Disclaimer: All the great, talented and eminent J K Rowling's work of magic (tee hee) and none of the characters, apart from Aisha, are mine. *Gets on knees to pray to mighty J K.* So please don't sue me. Please!!
Couples: None, yet!
Plot: Nobody knows this, but Hogwarts has a secret safeguard…what is it??
Extra A/N: Set B4 the 4th book, so Oliver is still here!! The songs are in Bold, (adlibs are in curvy brackets), [Narrations in square brackets] and *actions are between stars*.The music disclaimer at end, so as not to spoil the surprise ¬_¬;
Hogwarts: The Musical.
[Once upon a far away land there was a school for witches and wizards. At this school there was a very famous person called, um, Harry Potter, and a bad wizard, called Voldemort, was after his guts]
[On the first day all students attending Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry are sat in the Great Hall, happily eating their breakfast of McMuffins, because the house Elves are on Strike as part of Hermione's S.P.E.W thing. Dumbledore is chatting happily to a not so happy Severus Snape. Harry, Ron and Hermione are holding a glaring match with Draco, Crabbe and Goyle. Everyone is happy and content (except Sevvykins) until gasp! Voldemort bursts into the Hall, brandishing his wand!]
Voldemort: Harry Potter! We end this here and now!
[Unfortunately, there is a safeguard on the castle, which means that any nasty persons, who just happened to be called Voldemort, who happen to come into the school brandishing his wand, gets got by Singing Potion.]
Voldemort: Ack!
Harry: Ha ha!
[Unfortunately, this system was still under construction, and the whole Hall was filled with the invisible potion.]
Harry: Ah. Not so good.
Draco: Oh, you think so?
[Hacks and coughs as the doors slam shut. Draco suddenly jerks, runs like hell to the Gryffindor table and jumps onto it, right in front of Harry, bursting into song. Harry, also affected by the potion, also jumps onto the table in reply…]
Draco: Harry:
Anything you can do,
I can do better.
I can do anything
better than you.
No, you can't
Yes, I can, No, you can't
Yes, I can, No, you can't
Yes, I can, yes, I can!
Anything you can be,
I can be greater.
Sooner or later,
I'm greater than you.
*Pouts* No you're not Yes I am
No you're not Yes I am
No you're NOT Yes I am, yes I am
I can shoot a partridge,
With a single cartridge,
I can get a sparrow
With a bow and arrow.
I can live on bread and cheese.
And only that?
Yes.
So can a rat!
I can drink my liquor
Faster than a flicker.
*Sev raises eyebrows*
I can drink it quicker
And get even sicker!
(Sev: 50 points from Gryffindor!)
Any note you can hold
I can hold longer.
I can hold any note
longer than you
No you can't Yes I can
No you can't Yes I can
Go on then I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I C-A-A-A - HACK!
*Cough Cough*
Oh dear, I'm not even going to try.
Anything you can wear
I can wear better
In what you wear,
I'd look better than you
In my coat? In your vest!
In my shoes? In your hat!
How about- Don't go there, Draco. I do have principals.
I can jump a hurdle
I can wear a girdle
(All: Oh my god, Harry! *Neville faints*)
(Sev: Kinky Devil!)
Well, um, I can, er, knit a sweater!
*smug* I can fill it better
*snort* I can do anything!
Can you bake a pie?
(Hermione: Ooh, I can, I can!)
Er, no.
Neither can I.
Anything you can be,
I can be greater.
Sooner or later,
I'm greater than you.
*Growls* No you're not Yes I am
No you're not Yes I am
No you're NOT Yes I am,
YES. I. AM!!!
[The two continue their glaring match, as Voldemort sighs and stares out of the window. Uh oh, I fear a song is coming…]
Midnight. Not a sound from the pavement.
Has the moon lost her memory?
(Ron: No, but you've lost your marbles…)
She is smiling alone.
In the lamplight the withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan.
(Harry: He's making us feel sorry for him! Make him stop!
Hermione: Oh, hush.)
Memory. All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days,
(Harry: Please don't, it scares me when you 'smile)
I was beautiful then.
(Ron: *Snorts* Yeah, right.)
I remember the time I knew what happiness was,
(Draco: He knows what happiness is? Me thinks not.)
Let the memory live again.
Every street lamp seems to beat
a fatalistic warning.
Someone mutters and a street lamp gutters and soon it will be morning.
Daylight. I must wait for the dark mark,
(Draco: You'll be waiting s VERY long time, Voldy, old boy, if we have anything to do with it!)
I must think of a new life (Harry: Huh?)
And I mustn't give in.
When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin.
Burnt out ends of smokey days, the stale old smell of morning.
The street lamp dies, another night is over, another day is dawning.
(Sunlight, through the trees in summer
Endless masquerading
Like a flower as the dawn is breaking
The memory is fading.)
Touch me. (Harry: Uh, no thanks) It's
so easy to leave me (Ron and Draco: Yup!)
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun.
(Harry: (wicked witch of the west) Help me! I'm melting! I'm meeltiiing!!
If you touch me (Harry: Voldy, darling, no
touching, sweetie.) you'll understand what happiness is.
Look, a new day has begun.
(Harry: Who wants to be the one to tell him that the time is now 10:23 am, beeep)
[Voldemort continues to sulk in the corner as Scabbers scampers up to Ron]
Ron: Why you!
Scabbers: Wait! Look into my eyes…
Trust in me, just in me
shut your eyes and trust in me
you can sleep safe and sound
Knowing I am around
Slip into silent slumber
Sail on a silver mist
Slowly and surely your senses
will cease to resist
Trust in me, just in me
Shut your eyes and trust in me – ACK!
[Ron was halfway through strangling the rat when Voldemort snatched him away.]
Ron: Hmph!
{Enter Dumbledore}
[Dumbledore is frantically running about the hall in panic, telling everyone they must pack up and leave…]
Dumbledore:
Higitus Figitus zumbabazing
I want your attention ev'rything!
We're packing to leave come on let's go
books are always the first you know
Hockety pockety wockety wack
abracabra dabra nack
Shrink in size very small
we've got to save enough room for all
Higitus Figitus migitus mum
pres-ti-dig-i-ton-i-um!
Neville you belong to the "G's"
alphabetical order please
Ali-i-ca-fez bal-a-ca-zez
malacamez meripides
diminish diminish dictionary
those words in your vocabulary
Hockety pockety wockety wack
that's the way we have to pack.
Higitus Figitus migitus mum
pres-ti-dig-i-ton-i-um!
Higitus Figitus zoomacazam
don't get in a trafic jam
Whomping Willow you're getting rough
the poor old cauldron's cracked enough
Hockety pockety wockety wack
odds and ends and bric a brac
Higitus Figitus migitus mum,
pres-ti-dig-i-ton-i-um.
Higitus Figitus migitus mum,
pres-ti-dig-i-ton-i-um!
[Dumbledore continues to try and pack everything and everyone when there is a smash! behind them. Someone has smashed the window in the Great Hall and all attention turns to the broken shards on the floor.]
{Enter Harry, Ron, Hermione and Snape}
Snape: *snarl* I might have known, Potter, that YOU would have something to do with this.
Hermione: Sir! It wasn't us! It was Draco Malfoy!
Snape: *grins* and how, exactly, did he do it. Maybe he was a master criminal who can defy the law. *snort* You'd think he's Macavity. *claps hand over mouth as soon as he realises what he said.*
Harry, Ron, Hermione: Funny you should say that…
[Lights dim, cue music, spotlights rest on Ron, Herm, Harry.]
Harry:
Macavity's a mystery cat, he's called the hidden claw
For he's a master criminal who can defy the law *Draco swells with pride*
He's the bafflement of The Ministry, the Magic Squad's despair
For when they reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there!
Ron:
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
He's broken every muggle law, he breaks the law of gravity
His powers of levitation would make the witches stare
And when you reach the scene of crime he's always never there!
You may seek him in the dungeons, you may look up in the air
But I tell you once and once again Macavity's not there!
Hermione:
Macavity's a silver cat, he's very tall and thin
You would know him if you saw him for his eyes are sunken in (Draco: *gasp*
Are they?)
His brow is deeply lined in thought, his head is highly domed
His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed
(Draco: I resent that)
He sways his wand from side to side with movements like a snake (Draco:
Hissss)
And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake!
(Draco: Are you implying that I look gormless?)
All:
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
He's a fiend in wizard shape, a monster of depravity
You may meet him in Diagon Alley, you may see him in the square
But when a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there!
(Draco: I'm too smart to be caught.)
He's outwardly respectable, I know he cheats at cards
And his footprints are not found in any files of Scotland Yard's
And when the larder's looted or the jewel case is rifled
Or when the milk is missing or another peke's been stifled
Or Hagrid's window's broken and the trellis past repair
There's the wonder of the thing Macavity's not there!
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
There never was a wizard of such deceitfulness and suavity
He always has an alibi and one or two to spare
What ever time the deed took place Macavity wasn't there!
And they say that all the ones whose wicked deeds are widely known
I might mention old Voldy, I might mention Griddlebone
Are nothing more than agents for the one who all the time
Just controls the operations: the Napolean of crime!
Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
He's a fiend in Wizard shape, a monster of depravity
You may meet him in Diagon Alley, you may see him in the square
But when a crime's discovered then Macavity not there!
[Tiddy boom]
Snape: Well, now, wasn't that beautiful, 100 points to Slytherin for a wonderful performance from Mr Malfoy.
Hermione: WHAT?
Snape: And 50 points from Gryffindor, EACH. Now get this cleaned up!
Harry: *sighs* It was worth a try, though.
[Over the other side of the Hall, a scream is heard.]
{Cue dramatic music}
Pansy: Ugh! Get it away!!*Throws parchment at an ickle dragon baby* Yuck!
Hagrid: *rushes over and scoops it up* No! Don't do that, der yer not know 'ow lucky we ar' to 'ave beau'iful creatures like this?
All things bright an' beau'iful
All creatures great an' small
All things wise an' won'erful
The Lord God made 'em all.
(Ron: Uh, Hagrid?)
Each little flow'r that opens
Each little bird that sings
He made their glowin' col'rs
He made their tiny wings.
The purple-headed mountain
The river runnin' by
The sunset an' the mornin'
That brighten up the sky.
The cold wind in the winter
The pleasant summer sun
The ripe fruits in the garden
He made 'em, evry one.
He gave us eyes ter see 'em
And lips tha we might tell
How great is God Almighty
Who has made all things well.
Pansy: Just get that thing away from me!
[Hagrid lets out a 'hmph' before cradling the ickle dragon in his hands and walking away.]
Snape: Uh, how long before this stuff wears off?
Dumbledore: Um, a few hours, I think. You're the potions master, you tell me!