There's something I have to tell you Sirius.

I think you have your suspicions already; it's why you can never look me in the eye at Order meetings.

You've seen the darkness in my eyes before I'd wager, at quarters closer than I am to you right now.

You told me that Narcissa always had a cold heart, easily able to plot and plan but never willing to actually get her hands dirty – not that she didn't watch her plans to the end.

Bellatrix... enough said really. She had a mean streak a mile wide and her introduction to Rodulphos LeStrange melted away her inhibitions. Her Introduction to the Dark Lord metaphorically burst her banks, and suddenly there was nothing but her cruelty left.

Your Mother was a bitch, and your father heartless. Your little brother – last time you saw him – was heading down the same path as Bellatrix.

Or perhaps you suspect because it's like looking in the mirror? Your heart may not be as Black as your namesake, but you would not have survived all your years at home untouched by the darkness. Azkaban only made it harder to bury.

Yes, I'm the assassin.

None of these bastards deserve any less. They murder and rape and torture with abandon. They are dogs to be put down, and as such I do not regret my actions.

They are not the first to fall before me either. You suspected this too; I've never tried to hide the darkness in my heart before – not around you at least. I've assassinated so many people I've lost count, and don't let me spiral into the wars I've been through.

Dumbledore's pathetic view of how this war should be handled will get everyone killed – it was the same strategy of the first war, and we've all heard how well that was going before the Dork Lord faced up against Harry.

I refuse to sit on the sidelines and leave my fate to a fifteen year old boy.

I refuse to sit back and let a senile old fool play god.

I am a shade of grey. Killing is my business, and I have plenty of 'clients' to choose from. The future doesn't seem to be lightening any either. Here I sit before you a self professed killer, the best out there in fact, and some days I can barely live with myself.

So tell me Sirius, can you actually look me in the eye and tell me you love me?

Thought so.