Illusion
A/N: Here's the Winter Soldier AU that no one asked for!
Like all of my fanfictions, this came out of nowhere while having an awful case of writer's block with all my other stories.
AU where Hawkmoth is not Gabriel; however, Adrien hasn't talked to his father in years.
P.S. This takes place when they are about 25 years old, and post-reveal/post-relationship. Alya and Nino are the permanent holders of the fox and turtle miraculous and still use them to protect the city (from small scale violence and criminals).
All of Paris knows who Adrien and Marinette are after her death, so keep that in mind while reading this story.
P.P.S. Trigger warning (I think?) for death of a family member. This is not supposed to be an accurate representation of what happens after loss so do not treat it as such. (Remember, Adrien and Marinette were literally two halves of a whole)
If you do not want to read this chapter because it hits too close to home for you, I'll put a synopsis in the next chapter for you!
The stages of grief are a funny thing.
Some can go through all five stages in a matter of days. For others, it takes weeks.
For Adrien Agreste, it took months.
Two months, to be exact.
The first week he was in denial.
After her memorial, he walked away from the crowds, disgusted and angry that they would dare think that Ladybug was just gone.
How could the living embodiment of life just be gone? If anything, he would be the one to leave this place first, being the wielder of death and all.
It just didn't make any sense, which is why he eventually found himself at the bank of the Seine and sat down on the river bank.
Finally, he could be away from the citizens of Paris giving him their condolences, knowing that Chat Noir had suffered more than anyone else.
He hated how they looked at him; like he was going to break down at any given moment, that he was weak, that he must be suffering since his partner died.
But she wasn't dead.
She couldn't be dead.
Because if she was rally gone, Adrien wouldn't know what to do.
With a yell he picked up a rock and threw it into the river, scoffing at how stupid Parisians were, believing that Marinette could be killed by an explosion.
She is the literal embodiment of luck. She will get married and have a magnificent life as a fashion designer and grow—
"Adrien?" A feminine voice asked, interrupting his thoughts. He turned to see Alya walking towards him, a black shawl draped over her dark dress.
As she got closer he could see the redness of Alya's eyes. "You have to let her go. It's not healthy to go on like this, Adrien." She bent down and placed a hand on his shoulder.
He swatted her hand away and stood up abruptly. "How dare you, Alya!" He yelled, making her flinch. "You're her best friend! How could you say such a thing?!"
His blood was boiling. Some friend she turned out to be. Why did she have such little faith in Marinette?
Alya stepped closer to him, barely an inch from Adrien's face. "I'M SAYING IT BECAUSE YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT SHE WOULDN'T LIKE YOU DOING THIS, STOPPING LIVING YOUR LIFE BECAUSE YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THAT SHE ISN'T COMING BACK!" tears were running down her face as she took a shaky breath before continuing, this time so quietly that Adrien could barely hear it.
"She's gone, Adrien, Marinette's not coming back."
Adrien wanted to fire back with a reason why she was wrong. He wanted to be angry at Alya, at all his friends and family who had already said goodbye to Marinette…
But all he could think of were reasons why Alya was right.
Wouldn't someone have found her by now? Wouldn't she have come back already, tell them she was alright?
And then there was the whole issue with Marinette being at the epicentre of the explosion that freed Paris from Hawkmoth.
Marinette was gone.
He covered his mouth with his hand, feeling like he had just been slammed into a brick wall.
Marinette was gone.
He let out a sob, and Alya stepped forward to give him a hug, as if that could make him feel better. He wrapped his arms around her, because if he didn't he might fall to the ground and never get up.
Marinette was gone.
He buried his head in her neck, wishing she was wrong. She had to be wrong…
Marinette was gone.
The next week 2 weeks he lived in a cycle of eat, sleep, breakdown, and repeat.
The apartment was so empty without her; it was one thing to be there when he still had a sliver of hope that she was alive, and another thing entirely to be in their home when she was dead.
He ended up at Nino's for a while after the memorial, not able to set foot in his apartment for a fortnight.
On the 15th day after the memorial he was finally brave enough to step foot in the apartment again.
He got out his keys from his pocket and unlocked the front door, swinging it open.
Everything seemed normal, and that was the problem.
He walked into the living room, where Marinette's latest dress was hanging on a mannequin, unfinished and covered in dust.
She would never finish it.
With a yell he swiped all their photos off the mantle, wondering how life could be this cruel. The frames shattered once they hit the hardwood floor, but Adrien couldn't care any less.
He wasn't just mad at the world for being this cruel.
He was mad at Marinette for leaving him, alone and broken.
"Hey, kid, don't do that." Plagg landed on his shoulder, trying to make him feel better. "Everything will be fine. You'll see."
Adrien sank to the floor and put his head in hands. "How can this get better, Plagg? How can I live knowing that she'll never get the chance?"
"Because you know she'd hate it if you stop living her life because of her."
And honestly, that was the most helpful and truthful thing anyone had told him about Marinette since it happened.
Th next month was the worst of Adrien's life.
He couldn't find the energy to get out of bed in the morning. What was the point if he couldn't see her face when he got up?
The only reason he went on with his life was because he knew that if he didn't take care of himself she would come back from the dead to yell at him.
Plagg, Alya, Nino, Sabine, Tom, his friends, and his therapist all tried to help him, but it was no use. He just felt dead inside.
Which is why he decided to give Master Fu back the miraculous during the fourth week of his depression.
"Are you sure you want to do this, Adrien?" Mater Fu asked.
Adrien nodded. "We were two halves of a whole, Master." He looked down at the small box in his hand which now held Plagg. "I can't live a life knowing that Ladybug will soon be replaced with another."
Fu nodded sadly. The day the earrings were found were a somber day for Paris; during the cleanup of the collapsed apartment building, a worker discovered the jewellery under layers of ash. Knowing the significance, the cleaner gave them to Carapace when he was patrolling.
"I understand Adrien." He held out his hand and Adrien handed him the box.
Adrien bowed out of respect. "Thank you, Master."
Fu set down the box on the table beside them. He placed his hands on Adrien's shoulders. "Don't forget to stop by, Adrien, whether it be for tea or for a talk."
For the first time in almost a month, Adrien smiled. A genuine, small smile.
"Thank you, Master Fu."
The next morning Adrien woke up feeling different.
The ache in his chest was still there but it had… lessened?
He stood up and padded off to the washroom to start getting ready for the day.
After he finished brushing his teeth, he went to the kitchen to get something to eat for breakfast.
For the first time in months, he was able to sit down at the table and just eat without breaking down over the fact that Marinette would never sit across from him again.
The day was productive, to say the least. Adrien managed to vacuum the entire apartment and did the huge pile of dishes left in the sink. He made his bed, washed the windows, and even made himself some pasta for dinner.
It wasn't until he was back in bed to go to sleep for the night that he figured out what the different feeling was.
Acceptance
And we're off! This story shouldn't be more than ten chapters, I believe. I have a basic outline done, but that's about it. Like all my other stories, updates will be irregular because life is super busy and hectic right now for me.
That was a pretty heavy chapter, to say the least. The rest of the story will have a lighter tone (although not by much).
If you enjoyed, don't forget to drop a review! I love hearing from you guys!