an older brother or something. And to think I was sure I wouldn't make acquaintance with any of my neighbours!

5.

'Now you've got a new neighbour, you say?' Keiko spoke thoughtlessly after she placed her chin in her hand and leaned forward on the bench. We were in the gym class and my nose was bleeding because - apparently on accident – I had been struck full face-front with a football. Keiko involuntarily acted nice towards me and lent me her perfumed handkerchief. It was now half-covered in blood and it didn't look like it would be easily cleaned up. I wondered why Keiko wore such a perfumed handkerchief to begin with. She looked girlish enough, she wore light-pink clothes and polished her nails, she wore make-up and sometimes she dressed up pretty much stylish enough, but yet her face and her bored attitude was enough to make her look cool, but not so easily approachable.

I had told her about the blonde guy who had just recently moved in my block about a week ago. I hadn't had much of a chat with him, but I knew that he was a heavy smoker and he was sort of like Keiko, bored and all. After I finished telling Keiko my story about him, I thought about the fact that perhaps – if they were ever to meet – Keiko and this guy would make a pretty good match. She's pretty and she's smart, knows how to handle boys (she gave a good punch to the guy who struck me in the face with the football); she's tall and slim. She's a nice girl. I guess she looks way more mature than I will ever do. Still, even the fact that I described the guy to her and she didn't seem to react more than "Oh" or "Ah". It was as if nothing could ever boast her curiosity up.

'Sounds like interesting', she concluded and swung her right leg to and fro meaninglessly. 'Where'd you say he comes from?'

'North-west neighbourhood apparently. Haven't talked much really.'

'Aha…'

She stood up. I could see Kinnousuke behind her with his laughing football team. They were getting ready for a new game. Keiko asked me if I would stay and watch Kinnousuke play. I must have visibly blushed because my cheeks started to burn. I nodded in silence and Keiko shrugged her shoulders. 'We're having lunch after that. I'm buying?' she asked as if it was to be expected of her to do so, only she was just inquiring to make sure. I didn't have her buy me food before. It sounded wrong since our friendship was going on for only a few months. We didn't even skip the san-s and the chan-s to be honest. It was like having an older sister or something. I nodded involuntarily and then Keiko left me sitting on the bench, her perfumed handkerchief still stuck up in my right nostril.

I looked around me, stared at the students in the gallery and around the field. The boys already started the game and Kinnousuke was – as usual – the captain of the team. I have watched Kinnousuke play before. I was mostly sitting in the back of the gallery, staring secretly at the boy I have always considered good and honest. Kinnousuke was quite handsome too, but I never imagined myself in his arms or giving him chocolate for Valentine's Day, for that matter. I considered this gesture rather shameful towards him… making him feel uncomfortable in front of his friends and all… what would people say if they heard that an uncool person like me was going to give him a box of chocolate on Valentine's Day? Even though I could have done it out of obligation, it would sort of look to the others as if I'm practically confessing to him, which is why I didn't want me or him to be put in a situation like that.

I think I told Keiko once that I like Kinnousuke. That's probably why she never minded me when I refused her invitation simply because I wanted to linger on some place where I had spotted Kinnousuke. I also think that Keiko knew it wasn't her job to tell me to go for it. She never made a step forward in this kind of situations as it is. Well, that's probably because boys come at her like bees to honey. She's really a pretty girl, no use denying it.

This time, I had made a mistake. I no longer chose to hide in the back of the gallery, from where I would peacefully watch Kinnousuke play his football game with excellence. This time, I had forgotten all about hiding. This time, I chose to remain on the bench where Keiko and I had our earlier conversation about my new neighbour and where she had taken care of my bleeding nose. Naturally, I was lying there like a sitting duck. Anyone could see my figure sitting calmly on the bench, all by myself and furthermore, anyone could see my eyes following Kinnousuke's figure most of the times, as he ran to and fro around the gym.

At some point, he scored and I involuntarily applauded as discretely as I could. I was still under the impression that no one would spot me. But soon, I found the coach's silhouette coming at me and I woke up. In that split second – during which I stood up from the bench – I realized where I was and I pursed my lips and bit my inferior one for my silliness. The girls who were still in the gallery naturally must have laughed of me all this time. Stupid Ryun…

The coach stopped in front of me and with his tall and strong figure, I looked like a dwarf next to him; a skinny, small-sized, black-haired dwarf…

'Stayed to cheer up the team, eh, Kobayashi?' he asked and one side from his lips rose in a cynical-like grin. 'Started takin' a fancy for football, eh? Hey, Ushimatsu! Nicely struck! Kobayashi here agrees!'

The coach grinned and his teeth sparkled with happiness, as he showed the boys on the field his thumbs-up and Kinnousuke – answering to the coach's call – looked at us in a moment of relief. He saw me and I saw him. I instantly blushed and wished I'd turn into an ostrich just so I could plug my head underground. But Kinnousuke smiled to me as joyful as the coach did. He gave me the thumbs-up too. After that, he got back on his game.

After PE classes ended, I went to the girls' changing room faster, fearing that I might be caught by Kinnousuke in the hall or something. After I was done changing and getting ready for next class, I got out of the changing room, remembering that I had mutely agreed to meet Keiko for lunch somewhere around the school-yard.

Just before I could close the main gate of the gym, I was called up by a male's voice. It was Kinnousuke. When I turned around to face him, I saw that he was slightly in a rush and even with that, he looked cool dressed up in his black school uniform. His hair was ruffled and he looked as if he was getting seriously ready for a hearty meal.

'Hey, Kobayashi-san!' he said and stopped in front of me. As expected, he was as tall as Keiko was, compared to me. It made me feel rather clumsy and child-like. 'Uhm… thanks for cheering us up there. We had a rough time', Kinnousuke said and then he smiled, one eye closed rascally.

'It's fine', I said softly, as if I felt the need to say something. I knew it wasn't very appropriate, but at least I wasn't as quiet as I was with Keiko.

'Uhm, you're gonna have lunch now, right?' Kinnousuke asked and looked at me inquisitively. I rubbed my hands together and remembered suddenly that I had my PE t-shirt in my hand still. I had thought of taking it home and washing it, since it always stunk of sweat (I played volleyball with Keiko more often this semester than I had ever imagined, apparently).

Kinnousuke looked at it too and perhaps he wondered what I was doing with it in my hands. After that, he looked back at me and smiled. 'You wanna grab some lunch together?'

'Actually I was having lunch with Yamada-san', I answered bluntly, without even addressing him a single friendly grin. I was never much acquainted with smiling. And whenever I talked of Keiko in front of other people, I always called her by her family name, hoping that she was doing the same thing with me when I wasn't around.

Kinnousuke lost his smile and then stared at me thoughtfully. I didn't read people's minds, so I didn't know what he was thinking at that time. But his mind-working only lasted for a few seconds. He smiled widely and then he said: 'Can I join? Do you think Yamada-san would mind?'

'Don't think so', I said bluntly, once more physically impassable. I turned to face the school-yard and I looked around for Keiko, while I heard Kinnousuke's steps behind me.

'How come I have the feeling that this is the first time I've seen you cheering us up?' he asked thoughtfully, while walking beside me. Suddenly, I felt like a dozen girls were gazing at us, as we passed by the school-gardens and the courtyard.

'I usually sit in the back side of the gallery', I answered as bluntly as I could, just like before, so Kinnousuke wouldn't notice any change. 'Ah!' was all that he replied.

I spotted Keiko sitting on the bench and under the tree I knew so well. That was our favourite spot. When I headed towards her, I noticed she had a plastic bag next to her and she was leaning open her elbows, looking at the muddy clouds in the sky. She was expecting me.

When she heard our footsteps, she turned to look at me and I could see that – for a split second there – she startled when seeing Kinnousuke behind me. Keiko probably didn't expect me to come meet her followed by the most popular guy in high school. Her eyes turned back to the clouds. Kinnousuke smiled widely and then he greeted her as friendly as he could (although, personally, I never actually saw them speak to each other before). 'Hello, Yamada-san!'

'Hello, Ushimatsu-san', Keiko spoke in return and then she dragged her torso to one side of the bench, making room for me and Kinnousuke. I sat down in between them. 'Ushimatsu-san's going to join us, you mind?'

Keiko shook her head and did not even look twice at Kinnousuke. She passed me the plastic bag, saying: 'Got you some plain sandwich. Didn't know what you like really. Gomen.'

''T's alright', I said softly and I noticed Kinnousuke looking at us curiously. When my eyes and his met, he smiled to me friendly-like. 'That's nice!' he said. 'You guys buy each other stuff, when the other's a bit late, huh? That's nice. Us guys, we never do that. Sounds like a waste of time…'

'Quite the opposite', said Keiko. 'It saves time. One of us doesn't have to make a run for it by the cafeteria.'

I opened up my sandwich and we started eating. Keiko had a nicely-done bento and Kinnousuke ate two of his rice-balls (I noticed he had five or so). He tried to offer one to Keiko, but she seemed to ignore him, so his friendly smile turned to me. 'Please share this rice-ball with me, Kobayashi-san.'

I took the fourth one because it seemed like it was rude to refuse (although Keiko had no problem there). For a few minutes – after this incident – she and Kinnousuke talked about sports and about the coach and about the fact that sometimes he was being a very difficult man to understand. They sounded like they had something in common, even though Keiko did much of the listening, just like me.

When lunch was over, all three of us stood up and then Kinnousuke thanked us for letting him join us. 'Most of the times, I have lunch alone, so it gets kind of… boring', he explained himself. 'Thanks very much! I apologize if I was a bother!'

He bended over respectfully and Keiko sniffed. 'No problem, Ushimatsu-san', she said and turned around, mutely inviting me to get back to class together.

'Thanks again, Kobayashi-san, for letting me join', Kinnousuke said smiling. 'Mind if we head home together?'

'Uhm, well, I'm heading towards the Suspended Bridges section', I said as plainly as I could, although my heart was beating rather fast. I wondered for a few seconds if Kinnousuke could hear it. His smile wore off and his eyes lowered on the ground.

'I live in the opposite direction', he muttered sadly.

'Well, Yamada-san is heading in that direction. You can join, unless she's got something against it. If that's alright with you, you two may go together from then on.'

'Ah, I see. Sounds good enough for me!' Kinnousuke smiled off as gently as he could. 'Well, I'll be waiting by the front gate then. See you later, Kobaya - !'

'I think you can call me by my name if you like.'

For a split-second, Kinnousuke stared at me surprised. But afterwards, he smiled and said: 'Same here, Ryun-san!'

We parted like friend usually do and then I ran after Keiko, who was almost entering class. I met her bored gaze and I thought still – because I was by now very much acquainted with how many things she had to say, even though she seldom changed her facial features – that she might have something important to tell me. 'Should've done it sooner if you like him that much', she said.

'Do what?'

'Clap your hands in the gym and make him see you. You always hide away from him, right?'

I smiled to her as plainly as I could and Keiko smiled back. She was very beautiful when she smiled. I told her that Kinnousuke would join us when we got home together and although she had some muttering to do when I told her that they would go in the same direction – meaning that they would keep each other company - , Keiko did not completely disagree.

After school, as we had planned before, Kinnousuke indeed waited for us by the entrance gate. He looked very handsome in his black school-uniform and he didn't seem to feel the chill of the cold weather, as Keiko and I probably did, with our skirts and all. But we had got used to the cold weather, so we learned long ago to ignore the freezing breeze.

He smiled at us. 'All set, Ryun-san?'

Keiko gave me a look from the corner of her eyes and it was probably because of the way Kinnousuke had addressed me. Shortly after, she smiled off and then headed forward.

'All set, Kinnousuke-san', I said softly and then they both stood on each of my side, making me feel like a mouse caught in a trap. I didn't do much of the talking – as usual – but Kinnousuke didn't seem to mind. He didn't even mind Keiko's impassable face either. He talked off about his class and the clubs he had been joining and then he asked us about our clubs and classes. Keiko talked more than usual. She uttered long sentences, a thing which she didn't do most of the times with people she barely knew. Apparently chatting with Kinnousuke was stimulating.

6.

I had just finished unpacking the last of boxes and I must've looked like an idiot, smiling off as if I had just made a great discovery. The truth is that I had been unpacking for the last few days since I moved here, because I always had other things to do. I took things slowly so they looked like they lasted forever.

Did I mention that most of my job is done at home? Well yeah, I'm pretty good at computers, so I work for a computer company at home. They send me various projects and documents which need to be decoded and systemized in the computer's memory. It's a complicated job, sometimes I get all worked up for some deep shit and sometimes it just feels like a waste of time. But at least, I can stay at home and work my ass off in the chair.

Don't have many relatives left alive. Parents live abroad, brother's got a family in America, so there's pretty much just me around. Dad had a few brothers, who had their families too, but the cousins all disappeared and my uncles and aunts died of old age. Dad's the youngest, that's why. He's got the blood of a devil within. I like to think I mastered it as well.

I was just going to take the garbage out cause I kept on forgetting about it – but since now I just threw something in the bag, after lunch and remembered that I had to take it out.

I was about to head towards the green fence, to open it and get into the backyard, when I noticed the black-haired girl – my neighbour living in the apartment situated in front of mine – coming back probably from school. She had her heavy-looking schoolbag around her body and she kept on looking down. It's a shame, her hair was all hidden under her coat, but maybe she did that to protect it from the cold.

I stopped to see if, by any chance, she needed any help. Hadn't talked to her much before, just saying hi in the morning if we ever saw each other in the hall. Since I lost most of my days in front of the computer, I didn't have much time to go out. Felt like saying hi today, so just when I saw her entering the front garden, I said: 'Yo!'

She startled visibly and looked at me with large eyes. Was she that scared of me? Must've been from my cigarette and ragged presence. I turned around to unlock the fence, thinking that maybe she was just the type of person who's had it rough so far and didn't want to have anything to do with a guy like me. I know I sometimes scare people off, I don't mind that much now. Used to, but not anymore.

'Yo', she said in return suddenly and it made me startle. I turned around to look at her. She was opening the entrance gate. Trying to push front the heavy door, she dropped her bag. The bag was half open so, since no evil comes alone, the house-keys dropped off on the ground as well.

I put the garbage bag down and I rushed towards her. We both grabbed her schoolbag at the same time, but when our hands met, she quickly pulled hers away. I looked at her surprised and held her schoolbag up. 'Here', I said and handed the bag. When she retrieved it (looking at me as if I was a ghost or something), I bended down and got the house-keys for her. I handed them to her. 'Easy now', I added and smiled off as pleasant as I could. 'I'll keep the door for ya.'

I pushed the door open and pressed it away from her. She entered and then I closed the door back. I was heading back to the spot where I had dropped the garbage bag, when the entrance door suddenly opened.

'Arigatou gozaimasu, Kurosaki-san', I heard her soft voice speaking and I startled dumbfounded. I turned to face her and I noticed that she was staring at me without a smile on her face, but at least she was clearly staring at me. And I could plainly see everything about her face.

I was slightly taken aback, but for a kid like her there was no need for formalities. I tried to make our neighbour-to-neighbour relationship as easy as it could get. 'No need to san me', I said smiling off. 'And you're welcome.'

She blinked a few times, as if whatever I had told her must have been a bluff of mine and then she closed the entrance door. I got back to my garbage bag swearing. Blundering idiot, you could make tons of better conversations than that! I said to myself, as I furiously threw the bag in the container. I lingered on a few more minutes in the backyard and looked around me as if there was something fascinating about this spot. Looking up, I could see my bedroom window and next to it, there was the next-door neighbour's balcony. There were wet clothes hanging around. Looked like a family lived there: male shirts, a woman's blouse, a girl's bra and panties and a baby's tiny socks. Wondered where the black-haired girl's bedroom window led to.

I went by the front-yard and noticed her bedroom window there. It was open and I recognized her school-uniform blouse. She must have placed it there to get some air. I smiled. At least, now I knew where to look for her, if I ever needed. The fact was that I didn't really know why, but every time I saw her, I felt like I should say more than just hi to her. During the day, I wasn't thinking at all at her and I didn't think that she was more special than any other girl I've ever met before. But once I saw her, I instantly felt the need to start a conversation with her. Didn't know what to do.

Just when I opened the entrance door and got in the hall, I saw her coming down the stairs, all changed and freshened up. Her hair was caught up in the back in a complicated girlish thing, but she still looked cute. I felt like touching her hair…

7.

He was by the door and this time, he looked like he was in deep thoughts. I had just remembered that the administrator had posted something on the building board downstairs, so just before going on my homework, I decided to see if there was anything new coming up. I vaguely saw Kurosaki go pass me from behind and heading for the stairs, while I stopped to read the various messages stuck to the board. Not many interesting things were said. There was the price of this month's rent for each apartment and stuff, but no announcement for today…

I stopped just before my foot pressed down the first stair. I could see her hair gathered up in that complicated girlish thing of hers. I felt that – if I was going to stretch my arm now towards her – I would be able to successfully touch her hair. I could cause her to scream or something, I guess, but at least I would get to touch her hair. We were alone in the hall and this seemed like a good moment. She'd probably never talk to me ever again after that, but girls at this age are so shifty in their feelings, I'm sure she'll get over it. I stretched my hand and I took a step towards her. The stair creaked once I took my foot off of it. It made her startle and turn around…

My heart stopped. His face was bent down towards mine, and his hand was stretched towards my head, as if he had just planned to grab my hair and twist it around or something. He turned red instantly and his hand petrified in its spot, in mid-air, a few inches from my forehead. I must have turned red too because my cheeks were burning, just like they burned when the coach today congratulated me on cheering up Kinnousuke's football team. But this thing was different, and the intensity of the red colour must have been greater. I had never been so close to a man before. He was staring into my eyes and I was staring into his. Although we probably shared the same feeling of embarrassment, it didn't look like he was too much disturbed by it.

Suddenly, he dragged his hand back and ran his finger through his hair, all blushed up and red in cheeks, looking sideways…

'Sorry 'bout that', I said. It was all I could utter because I was sure that she probably thought I was a pervert or something. I was too close to her, she caught me with my hand stretched towards her and we were all alone in the hall. I wouldn't've been the slightest surprised if she was going to start screaming the next minute.

''T's alright', she suddenly said and I looked at her surprised. I was sure she'd get all worked-up and panicked. 'Was done with getting my mail anyways', she continued calmly. Ah! She thought I was reaching for my mail box and I was trying to do that behind her, without bothering her reading. Phew! Felt relieved…

I grinned. 'No problem', I said and saw her address to me a vague trace of smile and then she turned towards the stairs. This time, she didn't run up the way she did the first time we met.

'How was school?' I asked quickly, trying to make as much conversation with her today as I could. She stopped going up the stairs.

'It was alright', she said. 'I had PE classes today, which was alright.'

'You like PE classes?' I asked, thinking that in my high school years, sports were the worst classes I could ever have. I didn't like much to move around and play with balls. I'm a lazy person honestly. But this girl didn't seem like she was, since she nodded her head as a response to my question.

'They're fun to watch', she said, afterwards she turned to go up the stairs.

'Hey, er - !' I bumped thoughtlessly, hoping to grab something with which I could keep her talking some more to me. 'D'you get any mail?'

'Haven't looked', she said. 'Could you look for me, please? I can't reach the box as it is…'

She turned red again, perhaps cause she was embarrassed. She looked cute when she blushed. The colour matched her cheeks and she reminded me of those old paintings with ladies I saw a couple of times in the Art Museum a few years back. I did as she asked me and grabbed the few envelopes there. Handed them to her. 'Douzo!'

'Thank you, Kurosaki- san', she said softly.

I smiled gently. 'Told you that you can skip the san! No need to be that polite!'

'But you're sort of like… uhm… m-my senpai, aren't you? You're older. You've got to be in college or something. Isn't that so, Kurosaki-san?'

It was more than enough to expect this long conversation from her. I was happy I could break off the ice and manage to talk about something with her. She looked curiously at me.

'Not in college anymore', I said. I couldn't add the fact that I had dropped out of it on my third year. It would have sounded shameful. 'But I'm telling you, no need for san!'

'I'll call you senpai then, shall I?' she smiled off and then she went up the stairs. 'See you, Kurosaki-senpai!'

I didn't like the fact that, for some reason, she chose to call me in a more respectful way than it was already necessary. But since she looked so fresh and happy with that smile she gave me a few seconds ago after she called me "Kurosaki-senpai", I let her off this time. I smiled behind her, thinking that this must have been our first official conversation since I got here.

8.

It has been two weeks since Kinnousuke decided to join me and Keiko in lunch breaks and during our way back home from school. At some point, I saw him and Keiko come to school in one of the previous days, but I didn't mind it much. She still had a bored look on her face and she didn't look flustered or anything. She looked the way she usually did and Kinnousuke was only smiling away next to her, being polite enough to carry her bag. He carried mine just the other day and was almost to the point of taking me to where I lived, but I respectfully refused. He had told me something confusing back then. He had said "Ah, but one of these days I will!"

Kinnousuke did much of the talking during our lunch-break or walk back home and he didn't seem to mind at all. We were both quite the silent type and rarely did Keiko express her opinion on something. Perhaps – a few times, during our lunch-break chatting – she got a bit upset because Kinnousuke criticised one of her favourite music bands, but other than that, she seemed to partly agree with everything he had to say.

I was the quieter type than she was. I didn't seem to find anything interesting to say and Kinnousuke always looked at me when he talked; I thought perhaps that was because looking at Keiko when speaking was futile: she would always look side-ways or absent-mindedly somewhere else and that was because her mind never seemed to be with her when she was being spoken to. Kinnousuke's gazing at me always appeared to demand something from me, as if it were saying "C'mon, interfere with my chatting! C'mon, I dare you!" I dared not, whatever the subject was. I liked listening to him because he talked a lot and he told us all sorts of stories from his childhood or some he had over-heard earlier before lunch-break. Keiko often gave me a look of exhaustion and disappointment and I often felt like she was utterly bored with Kinnousuke, but I didn't mind him. He was being so nice and so vivid! I really felt like there was a big change coming up inside of me too! I suddenly felt like I should be talking to someone about my life-stories.

I didn't have an unhappy childhood! My parents love me very much, but they raised a very obedient child. The quietness is not their fault. I have much to say. I realized just how much I could lose by keeping quiet and that was all thanks to Kinnousuke and his accompanying me and Keiko almost everywhere.

PE classes changed also. I no longer preferred sitting behind the gallery. I always chose a front-bench so I could cheer and applaud the boys' football team when they had a match. I still angered the coach with my teaming up with Keiko during our volleyball matches, but since I kept the boys' high spirits during their ball games, sensei stopped scolding me so often.

Keiko slowly got used to returning to the girls' changing room alone, after our game was over. She never acted upset about it. I probably thought that perhaps it annoyed her now that a guy had suddenly broken into our friendship bond, but the fact was that Keiko did not change a bit. She was only a little bit annoyed when Kinnousuke started talking and seemed never to stop after that.

'Is he a bother?' I asked her one of these days, just before the teacher entered in the classroom. Because we were now supposed to be quiet, she quickly wrote something in her notebook, something small and in capital letters, as if she could express her feelings better that way. What she had written in her notebook was: "I DON'T LIKE HIM, HE'S JUST ANNOYING!" I found that funny at that time, but little did I know that she was in fact referring to the times when they headed home together. She told me about it during break-time.

'He just can't stop talking!' Keiko said. 'Furthermore, at some point, when he sees that you're not listening, he starts telling you all kinds of stories about himself, stories which I truly believe to be lies. Not saying you shouldn't trust him, Ryun-chan, just… you know… don't act so all-interested or something!'

I felt for a moment there like I should make Keiko take back what she had said about Kinnousuke. He had taught me to be bolder and more communicative towards people around me, even though I had not yet learned to put these in practice. Excepting perhaps a bit with my front-door neighbour, Kurosaki-senpai, back at home. But I couldn't say anything to Keiko. After all, when no one else wanted me around, she was the only one to stand by my side and physically be there. She was the reason why I wasn't bullied anymore. She was the only one who told the tall and pretty girls (in her baseball team) once to say hi to me and now I was being greeted by half a dozen of them without her being around. Finally, she was simply my best friend. Keiko had a reason for whatever she said. She had reasons for having the opinions she had and she had reasons for liking or disliking certain persons. This time, she must have had a good reason why she just flustered up about Kinnousuke being annoyingly talkative. Perhaps she didn't like him that way, so it was important for me to make sure that she would see as less of Kinnousuke as possible. I was thinking just about that while heading home.

Keiko said she had some basketball practice to do after school, so I was all set up to return home by myself. The boys' voices screamed and giggled, jeered and laughed, voices coming out from the gym. Kinnousuke was probably in there as well. This time, I would return home by myself. This time, I would not be accompanied, not even until the intersection at the Suspended Bridges section, where I and Keiko would usually part ways.

I thought of Kinnousuke and about the fact that he always seemed to have so much to say… and then I thought about what Keiko told me. She said that she believed Kinnousuke sometimes lied. Whether his childhood adventures were true or not, that didn't matter to me at this point. I was mainly thinking of a way to keep Keiko away from Kinnousuke's presence – if she found him so disturbing. She was my only true friend and I needed to find a way to make her happy. I didn't know how Kinnousuke felt about Keiko, but since she had told me that he would not stop talking when they went home together, I assumed that Kinnousuke had nothing against Keiko. It was rather expected since Keiko did not seem like the type to bother anyone. Her imposing figure – tall, slim and handsome – were the only things about her that might distance people away.

I thought of so many solutions and in the end I found none pleasing enough. I thought that maybe I could start by giving them false meeting hours: perhaps I would meet Keiko two hours or three earlier and then I would meet Kinnousuke later. I would tell Keiko about this arrangement because it would have been obvious to her that I would be hiding something. But then again, thinking about the fact that I would be somehow splitting myself between him and her, I imagined that in a couple of days I'd already be worn out.

Then I thought about the fact that I would have to somehow tell Kinnousuke the truth, but then again I imagined that then I would deeply hurt his feelings and he would start hating me.

A third solution would have been to let things go just the way they had before, but then again, I would have Keiko hating me in the end, which is what I so desperately wanted to avoid.

A fourth almost came up, but I was already close to my home, so I stopped thinking. I needed to concentrate on my homework and get essays fixed by tomorrow.

The ashy clouds announced a new rain coming up and this time, this would be quite big. The wind started to blow off pretty harsh and I was very glad that I had reached home before the rain started. There was no garbage to be taken out, I had paid this month's rent yesterday, so there was no point in me getting out of my apartment. I felt like – from this moment on – I had all the time in the world to think about Keiko's dislike of Kinnousuke and how to solve it.

Suddenly, a nasty thunder stroke the entire sky and instantly, it started to rain. It poured just like it did two weeks ago. It was raining cats and dogs and I had barely the chance to take cover. I quickly looked for my keys and then I accidentally dropped them on the ground. Another 5 minutes of clumsiness came while I kept on searching for them. The rain poured so hard on me that – in those minutes during which I searched for my keys in the bag, I dropped them and then I looked for them on the ground – I got seriously soaked and wet. If I didn't have a pullover on, my white school-shirt would have been all drenched and stuck to me, while my black bra would have been completely visible to those who could see me. Luckily, people who lived in this ex-villa were mostly at work at this hour so the building would have been practically empty. But the administrator's voice came out whistling from his office so he could have gotten the idea of going out in the main hall, just when I entered inside.

There was no sign of anyone inside. I could clearly hear the administrator's voice whistling a happy tone inside his office. I took off my coat and I dropped my wet schoolbag on the floor. I took my shoes off because I knew that if I were to walk across the hall on them, I would have surely left dirty tracks and then I would certainly be admonished for my impoliteness.

My trainers were all soaking wet. My socks were too. My schoolbag must be emptied immediately if I wanted to save my notebooks, pencil-case and papers; I had to change into dry clothes as quickly as possible if I didn't want to catch a cold.

I made a run for it upstairs and I must have made a ruckus too. I could hear my feet banging against the stairs as I went up, but that was just me making a serious noise while running or climbing up in a rush. I slammed the entrance door behind me. I was happy to be safe and sound in my apartment. In here, I had no problem dancing naked if I pleased.

I quickly took off my clothes and I took on one of my mom's overall. It used to be hers, but because it was black, silky and it had imprints with huge, blooming chrysanthemums (flowers which I adored), she had given it to me as a goodbye present when I moved out of their house.

I felt like taking a quick shower before starting my homework. When I looked out of the window, I saw the dense rain-curtain and how the thunders and the lightning struck across the clouds in anger and in agony. I felt like I should read some haiku, but there was really none I could think of at the moment. There was one Masaoka Shiki had written a long time ago, but I couldn't quite remember how it began. It was about the red roses and the rain falling through them and lingering for a while on their thorns.

I let my hair loose too. It needed to dry. It was soft and silky, just like my mom's overall.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and I rushed to see who it was. Perhaps the administrator had noticed the drenched stains I had made on the entrance carpet. Perhaps I was going to get admonished for it. I knew I had some apologies to give. I opened the door and without even looking up front, I bended down obediently and I said: 'Hontou ni Gomen kudasai!'

9.

When she opened the door, it was as if there was a new rush of rain coming from inside the building this time. There was something refreshing about the air which quickly breezed out of her apartment the moment the black-haired girl opened the door. I could see the door from her dormitory open and I could see the bed facing opposite it, being filled with numerous clothes. The window facing the front-yard of the building was open. The rain was pouring outside and I could clearly hear it roar through the opened bedroom window. The feeling of refreshment came from her though. It was like walking through a blooming garden, under a rainy summer-weather. Her hair was loose and it fell on one side, spreading across the patch of carpet in front of her eyes.

It was the same type of bowing she had made when we were first introduced to each other by the administrator.

She was wearing a black overall with flowers imprinted on it. I didn't have time to notice them too well, I was too busy feeling my cheeks going all red and hot, tip-tilting my nose for some reason and gasping mutely in front of her because she looked so utterly beautiful.

The moment of her bowing lasted for a few good 10 seconds. I instantly felt like touching her soft hair. It sparkled because it looked drenched and silky. I stretched my hand towards it. Her head stood up…

I saw Kurosaki in front of me, his right arm half-stretched towards my face and his eyes were wide open. He had the kind of look on his face which suggested that he had probably seen a ghost of some sort. I didn't expect him to be the one knocking at my door, which is why I startled visibly and I backed up a few paces. I stopped when I hit the back side of the couch in the living-room and I remained there, hands clutched to it. I had slammed the door the minute I had backed up. I couldn't see him now, but I was so utterly embarrassed…

She slammed the door and instantly I felt the urge of opening it and pushing it aside, so I would see more of her. But then I quickly leaned against the wall next to the door and I breathed relieved, cheeks all red and burning. They burned a lot because I had never ever felt the need of seeing a woman again after she had just slammed the door in front of me. I'm sure she had not done it on purpose. She must have been frightened or something.

I tightened my grip around her glove. I wanted to return it to her. I had found her gloves in the main hall, when I went to take the garbage out. Her hands were very small compared to mine. I could easily swallow the glove with my fist.

The door opened again.

'Gomen nasai, Kurosaki-senpai', she said softly and appeared standing half-inside the apartment, half-outside of it. 'I thought you were the administrator. I'm sorry I frightened you…'

'N-no, you didn't! Heh heh!' I laughed nervously, holding my breath. 'Seems I scared you. Sorry bout that, Kobayashi.'

I opened my fist and I handed her what she had dropped in the hallway. 'I only wanted to return your glove. You must've lost it in the hallway. The administrator made a stupid joke that it was mine. (I made an awkwardly narrowed face and I growled) He really thought it was a funny one…'

She smiled.

A thunder struck unpredictably and it frightened both of us. I saw the luminous crack it made in between some clouds through the opened window of her bedroom. The sky outside suddenly turned black and gloomy. It was probably because of the rain and it was pouring cats and dogs. I had nothing against such a violent weather, but it seemed that this time, it was over-doing it. Two weeks ago, there had been a similar rain, but back then it annoyed me because I couldn't work at the computer for nearly half the night. This time, it seemed like I wouldn't even start my job, because I had a hunch the electric power was currently off.

The black-haired girl tried the switcher and I was right: there was no electric power. She got her glove from my hand and she thanked me politely.

'Sure looks like it's gonna be a nasty rain', I said conversationally. She nodded thoughtfully, as if she was thinking just the same thing. 'Well, talk to you later', I said softly and then I backed up and turned to my door. I really wished she would just say something to stop me from going in. I didn't feel like having to work again in front of the computer screen…

I suddenly felt like perhaps, since he was my senpai, Kurosaki might know what to tell me about Keiko's problem with Kinnousuke and what I should do best in order to make her happy. Perhaps he had also been acquainted with such a situation and perhaps he knew what was best to do. Just before he pulled out the keys from his pocket, I said: 'Kurosaki-senpai?'

He startled, turned around and looked at me curiously. 'Yeah?' It was as if he had expected me to call him. Did he feel that I was troubled by something?

'May I ask you something?' I said and he turned and looked at me inquisitively. His cigarette was lighted on and it sent a thick lair of smoke in the air. His face went all gloomy. I didn't know whether I had been too bold or not. I turned red in my cheeks and I apologized…

I was annoyed because she didn't wear the overall anymore now. Now she was wearing a plain t-shirt and some jeans. She even caught her hair in a silly ponytail which didn't suit her at all. She could have been much cuter than this. I sniffed from my cigarette and, although I didn't intentionally ignore her saying sorry again to me, I waited for what she wanted to ask me. 'What is it?'

'Well, uhm… it's, er – '

I didn't know how to explain this to him. I was never a good explainer and when I finally got the feeling that I went well with the explanations, it turned out that the listener had completely misunderstood. I thought at once about Keiko's advice about this situation. "Talk as if you were in front of the mirror and you were explaining everything to yourself out loud". That's what she had said. 'There're some friends at school really…' I started and this must had attracted his attention because he suddenly looked at me as if he was seriously interested. 'You see, there's a girl and she's my… my best friend and there's this guy and he… well, uhm…'

'You like him?'

He was being blunt and all and I didn't really know how to explain everything to a stranger. I now wanted to know his objective opinion on this, but it seemed like my explaining would go wrong.

'N-no', I blushed. 'It's n-not that actually… you see, he's never been around me and my best friend, you see… and he's only recently sort of like… entered our two-member group, you know. And the fact is that – er – he's nice and all, but apparently he, uhm… he annoys my best friend. And I was, uhm… well, I d-don't exactly know what to do about it, I mean… I want her to be happy around me and him, but if she doesn't like him, then how could I split in between, I mean I don't want to push him aside now, since he was nice enough to mind us and become our friend. It's not nice, is it, right? To push away people, I mean…'

She was being honest about it and she had struck me to the core with her confession. She was right, it wasn't nice to push people away. But I didn't know what that had to do with me. And why did she lie about it? Obviously she liked the dude, otherwise she wouldn't be so frickin' concerned about this in the first place! I really didn't have an answer to her dilemma. Never concerned myself with these kinds of things. They were too silly for me. I was always the solitary type, never once anyone bothered to see how I felt, to see to my feelings. She seemed to care too much though.

'This business with liking or disliking this guy isn't yours, is it? I mean it's your best friend's, right?' I asked and I must have been rather blunt since she turned red in her cheeks again.

'Uhm, yeah, I guess if you put it that way… but in school, I have no other friend but her. And since he came along and started talking to us, well… it's like having a new friend, right?'

She looked puzzled. She really was confused and this side of her was very cute. I leaned against the door-frame. 'Ugh!' I burst half-annoyed. 'You wanna come in and tell me all about it? Got some tea on my mind.'

She turned all red and stuff. I couldn't blame her. She was going to enter a guy's apartment. On top of that, the guy was a stranger. I smiled to her gently. 'No worries, Kobayashi, we're neighbours. Plus, if you see I'm doing something out of the ordinary, then you're free to scream as much as you like. That alright?'

The redness in her cheeks seemed to soften up. She no longer looked frightened. In fact, she let out a great sigh and said: 'I'll be right over, Kurosaki-senpai! Can I take my homework with me? I need to have it done by tomorrow.'

'Alright, alright!' I said easy-going enough and closed the door behind me. Somehow, I was really happy that she was going to come over. Something about this visit in my apartment made me feel like we were getting closer and closer as friends.

10.

I didn't know exactly what I was doing, but I felt like I was doing it right. I had never been in a single man's apartment before and I was sure that if my parents ever found out about this, then I wouldn't be spared of letters, emails and other stuff in which they preached and scolded me about this for the next half of year. In fact, I think I could even hear dad's voice on the phone, telling me that I was grounded.

It was raining badly outside and as I changed into something more appropriate for visiting someone, I started thinking of Keiko. I hoped that she came home safely, without being caught in the middle of this nasty weather. I sent her a message via mobile phone and then I hurried to make sure that I wasn't being late. Just when I stopped in front of the door to Kurosaki's apartment, I suddenly felt silly, like I shouldn't be doing this in the first place. I felt like this was a date. Most of the blood in my body now rested under my cheeks. I startled visibly. Now I was beginning to see why this was odd. I barely knew Kurosaki and he was very nice and handsome too, but I couldn't possibly be tricked by all these things. I was alone in the building at this time of the day (sure, the administrator was here too, but he was quite corpulent and by the time he'd come to the rescue, it could have been too late); Kurosaki had been most initiative on this. I should have only stopped there and asked for a solution, not let him invite me over or something. This was rather silly and quite impulsive.

I went back in my apartment. I changed my clothing. I pulled out some stuff from the fridge on the kitchen-table and I started to make a few sandwiches for the night. I was looking at the rain through the window and the way it poured as if the clouds did not care at all how helpless, drenched and dirty the earth might seem after the storm was done.

Half an hour went by… an hour… I was halfway finishing my homework, when there was a knock at the door. I didn't know who it was. Silly as I was - and quite bored, to be honest – I imagined it was Kinnousuke, but that was impossible. It was now close to 7 or so and it would have been impossible for Kinnousuke to come knocking at my door. Besides, why would I imagine it was Kinnousuke in the first place…?

I opened the door.

The look on Kurosaki's face was terrible. I felt like I was being sucked in by some gigantic nebula, so swiftly and violently that I would feel atrocious pain, just by looking at it and knowing that I was being sucked in. I shrank in my position and there was a gloomy, dark aura around him which suggested that a "no" or any other kind of negative answer – if he were to ask me anything – was futile. I felt like I would be slapped the next minute, if I dared say "no".

'So, you stood me up, huh…?' he asked with a dark growl and I hid behind the door. 'S-sorry', I mumbled with a trembling voice. 'Didn't think it would matter - …'

'Made tea for nothing, eh? And now it went all cold. Plus, I closed the windows cause I thought you might catch a cold or something. I've been soaking till now! I frickin' smell like sweat! Thought you'd come!'

'Gomen!' I burst out, bending obediently. My ponytail went on one shoulder and it touched the carpet – as it usually did. 'I'm really sorry for making Kurosaki-sepai do all those preparations for me! But I was - !'

'You were what?' he asked giving me that superior, imposing look, as if I was being thoroughly investigated and interrogated at the same time. I felt like he stripped me naked of all clothes with his look and I felt seriously embarrassed. Without even knowing it, I clutched the t-shirt around my neck.

'I w-was… I thought it wasn't a-appropriate…' I mumbled half-frightened of his reaction.

'I wasn't going to eat you, stupid! It's not like you just banged at my door and forced your way in! I invited you, remember?!'

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I really, really am!' I bowed once more respectfully. 'B-but it's… it's weird…'

'What frickin' weird about it?! We're neighbours! Not like I was – er – hitting on you or anything!'

That sounded really wrong, considering the fact that the main reason why I was upset was because I had invited her over – all thrilled about having the black-haired girl in my apartment: major hitting on her! – and she had completely stood me up. But it was wrong, since she didn't exactly see it in that way. I figured – within seconds after I saw how obedient and apologetic she was – that she was only shy and stuff, which - fortunately for me, but unfortunately for her - I founded very cute. But I needed to play tough and careless, so I wouldn't scare her off. The moment I had seen her in that black overall, I almost instantly dreamed of fumbling my hands everywhere underneath it. I was thinking dirty stuff right now, which shouldn't happen. My face went all red and she looked at me, probably confused and thinking that I was red because I was pissed off.

'Look', I said softly and looked somewhere else, not to be distracted, 'it's fine. You don't wanna come, I get that. You wanna keep safe. 'T's alri – !'

'N-no!'

I stared at her confused. Her eyes were rather sparkling, but I didn't know whether she had stopped me just so she could make it up for me or just so I wouldn't make her feel any worse.

'I'll come over, if you like', she said. 'A-after all, I promised… look, I'll leave the door open so you can see that I'm coming!' she said enthusiastically. 'You can go warm up the tea, I'll be - !'

'No need, stupid', I said softly. I suddenly knew why she was doing this effort. It had scared her to know that she would be in an apartment all alone with a guy she barely knew. Come to think of it, I understood her very well. If she were my sister or something and I found out that there was this dude who invited her over when his house was all empty, I wouldn't have felt at ease. ''T's alright', I said. 'I'll come over. That way, you'll feel better knowing it's your place. How's that?'

I smiled. I was happy. I wasn't forced to apologize to him anymore. He understood me so well. I wasn't at all sad that the invitation was off. I had the feeling he would seriously get upset, if I told him the truth, but I was never very good at explaining things. I made things worse when I explained. I agreed because I was obliged to make it up to him. He smiled off carelessly and then he said: 'I'll just go lock my door, check the windows and stuff, alright? I'll be right over.'

'I'll leave the door open, then, Kurosaki-senpai!'

'Stop calling me that!' I heard him, as he turned his back against me.

A thunder rolled around through the clouds the next minute and it made me shiver and startle. I gathered my homework stuff from the living-room table and I cleaned it up a bit. I went to the open kitchen to fix some tea. I had nothing in the fridge to serve him with, just my sandwiches, which I had planned for dinner. I had felt all the doors open and all the lights on because during on a rainy night I always enjoy being surrounded by light. I never felt good about darkness, unless I was in a very bad mood. Plus, I could add that another reason why I didn't enjoy darkness much on rainy days was that my favourite TV show was a TV series with murders which took place during stormy nights. I have always watched it alone so far and I always got frightened after I turned off the screen. Darkness plays tricks on the mind of a human, once one had watched such a terrible thing on TV. Mom always asked me to quit it, but I enjoyed it too much.

There was no knock at the door. Like I had told him, I had left the door open…

All the lights were turned on in her house. Didn't get it why, but it felt like she loved being surrounded by light. Thunders rolling through the clouds and lightning breaking them in half, I quite understood. On a stormy night like this, a girl like her shouldn't live alone in a dark, gloomy apartment.

Her house was fine, a normal one, all clean and neat, not like mine, dirty, smelly and untidy. She was just turning off the lights when I came in. I was expecting vivid colours or pink and light-green, red, yellow and orange, perhaps some light-blue and cream, but there was none of that anywhere. She had quite a "mature" apartment, if I could put it that way. She looked like the type who enjoyed simple things, even if they risked being plain and boring.

She was dressed in a t-shirt and some shorts. She wore long socks in her feet. I went in and installed myself on the couch without asking. I couldn't risk being the shy and evasive type, otherwise it would have seriously contrasted with my physical appearance. I just had to look and act casual.

'Looks alright', I said. 'Your apartment, I mean. Mine's a mess. All the time.'

'Oh', she said.

I had to be casual about this. When I went to check the tea in the kitchen, I saw him fumbling absent-mindedly through my homework and papers. I had to do some projects and essays by tomorrow, which is why I shouldn't have invited him over because that would have meant wasting time, but I had to be polite to people first. After all, school did not last forever. I didn't even know what I wanted to do after high school was over. I had never considered my future further on. In fact, that was the first question he asked me after I served him some hot tea. I sat at the other end of the couch and we both listened to the rustling of the thunder outside, before I could answer honestly that I didn't know.

'Well, you've gotta consider it, right?' he said. 'I mean, you wanna go to college and stuff, right?'

'I guess I do', I said honestly and the answer must have annoyed him. He looked at me grumpily, while shifting his cigarette from the left to the right side of the mouth. 'You've gotta be kidding me!' he said. 'You look smart! You could turn out big or something.'

'Oh, I don't know', I said half-smiling. 'I guess I could. Yeah, I'll go to college', I continued, this time smiling off surer than before. I felt that if dad was here with me, we'd seriously correct my uncertainty in front of a stranger by giving the latter his opinion and later on by scolding me for being so evasive on such a matter.

'Why are you writing your stuff by hand?' Kurosaki asked and this time I looked at him surprised. I didn't think he would notice that. He was probably holding my essay in his hand and he saw the title, my name, class and email address written on it, as if I was going to address it in this way to the teacher. The fact was that I did intend to ask Keiko to help me write it on her computer and then get it printed. 'I don't have a computer', I said.

'Hmm', he mumbled to himself. He finished his tea and then he stood up, my essay still in his hand. He headed for the door and opened it. I stood up confused. 'K-Kurosaki-senpai? What are you doing with that paper? I need it for tomorrow.'

'Don't be stupid, stupid! I'm writing it for ya. And from now on, come over and write your stuff on my computer. Saves time and money.'

I startled frightened. It was too much of him. I felt like I asked charity without being aware of the fact that I did. I didn't want him to help me in this way. I didn't want him to feel obliged. Just before he widely open the door to go out, I rushed to him, calling out a swallowed-up "No!" and involuntarily grabbed the sleeve from his black blouse. He turned his face towards me and stared at me frowningly. I was suddenly aware that – by being impulsive enough to stop him – I had managed to touch him without his permission. I quickly pulled my hand away, all red in the cheeks. I looked down. 'Y-you can't do that', I said softly. 'I'd feel bad about it. Please, don't do it.'

'Stupid!' he called me and I looked at him confused. His face was all grumpy and narrow-eyed. He looked like he was seriously upset with me right now and I didn't know whether it was because I had done – I could fairly say "all day" – so many reckless and impolite things today.

'I'm sorry I touched you without your permission, senpai–'

'Told you not to call me like that', he said crabbily. 'Makes me feel old and stuff.'

'S-sorry – '

'Stop saying "sorry", stupid! And what are you talking about, asking too much of me?! We darn well live one in front of the other! There's nothing stopping you from coming over from time to time to get your homework done on my computer. It's my property! I can have it filled with any junk I like! Even with your stupid homework! Now, I'm gonna get this written on the computer tonight and print it so you can have it by tomorrow. And stop saying shit like you ask too much of me! I invited myself, didn't I?'

I swallowed it up. I didn't know how to thank him or if I even should thank him. He had been quite the blunt and rude type just now, but he did have a point. I looked at him, how he turned his back against me and went to enter his apartment, my essay still in his hand. I suddenly felt like I should thank him in some way.

'K-Kurosaki-senp – !' Because he suddenly gave me an ugly look, I interrupted my pronunciation of the word senpai. 'D-do you like wasabi?'

'Yeah, I do. Why?'

'Would you like to have some with me?'

'Later', he said and opened the door to his apartment. 'Now, I'm getting your essay written down. Call you up when it's done.'

He closed the door, leaving me to tremble with shame. I couldn't bear thinking that I had just asked for charity when I wasn't supposed to. I had to make it up to him. I just had to make it up to him… it was vital.

11.

I spent the rest of the night listening to some music at the radio (even though the rain kept on pouring until late next morning) and I stood by my bedroom window – from where I could perfectly see the suspended bridges and a few couples walking on the promenade ones. I thought of my parents and of the education they had provided me. Mom would have died of shame if I simply acted ignorant and I played disrespectful towards Kurosaki. Dad would do anything to thank him on my behalf, if I didn't. I was supposed to thank him in some way, but I didn't exactly know how to react or what to do best.

Next morning, although I knocked at his door several times, trying to offer him some early breakfast I had prepared, he was probably still asleep because he didn't answer the door. I had found a paper-envelope near the entrance door, in the hall of my apartment, which meant that Kurosaki had finished writing my essay on the computer and it had been already printed. He must have slipped the envelope with my essay in it some time last night.

I left him the package with my prepared breakfast by the door, hoping that he would see it and enjoy it. I had bought a fresh bottle of wasabi, since that is everything I knew about the things he liked.

I left for school running, because I must have been quite late. I was in a hurry. I didn't even have time to unseal the envelope containing my printed essay; I didn't even have time to catch my hair in an appropriate fashion; I didn't have time to eat breakfast properly and I didn't even have time to button up my coat. I had to make a run for it, because it took me over an hour to get to school and I was already running late. This morning, I had woken up late. I had had such a nice dream – about a summer-rain and me all alone in a house by the sea, listening to the distant sound of the waves, crashing against the cliffs near by and the sound of the crying seagulls, signalling the coming of a new sea-storm – that I had completely forgotten about the fact that today was Friday and I still had to go to school.

I ran down the alley towards the promenade bridge and I could hear the cars moving faster than speeding bullets on the bridges underneath the one I was running on.

There were people and they had their usual walks; some were jogging, some were reading while walking and some walked their pets. There were some middle-school students who were fooling around, giggling, having a balloon which they playfully passed it one to the other. No one seemed to mind the running girl. No one seemed to mind a dark and tiny shadow that was making herself room around the bridge, just so she could hurry towards school. No one had the intention of noticing. I was never a noticeable person. I was taught not to be, because then I would be bullied and pulled down, just like I was in middle school.

Kids would always pick on me because they always found reasons to. Girls hated me because I had long, pretty, black hair. They made fun of me all the time, saying I was too shy and too skinny to ever get a boyfriend; they would always bully me in the girls' bathroom and they would always pick one Friday a month to pick on my hair and run scissors through it and cut it, until there was nothing but a mass of mutilated hair. Mom would scold me for trying to go against my grandmother's wishes of not cutting my beautiful hair. Dad would be the one to pat me on the shoulder and chant away "It'll grow, it'll grow…"

I was the one people never seemed to notice. I was a shadow; just something moving around the surface of something big and marvellous. I was the shadow which helped Keiko achieve success on the basketball field. I was the shadow which applauded and helped Kinnousuke's football team to become livelier on the field. I was a shadow…

I stopped running. My feet would not go any further. I got tired of running. My body was never made for great physical effort. My heart would start pumping really hard (so hard that once Keiko told me that she could actually see the movement of the heart underneath my clothes, hidden inside my chest) and then I would get this feeling that I was being suffocated to death by something vaguely visible.

I was going to be late for school. I wouldn't be able to make it in half an hour. I stared at my wrist-watch and I thought of Keiko's face. She wouldn't be much worried about me being late, because I usually got to school on time. But perhaps today would be different. Perhaps I would make her worry this time because I was never actually late. Today I would be late for school and I would make Keiko worry too. I couldn't dare assume that Kinnousuke would be as worried as she would be. Kinnousuke was a nice guy and all, but he never showed signs which indicated more than friendly concern about me. I doubted that he even cared if I was usually on time for school or not.

12.

I noticed her the minute I turned around the corner with my car. I was just getting back from the groceries store and I saw her standing there, leaning against the wall of some office building I didn't know. I think she should have been to school by now. I thought she was gone this morning, when I knocked at her door to give her the envelope containing her printed essay. Apparently, she was out indeed, but not at school. She looked like she was in serious trouble. I pulled over and stopped the car; I got out of the car and I pulled my sun-glasses off. My cigarette was lighted up and it spread a thick layer of smoke across my face, as I rushed towards her.

'Oy! Kobayashi! You alright?'

She startled visibly and dropped her schoolbag, while doing so. Her left hand was pressing against the chest, on the heart side. I could see that her fingers were clutched to the cloth, as if she wished to pull off her skin and all. She was breathing hard, as if she had just taken a break from a good running. 'Oy! What's wrong, stupid?' I asked half-worried and bended over to place my ear against her chest. I thought she'd push me away, but apparently she had no strength anymore to do that. Her heart was beating wildly.

'I was… late… for… school…'

She could hardly utter a clear word. I stared at her confused. 'Why in the hell were you late? Thought you were gone when I knocked at your door this morning. Was going to hand you the – '

I stopped speaking because I noticed that she was holding the envelope with her printed essay in her right hand. I grabbed her schoolbag and threw it on my shoulder. 'Get in the car', I said. 'There's still time to get you to school. And you can rest, while you're at it!'

'N-no, you don't have to - !'

'Don't be a big idiot!' I said and then I made her scream when I drew my arms around her waist and pulled her up on the other shoulder. 'Kurosaki-senpai!' she cried frightened. 'K-Kurosaki…!'

'Told you not to call me senpai!' I said half-bored. 'Relax, we'll get there on time, I'll step on it.'

'P-p-p-people are watching! P-put me down, K-Kurosaki!'

'There we have it, now you called me Kurosaki without an honorific. I'm proud of you, Kobayashi!' I smirked, as I went pass by an old lady and her young grandson, both staring at me in different ways: the old hag was utterly speechless, frightened to death, while her grandson was pulling her sleeve, laughing and giggling off continuously "Granny, granny, look, a kidnap!"

I was accustomed to using one hand, while the other carried weight. Sometimes I needed to carry two computer monitors at the same time. But the black-haired girl was no match for one monitor, let alone two! She wasn't exactly as skinny as she claimed to be, but she wasn't exactly and weighty as one might consider. She kept on protesting, calling me to put her down because it was embarrassing for her to be carried by a man on his shoulder towards a vehicle.

First, I opened the door to the back seat, where I threw her schoolbag. After that, I opened the door to the seat next to the driver's and I threw Kobayashi there. She stopped protesting immediately, but she was all red and burning in her cheeks. The minute I closed the door she quickly pulled closer to it, expecting me to come back on the driver's seat and then eat her alive.

I closed all doors, started the engine and pulled the car in the traffic.

She noticed the grocery bags. 'You were gone too, then?' she asked.

'Well, yeah', I said while placing back my sunglasses on the nose. 'Had to do some shopping. So you were late for school? Overslept, huh?'

She nodded and looked out the window. Afterwards, she gave me the address of the high school she was in and I quickly visualised the quickest way to it in my mind. I pulled a few rights and lefts through traffic and then I ended up on some narrow streets I knew so well that I could have visited with my eyes closed.

'Did you look at the essay?' I asked, throwing a brief look towards the envelope in her lap. 'Everything alright and stuff? Had some problems here and there, trying to understand your writing.'

'Oh, I didn't look at it', she said and she clumsily started to unseal it. She pulled out the papers and started fumbling through them. She didn't look like she was searching for something in particular. It was as if whatever she was doing with those papers, she was doing it for me. After she was done, she placed them back inside the envelope. 'Thank you', she said. 'They're alright. Anyways, I was going to talk about the essay today, not necessarily give it in. I had already apologized to the teacher in advance…'

'What for?'

'Because I was sure that I wouldn't print it on time.'

I smiled. 'Well, now you don't have to apologize anymore. You have a computer where you can write your school stuff or whatever and then get it printed.'

'Oh, about that…'

'Don't start with the crap like "I can't do this and I can't do that for you" - !'

'Actually, I was thinking of asking you if I could use it this afternoon.'

I looked at her narrowingly. I thought she was making fun of me. She stared at me for a short period of time, afterwards, her eyes turned away, red in her cheeks. Her hair was loose, falling off on both her shoulders. I sniffed, while she suddenly became aware of her black hair and fumbled through her pockets, to look for something to catch it with. She used a hairpin to keep it off her face.

We arrived at her school and she quickly pulled her schoolbag in her lap, saying: 'Thanks, Kurosaki – senp - ! Thanks!'

'Sure, sure! D'you get your lunch?'

'Oh, no, I was running late and – ! '

'Wait!' I stopped her, suddenly grabbing her arm, just before she could turn around and close the door. She stared at me surprised and then I rummaged through my shopping bag and pulled out a bento. I gave it to her, imposing it upon her: 'Take this! Have a – er – great day at school, Kobayashi! Don't be a dumbass, alright?'

I stared at him in disbelief. I would never have thought that Kurosaki would be such a nice man. Underneath all that ugly, angry-like face, he was seriously taking care of me. I tried to refuse the bento, but he swore me off and closed the car-door. He asked me if I wanted him to come and pick me up after school, but this I refused politely. I smiled like a silly girl and thanked him, called him senpai just to act cool and then I headed for the school building.

I saw Keiko waiting for me by the entrance to the building. Her arms were folded at her chest, but she wasn't angry at all. When I looked at my wrist-watch, I noticed that indeed Kurosaki had helped me make it on time. I still had some good 10 minutes or so before class began. I ran towards Keiko.

'Overslept, huh?' she said softly, as she helped me out with my schoolbag.

'Sort of', I answered back bluntly. 'Were you waiting for me?'

'Kind of. Didn't feel like seeing Kinnousuke's face searching for you in class.'

'He looked for me in class?!' I asked suddenly taken aback, and stopped in the middle of the hall. Keiko turned around and stopped by my school locker, to pull out my school shoes and some of my textbooks. She was helping me a lot, as if I were her younger sister or something. I liked that caring side about her. But this had become a habit of hers, helping me like an older, caring sister.

She shrugged her shoulders. 'Asked of you this morning, when we met on the bridge. He was expecting you to be with me. Wanted to ask you something apparently.'

'Oh!' I said and then I quickly changed my shoes. Once more, just before heading for the classroom, Keiko helped me with the textbooks and those looking too heavy for my constitution she carried them for me mutely.

'Er, was that your, uhm, neighbour who brought you to school? Whassaname! Er – Kurosaki?' Keiko asked matter-of-factly, just before opening the door of the classroom. Almost every student was there, but luckily, the teacher wasn't.

'Yeah, that's Kurosaki-senpai', I said, feeling proud that this time, Kurosaki wouldn't be near by to scold me for the honorific.

'Aha', Keiko sniffed and placed my books on the desk. I thanked her, as she sat on her seat, by her own desk. 'Looks interesting. Friends already?'

'Oh, n-no, not really!' I said, worrying that an affirmative answer would make Keiko angry. I don't think she would have enjoyed it much to know that her friend, the person who helped her so much in her basketball games, the person she liked to take care of and cared for as if she were her older sister, had now placed her second after some man. But when I looked at Keiko's face, it only suggested boredom and plainness, as usual. I slightly blushed.

Keiko said: ''T's alright, Ryun-chan! Looks like a decent dude! Plus, you might just get a free ride by car to school and back.'

'But I don't want a free ride. I want to go to school and return home with Keiko', I said softly, placing my hand on her shoulder thoughtlessly.

Keiko smiled. She looked pretty when she smiled. 'Alright, Ryun, no need to say that. Not angry or anything. Make an effort and make friends. Many. Alright?'

We smiled at each other. We looked like a pair of white doves, waiting to fly off. But we couldn't do that separately. We felt like we belonged to the same body.

13.

Kinnousuke was the one to wake me up from my dream of happiness with Keiko. I was just thinking of how well we suited one another and how well we got along. She had just only left me alone on our usual spot, while she had gone to get us some drinks from the cafeteria. I didn't expect Kinnousuke would so easily find us, although we had already introduced him to some of our secret places around the school. But I just simply didn't think that he was still interested in having us around. When he said hi and I looked at him, I noticed that he looked thoughtful. It was as if something about me – perhaps my blouse or my dress or perhaps the ribbon knotted round my neck - was clumsily done. After all, I had rushed to dress up and get ready for school this morning. I was close to being certain that I would skip class today, if it wasn't for Kurosaki's car popping around right just on time. I suddenly remembered that I had to thank him for this as well. Even though I had bought some wasabi for him earlier, I still didn't think that I had thanked him properly for what he had done, and now, this morning, it just so happened that he kindly gave me a ride. People like these, you never meet twice in your life…

I suddenly woke up smiling silly at Kinnousuke and he probably thought I was smiling to him, because he smiled back at me.

'Feeling happy, are we, Ryun-chan?'

'Something like that', I answered back rather plainly and I blushed a bit, right just before Kinnousuke took a step forward and sat next to me on the bench. He was rather tall – like I said before, as tall as Keiko – and I was just getting used to what it's like to be around tall people and feel rather like a dwarf among them. But the way I was now with Kinnousuke here and alone… the way he sat next to me, so close on the bench, us being hidden from anyone's sight by the gathering of trees surrounding the bench… the way his profile stood up, it seemed as if he were a statue of some sort, trying to make its way towards the sky, slowly but surely. I felt even smaller than I usually felt when I was around Keiko and her basketball team.

The uniform fitted him so well and it matured him in such a way that I was sure once high school life was over, Kinnousuke would make a fine job as an adult because he already looked so much like one. I didn't think this moment would be over. I just felt like I should just sit there and even if he were to leave, I would still stick to my seat on this bench and stare at him, because I couldn't get enough. But I knew that it was rude to stare. I knew that it was impolite even to sit so close to Kinnousuke. We barely knew each other, although we had been spending time – me, him and Keiko – for about a month. The fact was I never did much of the chatting when Keiko was around. They fitted each other too well, both being pretty and tall. I was nothing compared to them. In between, I was like a nail caught in between the danger of the hammer and the thickness and coldness of the wall.

I stopped staring. I let my face down and stared at the grass lying at my feet instead. It was better this way because the grass didn't make me feel embarrassed or small and insignificant.

Suddenly, I felt stared back. By some weird mistake – certainly done by my silly immature mind this morning – I thought that Kinnousuke was perhaps the one gazing back at me. I thought perhaps that I should not lift my head because then he would come so close to it that I would instantly turn as red as a rose. I didn't feel like a rose. Roses are beautiful, elegant flowers which have no resemblance to my plain, whitish cheeks.

His hand moved from his lap and close to mine, already resting on the bench, by my hips. I could see his pinkie move towards mine and then, for a brief minute, his fingers moved up and down and then they slightly placed themselves upon mine. I didn't move my hand away. The instant he touched it, he startled and tried to remove it. He probably expected me to move my hand away. It was still there. He covered it with his big one. He left it there.

'Ryun?'

I startled because this time, he had not used the honorific following my name. I thought that I should do right lifting my head. I did, but not to look at him. My eyes were fixed on something insignificant in front of me.

'You think I could take you home today?' Kinnousuke asked. 'You know… just you and me…'

I startled again. I wanted to take my hand away from under his and place it on his fingers. I didn't feel well with it in this way. If I were to place my hand on his, then at least that would make me feel less short than I already was.

'Guess you can, if you like', I answered softly and although my heart was pumping hard, I had decided to take it slow and act all careless. I had seen it at girls in movies and yet I didn't feel that going all panicked and hyper-giggling would comfort Kinnousuke in any way.

'Alright!' Kinnousuke said with a smile on his face. He suddenly stood up and now – that I was at some decent distance away from him – I could stare at him curiously. He was happy. His face suggested that. 'I'll come pick you up from class then, shall I?'

I nodded without even thinking much about it. Later on, when I told Keiko about it, she began to act all thoughtful and didn't speak for a while. It sounded to her as if Kinnousuke was not being serious with taking me home.

All three of us left for home together after that. The girls in class were quite shocked to see a nice and handsome guy like Kinnousuke visiting their class but since they saw me and Keiko with him, they probably thought that he was only meeting Keiko. I thought so too, the moment I saw him leaning against the entrance door of our classroom, smiling to me suggestively. But I instantly remembered that he had asked me if he could take me home. I thought he was referring to the way we usually went home, just the three of us going on until the intersection of the pedestrian bridge, from where we would part different ways: I would go ahead, while they would go in the opposite direction. But when we stopped at the intersection, Keiko only gave Kinnousuke a staring, grumpy-like face and then she bade us goodbye.

I looked at Kinnousuke curiously. 'Aren't you going home?'

He gazed at me dumbfoundedly, after which he burst into laughter. 'Seriously, Ryun-chan! Seriously now! Didn't I just ask you if I could take you home today at lunch break? Didn't I?'

I blinked a couple of times, not knowing what he had meant then when he had told me that he wanted to take me home. 'But I thought - !' I began saying, but he interrupted me with his gentle smile, stretching his arm towards me.

'Come here, Ryun', he said calmly.

I blinked a couple more times, not knowing what his intentions were. I thought that he would just stretch his arm and ruffle my hair, the way he did a few times, after we became closer emotionally.

Without a reaction coming from me, he drew back his hand, rubbing one side from his neck. 'This is… rather troublesome', he said as if to himself and then he took a step closer to me. Last I looked Keiko's figure was nowhere to be seen anymore.

His hand rose and it stretched towards my face. I didn't move, I was speechless and I was numb. My eyes were glowing with astonishment and silence. I couldn't think in that moment. My brain was frozen. His fingers went through the side of my hair and a few strands from my hair fell on my shoulders, gently caressing his hand. He smiled soothingly. His face drew closer to mine until our noses were only a few inches apart from each other and that was because I was shorter than he was with at least a head and a half.

Slowly, he bended over and I could see his piercing eyes glowing with something within. 'Come here, Ryun', he repeated his words, this time soothingly, wooing me gently. Perhaps the way a snake would listen to its tamer, my body executed itself on command. His arm quickly grabbed me from behind. It pressed me against his body. He clutched to my back and tightened his grip. 'You won't leave now, will you, Ryun…?'

Suddenly, his lips were on mine and all I did was mutely gasp underneath his mouth. It was a weird feeling, as if someone was sealing my mouth because I had just been a bad child in previous days. I didn't feel good at all. I felt as if his arm around my body was pressing too much and I couldn't hear anything around. When the kiss prolonged to what I considered quite a long time, I tried to push him away. His arms grew firmer in their grip. This time, his other arm was around my waist. I managed to pull away my face and part my lips from him, placing my cheek against his lips. 'Let me go now, Kinnousu – …'

My voice faded. I thought my entire world would fall at that instant. I saw the clouds and their brightness go ashy and spiteful, ready for a thunder storm. I felt the earth floating above me, forgetting that I could have no balance without it. I felt my dreams shattering as I saw more than a dozen people staring at us from another pedestrian bridge, parallel with the one we were standing on. Some were holding up their phones and the sound of clicking and blitz obviously indicated that they were taking pictures. Those who did not laughed with their hands holding their stomachs and those who joined them were giggling even harder. They were all boys. No girl around to make me feel even more embarrassed. But I was surely going to die of shame. I suddenly pushed Kinnousuke away and I tripped and fell on the ground terrified. I looked around, as I saw their eyes and their faces grinning and laughing out loud, so the whole world would hear them. Their wide-opened mouths spread across their faces in jesters of delight and utter amusement. They looked like devils winning over heaven's angels.

I turned to look at Kinnousuke and ask him why he had done this to me. But I saw it on him too… the grin… that terrible grin, with its corners stretching towards the ears. I saw his white teeth underneath the thick layer of red skin, which had – not a minute ago – stolen my first kiss. I saw him grinning as well and his eyes were glowing with the pleasure of what he had done and that what amused his friends so much. I could hear the gulping sound of his laughter and I didn't care anymore about any further questions. I stood up and I started to run down the alley, their laughter behind me, their grinning and jeering in my mind.

I was alone on the bridge and there was no one there to care, no one to see what I had just gone through, and the shame of it all. I had been embarrassed; I had been jeered at and laughed at. I had been made fun and this had been the worst day of my life. I had high hopes, I had expectations. I would never have believed that people would be so cruel, so shameless…

I ran as fast as I could towards my place, far away from Kinnousuke's terribly amused grin, far away from all their laughter and their derision.

I stopped in front of the heavy door, and crazily looked for my entrance key. I must have dropped a couple of papers, but I just left them there. I pushed open the door and found both the administrator and Kurosaki there. I didn't feel like talking and I didn't feel like seeing their faces, nor have theirs see mine. I wanted to get in my apartment, I wanted to cry, I wanted to tear apart my skin and pull out my hair and make myself disappear from the face of the earth forever. I only heard the administrator telling me "Kobayashi-san, you're quite early today, say, would you like to – " and then I heard myself scream "Don't touch me", pushing away his hand as if I had no consideration for him and then I ran up the stairs and hit myself against the wall up front as I did so. I cravingly shoved the key in the keyhole, I unlocked my apartment and I threw my schoolbag in the hall. I slammed the door and I locked it from the inside. I fell on the floor, moaning and gasping for breath. I had held my tears too much. It took forever to come home and fall on the carpet in the entrance hall of my apartment. It took forever to cry like someone who has just gone back from the war and has found his family all vanished. I felt alone and ignored by anyone. No one would care about my shame. Still, I cared about it. I cared about people so much… I cared to know they ignored me because I wasn't out of the ordinary, because they would not draw their attention on me. I cared so much… now, how would I show my face in school on Monday morning? How would I face the world then…?

14.

I saw her rushing so fast from the entrance hall towards the stairs that I didn't even have time to see her face. It was hidden behind her hair. When she suddenly raised her voice towards the administrator (not that I wouldn't like to do that once in a while), I startled and stared at her dumbfoundedly. The man was quite surprised too. He looked seriously puzzled and then he mumbled something, as he opened the main entrance door. He gathered up some papers which I recognized as hers (I knew her handwriting because I had to stay up all night and transfer her essay on computer). I took them gently from his hands. 'What happened to Kobayashi-san?' The administrator asked himself. 'What happened to her, something snapped?'

He disappeared into his bureau and I was left alone in the hall. I went up the stairs, holding her papers in one hand, thinking of what could have caused her to react in such a brutal way, just a few minutes ago. I didn't think she'd have a bad side of her. I didn't think she'd have school problems or whatever kids' problems might be nowadays. She always looked so gentle and calm and nice. She was always polite.

But suddenly, as I almost reached the second floor, I could hear her crying gasps somewhere very close behind the entrance door to her apartment. She was still there, somewhere lying on the carpet and she was crying her guts out. I startled visibly, staring blankly at the white door, dumbfounded, as I continuously heard the sounds of her tears and crying in hiccups. I went closer to the door to her apartment, this time clearly hearing up the sounds of her tears. She sounded like she was trying to calm herself down by occasionally moaning and noisily sniffing up. I placed my hand against the door.

'Kobayashi…?'

Suddenly, the entire ruckus from behind the white door in front of me ceased instantly. There were a few sounds of someone gently sniffing the nose.

'Kobayashi, open this door', I said demandingly. I didn't care if she felt up to it or not, I just couldn't bear hearing her cry like that. It was terrible and I bet a thousand yens that she was in a really big mess. I didn't like the way she cried. It sounded like something awful had just happened to her.

'Please go away, I'll be alright', I heard her saying in her trembling voice and I felt like I should just break down the door if she refused.

'Open it, Kobayashi, or I'll just break it down!'

I heard the vague sound of a click going on at the keyhole and then the door opened. She was standing in front of me, head down, hair spread on both her shoulders. She looked like in serious mess, the school shirt all rugged and unbuttoned at her neck. The ribbon was torn apart, as if she had pulled from it in despair. Her schoolbag and the stuffs in it were spread across the carpet. She pushed them away with her right foot. 'Have to apologize to the administrator', she said softly. Without looking at me, she passed me by and went down the stairs.

I looked around, exploring, thinking that maybe I would find a decent explanation as to why she was like this, why she was such a terrible mess. I felt like breaking a few bones, like threatening someone. I felt like shaking her and forcing her to tell me what was wrong. I heard her steps going up the stairs again, a quarter of an hour later. She was practically crawling herself up. I saw her miserable figure, her hair all loose and swinging to and fro meaninglessly. She was barefooted. She stopped in front of me because I was blocking her way inside the apartment.

'Kobayashi - !' I began demandingly, seriously thinking of scolding her for not telling me and making me burn with anxiety, but just before I could begin speaking properly, her head fell against my stomach with a soft bang and she leaned against me. She did not move and I did not know what to say. I covered my mouth with my hand thoughtfully. I was torturing myself, I didn't know what her problem was and I didn't know what to do about it. She was probably trying to tell me something. I felt her tremble again. She started to cry once more. The tears were flowing quietly and they dropped on the floor.

Suddenly, her arms lifted up on both sides and grabbed my t-shirt. She clutched to it, speaking with a shaking voice: 'Why…? Why did he do that…? Why…? Kurosaki..? Kurosaki-senpai… why…?'

I hastily drew my arms one under her knees and the other behind her back, so I would easily lift her up and bring her inside the apartment. She was still crying, asking me over and over again the same question, "Why?". I didn't know what to answer and I didn't know what else to do. I left her on the couch in the living room and just when I got up to rush to the entrance door and close it, she suddenly clutched to my t-shirt with her trembling hand and she looked at me desperately: 'Wh-where are you going? Don't leave me! Please don't leave me alone, I'm ashamed! Ashamed - !'

''T's alright, I'm only going to close the entrance door, that's all', I smiled as gently as I could, but I had to admit that her condition was seriously worrying me.

She seemed to have agreed to the fact that I was going to close the door now. She gasped a few times, but the instant I came back to her, she clutched once more to my t-shirt. 'Don't leave me alone, Kurosaki-senpai. Please, don't! You're all I've got. I'm ashamed… what will I do? Why…?'

'C'mon, Kobayashi, calm down. I'm here. Get some sleep, ok? Get some sleep', I soothed her gently and for a while, it seemed to work because her gasping went quieter and quieter until it was no more. A few moments later, all she said was "Kurosaki-senpai? Thank you." And then she closed her eyes. I thought she had fallen asleep, so I got up and made some strong tea for her.

15.

When I first woke up, I had the impression that – wherever I would be at this very moment – I would not be in my room. I would be in some dark room, locked and banished away from the face of the earth. I would be under the spell of some mischievous rain which had not yet ended.

I barely opened my eyes. I could hear someone typing at some computer keyboard. I was obviously in my living room, lying on my couch, covered in some warm blanket. It was quietly raining outside.

There were some mumbling sounds coming from the side where I had first heard the keyboard typing noises. It was man's voice, swearing under his teeth and it sounded like Kurosaki. He was still with me. My hand was covering one side of the pillow. I carefully removed it, to hide it under the blanket. I didn't want to disturb him. But even so, despite the quietness of such a gesture, he still managed to sense me moving. I was now awake since he put aside his laptop and woke up from his seat. He came over and I thought I would see his grumpy face, scolding me for being such a silly girl. But instead, what he did was push aside my legs and rest on the empty part of the couch. Afterwards, he pulled away the blanket from my feet, placing them on his lap and leaving my skin uncovered; he placed his hands on my ankles gently, leisurely, as if not wanting anything to do with them in particular. He was smoking a cigarette. He looked thoughtfully on the floor. Then he rubbed my feet softly.

He easily bended over to reach for his laptop (which I saw he had placed on the small table in front of the couch and his previous seat) and then he dragged it closer to him, so he would still be able to work on it while having my legs in his lap.

'Ts!' he hissed all of a sudden angrily. 'What a bunch o' idiots!'

I stood up on one arm, using my other hand to rub my eyes. I moaned gently, as if still under the effect of the deep slumber I had previously fallen into. I had dreamt of that dark, locked room, in which I had been forced to live, isolated from the outside world. My mind suddenly saw Kinnousuke's grinning face and then I covered my eyes with my arm, clutching my fist really tight. I bit my inferior lip. I had lost almost everything now. I couldn't go back to school anymore. How would I face everything now? I would definitely become an igimeru hito. Anyone who had seen the scene which had occurred earlier on the pedestrian bridge could now surely not bare to wait any long for Monday to come along and jeer me when I come to school. How would I face everyone now? How would I face Keiko? She would probably ignore me from now on. You've been ashamed so easily, Ryun! You've been such a silly girl! I don't like you anymore. My friends are supposed to be strong and helpful, not weak and easily laughed at. You're silly! You've always been hiding. Now I know why I always had the impression that you were sticking too close to me. It was all just so I could protect you, right? Right…?

'– , right?'

I saw Kurosaki's face close to mine. I startled. I almost had the impression that his hand was lying on my hair, although that was not true. It was suspended in mid-air, as if awaiting for something. 'What?' I asked…

I just looked at her. I had barely stopped my hand just before I could touch her hair. I knew that that would have been too rude and that it would look like I was taking advantage of the weak state that she was in. I knew that I couldn't do anything about it now. I was too close. I could feel her breath on my sealed lips. I could see the sparkle in her dark eyes. I could even see a thin strand of hair slightly running down her cheek, tracing the shape of her inferior lip, right just before she had bitten it. I vaguely opened my mouth just so I could inhale her breath. I felt that – if I wasn't allowed to go any further in action – I should not be refused a little bit of the air that she breathed.

'What?' she asked me. I repeated the question: 'You're better now, right?'

She didn't answer immediately. The question seemed to have startled her, because her eyes grew bigger in size. She looked like a scared rabbit. She looked like she was about to cry again. I banged my forehead against hers, saying: 'Not, idiot! No more crying! Be quiet!'

She let out a bitter smile on her lips. 'Guess I won't if you asked me, Kurosaki…'

I smiled and then I backed up, although I could have stayed like this even longer, under the risk of becoming hunched. My closing in placed some red colour in her cheeks. She looked better now. 'Well, want some tea?' I asked. 'There was some, but it went cold.'

'How long have I slept?'

'About four hours, I guess. Haven't counted.'

I didn't tell her how deep she had slept and how – the second I placed a blanket on her – she suddenly covered her face and let out her arms hanging out from underneath it, as if she only wanted to hide her head away from the outside, and nothing else. I didn't tell her that she had clutched to me for about an hour before I could properly move about the room, get her school stuff lying on the floor in front of the entrance door and before I could visit my apartment only to pick up my computer and some other stuff.

'I'm sorry', she said suddenly. I looked at her slightly surprised. ''T's alright, Ryun', I answered and went to the kitchen. But before I could properly disappear, I suddenly stopped, realising that – without having her permission – I had called her by her first name. It was quite shameful, since I didn't have the kind of relationship with her that would allow me to call her in that manner. We weren't so intimate and we weren't even colleagues of some sort or old college buddies or something. But I didn't care if I did something evil. I liked calling her in that way. I found her name nice and suiting for her. I made the tea and then came back in the room again.

He handed me the tea. It was hot and warm, just as I enjoyed it the most. It had a nice smell about it, a bit of nicotine coming from his cigarette and I enjoyed it even more. When I looked at Kurosaki handing me the tea, his smell a mixture of nicotine and manliness, the image of Kinnousuke grinning suddenly ceased running through my head. He smiled gently to me, his cigarette threatening to fall from between his lips. 'Good girl', he said softly and I smiled to him. I pulled out the other hand - not the one holding the tea cup – from under the blanket and I wished to stretch it towards his face, but instead I found that would have been rather rude. I stopped it on his shoulder. I should have said a plain and simple thank you, but instead I said: 'You just called me Ryun.'

His face turned a vague colour of red and he covered his mouth ashamed. I startled and looked at him frightened. 'I-it's fine!'

'Ryun sounds better than Kobayashi. But you stick to Kurosaki!'

He looked slightly grumpy about this, but I had the feeling that once he stood up, a smile ran across his face. He worked a little while on his computer, during which I decided to get up, go to the bathroom to clean and freshen up and then I turned on the TV, because I knew that there was this mystery show I felt like watching. I knew that now I could watch it not only because it was vital to keep myself busy away from thinking of school stuff – because that would remind me of Monday – but also from Kinnousuke and his deceit, from the shame that I had been forced to feel only a few good 5 hours ago or so. I thought Kurosaki would leave my apartment, seeing that now I was alright. He did. When I came back from my dormitory, wearing my pyjamas, he was no longer there.

I looked at the entrance door. His cup of tea was still half full. But he had not left his computer there, or anything to tell me that he was only gone temporarily.

I wanted to cry again, realising that I was once more left alone, but I kept my tears from falling. I didn't want anyone hearing or seeing me again, adding up to my shame. I didn't feel like eating. I felt like watching the moving, bright screen of the TV as absent-mindedly as I could. I tried not to think about what had happened today, but I couldn't. I only felt Kinnousuke's lips on mine. I could still feel the warm touch of his skin on mine. I could still visualize his face so close to mine. I could feel the touch of his mouth on mine.

My fingers ran across my mouth, as I visualized my first kiss. I could not bear the fact that he had stolen it from me. Such a shameful man. Such a shameful thing to do, to steal an innocent girl's first kiss, making it her most abominable shame. I could not see any other colour but black in front of my eyes. I could only hear the jeering and the laughter in my mind; that terribly amused giggling, that disgusting laughter; that revolting grin… I covered my mouth. I tried to wipe it off as energetic as I could. I felt like I should wash away the kiss sealed on it. I rubbed my lips so hard and so vividly that their redness grew hot and intense. I felt like they had started to bleed. I tightened my eyes, trying to push away the shameful image of Kinnousuke kissing me.

'Oy!' I suddenly heard and I startled visibly. I could now see Kurosaki's face from a close-up. He was staring at me thoughtfully and I instantly turned red in my cheeks, just so they would match the current colour of my tortured lips. 'Stop doing that, doesn't it hurt?' he asked, as his finger lightly passed over my inferior lip. He quickly pulled away his hand.

'It does, sorry', I said and I couldn't help but wonder why he was there. 'You came back?' I asked, as he threw himself beside me on the couch.

'Well, yeah! Five hours ago, you cried your guts out that I shouldn't leave you alone!' he said matter-of-factly. 'Just went back to leave my computer and stuff. Watching TV, are we? What's this? Oh, you're into that mystery show, eh? Kinda popular, so I heard!'

He acted so ignorant to my pain that I couldn't help wondering if he was truly there to make me feel better. The fact was that forgetting about my pain was what I needed at the moment and I figured out Kurosaki's efforts. I smiled, as I laid back on the bed, my head on the pillow and I gently placed my bare feet in his lap. He didn't seem to mind. In fact, about 5 minutes later, I felt the warm touch of his hands on them casually.

15.

When I opened my eyes, it was already morning. The light was coming bright from behind the dragged curtains. It was no longer raining, but it was chilly. I must have left the window open somewhere in the house.

I was still lying on my couch, half-covered by the blanket and I had the feeling that something very heavy was pressing against my legs, keeping them warm under the blanket. I quietly stood up, leaning against one elbow and I saw him. Kurosaki was sound asleep, snoring lightly while lying on my legs. His body was turned on the right side, facing the TV and his hands were carelessly stretched over my thigh and knee. His head were resting against the side of my bottom and he seemed to have used it as a pillow. I blushed, but it was futile since he was asleep and there was no one there to laugh at us.

I smiled away and then I lay my head once more on the pillow. I looked at the ceiling. I didn't exactly know what to expect on Monday morning. This morning I felt rather good. It was nice just sitting there, staring at the ceiling, having Kurosaki around. It could have been anyone, not just Kurosaki. It was important to me that I wasn't alone at the moment. And I thanked him so much in my mind for what he had done for me so far. He didn't even ask me what happened or what had caused such a disastrous change of state in me. Instantly, I realized how much I owed him. It was not just the ride to school or the writing on the computer of my essay and the printing of it. It was what had happened the previous day. He had been kinder than I could ever imagine. The sight of his grumpy look, with his hunched back and his cigarette, the way he stared at the administrator, crabbily scrutinizing him as if the poor man had been born all his life a gambler and a two-faced bastard – these were all such traces of misunderstanding Kurosaki's personality. Although I didn't know much about him (and I am sure that judging him hastily would only lead to the wrong conclusions), I was grateful that Kurosaki had shown me the good side in him, that it was there. Even if it might never come back, at least I had been a witness to it.

Without even realizing it, my hand slipped from under the blanket and stretched towards his head. His hair was spread across my bottom and it looked rigid and ruffled. It was lighter in colour than mine, perhaps a touch of auburn to it. He had been kind…

I placed my hand on his head and left it there. I didn't dare move it up and down to caress his hair; I knew I had been already too bold to touch him without permission.

A few more minutes passed, while I gladly enjoyed them. I was happy that Kinnousuke's image of him grinning had left my mind and that my hand was resting on Kurosaki's head. The touch of his hair was different from the one on my own hair. It wasn't a question of subjectivity, of the things which belong – naturally – to oneself. Of course, my hair would always feel different under the touch of my hand. But there was something different about Kurosaki's hair. It felt like it was my own. And whenever I touched mine, no matter how uncombed or ruffled or silky or recently washed it was, it would always feel the same: something familiar, something friendly, something faithful. That is how I felt Kurosaki's hair. And because I was touching his head, it felt like I was touching his heart. It felt like I could see directly through him.

Suddenly, his hand rose gradually, in a slow fashion, but I quickly pulled away mine. I blushed, but hid my face under the blanket. I felt his body getting up from mine and he yawned.

'Ryun?' he called in a slow voice. 'You up?'

'Yup!' I said promptly.

I felt rather stupid, because I remembered that I had left her watch half of the movie last night alone. I had fallen asleep, before I knew it. I knew that my body was on its way to one side of the couch, the other than that where she was sitting. I also remembered one of her hands quickly running behind my neck, grabbing it, and pressing my head on her lap. That's when everything went all blank. She must have made me sleep with my head in her lap. I had promised that I wouldn't leave her alone, but I was so tired the previous night that slumber played a dirty trick on me.

I rubbed one of my eyes, looking at her. She was now leaning against the arm on the side of the couch. She looked all fresh and her hair was over her shoulders, covering them.

'Sorry', I said softly, still under the influence of sleep.

'What for, Kurosaki?' she asked, staring at me curiously.

'Cause I said that I wouldn't leave you alone last night and yet, I think I was the one to fall asleep first.' Here, she blushed a little and played with one side of her hair, saying: 'Oh, it's fine, Kurosaki. I didn't mind. I usually watch the show alone, so it's fine. I'm used to it. Did you sleep well?'

'Sorry, I may have slept in your lap too. Sorry', I said, as I felt a really strong rush of blood going up into my cheeks, my lips and my ears. I must have looked like a gnome to her or something. She smiled, when I looked at her. ''T's alright', she said gently. 'As far as I remember, I was the one to place your head in my lap. I thought you'd sleep more comfortably like that. I would have taken you to the bedroom, but you were too heavy.'

I had an image in my mind of her small body dragging mine towards the bedroom. After half an hour of hard work, she would probably succeed in getting me over on the bed. Then, she would have pushed me up to the pillows' side and I would feel the softness of them under my head. I would have gotten so drunk with her smell, the smell of freshness and flowers, and I would have dreamt so much of her silky, black hair that I would have probably searched up in the air with my hand and clutch to her arm and pull her over my body. She would have gotten a bit frightened – which is a normal thing for a woman like her – and yet I would have wrapped my arms around her, bathing in that beautiful dream of silky dark hair, of the smell of flowers. I would have finally had my fingers running through that thick layer of blackness, fooling around with it, while the other hand would slowly go down her back, as it touched every bone and muscle, making the brain detect and record every curve. It would have probably stopped somewhere above her bottom, where the touching would resume in a lighter fashion, just so it would not make her blush and react negatively. It would have gone down the path of her thighs and feel the smoothness of them. That would probably get me fired up. The touch of her body on the back and the touch of her hair would have fired me anyhow, but that would have probably really placed me on fire. I don't think I would have controlled myself in that moment.

I woke up on time from my dream. She had not said anything and she probably didn't read in my eyes the dirty dream I had just now. I saw her figure moving slowly towards the kitchen and she was wearing a plain boy's pyjama. Looking at her from a different angle, she didn't look attractive at all. She wasn't skinny – that was for sure - although she was light in weight. But I wouldn't say she was skinny. I looked at her curves several times and I was feeling particularly attracted to them. If I wanted to touch them, it wouldn't have been the same feeling I had when I said I wanted to touch her hair. Perhaps it was the idea of having her so plainly dressed in front of me – the idea that she would have appeared to other men in the same way, plain and boring – the fact that she didn't understand what she produced in me whenever she simply moved around – perhaps it was just that which drew me to her. It was like being a child in a land of toys and sweets and not being able to touch them; not being allowed.

I saw her enter the bedroom and drag the screen behind her. I knew that she was probably dressing up or getting ready or doing something, I didn't know what, but I knew she was there. I knew we were alone and I knew that I was drawn to her.

I shook my head. I covered my mouth. I had to stop these thoughts from flooding it. I was red all over my face, and I knew it because I was burning. I heard the screen being pushed away and – from the corner of my eyes – I saw her figure get back in the living room. She was wearing a pair of normal jeans and a t-shirt. She told me something, but I didn't pay attention to the words. I was thinking too deep.

Suddenly, her hand stopped on my forehead and pressed against it gently. I startled, as I heard her innocent face: 'Kurosaki? Is Kurosaki not feeling well? Fever?'

I instantly turned around and I grabbed one side of her face and stopped abruptly. I had frightened her because she visibly startled, while my face burned all red and hot. I must have also looked scared to her, but my eyes were fixed on her half-parted lips. I only saw those in front of my eyes and only thought of how they tasted and how everything about her body must have tasted. I had a million scents in my head and I couldn't even make up my mind to one. I needed to find out which one it was. But I couldn't…

I saw his face so close that I thought it reacted as a device to my poor heart which was beating up and down wildly under my chest. There was a kind of warmness to this sort of closeness between us, which was so different from the one I had shared with Kinnousuke the previous day. At that time, Kinnousuke had been forcing himself on me, and his arm had been pressing my body against his with a kind of brutal strength which was meant more like to subdue me rather than seduce me. He didn't even let me breathe. He just called my name and then his lips were pressing against mine, without any warning, without any permission. It had been a terrible intrusion to my intimacy and it had been intensified by the sudden presence of those other boys, laughing about me and about my shame.

But this time, with Kurosaki resting his head so close to mine, it seemed like it was different. First of all, we were alone in my apartment. There was no one there to laugh at us. It would have only been me and him alone, probably sharing this moment, while my heart pumped madly to regain its natural course of beating. Secondly, Kurosaki had not wrapped his arms around me. He was not being pressurized by this and he didn't seem to react as if he was desperate about something. In fact, his face was all red in quite a funny way and his eyes were wide-open, staring at my lips for some particular reason. I didn't know if he intended to kiss me or not, but it didn't feel the same way as it did when Kinnousuke set out to kiss me.

His red cheeks were like a pair of apples. I quietly placed my hands on them and I slightly squeezed them. After that, I pressed a kiss on one of them and then I attached my cold cheek to it. His right arm slowly began moving and then he placed his big hand over my other cheek. His fingers slightly passed by my ear and then they stopped at the line of my jaw.

I quickly kissed him on the corner of his jaw, close to his ear and then I wrapped my arms around his neck. 'Thank you!' was all I could say.

16.

It was so strange what she had done to me. It was like I could not believe it. She was there indeed. She was there and her face was so close to mine! Her cheek was pressing against mine and it was hot. Hers were perhaps as red as mine were. But she didn't sound bold or capable of deceiving anyone when she said "Thank you" to me. She was being honest. She was being honest and quite intimate with me just now!

I suddenly felt the urge of making her speak to me, making her talk about the thing that had upset her terribly a day before this one. She had shouted at the administrator and she had cried so hard and so loud that I thought she might break into pieces. Behind the door to her apartment, hearing her loud sobbing and her sniffing nose, I could visualize her soul being torn apart in several pieces. I needed to know what it was that had hurt her so much.

I felt that she had just started crying again. I felt her trembling. My arms slowly moved towards her body and – fearing that she might push me away if I were to touch her – I hesitated to press them a few inches away from her back. She didn't protest though, when my fingers gently touched her backbones. I slowly attached my arms to her back. Before I knew it, we were embraced. She didn't protest. She had nothing to say about this. I held her tight.

'Welcome', I said softly and we stood like this for a while. 'Sh!' she hushed me gently and I startled. I didn't know why she had done so. It sounded like she was enjoying this moment more if it was in silence. Her head moved from chin to cheek on my shoulder. I felt her hot breath in my ear. It gave me a thrilling feeling. It was like having someone's lips kiss my ear, only it did not involve touching.

I endured it as much as I could. She got very comforting about this position. Her arms were wrapped around my neck and her forehead was now pressing against the gap between my shoulder and neck. Her nose attached to the line of my neck in a perfect fashion. I felt like we were a complete statue of some sort.

I slowly bended down and dragged her with me. Now we were lying on the couch, on a Saturday morning, in her apartment, and it felt refreshing. There was something about this moment which I found very relaxing and pleasant. I looked at the ceiling. Her body was now pressing against mine and I could feel her hair tickling on the side of my right shoulder.

She dragged away one of her arms around my neck and she pressed the palm down on my chest. The smooth caress of her hand slowly moving from my neck toward my chest sent a cold shiver running down my spine. I endured this as well…

I felt like I was doing something inappropriate, although I couldn't quite put my finger on whatever was wrong about it. Kurosaki's body was warm and pleasant, his t-shirt was smooth and the breath of his mouth smelled of a sweet scent of tobacco and aftershave. I didn't mind his smoking. He did not wear a cigarette now and I could only see the room, with my cheek pressing against his chest, as we both lay on the couch.

We were in my apartment, and it was Saturday morning. It had crossed my mind to talk about what had happened the previous day, but that would have meant that I'd have to speak to Keiko. She would be the only person to know of my shame, if it was ever necessary to talk about it. I just couldn't push myself away from these foreign arms. Kurosaki had been one person who – knowing so little of me – had been beside me in this harsh moment and I had so many things to thank him for. I didn't know what to say, or what to do to thank him. I just thought that perhaps lying here with him, in his arms would make me love him in some way and then give me some ideas for as to how to express my gratitude towards him.

Absent-mindedly, I moved my arms around his body slowly, as I thought that what I was lying on was no longer human, but a dream of some sort, a dream of my happiness. Even if it might last a few seconds or just an hour. But it was a nice dream to live in…

I couldn't take it anymore. My hands squeezed her shoulders and I said: 'P-please stop that!'

'Stop what?' she asked me innocently, a few minutes later, just after her hand stopped caressing my chest in a slow fashion. I was sure she wasn't doing this voluntarily. She didn't look like the type of person to want to seduce men for some secret reason. Maybe she dreamt of things whilst resting in my arms, but the soothing touch of her hands – in combination with the already great torture of her hair's perfume and her curving body – was already rather too much to bear.

'S-stop moving your hands around. It's – unbearable!'

She lifted her head and – in the briefest moment of my rationality – I found that a silly thing for her to do, given the circumstances that she was in now, in the arms of a man who was currently head over heels over her physicality.

'Kurosaki…?' was all that was enough for her to do and then it couldn't stop growing within me. I just had to do something. I had to release this unbearable endurance. And I had to control myself at the same time. It was important for me not to scare her. It was important not to be pushed away, else I would spend the next months trying to fix our relationship at least to the level of friendship. I pressed my forehead against hers and one of my hands moved slowly towards her face. I gently grabbed her cheek, saying: 'If I'm doing wrong, please stop me, Ryun'. I tenderly moved away the hair on her mouth and then I came closer, my lips towards hers. She slightly opened them and I could feel her warm breath entering my half-opened mouth.

I thought she might fight me off or something. I thought I would have to give her a few seconds before she could realize that I was kissing her. My lips were on hers and I felt like something has finally completed. I felt like I should just grab her and hold her tight or something.

She didn't protest, to my utter astonishment. In fact, I could feel her arms slowly climbing on my shoulders and while one wrapped around my neck, the other one, ran its fingers through the side of my head. I felt a sudden thrill running through my veins and the impulsive feeling of grabbing her body and dragging her under mine came over me so powerful that it almost took control of my senses. I stopped on time, but my arm was already around her waist, pressing it against my body.

When she moaned under my lips, I suddenly pushed my face away and I embraced her. 'I'm sorry. You should've stopped me! Seriously, Ryun!'

Everything went quiet for a few seconds. Her arms – resting as they were, one around my neck and the other leaning against my leg – did not push me away. She was soft in my arms and I could feel her as hot as I was.

''T's alright', she said mildly. 'I didn't mind it at all. It's fine. I like you, Kurosaki. I don't mind your arms around me and I don't mind your touching. I don't mind your kissing and I don't mind your face so close to mine.'

Suddenly, I pressed her body against mine so tight that I heard her gasp vaguely. The side of her pyjama blouse fell off her shoulder and I unwillingly rested my forehead on it. Her smell was intoxicating. Her hair was touching my cheek as well. It was soft and warm, as she was. 'Don't say that', I uttered, rather gasping for breath. 'If you say that, I don't know what I'll do. I don't know if I could stop.'

'You like me too, Kurosaki?'

'I like you. I like you a lot!'

THE END