This struck me last night after watching one of those random Christmas specials. Its not all poem so don't be scared away by that.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Dr. Seuss's brilliant work: How the Grinch stole Christmas.

You wouldn't believe how hard it is to rhyme like that...

Please Read and Review or Sai's abs will come for you.

Without further rambling...

How Sasuke Stole Christmas

Every ninja in Konoha

Liked Christmas a lot

But Sasuke who lived in north Konoha

Did NOT!

Sasuke hated Christmas,

And everything about it.

He even hated the presents

And wouldn't bother to shout it

It could be that his haircut had cost him three dollars more this week

Or maybe his headband was tied on too tight

But I could think the most likely reason of all

Was that his heart was fourteen sizes too small

But whatever the reason,

His hair or his headband

He stood on his rooftop on Christmas Eve, hating that village…

How incredibly lame. They're all just a bunch of losers. Sasuke crossed his arms and stalked across the roof glaring at all the lighted windows in town. How could they celebrate? "It was all Itachi's fault," he muttered to himself. "If hadn't killed them all, I could be inside drinking hot cocoa like the rest of the pathetic fools in this village.

"They're hanging their stockings!" he growled with a sneer.

"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then he snarled and continued his pacing.

"I MUST find a way to stop Christmas from lacing

Its happy hold around this stupid village"

For tomorrow he knew…

Tomorrow they would be opening presents….every last ninja in this entire village…except for him. Sure Sakura would give him a present, but it would probably be a note asking him to take her on a date, or a basket of tomatoes that he couldn't have unless he took her on a date. And Sasuke seriously did not feel like taking Sakura on a date anytime in the near future. Naruto hated his guts and probably would pull some stupid prank on him a give him another pair of socks. Sasuke was sick of socks. The sensei might give him a present marked 'Don't open until you're 18,' but what good would that do for him now…or ever. Sasuke shuddered at the thought.

He sat down on his rooftop in the clean spot where all the snow had been knocked off while he was pacing. He glared at the village. They didn't understand him at all, and tomorrow morning while they were laughing and eating and enjoying themselves…he'd be home all alone.

"Urgh….something must be done about this…" muttered Sasuke still glaring.

And THEN

They'd do something he hated most of all!

All the ninja in Konoha, short or tall

Would stand all together, with the Christmas bells ringing

They'd stand arm in arm and those ninja would start singing!

They'd sing and they'd sing, (though they couldn't carry a tune)

AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!

The more Sasuke thought of the whole ninja sing

The more Sasuke thought "I must stop this thing!"

"Why for a good…"he stopped to count his fingers, "a good seven years, I've put up with it now,"

I MUST stop Christmas from coming…

"But…HOW?"

Then Sasuke got an idea!

An awful evil idea!

Sasuke got an awfully wonderful evil idea!

"I've got a great plan, on just what to do," Sasuke smirked in his throat

And he set to work making a red Ninja Claus hat and coat

And he chuckled and smirked, "What a wonderful trick"

"With this fuzzy hat, and itchy coat I'll look just like Ninja Nick"

"Now all I need is a reindeer…"

Then Sasuke glanced around

But since reindeer are scarce, there were none to be found

Did that stop Sasuke…?

No! Sasuke simply said.

"If I can't find a reindeer…I'll make one instead!"

Sasuke leapt out the window and immediately saw what he was looking for. Rock Lee's squirrel scampered across the snow and Sasuke smirked evilly.

"Here, squirrelly, squirrelly, squirrelly," he whispered stalking after the squirrel. The squirrel turned back to see Sasuke's blood lusting gaze and ran for it. The dark haired Uchiha, in a red suit chased after him.

He loaded some bags

And old empty sacks full of lint

On old ramshackle sleigh

And hitched up the rodent

Then Sasuke said "Giddyap!"

And the sleigh started down

To the homes where the ninja

Lay a snooze in their town

The windows and spy holes were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.

All the ninja were dreaming sweet and ramen filled dreams without care

When he came to the first house in the square

Sasuke came to a stop and let the panting squirrel rest. He leapt out of the sleigh with a semi malicious laugh and pulled his hat down. Smirking he stalked toward the first house, his problems would all soon be solved. Konoha would have no Christmas this year.

Then he slid down the first chimney. It was a rather tight pinch. (Sasuke realized that he was going to have to lay off the cookies for a while…)

But if Ninja Claus could do it,

"So can I," said Sasuke with a smile.

He got stuck only once, for a moment or too

Then he stuck out his head of the fireplace flue

Where the little ninja stockings all hung in a row

"These stockings," he smirked "Are the first things to go!"

Sasuke grinned and snatched up the goodie filled stockings and threw them in his pack. He never knew causing people pain could be such fun. Maybe that's why Itachi…

No! He was nothing like Itachi and this was nothing like killing off a clan. Sasuke ate up the cookies and swallowed the milk in one gulp.

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant

Around the entire room and he stole every present!

Kunai! And roller skates! Fishnet! And drums!

Shougi boards! Onigiri! Sandals! And plums!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then Sasuke, very nimbly

Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

Then he stalked to the fridge and stole the ninja feast!

He took the tomatoes and he took the roast beast!

He cleaned out the icebox, soybeans and all quick as a flash!

Why Sasuke even took the last can of ninja-hash!

("What is ninja hash?" he wondered)

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee

"And now!" grinned Sasuke "I will stuff up the tree!"

And Sasuke grabbed the tree, and he started to tow

When he heard a loud sound like the caw of a crow

He turned around fast, and who should he see?

But his teammate Sakura, who was no more than fifteen

Sasuke had been caught by his teammate in Christmas themed sweats

Who'd gotten out of bed to another tissue of Kleenex

She stared at Sasuke and asked with a sniffle "Ninja Claus, why?"

"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"

The Uchiha was suddenly taken aback. How did she not recognize him?? Sakura sniffled again, obviously having obtained a cold since he had last seen her. She rubbed her nose.

"Why?" she asked again, obviously confused, and utterly naïve. Sasuke should have seized the moment immediately but he couldn't help but be shocked for several moments that he was in her house at all, and she was kinda pretty in her green pajama pants decorated with red Christmas trees. She cocked her head at him.

"You look familiar Ninja Claus…"

But you know Sasuke so smart and so slick

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why my sweet kunoichi," the fake Ninja Claus lied

"There's an ornament broken on this tree's left side

"So I'm taking it back home to my workshop, my dear

"I'll fix it up there, and I'll bring it back here."

Sakura seemed to be starting to fully wake up as Sasuke spat out his lie to quickly explain. She cocked her head at him with a stuffed up sniff.

"Kay, Ninja Claus," she said groggily and sniffed again with a yawn.

His fib had fooled his teammate, then he patted her head

He got her a Kleenex and sent her back to bed

When Sakura went to bed with her tissue

He went to the chimney and up the tree up he threw

The last thing he took

Was the log from the fire

Then he leapt up the chimney himself, the liar

On their walls he left nothing but hooks… and some wire

Sasuke was pretty proud of himself as he loaded the bags into the sleigh and the squirrel looked afraid. He had fooled Sakura the smartest one on their team. She hadn't even suspected him! Well I was disguised and she was sick…

"Nonsense," he coughed to himself.

And the one speck of food
That he left in the house
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.

Then
He did the same thing
To the other ninja houses

Leaving crumbs
Much too small
For the other ninjas' mouses!

Sasuke stole all of Naruto's ramen was a smirk and stole also the present Hinata had left for him. And he took Naruto's Christmas tree decorated with little cups of ramen. He stole all the gifts his two teammates had left for Kakashi, and he took several gifts from Neji to Tenten. He stole the new sketchbook Ino had gotten for Sai, and took the small gift Naruto had given Hinata, with his sick glee.

He loaded the whole stash of presents into his sleigh and pondered if he had missed anyone, before sneaking into the Hokage's house and stealing her sake, then, his evils accomplishments completed he leapt in the sleigh.

It was quarter past dawn...
All the ninja, still a-bed
All the ninja, still a-snooze
When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The sparkly tags! And the glittering tinsel! The tomatos! The trappings!

Then he tugged it all to his garage
A fine place to dump it!
"Pooh-pooh to the shinobi of Konoha!" he was ninja-ish-ly humming.
"They're finding out right now that no Christmas is coming!
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
"The all the ninja in Konoha will all cry BOO-HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned Sasuke at peace with himself,
"That I simply must hear!"
So he leapt up to the roof and paused. And Sasuke put a hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow...

But the sound wasn't sad!
Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so!
But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Konoha!
Sasuke popped his eyes!
Then he shook!
What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every ninja in Konoha, the short and the tall,
Were singing! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!

"I've failed!" cried Sasuke in despair as he watched all the villagers join together hand in hand. Sakura wasn't even beating Naruto over the head for once, she was still sneezing from her cold but she was smiling, and singing! SINGING?! SMILING?! Sasuke was very confused.


Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And Sasuke, with his ninja-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
"It came without tomatos, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his head was sore.
Then Sasuke thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then...?
Well...in Konoha they say
That Sasuke's small heart
Grew sixteen sizes that day!

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!

"Hey! Sas-hey!" called Sakura waving as the Uchiha released the squirrel and was looking around furtively. Sakura was holding out a hand for him to join them. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad… He walked over to join her.

And he...

...HE HIMSELF...!

Sasuke sat down at the table beside his two teammates and reached for the knife…

Sasuke carved the roast beast!

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Please review. : )

-Hammy Uchiha