I lay awake in the dark room with only the moonlight illuminating the room through the curtains.

I'm lying there, staring into the shadows that dance on the ceiling.

The room I had known well - the room in which I had spent many a night over the past year and a half.....Until Nathan had decided it was time to part ways.

~~~

"I just think it would be better for the both of us, if we took a break and then see where we stand," Nathan had explained on that cool Autumn day.

It had made me feel as though my heart were being ripped from my chest to hear him say those words-- perhaps because of the sheer shock of it all....of all of the things I could hear him saying to me, that was definitely not what I had been expecting. There hadn't been any signs at least that I had been aware of...sure, we'd had to spend quite a bit of time apart --I was in Tree Hill working my job of managing a restaurant and going to graduate school and he was splitting his time between playing for the Boston Celtics and living in Tree Hill in the off season.

We had been making it work at least I thought we had- daily phone calls, texts and emails. He was always in my thoughts wherever he was. He knew I would never be unfaithful to him and he's the most honest person I've ever met -- I always knew he would break up with me before he would cheat on me -- but despite our best efforts to keep our relationship intact, apparently it had come to a point in which this was not enough for him- that's when he'd needed the 'break.'

I was never one to force someone into being with me, so I let him go -- it hurt like hell but I couldn't live with the alternative -- knowing he was miserable. I had asked him if it was because of anyone in particular - his response was that it wasn't any one person in particular, but rather the lifestyle of freedom to which he had grown accustomed before we were together....so I was losing out to need for independence and the single life.

Weeks went by - many nights I had cried on my best friend Brooke's shoulder. I had become so enthralled in this relationship, I had almost forgotten who I was before Nathan. I was determined to gain back the independence I once had possessed. Brooke was a great help - she and I would always find new and interesting things to try, every hobby imaginable from painting to book clubs (which Brooke did just to appease me) - anything to keep me busy and avoid my thoughts drifting back to my old life with Nathan.

Around two months after our break up, I heard rumblings around town that Nathan was back in town. The season was over for the Celtics and Nathan had some time before the practices would start up again— He had kept an apartment here to come home too in the off season -- and that's when it began.....and it all started with a phone call.

Brooke and I had been at her apartment, watching a movie late one Friday night.

My cell phone began to ring.

I pulled it out of my purse, confused at who would be calling me at this hour.

I didn't recognize the number either but decided to answer it anyway. To this day, I can't decide if that was a good thing or a bad thing--

"Hello?"

"Hales?"

I blinked, not knowing what to say. "Nathan, is that you?" I asked cautiously.

"Yeah, its me," he replied, not sounding like his usual self.

I looked over at a wide-eyed Brooke and stood up to walk out on the patio.

"Um, what's going on? Are you alright?" I asked.

"Yeah, what's the matter? Can't I just call you to say Hi?" he said in a tone that was evident he'd been drinking.

"Well, we haven't spoken in months, so its kind of surprising to hear from you now," I replied.

"I know, we haven't talked and I'm sorry about that....I've been up at Tric all night thinking maybe you'd be there," he said.

"No, I haven't been there since us," I said.

He got quiet for a second, I almost thought he'd hung up.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Sorry, I dropped the phone."

"How much have you been drinking?" I asked him.

"A bit," he said in a slurred tone.

"Are you driving?" I asked him with concern. That was one of my biggest pet peeves-

"Nah, I'm at Tim's house," he replied, referring to one of his friends from high school who had also remained in Tree Hill.

"Okay, well be safe," I said carefully.

"Aren't you going to come and see me?" he asked.

I closed my eyes. "You broke up with me remember? I don't think that's the best idea," I chose my words carefully.

"Maybe we can just talk for a little while...I miss you, Hales," Nathan said in a tone that I recognized.

He was quickly weakening my resolve.

"Will you pick me up at Tim's? We can go back to my place and hang for a little while...ya know, catch up," he said.

I shut my eyes, trying to will any thought of actually going there out of my head -- it wasn't working. I really wanted to hang up and not look back....but I couldn't.

~~~~

Brooke just watched me with folded arms as I gathered my coat and purse.

"What are you doing?? I can't believe this -- you're just going right back there....after what he did and the way he made you feel...."

I looked at Brooke. "He's in a bad way right now - I'm just going to make sure he's okay."

"That's a cop-out," Brooke said, frowning. "You've been in Nathan Scott de-tox....we finally got you to where you don't feel like total crap all of the time...and then you have to run back and get your fix the second he decides to call you."

I winced at her analogy, even though it was the best way to describe how I felt -- he was like a drug, in every sense of the word.

"It will be fine -- I'll be fine," I replied, putting on my coat. "I'll call you tomorrow."

~~~~

Nathan was on the porch when I got to Tim's apartment.

I stepped out of the car and walked toward him.

He grinned that 'million dollar' grin he has when he saw me. "Hey Hales!"

I could tell he'd been drinking even more since I had talked to him. I could smell whiskey on his breath when he ran to me to give me a hug.

I gathered all that I could muster to pull away from him, trying to remain somewhat detached.

I shook my head, "you are toasted, huh?"

He grinned again, "just a few brewskies, nothin' much, ya know...hangin' with the guys."

I looked up to the house, "where is Tim?"

"He's in there, hooking up with this girl he picked up at Tric I would imagine," Nathan replied, looking me in the eye.

I rolled my eyes and gave a small smile. "Tim is actually able to get girls to come home with him?"
Nathan chuckled as he made his way to the passenger side of my car.

"So why did you call me?" I had to ask as we got in my car.

"...I told you...because I wanted to catch up -- I couldn't stand the thought of you hating me," Nathan replied.

"I don't hate you," I replied, pulling out onto the street.

Nathan looked over at me, "I think I made a mistake."

"What? Drank one too many 'Jack and Cokes?'" I joked as I drove.

"No....in breaking up with you --"

I looked over at him, unsure of what to say or how to say it. "I think this is the alcohol talking," I said.

"How do you know?" he asked me.

"...because you've been back in town for a little while now, from what I've heard, and I'm just hearing all of this now..."

Nathan grabbed my hand that was resting on the gear shift and gave me the stare that he would always give when he was serious about something. "Will you stay with me tonight, Haley?"