The afternoon sun shone brightly through the windows of Bueno Nacho's worldwide headquarters that fateful day that saw the world attacked by the rampaging fast food toys.
Drakken was pacing in his control room while Eric sat, listening to the blue-skinned man vent his nervousness. There was nothing else for Synthodrone 901 to do, seeing as he had a few more hours before picking up Kim Possible for her Junior Prom.
The control room was otherwise empty for now. Later, it would be filled with henchmen who would monitor the Little Diablo robots, which were distributed to millions of children all around the world.
The Little Diablo plan was something for Drakken to definitely be proud of. Yes, this was one of the best take-over-the-world schemes he had ever had. However, that was not the primary goal of the endeavor. Sure, all of it had a purpose, but not to take over the world (though that would be a nice bonus).
Eric was watching his father with a bit of concern. Drakken was really getting himself worked up. It was understandable since he'd never done anything like this before. Hopefully, he would calm down once it came time to enact the final part of it. Since everything was going smoothly thus far, it didn't make sense to get upset over it.
Trying to calm down his parent, Eric inquired about what could be wrong. "So what's the problem, dad? Everything's going great. The toys are almost completely covering the globe, my distraction of that ditzy red-head is flawless, and no one suspects a thing."
Eric was lounging in the chair that Shego would occupy later. He was looking at Drakken, who was still pacing back and forth with his hands folded behind his back and a small frown sitting on his face as he stared at the floor.
He continued, "You should relax a little. I'll make sure everything goes smoothly."
Drakken stopped pacing and turned his head to the handsome synthodrone.
"There's more riding on this than any of my other plans," he started. "Oh sure, taking over the world is one thing. It's easy as pie to come up with the plans and get them going. This, however, is an entirely different situation! I can't relax until I'm certain that everything is going to go according to plan."
He walked over to the throne-like chair in the back of the room, eased himself into it, and massaged his temples. "If this fails, I don't get a second chance. This is IT! It all has to go perfectly."
Eric sighed a little and stood up from the chair. His red, form-fitting uniform made a squeaking noise as the material rubbed together. He walked over to Drakken and gave him a pat on the shoulder.
In his most comforting tone, Eric commented, "Don't worry. She'll say yes."
Drakken's head snapped back up to face 901, a small scowl twisting his features slightly.
"Oh, sure," he groused, "that's easy for you to say. You're a pretty boy. And she hates me!"
His head dropped back down and he continued his rant, though now in a more subdued tone. "I don't know what I was thinking. She's going to laugh at me. And it won't be the usual mocking laughter, either. It'll be the 'I-can't-believe-you-thought-you-had-a-chance' laugh. I've heard that one often enough to recognize it."
His head lifted up to rest on his intertwined fingers before he resumed talking. "I don't have a chance with anyone, let alone her. She's beautiful, graceful, intelligent, strong…and I'm…" His eyes closed halfway and he sounded like the most wretched creature ever as he continued, "…I'm…just a freak."
Eric quickly countered. "No, you aren't. The sidekick is a real freak. Have you seen that mole rat? How could anyone think that's normal?"
"But at least he looks normal!" Drakken yelled. "Look at ME! I'm blue! I'm hideous! I don't have a lick of common sense and everything I do ends in a disaster! At least what's-his-name has dumb luck on his side. What do I have to offer, huh? Is there any reason that ANYONE would want me? Especially her?"
"Dad, don't-"
"I should just abandon the plan now."
"Dad-"
"I was stupid to think that it would work."
"Drakken, calm dow-"
"This is the most stupid-"
"DOCTOR DRAKKEN!"
Drakken jumped in his chair, nearly falling over the armrest onto the floor. The shock was evident on his face. He was even more surprised when 901 grabbed him by the collar and hauled him to his feet.
"Snap out of it!" the synthodrone barked. "You're Doctor Drakken, evil genius and soon to be ruler of the world! You shouldn't be worrying over this like some sort of insecure teenager. If she rejects you, then she isn't worth having. She would be stupid to reject someone with your genius and vision. It would be doubly stupid of her to say no once you succeed in conquering the world. Just calm down."
He let go of Drakken's collar, letting him stand back onto his feet. Drakken dusted himself off and treated his son to a glare.
"That wasn't necessary, you know," the villain snarled.
Eric gave Drakken a glare of his own. "Yes, it was. You were losing it. Everything is going according to plan. There is no reason to panic, and it certainly isn't the best time for it."
Drakken shot back at his son, "I think it's the PERFECT time for it. One look at me and she'll remember all of our failures. Why should this time be so different?"
"Well…you could always start by changing your outfit," Eric suggested.
"What?!" Drakken waved his arms to show off his lab-coat ensemble. "But this is me! It's almost a trademark, for pity's sake. If I'm not wearing it, then I'm not me. I'm just some blue guy in a shirt and pants."
Eric raised an eyebrow and snarked, "Like it's worked for you before?"
This made Drakken pause. "Uh…"
Eric quickly elaborated. "When Shego looks at you in that lab coat, she sees the you from the past—the failure, the bickering, the silliness. What you need to do is give her a new image to see you in. Any spare clothes? A tuxedo, maybe?"
Drakken muttered, "No. All the clothes I have in my closet are my lab coats and my Halloween costumes."
Eric shook his head. "There has to be something that could pass as regular clothing."
Drakken pondered, "Well…there is a costume that I wore a few years ago that is supposed to be a Texas oil tycoon. Think that would work?"
Eric replied, "It's better than nothing,"
"That still doesn't help much, though." Drakken sighed. "She might just think of me as her creepy boss. And if Shego doesn't want to do something, she doesn't do it. For all I know, she might be a step away from blasting me into oblivion."
Eric tried to be the voice of reason in this situation. "I'm pretty sure that isn't true."
"How?" Drakken asked. "You don't know Shego like I do..."
"…but I was designed to read a woman's personality and emotions. She doesn't seem to completely hate you. If she did, and she's the way that you say she is, only doing what she wants, then wouldn't she quit and find something else to do?"
"She likes to see me suffer," Drakken grumbled. "And it's not like she isn't paid well."
"You don't know until you try," Eric said. "Besides, if she really did hate you, then why does she break you out of jail?"
"It's in her contract."
"Like the 'no mocking' clause?"
"…yes."
"And the part about remembering your birthday, which was last week and she was off getting a tan during the party?"
"Ye-yes."
"And the section on not causing bodily harm to the employer..."
"OKAY! I get it! She doesn't follow the contract. Wait…does that mean that I can-"
"No!" Eric interrupted. "No cloning. That would just cause even more problems."
"Aww…" Drakken said, snapping his fingers in disappointment.
"She does come to get you," Eric repeated.
"Yeah…she does," Drakken realized. He then raised his fists in the air and laughed. "You're right! I'm Doctor Drakken, villain extraordinaire! I can do this. Kim Possible may be able to do anything possible, but I can do the IMpossible! Haha!"
"That's the spirit!" Eric grinned.
Drakken lowered his arms and looked Eric in the eye. ""You know…when this is over, I think I might actually make you a real body. How do you feel about being a real-life Pinocchio?"
Eric shook his head. "No thanks, dad. If I had a real body, I wouldn't be able to protect you very well." He flexed his arm. "I'm just fine with being a super strong synthoid."
"Okay." Drakken shrugged. "It's your choice. Well, it's my choice, but I'm listening to you."
Eric looked at the clock on the wall. "Anyway, I suppose I should go and get everything ready."
His outfit morphed from the dark red and black unitard to a bright white tuxedo. As he adjusted the tie, he said to Drakken, "Shouldn't you go and get ready as well?"
"Nnngh…fine. I'll wear that silly cowboy costume. This had better go good."
"Don't worry," 901 said as he exited the room, "everything will be perfect. I'll make sure the cheerleader's distracted."
Drakken admonished his son. "Don't you dare do any hanky-panky! You don't know where she's been. And make sure to be back home before 2!" He ran for the door and gave one final shout. "And don't forget to get me a copy of your prom pictures!"
Author's Notes:
The grammatical mistakes that Drakken kept making were intentional.
A great big 'thank you' to Samurai Crunchbird for being the beta. And for the title.