Time Apart
Summary: Resurfacing memories make Leo doubt Jemma's affections towards him, and he insists on some time apart so she could be sure that he is who she truly wants.
Disclaimer: Anything pertaining to Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. does not belong to me.
Author's Note: Part of my "Scenes from Leo Fitz's Recovery" series. It follows the same headcanon as Smile, 1:05 AM, and The Director. You'll have to read those to fully understand this story. But if you don't want to or if you had but don't remember the plots, here's a summary of what's been going on in my headcanon:
~~ start summary ~~
Prior to waking up from his coma in Smile, Fitz's body had been steadily deteriorating in its comatose state for five days up to the point where he stopped breathing on his own. Unwilling to lose him (and subsequently Simmons), Director Coulson injected Fitz with some of his blood in the hopes that there were lingering GH-325 that could cure Fitz (a la Star Trek Into Darkness, when they used so-and-so's blood to revive yada-yada [didn't want to spoil anyone who hasn't watched it and plans to]. I was watching the movie when I thought of The Director). His gamble paid off, and Fitz woke up three days later, but with his memories gone.
1:05 AM is set four weeks after Fitz first woke up. His memories have started returning to him through his dreams. Simmons had been having trouble sleeping. After learning that her insomnia was due to the nightmares about his "accident" (the team, including Fitz, agreed it was best to let him remember naturally and on his own), Fitz suggested she sleep next to him in hopes that his presence would give her peace of mind and keep away the nightmares.
~~ end summary
Also, I've had these plot bunnies for my headcanon since before Comic Con. So this story is completely AU, and does not take into account anything the cast/producers/writers has confirmed/hinted will happen in Season 2.
Chapter 1: The Separation
"Briefing in two minutes," Coulson's voice resounded throughout the Playground via the PA system. Simmons, who had been enjoying her morning cup of tea while reading up world news on her tablet, immediately set her cup and her tablet down on the crew lounge's coffee table and stood up from the loveseat. In quick steps, she made her way towards the Command Center. Once she got there, she was not surprised to find the Director already waiting along with May, who had recently, officially been made Deputy Director. She said her 'good morning' with a smile to each of them before settling in for the briefing.
Instead of mimicking their positions and remain standing, Simmons went towards a nearby computer station and swiveled its chair around so she can sit facing their direction. Seconds later, Agent Koenig (Billy Koenig) walked in followed by Skye, who was once again badgering the poor man with questions—questions he'd either ignored or cleverly deflected. Ever since she fully decrypted the Tool Box Fury had given Coulson and learned about Life Model Decoys (LMDs), Skye was eager to prove that the Agent Koenigs were LMDs. She'd gone to Simmons one evening (when Fitz was elsewhere with Triplett) and sprouted her theories—from how Billy showed no sadness for his brother's demise to how scarily similar their first encounters with each Agent Koenig were.
Luckily for this Agent Koenig, Skye's questioning was interrupted by the sound of laughter and running footsteps. Simmons and the others turned to the opened door to see Fitz and Triplett, both in workout clothes, racing towards them. Despite Fitz's height disadvantage, he ran by Triplett's side and kept pace. Just before they reached the door, Fitz surprised Triplett (and everyone else, really) when he suddenly slammed is shoulder against Triplett, causing the Specialist to veer off course and hit the wall. But with the advantage of having years in training, Triplett was able to react quickly, grabbing Fitz by the back of his shirt and pulling him back. He made a giant leap forward, but it wasn't enough. Fitz had already made it through the door.
"I win!" Fitz yelled, raising his arms in victory.
"You cheated!" Triplett yelled back. Fitz lowered his arms and pointed one finger accusingly at him.
"Says that man who announced the race after he took off." Triplett smiled cheekily.
"Not my fault you didn't react fast enough."
They argued about who should have won, accentuating their respective points with pushes and shoves, looking more like two roughhousing teenaged boys than the pair of highly-trained S.H.I.E.L.D. agents that they were. Simmons knew she should stop and reprimand them. After all, they were in the presence of the Director and Deputy Director. But it was so wonderful to hear Fitz's laughter as he exchanged good-natured gibes with Triplett that she couldn't bring herself to do so.
He'd come such a long way from the state he was in twelve weeks ago when he'd first woken up from his coma. Back then, she could not have imagined a scene like the one playing right before her eyes. Simmons would forever be grateful to the Director for doing what he did and bringing Fitz back to her. The blood he had transfused into Fitz had healed him. Just as Coulson had hoped, his blood did contain some lingering GH-325. But the drug in his system had already been metabolized into a much safer, more human-friendly form. Thus far, Fitz had not shown any of the negative, mental side-effects that Coulson had describe. And there had been no walking around in the middle of the night etching alien symbols on the wall as of yet. Simmons hoped that would never happen.
Since the drug had been broken down, it didn't work remotely as quickly as it did on Skye. But it was enough to heal his body at a faster-than-normal pace, and (more importantly in Simmons' opinion) it was able to heal his brain. Sure his memories still haven't completely returned (yet), but they were returning a very rapid pace by any standard.
With all they've been through in the past several weeks, hearing Fitz laugh and seeing him happy kept Simmons from stopping the two grown men from acting like children in front of their superior officers. In any case, judging from the looks of amusement and fondness on both Coulson's and May's faces, she knew neither Fitz nor Triplett would be reprimanded for their horseplay.
Or for their lack of proper work attire.
Simmons frown and tutted when she finally noticed the state of Fitz's clothes.
"Leo. Why didn't you change your shirt? Look at you. You're all sweaty." And he was. The top three-quarters of his red t-shirt had darkened to maroon in its wet state.
Fitz stopped his squabbling with Triplett to turn to her. The grin he sent her way caused her heart to flutter. He started walking towards her leaving Triplett behind.
"Now don't tell me you believe in that old wives' tale that staying in wet clothes gives you the flu, Jemma," he teased. When he reached her, he took the chair from the computer station beside her and straddled it. He nudged her arm with his elbow. "That's not very scientific of you."
Simmons rolled her eyes.
"Of course I don't believe in that myth. But don't you feel uncomfortable?"
"Plus," Skye interjected. "You guys stink." In retaliation for that comment, Triplett gave her a one-armed hug. She squealed in protest before spinning away. Once she escaped his reach, she ran to Coulson's side for protection. All the while, both Triplett and Skye kept laughing.
"Chicken!" Triplett yelled at Skye through his laughter.
In response, Skye stopped laughing long enough to stick her tongue out at him.
"Well, we would have showered and changed," Fitz said when the two started to settle down, "But Coulson only gave us two minutes to get here."
"Yeah. What's the deal, sir? The gym's on the other side of the Playground and three floors up."
"May would give us three minutes to get to the Command Center on the BUS. And the BUS is much smaller than this place."
"Well, you guys got here in a minute and thirty-seven seconds," Coulson responded with his usual smile. "Good job." Both Fitz and Triplett looked pleased with themselves at the compliment. Triplett even stepped closer to Fitz for a congratulatory fist bump. "Now that we're all here," Coulson continued after Triplett had returned to his previous place next to Agent Koenig, "Let's start this briefing.
"As you all know, new members of the World Security Council have been elected. May and I met with these new councilmen and councilwomen as well as with some generals and admirals from the U.S. Department of Defense (DOD). The meeting went well, and they seem to have accepted that we truly are the good guys and not secretly HYDRA operatives. They were also pleased at the progress we've been making in recapturing the fugitives that have escaped from the Fridge. Furthermore, they've acknowledged me as the Director of the new S.H.I.E.L.D.; and they support our on-going missions to rebuild our organization, to take down HYDRA, and to continue to be the shield that protects people. These are all good things. It will be easier for us to do our jobs when we don't have the DOD and its allies trying to capture and arrest us."
The Director paused. By the grave look that settled on his face, Simmons knew that he was finally going to tell them the main reason for this briefing.
"I received word from Colonel Talbot yesterday evening. In the spirit of camaraderie and trust," Simmons noticed a hint of sarcasm at those words, "The DOD will slowly start transitioning the jurisdiction of the S.H.I.E.L.D. facilities they had seized back to us. Furthermore, they are releasing the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents who had surrendered to Talbot back to our command as well. I know it wasn't what we had planned, but I think it's for the best that we don't stop this transition."
Immediately after he finished, the room was filled with the protest of Simmons, Fitz, Skye, and Triplett. Simmons couldn't hear her words over the others'.
"Time out!" Coulson yelled, doing the gesture with his hands as he did so. Everyone stopped talking. "One at a time. Let's go around and take turns, starting with you Agent Koenig." All eyes turned to him.
"Whatever you think is best, Director. I'll do whatever I can to help." Coulson nodded then turned to Triplett.
"We don't need them. Any of them. Not the DOD, not the Council, and especially not those spineless agents."
"I agree, sir," Fitz began. "The DOD and the Council might have some hidden agenda. And we don't know for sure if we could trust those agents. What if their loyalties now lie with the DOD—"
"—or, worse, with HYDRA! And the facilities they return to us could be littered with bugs placed by the DOD to spy on us," Simmons finished.
"The Tool Box Fury had given you, AC," Skye didn't want to refer to Coulson as 'DC' even if his new title was 'Director,' "It contains the coordinates for fifty fully-equippedsecret bases and six hundred safe houses around the world—"
"—Not to mention the billions of dollars and gold and silver bars in off-shore accounts," Triplett said, cutting Skye off. "By the way, I'm still impressed the brother was able to hide that much money away without someone finding out—"
"—You're getting off track, Trip! Our point is that Fury left us all the resources we need to rebuild."
"He left us all the resources that we'd need," Coulson concurred, looking at Skye as he talked. When he continued, he addressed the whole team. "Except for people. I understand all your concerns. As an agent, I have those same concerns myself. But I'm not just another agent anymore—I'm also the Director. That's the reason why I didn't tell you about this right away. And unfortunately for me, diplomacy is now part of my job. As much as I want it to just be us, I know it isn't very practical. We're good. But we can't do everything and be everywhere. Furthermore, I don't want to place the burden of saving the world solely on your shoulders. It would be unfair of me to do so. For now, we will practice diplomacy. We need the DOD's cooperation so they will lend us their personnel, and we need the Council's help in convincing the world that we are not a terrorist organization."
"But, sir, do you really trust them?" Simmons asked, knowing it was on the minds of the rest of her teammates as well.
"Of course not." Coulson didn't even hesitate in answering. "But right now, S.H.I.E.L.D. is still vulnerable. We need to play nice with these people. But I also believe that we need to watch out for ourselves first. We're proceeding with the original plan of running S.H.I.E.L.D. from underground with the Playground as its new headquarters. On the surface, we'll use the former S.H.I.E.L.D. bases and facilities as fronts."
"And what of the other agents?" May asked, finally speaking up.
"We'll keep them on the surface level at first. They've been interrogated by Talbot, so for now, I'll assume they are not HYDRA. We'll slowly introduce agents to the underground once we know who to completely trust. Which reminds me—Fitz, I need you to install the lie detector on the BUS so we can make sure we can give those agents a proper orientation."
"No problem, sir."
"And I need it installed by early this afternoon."
"This afternoon?" Skye asked.
"Yes. The six of us will be leaving for our next mission in the morning. Agent Koenig, I'm sorry. But we don't have an extra bunk on the BUS."
"No worries, Director. I understand. I'd feel weird about leaving the Playground unattended anyway." Coulson nodded at him then addressed the rest of the team.
"This is a diplomatic mission. For the next two weeks, we'll be meeting with DOD officials, and they will reintroduce us to our agents. We'll also be visiting some of the old S.H.I.E.L.D. bases that the DOD will be giving back to us. But while we're doing all that, I want you to secretly observe everything—take note of your initial impressions of the agents you meet, assess the systems in the buildings for bugs or damages if you can do so without being noticed, and so on." He paused to sigh. "And there's one other thing….I can't believe I've never noticed this about government officials before, but they apparently love ceremonies and parties. To celebrate the rebirth of S.H.I.E.L.D., the Naval Academy Alumni Association and the West Point Association of Graduates are hosting a gala in our honor. Several DOD higher-ups, all the new Council members, some U.S. Senators, and ambassadors from several countries will be in attendance."
There was a moment of silence as the team stared in disbelief at their Director.
"They've got to be bloody kidding!" Fitz was never one to hide his emotions. "The old S.H.I.E.L.D. has collapsed, HYDRA is out and more powerful than we ever thought possible, hundreds of our comrades have been killed, and we're struggling to rebuild our organization; but those bloody people think it's the best time to throw a party?" he asked incredulously.
"They even have a ceremony planned symbolizing the transfer of command from the DOD to S.H.I.E.L.D."
"Bloody ridiculous," Fitz muttered, shaking his head. Coulson gave a small nod in agreement.
"So Fitz, the lie detector please. We need it installed ideally by 1400 hours."
"Why so soon, sir?" Triplett asked.
"Because we still need to shop for something to wear to the gala. Skye, transfer some of those off-shore funds to our local account." The hacker gave a heavy sigh. "What's wrong?"
"Now I'm torn between being annoyed at those bastards and being excited about the shopping trip." Coulson smiled at her.
"Go with excited. It's not everyday I give you guys an order to shop for pretty clothes. All right, be ready by 1500 hours for the shopping trip. For now, assist Fitz with the installation if he needs it. If not, prepare for tomorrow's departure. You are dismissed."
Simmons barely left her chair when Skye grabbed her arm and started talking about what type of dress to buy. She listened to her friend prattle on about what colors their dresses should be and what type of tux they should make the guys get. Simmons didn't even realize that Fitz wasn't behind her until she and Skye reached the door. She'd turned her head so he could see her roll her eyes but found that he wasn't there. She stopped walking and turned around to find him talking with Coulson.
"Something wrong, Leo?" she asked before she could stop herself.
He gave her a smile that was too large to be real.
"No. Nothing. Just need to speak with Coulson about something. I'll catch up with you later, yeah?"
Simmons could tell he was keeping something from her, but she held her tongue. Instead, she nodded then continued to walk with Skye out of the Command Center. She'd ask him about it later when it would just be the two of them.
Simmons brought it up again that night once they've settled themselves in Fitz's bed. She was on her side, her head resting on his chest and her right arm wrapped loosely around his middle. Fitz was on his back, his left arm bent at the elbow so he could rest his head on his hand. His right arm was around Simmons, his hand rubbing her back up and down in long strokes.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?"
His hand stilled on her back for a second before resuming its movement. He continued to be silent, and he would not look at her.
"You've been distracted all throughout the shopping trip….You're distracted now. What's on your mind, Leo?" When he finally answered, it was almost a whisper.
"I'm not going with you tomorrow."
"What?" She sat up in alarm and looked down at his face. "What do you mean?"
He sat up as well and moved backwards until his back was against the wall.
"I won't be going with you and the others on the mission. I'll be staying here updating the communications system and assessing the systems in the other secret bases remotely." Simmons furrowed her brows in confusion as she tried to comprehend what was going on.
"And what about me?" she ask, afraid of the answer.
"Coulson will need you with him to examine the state of the laboratories in the facilities."
"We're being separated," she stated. Her voice sounded hallow to her ears. "I don't understand. Coulson didn't say anything about—"
"—I asked to stay behind, Jemma." His confession was like a slap to her face.
"Why?"
"There's something I haven't told you….I've gotten back some old memories."
"What could you have possibly remembered that made you want to be separated from me?" She was desperate now, and didn't bother hiding it.
"Mike Peterson. Trip." He wouldn't look at her as he answered.
"What about them?"
"I'm not your type, Jemma."
"What?" This was fast becoming the most bizarre conversation Simmons has ever had—and in their line of work, that was saying something. Fitz sighed but finally turned to her.
"You like men like Mike Peterson and Trip. Tall, well formed, symmetrical. Of African decent. I'm none of those, Jemma."
That wasn't true. Fitz was actually quite well formed and symmetrical. But she didn't voice that out—she didn't want to explain how she knew that particular bit of information.
"Leo—"
"—Wait. Let me finish, please." He paused and leaned forward so he could reach for her hand. "Look, Jemma, I think we need some time apart."
Now that felt like a punch to her heart. She leaned back and pulled her hand away from his. Fitz sighed before continuing.
"I just…I never hid the fact that I'm in love with you. Even when I didn't remember who you were, I just knew that I love you. And when I started getting my memories back, I could see a difference. We're closer now than we were before my accident, and it seems like you feel the same way. Sometimes, I pretend that you do. But these recent memories, they tell me a different story." Tears started to pool in his eyes, and he looked down to hide them. "If the accident had never happened, you probably would have ended up with Trip."
Seeing Fitz like this, hearing how defeated his voice sounded, pained Simmons greatly. She didn't realize she'd been crying until Fitz reached up to wipe the tears from her face.
"Trip: He's a good guy, a great friend. And I know he hasn't made a move on you since I've woken up. But I can't go on believing that the only reason you're with me now instead of with him is because you feel some sort of guilt. I may not know what happened to me yet, but I could see your guilt sometimes when you think I'm not looking."
"Guilt is not the reason why I'm here with you, Leo."
"I want to believe that, I really do. But I need to know that you've thought this through—whatever this is between us. I don't know what you feel for me. And I don't think you know what you feel for me, either. Maybe some time apart will give you some clarity. You can step back and see things from a different angle."
"Leo, this is so stup—"
"—Please. Please, Jemma. Please do this for me. I don't know how to love you anymore. I don't know how you want me to love you."
He was begging. The plea in his voice stopped the protests forming on her tongue.
"All right," she said quietly, finally agreeing.
"All right?" She really wished he wouldn't sound so hopeful about being separated from her for two weeks straight.
"Yes. But I'm only doing this for you." She couldn't help the bit of spite, but he apparently didn't hear it since he got on his knees and hugged her fiercely to him.
"Thank you."
She hugged him back, relishing the feel of his arms surrounding her.
"So, this separation—is it total blackout? As in, we'll have no communication with each other whatsoever?"
"I think it will be best. That way I won't distract you."
I want you to distract me! Simmons wanted to yell. But she kept that thought to herself.
"We're still best friends, though. Right?" she asked instead. Simmons felt his laughter reverberate through his chest.
"Silly, Jemma. That would never change. No matter what you decide, I'll always be your best friend."
It surprised Simmons how little comfort his words brought.
"Come, on," he said as he released the hug, "Let's get some sleep."
They resumed their previous position with Simmons laying her head on his chest. If Fitz noticed how she snuggled against him closer or how she hugged him tighter, he didn't mention it.
They spent the rest of the night pretending to be asleep and knowing that the other was pretending as well.
There was an outcry from both Triplett and Skye when it was announced during breakfast that Fitz would not be joining them on the mission.
They calmed down when Fitz and Simmons fed them the excuse that Coulson needed one of them to update the communications systems in their new headquarters and to serve as back up in case a big analysis needed to be done that could not be processed by the BUS's equipment, while the other was needed to assess the laboratories and systems conditions of each site after being manhandled by the DOD. Both Triplett and Skye looked like they didn't believe them but kept their mouths shut when Coulson backed up Fitz's and Simmons' excuse.
May stayed silent throughout the whole ordeal, but there was no doubt in both scientists' minds that she knew exactly what was going on.
When the time came for the team to board the BUS, Fitz walked with them to the hangar. Everyone hugged him goodbye starting with Coulson, then May, then a huge bear hug from Triplett, and a tear-filled one from Skye. Once Skye released Fitz, Triplett walked with her into the BUS following the same path Coulson and May took. Finally, only Fitz and Simmons remained.
Two seconds passed where the two just stared at each other. Then, as one, they stepped forward and clung to one other like it would be their last time doing so. They stayed like that for several seconds before Fitz broke the silence.
"You'll be back before you know it."
Simmons chuckled when she heard the words she'd said to him weeks ago when a previous mission forced them to separate. She gave him one last squeeze then pulled away.
"I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you, too. Take care of yourself."
"You too."
Reluctantly, Simmons made her way up the loading ramp.