Because I want all my stories in one convenient locations, I'm putting up some oldies but goodies (at least I think so). Some of you may have read this already. I wrote this after an episode of Hell's Kitchen, where the reward was going to a restaurant that was in total darkness. I thought, what a delicious idea for some naughty Huddy fun. Hope you like it.

OPAQUE

House couldn't believe he'd been conned into going to this stupid dinner. It was bad enough Cuddy had managed to get him to the conference, as a guest speaker no less, but now he had to put in an appearance at some lame ass dinner with a lot of self satisfied doctors who went from table to table telling everyone how great they were. If she thought for a minute he was doing anything more than sitting down and eating, she had another thing coming.

Chase walked over to the door and began perusing the menu. "Looks okay; nothing special." They'd been told it was going to be a unique dining experience, but from the menu it looked pretty standard, salads, a choice of your typical main dishes, a variety of classic desserts.

"It's not about the menu Chase." Cameron peeked over his shoulder. She had been curious what kind of food would be served here. She'd looked Opaque up online. It was definitely going to be a unique experience. She looked over at House and smiled. "It's about the experience."

"What experience?" Chase grumbled, already having chosen a less than exciting meal.

"We eat in total darkness." Cameron had a hint of excitement in her voice. She was all for trying something new and exciting.

"What the hell?" Foreman looked over at her. "How are we supposed to eat in the dark?"

"I don't know." Cameron shrugged. "It could be fun."

"Fun, ha!" House sounded unconvinced as he passed by them and entered the dark hallway.

"Welcome to Opaque," a male voice caught their attention. They were in a vestibule, not yet in total darkness, so as their eyes adjusted, they each made out the shape of a tall, slender host. "If you are all here, I will show you to your table."

"Yes," Cuddy stepped out in front. "Princeton Plainsboro. Table for six."

"Of course. Please, put a hand on my shoulder, each of you should do the same, in a chain, and I will walk you to your table."

"This is ridiculous." House pushed Foreman to the side and put his hand on Cuddy's shoulder. Cameron managed to push in behind him, then Foreman, Chase and Wilson.

They were led to their table and helped into their seats. The room was pitch black. House waved his hand around in front of him. "I'm supposed to just eat whatever these people put in front of me?"

"Don't eat," Cuddy said from a few seats down. "I don't care, just do it without making a scene."

"How can I make a scene when I can't BE seen?"

"Clever." He couldn't see it, no matter how hard he squinted but he could tell she was smirking.

"This is kinda cool." Chase was touching the table, trying to find his silverware.

"Yeah, if you're an idiot." Foreman groaned.

"You're not House you know." Chase replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Can I take your orders?" A voice came from slightly above them. House hoped it was the waiter and not some crazed killer out for an easy kill.

"I'll have a Big Mac, large fries and large coke." House smirked.

Cuddy tried to kick him under the table but missed and kicked Wilson instead. "Ouch!"

"Oh, sorry, I thought you were House."

"Nope, but I'll pass it on if you'd like." Wilson smiled in the dark.

"Please do."

"Ouch!" Wilson's kick had hit House's ankle. "And I thought you were my friend."

"Um?" The waiter wasn't sure what to do.

"Have you never BEEN to a McDonalds? I'll have the number one." They'd had four pre-selected menus to choice from, supposedly to make things easier.

"Menu one." The waiter repeated. "And for you Ma'am?"

"I'll have menu one please." Cameron quickly changed her order. She didn't even know what menu one was.

Each of them gave their order. The waiter left, or at least they assumed he must have, since he said nothing else. Chase actually reached his hand out to see if the waiter was still there, but only proceeded in shoving Foreman.

"Hey, watch it!"

"Sorry. I was just checking something." Chase went back to searching for his silverware.

"Uh," Wilson's small voice leaned into House's ear. "I've got a bit of a problem."

"Yeah, but it's dark, no one can see that colossal zit on your chin."

"Not that!" Wilson's hand shot up to his chin automatically. He forced it back down to his lap. "Uh, do you think the bathrooms are dark too?"

House snickered. "Oh, that would make for an interesting dining experience."

"House! I've really got to go."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"I don't know where the bathrooms are. Or where I am for that matter."

House called out into the darkness. "This man needs a toilet, STAT." A few doctors in the dark restaurant laughed. Potty humor was big with the medical crowd for some reason.

Wilson sunk down in his seat, thankful the place was pitch black. He groaned when there was a tap on his shoulder. "Did you need the facilities?"

"Yeah," he bladder overrode his embarrassment.

"I will take you there." The waiter waited while Wilson got up and put a hand on his shoulder, then he led him to the bathroom. Not surprisingly, House tagged along, quickly getting up and grabbing the back of Wilson's coat.

The bathrooms, thankfully, were dimly lit. "That's a relief." Wilson walked up to a urinal and unzipped.

House leaned against a wall and waited.

"Don't you have to go?" Wilson shook off and zipped up again.

"Nope."

"Then why…?"

"If I'm not mistaken, Cameron was rubbing up against my leg. You have to change seats with me."

"You make it sound like that's a bad thing." Wilson washed his hands.

"Well, no, but I was planning on spending the night rubbing up on Cuddy's leg, but SOMEBODY took my seat."

"She would never..."

"Oh yes she would. Change seats with me."

"Poor House." Wilson rolled his eyes. He should have such problems.

"So you'll switch with me?" House gave him sad eyes. He knew Wilson couldn't resist his sad eyes.

"Whatever." Wilson pushed past him and out the door. The waiter was waiting for them on the other side. He led them back to their seats where they pulled the old switcheroo. House eased himself into Wilson's old seat. He tried to see his fellow diners, but all he saw was darkness. Good. If he couldn't see then no one else should be able to.

Wilson opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when he felt a shapely young knee brush against his. House was right! She was making moves on him. Wilson snickered and kept his mouth shut. He was dying to tell House.

The waiter came with their food. Placing each dish in front of it's owner, with the exception of House and Wilson who got each others orders, he explained where the food was on the plate to each of them.

The sound of forks hitting plates, tables and in one case a hand filled their small section of the room. An expletive came from the mouth of the stab victim, which turned out to be Foreman. "Sorry about that." Chase was quick to apologize for his misforking.

The rest of the table tried unsuccessfully not to laugh.

House let his leg slip against Cuddy's. She quickly moved it away. Cameron had been far more successful. Her leg was now semi-entwined around Wilson's. Feeling bold with her new success, she placed a hand on his knee. He did not pull away and she felt her heart leap.

"I am glad you have finally come around House," she whispered in the wrong man's ear. "I always knew there was a little spark between us." Wilson grunted. He was enjoying himself far too much to stop her now. His eyes grew wide as he felt her hand slide up his thigh. He gulped nervously and tried to think. No, it wasn't the side House had his scar on. He breathed a sigh of relief.

House made a second attempt, slipping one finger along Cuddy's leg. He felt the tip of a knife press into his flesh. Her voice seethed somewhere around his cheek. "If you don't take your hand off my leg right now I will be looking for a new head of Oncology when we get back to Princeton."

House grinned, then began to spell his name on her leg.

"Ho..." Her exclamation was drowned out by his overly dramatic coughing. Cuddy looked at the spot she thought he was. "House?"

"At your service." He hadn't removed his hand, and noticed that the knife was no longer pressed against it. "I switched with Wilson." He was whispering into her chin. She had to quickly maneuver to hear him.

Cameron moved her hand off of Wilson's inner thigh. "House?" She semi-whispered into the darkness.

Silence answered her.

"Who is this?" Cameron felt a surge of ice run through her veins. "Dr. Wilson?"

Wilson laughed nervously.

"He BEGGED me to switch with him," House said, before Wilson could speak.

"I did not!" Wilson protested.

Foreman sighed. At least no one in the room could see that he was with these people. Chase kept eating, his ears alert to the drama.

"Begged!" House went on. "He's desperate for your touch." House's voice was oozing with excitement. His hand had reached a rather special place under Cuddy's dress and she was either too distracted or to happy to slap him away. He decided to go with the second option.

Cuddy was momentarily confused. "Why would he just assume...OH!" The light bulb went off in her head, but still none shone in the restaurant. "Really?" She finally took House's hand out of her panties.

"Oh yeah," House nodded, then leaned in and slid his tongue along her face until he reached her ear. He whispered gently into it. "She was all over me. Hint hint." He nudged her with his elbow.

"Ouch! Stop that." He'd nudged her in the breast, and it really hurt.

"My bad. I meant to do this." He reached out into the darkness, his mind calculating her height in the chair and just where his hand should fall, and by some miracle, he landed right where he wanted. Her perfectly sized breast was now firmly in his grasp.

"G..." she didn't want to make a scene. No one knew what he was doing, but if she made a fuss, they would. She tried to pry his hand off her breast, but he was putting up a fight, and he had very strong hands.

"Is there a problem here?" The waiter popped out of no where.

"Nope. Everything is perfect," House answered for the group.

"If that is the case, would you mind keeping it down a bit. We are getting complaints."

"Of course." House answered again. "Hear that Cuddy, keep it down." He reached out his other hand and slid it along her leg, then leaned in very close. "Well, keep the NOISE down anyway. " He laughed in her ear.

"You're a pig," she replied, smiling.

Cameron spent this time stuttering incoherently. When she thought of where her hand had been...

"I'm sorry Cameron, I, I didn't want to frighten you." Wilson fumbled over his words.

"Frighten me?" She was trying not to cry. "I...I..." She couldn't say it.

"If it helps, I really liked it?" He was trying hard to be Houselike. Lucky for him it was dark, because the swing Cameron took totally missed his head, but only by an inch or so.

Foreman looked around him. He couldn't see a damned thing. He slid off his chair, then, crawling on all fours, he tried to navigate his way back to the door. A wave of yelps and protests followed him the whole way as he crashed into legs and chairs and made one waiter drop his tray.

House whispered as quietly as he could. "I dare you to take your panties off."

"You've got to be kidding me." She's had some wine at the meet and greet, but not that much.

"Oh, come on. I'll give you a present."

"I don't think so House."

Wilson was having his own problems. "You let me think you were House!"

"It's not my fault."

"It never is."

"You never would have known if..."

"That doesn't make it better."

A voice cleared itself above their heads. "Perhaps you would like me to show you out?" The waiter pleaded with them.

"Yes, please. They are making far too much noise." House wasn't going anywhere, but maybe if he got the others to leave Cuddy would be more accepting of his little proposition.

"Um, I'd rather stay here if you don't mind. I'll be quiet." He had reasons for not wanting to get up, and not wanting to be seen by anyone.

"Well I'm leaving." Cameron pulled back her chair and stood up.

"I will show you out." The waiter seemed to realize this was the best he was going to get. He lead Cameron out of the room.

Chase slid down into Cameron's chair. He nudged Wilson in the arm and felt the man jump. "It's me, Chase. I just wanted to know, what'd she do?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"She was fondling him under the table," House explained in a rather outside type voice.

Chase snickered, Wilson groaned, Cuddy sighed with exasperation and the waiter's voice descended upon them once more. "I really must insist, if you cannot stay quiet..."

"It was them." House pointed pointlessly to Chase and Wilson.

"I recognize your voice sir. Please get to your feet." The waiter walked deftly over to House's chair and tugged it out from under the man.

"Watch it! I'm handicapped." House shouted to get attention.

The waiter backed away.

"Let's go." Cuddy grabbed at House's arm but her hand grazed across his backside instead.

"Ooh. As you wish Mistress." House cooed.

"Oh grow up!" Cuddy shoved him forward a little harder than she'd meant to. He stumbled into the waiter and the two of them went toppling to the floor.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up." House waved his arms frantically in the air until Cuddy caught one. Rather than let her help him up, he gave her arm a quick tug and pulled her down on top of him.

She cried out through surprised laughter. Chase frowned. He always seemed to miss out on all the fun. "Hey, anybody see Foreman?"

"How can anybody see anything in this place?" House asked, though he seemed to have little trouble finding all Cuddy's good bits.

"Get off me!" The waiter, who was stuck beneath the two randy doctors gave House a shove.

"You pushed me!" House protested. "First you knocked me down, and now you're pushing me around. Is this the way your establishment treats the handicapped? Atrocious!"

"I did not push you sir." There was fear in the waiters voice. He could lose his job over this.

"You pushed me, just now!" House was slowly rising to his feet with the fumbling help of Dr. Chase. Cuddy had already pulled herself up. "Are you calling me a liar?"

"Please, sir, can we just take this outside?" The waiter was working on damage control now.

"Get your hands off me!" House pulled himself out of the waiters clutches.

"Sir, I wasn't touching you." The waiter was holding his hands in the air, not that it mattered.

"Sorry House, that was me." Chase let go quickly.

"Is there a problem here?" A new voice, deep and slightly angry entered the conversation.

"Yes, I want to speak to the manager," House demanded.

"I am the manager, sir, what seems to be the problem?"

"I want to talk to the owner."

"House, let's just go." Cuddy grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away.

"No! You saw the...well, you HEARD the way I was treated. I'm not going to just lay down and take it."

House felt Cuddy's hands creep up his arm, and over his shoulder, across his neck, and up his cheek. They stopped near his ear, and then he felt her soft breath in his ear. It sent a chill of surprise shooting through him. "Do it for me, please. I will give you that item you asked for." She was desperate to stop him from making more of a scene.

"Your panties? Really?"

"Yes House. Just shut up and let the nice man show you out."

House's voice turned soft and polite. "Thank you for a lovely meal. I'd love to stay but, I really should be running. Would you mind showing me out please?"

"Not at all sir." The waiter was too relieved by the turn of events to wonder how it had happened, or why. He just went with it.

"Excellent service. I'll be recommending this place to all my friends." House called out to the manager as he was escorted from the restaurant.

"Please don't," the manager mumbled.