Slugs
AN: Something I wrote in an unbelievably dull humanities lesson a while ago, apologies in advance for my pathetic sense of humor but I guess it just goes to show how boring said lesson actually was. And just to let you know, I actually have a friend whose mother does this to slugs, inhumane? Probably, but she doesn't seem to care.
Reviews would of course be lovely.
One evening, Legolas Greenleaf was walking through the gardens of Mirkwood with his best friend Gimli the dwarf. Of course what Gimli didn't know was that prince Legolas was not there for the beautiful blooming flowers, the soft grass or the huge trees whose leaves were rustling in the breeze (all of which the elf planed himself). Oh no.
Legolas was on slug patrol.
And all poor Gimli could do was stand and watch in awed silence as his elven companion darted around said gardens, impaling slugs on pointed sticks and flicking them as far as he could.
Hen he was done he calmly walked back to his friend and the two continued their leisurely stroll.
"What on earth were you doing?"
"Slug patrol," the elf answered the dwarf's question as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
The next day at breakfast, Gimli still hadn't gotten over the whole, 'slug patrol' thing.
"So you do it every night?"
"Yup"
"And you just…stick it right through them?"
"Yup."
"And you don't care that your viciously murdering other living creatures? A very un-elven thing to do I might add!"
"The make holes in my cabbages."
"What about the Elves that are unlucky enough to get hit in the face by one of these flying cabbage destroyers?"
"I'm their prince. They complain, I'll impale them on a damn stick."
"You do realize you have a heart of stone right?"
"No, I just don't like them," but at Gimli's look he added, "oh come on mellon, their just slugs!"
"Yes, well you won't be saying that when they decide they have had enough of that blond bastard who keeps impaling their friends on sticks and they decide to get their revenge."
"How could slugs possibly get revenge on an Eelf.? They have about as much chance getting one up on me as you have of winning an Elven beauty contest."
"Fine, be like that. But don't come crying to me when you get attacked by a thirty foot slug."
That night, and without his friend this time, Legolas went out on his daily slug patrol. He had just flicked his sixth slug into the horizon whenhorizon, when the grounfground begasnbegan to shake.
And suddenly from behind one of his giant trees, there appeared an absoluteluabsolutely humongous colossal SLUG.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" The elf screamed but there was nothing he could do, he was promptly picked up and swallowed whole.
"STUPID GIMLI!"
And on a stage somewhere in Mirkwood palace…
"The winner of the elven beauty contest IS…Gimli the dwarf!"
The End