Memories in a Garden

Sakura's POV

Why is it that you can always remember the small things, but things that are most important, you have no memories whatsoever? You can remember you first day of school, every single best friend you've had, all your classes, and all your teachers. You remember your first crush, your first kiss, your first boyfriend, and your first date. You remember your mother and father, their smiling face shining down on you, always.

I don't.

A sigh escapes my lips. Sitting here in my garden, her garden. Our garden. It always brought memories. But none of them were of her. Maybe because I was too young. But still. I should have some memory in my mind of her smiling, singing, or anything at all. I miss her. I know I don't know her, but I miss her. Is that so wrong? It shouldn't be, she was my mother.

This garden is my escape. Its my way out of life. The only place I can go to, to stop being me. People think I'm so innocent. I'm so dense. They don't understand. No one does. Only him. He knows of my fake smile. My fake life. And he's there. He's always been there for me. He's the one who holds me tight, tells me everything will be just fine. He's the one. But he knows he can only help me so much. Its when I'm alone that I feel her. Wishing she was here.

The wind blows, swishing my hair around. One of the memories I see the most replays itself in my mind. It was when I was four. The sweet sound of my now old father rings in my head. 'She's watching you Sakura. She's always here. You're never alone. When you feel the wind, its her breath, tickling your neck. When the sun shines on you, that's her smile. And when the rain falls, that's her tears. Tears of joy, because she's so proud of her daughter.' My father is getting old. No, not physically, but mentally. He misses her too. I cant help him, it wasn't his mother that died, it was his lover.

You know, just yesterday, I found a letter. It was from her to me. I found it in the attic. In her old chest. My friends had come over to help me clean out the attic. Next week is my sixteenth birthday and we're planning on having a sleepover party up there.

Eriol, my boyfriend and the one, was helping me sort through boxes while everyone else started to clean. That's when I found it. A chest sitting in the corner marked with an 'N.' I knew it was hers. I checked to make sure no one was looking, then opened it. Inside were dresses, shoes, pictures, and, sitting on top, an envelope. I opened it, not sure what else to do.

Dear Sakura, it said.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I should have been the one to walk you to school on your first day. I should have been the one to be there when you got your heart broke for the first time. I should have been the one helping you get dressed on your wedding day. I should have been there. But, my love, not everything goes as we like. I'm sitting here writing this because yesterday, I found out it was time to get you ready for the world. I'm so happy. Your fathers excited even more. He cant wait eight months. But last night, I had a dream. A good friend of mine, only in my dreams, came to visit me. I believe you might know him. Clow Reed came, like he normally does, and started our regular conversation. "How's everything going?" "Fine, you?" "Great." and so on. But then he turned grave. He told me of your future. All about the Clow Cards. And the people you would meet. And then he told me of my future. I was heart-broken, to know that I only had a year to spend with you . But then I realized, this has to happen. It was either you or me. And, of course, like every mother, I picked you. You had so much to live for and I didn't want to be in the way. I'm sorry I cant tell you more, but I'm only permitted to say so much. Please remember, I love you so much, my unborn child.

Love always,

Mother

That was when the tears came. Wet tears met old, dried ones. I held the tear soaked letter to my heart. But of our tears mixed together. Eriol must have sensed something was wrong. He was at my side in a flash, holding me up. I was so weak. She must have been so sad. My mother. I pressed my face in Eriol's chest and held the letter up. He took it and read. Nothing could be heard throughout the room except my sobs. Everyone had stopped what they were doing. I held on to him for as long as I could. When he finished reading, he knew he could do nothing for me except whisper sweet nothings in my ear and rock me as I sobbed away.

I was on the brink of insanity. Its bad enough to know that your mother is dead, but to know that your mother knew she was going to die. My poor mother. How bad did she suffer?

I was so busy crying, I didn't notice being lifted up and lead to my bed. Finally the tears stopped. Eriol was walking out of my room as I called out to him, pleading for him not to leave me. And he didn't. He lied on the bed, and wrapped his strong arms around me, kissing the trails of dried tears off my face. I looked around my room. It had went from being pink and girlish to more mature colors, like blood red and midnight blue. I sighed and clenched Eriol's shirt in my fist. I was getting tired. The last thing I remembered before letting the darkness take over me was whispering to Eriol to never leave me.

And that leads to now. I'm sitting here in our garden, reliving all these memories and thinking of her. I wish I could see her, just once. Just hear her voice.

I looked down the stone path that lead to the house. I can see Eriol and my friends coming up. We're all having a picnic today. I suggested the garden and they agreed, knowing how much it means to me. I smiled and looked around. The wind was blowing the flowers around and the sun was shining brightly. For the first time in forever, I'm happy. Truly happy. She is here. She always has been. She was everything that shined, glowed, and smelt nice in the garden. And even if I don't have any memories of her, I did have memories of this garden. And it was almost the same. Almost.

~fin

Disclaimer: I don't own any CCS characters. They belong to CLAMP.

A/N: So what do you think? I hope it was nice. Flame me if you want. I don't care if you don't like S/E.If you like S/S, look around you. There's so many of them. I know there are some S/E'ers out there. R&R, C&C, and all that other stuff too! ^_^

I'm thinking of making this a little mini-series. The first one is from Sakura's POV. The next one will be from her mothers. And maybe the next ones will be from Eriol, her father, and maybe her brother. If you think I should, please let me know.