A Raccoon in a Christmas Tree

by LadyAlambiel

Forget the partridge in a pear tree. In Narnia, we need to be more concerned about the Raccoon in a Christmas tree!

Disclaimer: I don't own Narnia or any characters you may recognize from the books or the movies, I wish I did but I don't... I also don't own the Narnian Calendar. It belongs to Elecktrum who was kind enough to let me borrow it for my story. Her own stories are awesome and you should go read them too.

Summary: Forget the partridge in a pear tree. In Narnia, we need to be more concerned about the Raccoon in a Christmas tree!

A/N: Pure Christmas fluff piece that is all MCH's idea...and, I couldn't resist such a plump plot bunny. Hope you enjoy it! This is part of my A Light in the Darkness universe but can be read as a standalone.

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20 Yule 1004

Ah, Christmastime, such a happy, busy time of year. A time for family and friends spending time in front of the Christmas tree singing carols, a simply joyous event. Do I sound like an old-fashioned Christmas card or what? Christmas in Narnia is a joyous event...literally. But, it is also very, very, very busy in the days leading up to it because Susan goes into a decorating zone that makes me seriously question whether Oreius would have a job if she hadn't been the Gentle Queen more often than the Archer Queen. And, of course, everyone who hasn't (and even those who have) been recruited into her decorating army is a little (or a lot depending on who it is) scared of Susan when she gets like this. I think Oreius was trying to punish me in a roundabout way by assigning me to be on Susan's guard this close to the Christmas festivities...

Susan was in the Great Hall. I was not in the Great Hall. I was on my way to the Great Hall, really I was, but I paused when I noticed Suki poking about in a box of mistletoe that was waiting to be hung. "Suki, what are you doing?"

She held up a sprig of mistletoe, smelling it before she looked at me, "Ala, what this?"

I smiled, "That, my dear Suki, is mistletoe."

She braced herself on the edge of the box with one forepaw before she waved the sprig of mistletoe at me, "What mis'toe?"

I grinned as a little mischievous thought wiggled to the fore, "Well mistletoe is a Christmas decoration that lets you give the person standing underneath it a kiss if you want, and if you hold the sprig of mistletoe over your own head then the person you kissed is obligated to kiss you back."

Suki gasped in delight and purred as she looked into the smaller meeting chamber being used for a meeting of the Kings and the top army officers. Oreius had given me a choice between the meeting or serving on guard duty for Susan...I picked Susan. Suki clamped the stem of the mistletoe sprig in her mouth then she scampered across the hall and climbed up Peter's back. I didn't move as I watched him nearly jump out of his skin when she stuck her cold nose on his neck to the amusement of Edmund and the other officers who had already arrived. Then, the little Raccoon kit climbed up on top of Peter's head and, clinging tightly to his hair with one forepaw, she held the sprig of mistletoe in front of Peter's eyes, "'Ing Pet! Look! Mis'toe! Suki kiss!" I saw Peter look bewildered while the others watching tried not to laugh as Suki kissed Peter on the forehead. Then she climbed down to his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his head accidentally poking him in the eye with the paw clutching the mistletoe, "'Ing Pet! 'Ing Pet! 'Ing Pet! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy!" Edmund snorted as he struggled to maintain his composure while Peter turned red...of course, the poor boy had been trying to gently break Suki of her crush on him for months now...it wasn't going well.

Peter breathed a sigh of relief when Suki scrambled off him only to choke when she sat on the table, held the mistletoe over her head, and batted her big dark eyes at him. "Kiss Suki?"

I clapped my hand over my mouth to keep any laughter from escaping...the officers and Edmund were all about to fall over from the effort of trying not to burst out laughing while poor Peter turned an even brighter shade of red and floundered for an answer. "Umm, umm, Suki, I, uh-"

He cast a wide-eyed glance at the officers only for Captain Cletus to point out, "It is the tradition, Sir Wolfsbane."

A new round of hastily muffled laughter began as Suki batted her big dark eyes at Peter again. Peter sighed then leaned down and kissed Suki between her ears, "A merry Christmas to you, good my Suki." The Raccoon kit fell backwards giggling and purring before she righted herself and pointed the mistletoe at Edmund, "'Ing Emu kiss?" Edmund immediately turned red as a holly berry and began stuttering to the utter amusement of the officers and even Peter was grinning.

I snickered as I realized that little kit had discovered the powers of mistletoe and she was going to use them until someone figured out how to stop her. I heard hoofsteps coming that way so I hurried on to the Great Hall. Entering the Great Hall, I had to stop in order to sort through the crowd of people rushing about in order to find Susan. It took me a few moments but I finally spotted her standing on the dais directing the chaos...somehow. I tried not to get stepped on or in anyone's way as I worked my way across the crowded room (still hate being in crowds) and finally stepped up on the dais. Susan gave me a quick distracted smile as she pointed a trio of Fauns holding a large garland of holly to the other side of the hall then directed an Elephant who was holding up a young Satyr to string the delicately designed Christmas lanterns between the columns instead of wrapping them around the columns. I quickly lost track of how many directions Susan gave...mostly because she was getting questions thrown at her three at a time, which she then answered and also give a quick call to one of her other decorating minions as well.

Susan was probably the most sedate of all the Pevensies...most of the time anyway...and therefore the easiest Pevensie to guard but that made playing her guard/lady-in-waiting rather boring, especially since she was almost never coaxed away from her decorating mission and no one was foolish enough to disrupt her when she's on said decorating missions. I shifted a little from where I was now standing by Susan and twisting two boughs of holly together (don't ask why, I didn't catch the reason when Susan shoved them into my arms and asked me to twist them together), so I could get a better look at the ever so slightly less crowded Great Hall. Apparently one tree wasn't good enough because there were four trees of equal height lined in strategic places among the columns and then there was one giant tree, I was fairly positive it was a fir tree, just to the right of the dais. And, while the other four trees had been completely decorated, for the moment the giant fir tree was only covered in tinsel and garland and a Raccoon. Hang on. What?

I actually dropped the holly boughs when a second look confirmed one very small Raccoon was clinging to the top of the largest Christmas tree. Oh no. Susan turned when we both heard, "Duht! Ala, 'en 'San, look! Duht! Atuki high! Ha!"

We exchanged a look of horror and then Susan shouted, "Atuki Raccoon, you come down out of that tree right now!"

Atuki giggled to himself and scooted so he was clinging to the topmost branch of the tree, causing it bend slightly under his weight. I looked around to shout for the Elephant...Inek was his name, but astonishingly (feel the sarcasm, people), everyone who had been in the Great Hall seemed to have vanished. I hate them all. Why? Because I knew exactly who Susan was going to turn to for fetching the Raccoon in a Christmas tree. Susan gave me a half-worried, half-pleading look and I walked over to the ladder that had been placed next to the tree. I paused at the foot of the ladder and looked for Atuki. I finally spotted the little troublemaker peering down at me from the branches just down from the very top of the tree. "Atuki Raccoon, get down here!"

Of course, the one time I really need him to behave himself, Atuki decides to give me the same deafness he shows everyone else, except his mother. He just giggled and disappeared back into the tree. I sighed and lifted my skirts (why did I have to wear a fairly formal dress when I was on guard duty for Susan? Why? Oh wait, that's Oreius' fault.) so I could climb up the ladder. I looked down at where Susan was watching, "Do you see him?"

She nodded, "Third branch over from where you are now…to the right." I gave her a curt nod then reached for the Raccoon. He giggled and scrambled away from my hand. Susan kept calling out directions as I proceeded to awkwardly chase the giggling Raccoon kit in the Christmas tree, reaching over garlands and through tinsel. "He's a branch up and to your left, Kat! No, no, your left! Your other left!" How many lefts do I have?

Atuki giggled like mad somewhere in the branches right above my head as I balanced on the top steps of the ladder. "Ala can't catch Atuki! Atuki fast! Duht! Atuki high! Ala miss Atuki! Duht!" Not for long, my mischievous little pest.

I reached over my head and felt a little furry body. Atuki let out a little groan and I grinned. Got him! Then, a loud clamor came from the main doors to the Great Hall. It sounded like a bunch of people shouting and...barking. Oh no! A large mass of Dogs stormed into the hall, "Queen Susan! Queen Susan! Happy Solstice! Merry Christmas! Did you miss us? We found you! And smells! Oh, this smells funny! What are those over there? We found you! Did you miss us? Lady Katerina! Look! Queen Susan, look! Lady Katerina! Why are you so high off the ground? Isn't it scary? You should be on the ground! It's safer! Did you miss us? We missed you. We found you! King Edmund said he didn't know where you were, so we looked for you! And we found you! Oh, wait. Don't push back there!" My worst nightmare with those useless yakking, yapping Dogs came true as seven of them slid across the marble floor and crashed right into the ladder. The ladder toppled against the tree, knocking me clean off it and into the tree. As the branches swallowed me, I heard the yelps and whines from the Dogs, the ladder clattering to the ground, and Susan's horrified cry of alarm.

Falling through a fir tree is not a pleasant experience. I could feel myself getting tangled with tinsel and snagging on branches and even a couple of garlands before I finally felt the floor beneath my feet. I struggled out of the tree and glared at the cowering Dogs and the guards who had run in at Susan's cry. The Dogs slunk away with their bellies on the floor and tails tucked, properly shamed of what they had done and nearly caused. The guards...disappeared back into the corridors. Susan gave me a concerned look as I stood completely covered in tinsel and scratches and a long garland wrapped around my waist and trailing to the floor. I held up Atuki who giggled, "Ala, you 'ecorated!"

Susan must have seen something in my expression that gave away how annoyed I was because she held out her hands for that little rascal. I carefully set him in her hands and yanked the garland off before letting it fall to the floor. Susan giggled until I looked at her, then she shook her head. "I'm so sorry, Kat. Maybe you should go clean up now. Are- Are you sure you're alright?" She had to stifle another giggle as I plucked some tinsel off my head and let it drop to the floor beside the garland. I nodded silently then stalked out of the Great Hall, silently daring anyone to so much as snicker at me.

I had nearly reached my rooms when I ran into Oreius. He gave me a surprised look. I was walking around completely covered in tinsel...actually I was leaving a trail of tinsel. He opened his mouth and I immediately held up my hand, "Atuki. Christmas tree. Dogs. Ladder. Laugh and die. End of story."

He looked like he was fighting back a smirk or even a laugh before I glared at him and he cleared his throat then stepped out of my way. I walked past him and had nearly reached my quarters when I heard him call, "A full report, Dame Sepphora." I should have hit him when I had the chance. I slammed the door behind me and I heard the badly muffled chuckle from the Kentauri that earned. I shook my head as I started working on pulling the tinsel off. Forget the partridge in a pear tree. In Narnia, we need to be more concerned about the Raccoon in a Christmas tree!

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A/N: Please Read and Review! Another funny Raccoon adventure...only with Kat this time. More Christmas fluff. 'Tis the Season. ;) Leave a review and let me know what y'all thought about this one.

A/N2: Fiftieth story!