In a book, in a box, in the closet
In a line, in a song I once heard
In a moment on a front porch late one June
In a breath inside a whisper beneath the moon
I sit in my room, my eyes locked on my computer screen but my mind of the small box in my closet. The small box that contained everything we were or could have been. I shook my head, that was all gone now though and it was all my fault.
There it was at the tips of my fingers
There it was on the tip of my tongue
There you were and I had never been that far
There it was the whole world wrapped inside my arms
It was just a normal night, I never thought it could have turned out like it had. The moment the question was asked I froze. I had yet to tell you about me fizzing out and possibly dying in a few years. I guess you took my silence as a good enough answer.
And I let it all slip away
You stood and walked away. Leaving me unable to breath.
What do I do now that you're gone
No back up plan, no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldn't say
I shake my head again to get rid of the memory. I could feel the thought of it causing my bloodpusher to almost quiver in pain. What was I meant to do? You'd just brought up red out of the blue. You asked me if I thought if it was possible for black to turn red. I couldn't tell you the truth. I couldn't say I knew it was possible. Knew, not just though, because it'd happened to me.
There's a rain that will never stop fallin'
There's a wall that I tried to take down
What I should have said just wouldn't pass my lips
So I held back and now we've come to this
I had built up so many walls, so many pitfalls to stop people getting close to me. I didn't want to go through the pain of seeing someone I cared about hurt again. You'd managed to jump over every pitfall, climb over every wall but I guess the last wall was something I needed to pull down. And that was something I just couldn't manage.
And it's too late now
My eyes are stinging again. I tell myself it's just my psonics but I know it's not.
What do I do now that you're gone
No back up plan, no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldn't say
After that night I'd grabbed anything and everything that reminded me of you or us and put them in a box. It was the only way to protect what little of myself I had left from the hurt. If this was how it had to be then so be it. I'd box it up and pretend to be fine. I was good at that now. Good at pretending.
I should have found the way to tell you how I felt
Now the one I'm telling is myself
I slam my hands on the desk either side of my laptop. Why?! Why did this hurt so much?! This was only meant to be lack, it was meant to come to an end sooner or later so why was it suddenly impossibly hard to breath thought hurting? I decide to tell you. At least then if you leave me I know it's not because you think I don't care.
What do I do now that you're gone
No back up plan, no second chance
And no one else to blame
All I can hear in the silence that remains
Are the words I couldn't say