I have decided to turn this one-shot into a series of Akatsuki yaoi one-shots.Enjoy! Alternate Universe in America.
Disclaimer- If only I was a Japanese guy named Masashi Kishimoto………
Deidara now knows why he likes to do the dishes.
Dirty Fun in the Kitchen: Deidara and Itachi
The sun was shining bright on this summer day. The birds were singing and there wasn't a cloud in sight. Yes, today was a good day.
"I hate Mondays." spoke an irritated voice.
The voice belonged to a young blonde man. He looked to be in his late teens, early twenties. He had long, golden hair that swayed with each step he took and baby blue eyes that gleamed as light made contact with them.
The blonde stomped down the main hall of the Akatsuki house, pissed at the fact that he had to wake up so early on a summer day.
As Deidara stood in the doorway of the kitchen, he shielded his eyes as the sharp rays of the early July sun pierced his fragile pupils. He walked over to the large table that was positioned in the middle of the room, took a seat, and laid down on the table face first.
The kitchen was very alive this morning.
The leader of the house, Pein, stood at the stove singing to himself and flipping waffles. A redhead named Sasori stood at the counters, mixing waffle batter, a brunette named Kakuzu was fixing bacon on the other stove, and a navy blue haired man named Kisame was at the sink washing dishes.
"Good morning Sunshine. I have to say, that is a sexy ass body you have there."
Deidara lifted his head and glanced to his right. A girl who looked to be only about 17 with silver-gray hair pulled into a messy ponytail sat next to him.
"Shut it Kaiya." he growled and placed his head back onto the table.
"Hey Mr. Personality. What the fuck's got your pink thong in a bunch?" Deidara lifted his head once again and this time his eyes met dark fuchsia ones.
"Hidan, how do you know what color Deidara's thong is?" Kisame asked.
"I do not wear a thong, un!"
"Because when I was doing laundry earlier, in his basket I found a hot pink thong."
"I do NOT wear a thong!"
"Oh yeah? Well then, how the fuck do you explain the hot pink one I saw in your basket earlier? Did you put it in there or did Itachi do it after ripping it off you last night?" Deidara's cheeks turned a light pink color.
"Maybe it was Kaiya's! Hell, it could have been Konan's!" Pein turned to the table, pointing his spatula in the blonde's direction.
"First: Konan's been in Atlanta for the past month visiting relatives and we live in Michigan. Why would she drive all the way up here just to place underwear in your basket? Second: Kaiya doesn't wear thongs. They ride up on her."
The kitchen grew silent at that last statement.
"Pein, how do you know that?" they all questioned in unison. The guy in question turned to his stove, and the girl fought down a bright red blush.
"Kaiya, check and see if Deidara is wearing a thong."
The silver haired girl grabbed the back of Deidara's pajama pants and peeked inside. The blonde slapped her hand away and quickly jumped out of his seat.
Kaiya burst out laughing, her blush finally disappearing.
"He does wear thongs! He has on a black one right now!"
The kitchen erupted with laughter. Deidara flushed a dark red and shot death glares at all his so called 'friends'.
"Hidan and Kaiya. Sleep with one eye open tonight." he hissed through gritted teeth.
"Now now Deidara. No one wants to hear your empty threats so early in the morning." Pein stated, receiving glares from everyone in the room.
"It's your fault that we're up so early in the morning!" they all yelled, with Deidara adding an 'un' at the end.
"Well sorry for wanting to spend some time with my friends. By the way, has anyone seen Zetsu?" All the people in the room looked to each other until Kisame spoke up.
"He's in the backyard, playing with ……Sparkles."
Sasori dropped his spatula.
"NOOOOOOOO ! NOT SPARKLES!!" he yelled, running out of the backdoor.
"Why did we get a male dog and let Sasori name it?"
"Why did we even get a dog? It's so expensive having them in the house." Kakuzu groaned, flipping over a few pieces.
The kitchen returned to normalcy, well as normal as it could get in this house. Everyone was served a plate and they all sat at the table, eating quietly.
"Hey Deidara." the blue eyed guy looked up from the eggs he was inhaling, curious brown eyes staring at him.
"Yeah Sasori?"
"Is it true about the thong? Did Itachi really rip it off you?" Deidara glared at his friend.
The table erupted with laughter once again.
"W-what?! Why would you think like that?" Hidan snickered as he passed Kakuzu the pepper.
"Well, since Hidan and I share a room next to Itachi and Kisame's, it wasn't hard to hear all the noises you two were making. Do you two even sleep at three in the morning?" Kakuzu answered.
A deep, tomato red blush graced Deidara's cheeks as he turned away from the table.
"Aww Dei, don't be shy. We all know that you have a crush on our little weasel, so there's no use in hiding it." the blonde shot a glare at Pein over his shoulder.
A few minutes later, everyone finished their breakfasts and filed out of the kitchen, leaving Deidara to do the dishes.
The blonde stood at the sink, scrubbing egg off glass plates and mumbling stuff about Pein and savage wolves under his breath. Just then, another being wandered into the kitchen and over to the table.
"Hey Deidara." the blonde jumped at the voice. He dropped the plate he was washing into the sink; luckily it didn't break.
"Itachi?! What the--" as Deidara began his rant, he quickly stopped. Itachi's silky raven colored locks were tinted a light bubblegum pink color. Dei tried not to laugh, but it was inevitable.
"Do not ask what happened." Itachi stated coldly, watching Deidara almost double over with laughter. He clutched onto one of the counters for support, as his laugh attack died down.
"Why not Uchiha? You look so cute like that." Itachi was confused. Deidara finally caught on to what he had said, but it was too late.
"Did you just say that I was cute?" the blonde's face flushed a dark red color. He hid the blush by returning to his dish washing duty.
Itachi shrugged and sat down at the table, grabbing his breakfast plate off the stove.
A silence fell over the kitchen for a few minutes, until Deidara broke it.
"You know, the others have accused us of some naughty acts last night, un."
"Like what?"
Deidara dried off a plate and placed it onto a waiting dry cloth on the counter next to him. "They think that we were in you and Kisame's room doing the do."
"Hn." the Uchiha then stood up and walked over to the sink. He dropped his glass plate into the dishwater and glanced at Deidara.
"Well, were you in my room last night?" Deidara cocked an eyebrow.
"What are you getting at, un?" Then it hit the blonde.
"Were you in my room la--" but before Itachi can finish, Deidara had closed the gap between them and planted his lips onto Itachi's.
The blonde then grabbed the Uchiha by the wrists, and backed him up against one of the walls. They both melted into the kiss, their tongues dancing around each other in a symphony of pleasure.
2 minutes later, they broke their sacred dance in order to fill their horribly deprived lungs with the rich oxygen surrounding them.
Deidara was panting a little, while Itachi had already caught his breath. "That's what they think we were doing last night, un." Deidara stated, a playful smirk crossing his features. Itachi returned the smirk and seized the blonde by his shoulders.
"That's it? I thought that our friends were smarter than that." the Uchiha then pushed the blonde onto the table (surprising poor little sexy Deidara) and hopped on top of him.
"Care to help me demonstrate what else they thought we were doing?" Deidara said nothing, instead reaching up and capturing the weasel's lips into another passionate and erotic kiss.
(Insert lemon part here. I'm not experienced in writing lemons, so whatever freaky stuff you think that Itachi and Deidara did, then that's what they did.)
Itachi and Deidara lay sprawled out on the floor, hair wild and messy, clothes surrounding them. The blonde's head was resting on the raven-- temporary bubblegum pink haired guy's chest, enjoying his body's warmth.
"So that's what they thought we were doing, huh? I think I might need another demonstration." Itachi stated as Deidara rose from the floor. He straightened out his hair and pulled on his ripped up pajama pants. He glanced down at Itachi and smiled.
"Not now. I have to finish the dishes, un."
AN: I know, I know. Itachi seemed a little out of character, but that's how I wanted it. I hope that you enjoyed it. Reviews are welcome!