warning: the sad feels are real(?)

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I thought we loved each other. I thought this would last forever. What happened? What happened to all the hugs, all the kisses, I love you's? You don't speak to me much anymore. I watch from a distance as you smile and laugh with your new friends.

Alfred looked on from the classroom window on the second floor. It was mid day, sun high in the sky as students were let off for lunch. The american teen stayed behind, choosing to stay in class in thought. He watched as his boyfriend, Arthur, walked out of the main entrance, his group of friends following. He was smiling, he looked so happy.

"I use to be able to make you do that." Alfred said softly, feeling a pang in his heart. Ever since that new student came from England- just like Arthur has all those years ago- and the two hit it off pretty fast. Ever since then, he's practically been blowing me off to go hang out with him, go to places with him.

Am I not important to you anymore? You say we're together still, say that you still love me. But do you really? You don't even bother holding me close as we sleep, you leave before I have the chance to kiss you good bye like I use to.

"Alfred love I'll be fine. I love you, I'll be back before midnight." Arthur said before shutting the door behind him. Do you really mean that? Do you really mean 'I love you'? "You didn't even let me hug and kiss you good bye…" Alfred said softly, looking down at the floor. He bit his lower lip, gripping his shirt where his heart should be. "Ha.. I'm probably just over thinking things…" he said shaking his head and going back over to the couch. He got up when Arthur said he was going out for the night with him. He let out a long sigh once he plopped down on the couch, sinking into the sheets sullenly as he waited for Arthur to come home.

It wasn't until about one AM Alfred felt the bed creak and lower on Arthur's side of the bed. He groaned softly from being disturbed from his sleep and rubbed his eyes looking over at Arthur as he slipped under the covers. "Artie.." he mumbled.

"Ah.. Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.." Arthur said softly laying himself down on the bed. Alfred just shrugged and moved over closer to the Brit wanting to hold him. But Arthur shrugged him off when he felt an arm slipping over him. Alfred's eyes widened for a moment. w..what? He never does that… He would be lying if he said he didn't almost cry when Arthur did that. He suddenly felt cold and shivered the rest of the night cuddling into the covers.

Is it that guy? Or are you just tired of me? I wish you would tell me, I wish you would stop being so distant with me… I wish you would me you love me again, randomly kiss me, hold me whenever you wanted to cuddle. I miss you, I know that's a silly think to say when you're right here. But it's like you're gone, someone else in your place. Would you miss me if I just left? Would you feel the way I am feeling now? You probably wouldn't notice… I guess that's okay now because I still hope that one day we'll have what we use to. And I'll wait for that day to come no matter how long it takes. Because that's what true love is for… right?

~Alfred Jones.

Alfred sighed softly and closed his note book, leaving it laying out on his desk as he went to the kitchen. Arthur was out again with him. Why is it all about him now? Aren't I your lover, aren't I the one giving you this house to live in, giving you food and cloths. "This is fucking annoying." he grumbled almost slamming down his glass of water. Its almost two AM and Arthur still isn't home, that is, until the door burst open and the Brit came stumbling inside kicking the door closed behind him.

"Oh Alfred.. you're awake!" Arthur practically slurred, letting Alfred know he was right, that he would come home drunk off his ass. He sighed walking over to him and leading the drunk Brit to the couch. "I told you not to drunk that much.." Alfred said softly standing in front of Arthur. "I didn't.. drink that much.." he said shrugging and moving to lay on the couch, possibly about to pass out. Which he did in about a minute of silence as Alfred thought of what to do. He leaned down and ran a hand into Arthur's hair looking over his sleeping face.

"You know.. Arthur I really-" he cut himself off when he noticed something on his neck. His eyebrows drew together in confused as he moved down the Brits collar. He really wish he hadn't done that, he could've gone his whole life not knowing about this. There was a red mark, a 'hickey', placed upon his neck. He sure as hell didn't do that since Arthur wouldn't even let him touch him in an intimate way anymore.

He swore he herd his heart crack seeing it. It was him wasn't it, he has been cheating hasn't he? Alfred didn't bother wiping the tears as they slid down his cheek. He silently got up and made his way to their.. his.. bedroom. "Damn it.." he choked out and fell into bed grabbing Arthur's pillow and held it close.

Alfred would be lying if he said he didn't cry the rest of the night.

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college AU by the way.

sorry for miss spelling and bad grammar