Disclaimer: Do I look like Neal Shusterman? Do I write like Neal Shusterman? The answer, alas, is no. And sub sequentially, I own nothing.
You may notice that this oneshot is written in first person. Unfortunately, I kinda fail at third person, but hopefully you can look past that.
I really hope you enjoy it. If you review I promise you a virtual cookie!
Happy reading, good night, and good luck.
I knew it was ridiculously late, probably almost sunrise, but the thought of leaving the study jet and attempting to sleep just repulsed me. I knew it was stupid, that I would have to work the whole day despite getting no sleep, but there was no motivation for me to get some shuteye. I'd probably just have nightmares about the Goldens or about something happening to Risa or Lev. I never had nightmares about bad things happening to me. I guess I'd found people whose I'd given so much for me that I cared about them more than myself.
Although I tried to focus on the reading, I found myself unable to do so. My mind wandered, thinking constantly. Everything came to it. Roland and how dangerous he was for me. The fact that Lev was here and safe; that I had saved him and he was still safe. But mostly I thought about Risa. She was on my mind a lot. I missed spending all my time with her. I wished I hadn't told Roland we'd broken up so that I still had the excuse to go see her every morning. Just to see her. That was all I needed.
"Hi Connor."
I must have been imagining it, there was no way Risa could just happen to be there. Still, I jumped and looked up, and there she was. I slammed my book shut, thinking I had fallen asleep, but as the book closed, Risa stayed in front of me. I smiled. I couldn't believe she was here but I was so, so happy to see her.
"You're up early," she said, a hint of a smile on her mouth.
I relaxed, "No, I'm up late. I couldn't sleep so I came here." I'd known it was late, but was it really close enough to dawn for Risa to be awake and about? "Is it morning already?"
"Just about," she told me. "What are you reading?"
I considered telling her that I wasn't actually reading, and my hands automatically pushed my stack of books away from her. She saw them though. I looked at them quickly, having forgotten what they were myself. The one on the bottom was an engineering book. I remembered picking up that one, but I definitely didn't ever remember picking up…
"Criminology for Morons?" Risa asked, trying not to laugh.
Think quick, Connor. "Yeah well," I said, mind reeling. "Everyone needs a hobby."
Risa looked in my eyes with such intensity that I had to look away. I wanted nothing more than just to stare into her eyes forever, but I knew that she would see that something was wrong with me. I was right.
"There's something wrong, isn't there? I don't need to read Connor for Morons to know that you're in some kind of trouble."
Oh great. She'd figured me out. And she was worried about me. I couldn't tell her. No matter what she said or did, I couldn't tell her. I glanced around the jet, deliberately looking everywhere but Risa's eyes.
"It isn't trouble," I told her. But I sounded unconvincing even to myself. "At least not for me. Or maybe it is in some ways. I don't know."
"Want to talk about it?"
No, no, no. I couldn't, could not tell her. But if she didn't drop it soon, another side of me was going to take over and tell her anyway.
"That," I said, trying not to sound harsh, "is the last thing I want to do. Don't worry, everything will be fine."
It'll be fine as long as you leave now and don't make me tell you what's going on, because then you'll be in danger.
"You don't sound too sure."
God, she knew me so well. It was amazing to think that we'd known each other less than six months. That six months ago, I'd thought Ariana was the most beautiful girl ever. She had nothing on Risa. I didn't want to say anything, but Risa was dragging the truth right out of me. I checked to see that we were still alone.
"Now that the Goldens are… no longer around, the Admiral's going to be looking for replacements. I want you to promise me that if he asks you to help him, you'll turn him down."
Please, Risa. Just promise it. Promise me that you'll be safe.
"The Admiral doesn't even know I exist." Risa told me. "Why would he ask me for anything?"
"Because he asked me." So much for not telling her. Now she knows. Amazingly, I felt better. I felt like I had done what I needed to do, and now I could do whatever I wanted to. "And I think he's asked Emby too."
"Emby?" Risa asked.
"All I'm saying is that I don't want you to be a target!" I told her. I just wanted her to be safe, so that she would always be there.
"A target for what? For whom?"
I knew that despite everything I'd already told her, I couldn't answer those questions. "Shhh! Keep your voice down!"
Risa looked around, as if she was looking for the answer. Finally, she took a step closer to me, forcing me to look at her. My skin burned and my mind raced with happiness at having her that close.
"I want to help you," she told me. "I'm worried about you. Please let me help you."
I couldn't look at her. I didn't trust myself if I looked at her, but she made me. As if someone else had taken over, my feet moved forward. My arms wrapped around Risa's back, and my head leaned down. I kissed her.
I didn't where that had come from, but I was so, so glad that I'd done it. I could die now, because I'd experienced true happiness. In that moment, everything was right. None of my problems matter, because I had Risa. I had the only girl that had ever really mattered to me. Nothing else made a difference.
When I broke off the kiss and stepped away, that changed. What if Risa didn't want me to kiss her? I remembered that originally she'd gotten mad at me more than once for violating her air space.
From the look on her face, I could tell that she wasn't expecting it, but then again, neither was I.
"What was that for?" she asked.
Oh no. Risa didn't like me that way. She didn't feel the same way about me that I felt about her. And that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. My body felt numb. It was probably because I'd just pulled an all-nighter.
I realized that she was waiting for me to respond.
"That," I said, stating the truth, "is in case something happens and I don't see you again."
It was the truth. At least, even if I never saw her again, I'd always have that moment. Even if she never wanted to look at me again, I had that.
"Fine," Risa said. In a quick motion, she put her arms around my neck and pulled my face down to her own.
When she kissed me, the feeling came back again, stronger than before. I realized that through all that had happened since I found the Unwinding Order, the best thing in the world had happened to me. I had fallen in love. And even if I could have gone back in time and stayed with my parents and my brother and my old life, I wouldn't. I would never, ever give up Risa.
Risa broke off the kiss and looked into my eyes. I'd never seen her, or anyone, look so insanely happy. I was unbelievably thrilled that I had given her this look. That she was this happy because of me. I felt like I was flying.
"That's in case I do see you again," she said to me.
I felt like if I flew any higher I would explode. I turned unsteadily and left the jet, happier than I had been since, well, ever. I was drunk on the happiness, my worries from early long forgotten, and my mind full of the sunshine of my life.