Okay, so just a totally random thought that has absolutely nothing to do with anything. I really don't even know where all of this came from. Just... expect a pretty good laugh from this I guess... And a lot of meaningless fluff. Nothing to it, but enjoy anyway!
I'm going to be doing this slightly different. This story will be a collection of short little pieces that jump around to tell the story. I'll label each of them so, look for the bold print before each new section to get a hint at what's to come!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! Says who?! Oh yeah, everybody...
Welcome to the wonderful world of random short stories. Continue reading! Let us begin.
. . . . .
The Offer
"What?" Sai really didn't understand what was going on here. One minute, he's sitting in his apartment by himself, trying to comprehend a new book on one of the emotions he supposedly had, then the next moment, he was pinned underneath the weight of at least two people on his bed. He just blinked for a while to pass the time until someone gave him the explanation that usually came when he didn't understand a situation.
"You don't have a girlfriend, do you Sai?" And there it was. Sai shook his head side to side and waited while two of the three girls in his room slid off of him to join the third that was standing shyly beside his open window.
"What do you want?" Sai sat up and swung his feet over the edge of the bed.
"Well, we've noticed that all of the other guys have a girlfriend, or if not, then they at least have someone they like." Ino put a hand on her hip and leaned back against the white wall behind her. Hinata walked across the room and sat down beside the dark-haired young man, and placed her hand gently on his knee.
"W-we want to h-help, S-sai-san." Sai just stared owlishly at Hinata for a moment, then directed his gaze down to the hand on his knee. Hinata snatched her hand back and clutched it to her chest, looking as if he'd just burned her with his gaze.
"Chill, Sai. We just wanna help you out a bit, that's all." Sai nodded his head to Sakura slowly.
"I assume this is a good moment to give a kind word of appreciation to you for your assistance, so I'll believe I'm correct in my assumption and go ahead with my aforementioned offer of gratitude."
"Huh?" It was a simultaneous question from the entire female occupation of his bedroom. Sai sighed, his eyes closed heavily while he pinched the bridge of his nose. He raised his head and looked each of them in the eye before responding to them in a monotone voice.
"Thank you, I think." All three young ladies smiled at him.
Passing the Test
"Is this necessary for the success of the mission?" Sai held his arms out in a 'T' formation and held as still as possible while Sakura and Ino eyed him like a piece of meat. If you could count a shirtless, 25 year old, young man that fought and trained his body for a living a piece of meat. Sai actually felt a little nervous when they started to circle him. He craned his neck to follow their movement when they went behind his back, but received a sharp slap to his rear and a fierce "Don't move!" before he faced forward again with a groan.
"Not bad, not bad at all in fact. You're in really good shape for a painter." Ino patted him on the shoulder, and he received a polite nod from the Hyuga heiress. Sai just rolled his eyes.
"So, which one of you slapped my-"
"Shut it Sai! Lower your arms to your sides and flex." Sakura and Ino lined up in front of him, one beside the other with Hinata sitting with her legs crossed on the ground behind them, obviously here for moral support.
"Why do I need to-"
"Just do it and stop asking so many dang questions." Ino snapped at him.
Sai did as he had been instructed, feeling the slightest hint of what he believed to be male pride, when all three women in front of him blushed and even giggled a bit among each other in response to the show.
"I get the feeling that you're all doing this a bit more for your own enjoyment and pleasure over my apparent need for a female."
"Oh, Sai, don't be like that. Consider this assessing the goods." Ino stepped forward and grabbed hold of the waist band of his gym shorts, pulled it back, and peered down inside. Hinata promptly fell out of the chair in a dead faint, and Sakura doubled over in laughter at the genuine look of surprise on her normally emotionless team mate.
"Hm, so that disproves the rumor of you going everywhere commando. I'm actually disappointed." Sai's mouth opened and closed a few times slowly.
"Wait, who says I go around commando?" He was being ignored, quite obviously in fact.
"Good to know you're a boxer kind of guy. It seems to suit you, but maybe you should start going around commando." Sakura winked at the young man, who visibly flinched from the feminine display.
"Well, I'd say he passes inspection. Don't you Ino?" The blonde nodded enthusiastically.
"Painter boy here is a real catch, especially if you catch my drift." Ino whispered to her pink-haired friend, her tone suggestive. Sakura turned the same color as her hair from head to toe.
"Seriously? I never would've guessed, but is he seriously-" Sai felt that slight swell of manly pride well up again when he stretched his back a bit and noticed both girls glancing his direction and giggling. He rolled his neck then went to see if Hinata was still alive. He didn't need to be held responsible for her death after all.
Raided
"Sai, do you have a pair of scissors and some needle and thread." The raven-haired boy nodded, then without a word, left the room and headed towards the supply closet in the opposite side of his small house. Ino quickly locked his bedroom door while Sakura swung the window shut and lowered the latch.
"That ought to keep him busy for a while." Sakura whispered to the other girls in the room.
"Alright, go for his closet. Hinata use your Byakugan and let us know when he's coming back. Let's move people!" Sakura and Ino dashed into the big closet, only to find it practically empty aside from two pairs of black pants, his cut-off jacket, a solid black t-shirt, one pair of slippers with thick soles, and a few boxes packed in behind a huge bookshelf.
"He's got less clothes than anyone I've ever seen. I'm actually pretty impressed, but now this'll be hard since we don't have much to work with." Ino rubbed the back of her neck and leaned against the door frame while Sakura pushed the bookshelf over to get to the boxes.
"There's some stuff in here we can work with. A few shirts and such. I think this is some of the other guys' stuff they've given to him. Wonder why he packed it away. Some of the stuff in here is actually pretty sexy."
Hinata poked her head into the closet, her kekkei genkai activated. "He's... ummm... K-knocking on t-the door. C-can I l-let him i-in?"
"Not just yet Hina. Help us get these boxes out of here." Ino dragged the shy girl over to where Sakura was pulling box after box out from behind the shelf, finally retrieving the last one and pushing the shelf back into place. She loaded two up, one on top of the other, then lifted the bulky objects and chucked them over her friend's heads and into Sai's room. Hinata and Ino carried the remaining two out and stacked them beside the bed.
Ino nodded towards the door. "Open it." Hinata undid the lock and the knob turned quickly, Sai's head peeking in through the crack between the door and it's frame. He glanced over at the boxes beside his bed quizzically until Sakura kicked one over and a pile of unworn clothing fell in a heap to the floor.
"My stuff..." Sai began to seriously reconsider accepting their offer simply for educational purposes when the three women started digging through the boxes, pulling out every piece of mesh they saw.
Interrogation
"How tall are you?"
"How much do you weigh?"
"What size shirt do you wear?"
"How often do you train?"
"How long have you been so interested in painting?"
"Have you ever kissed anyone?"
"Are you straight?"
"Would you ever consider a wardrobe change?"
"What hair color do you prefer?"
"Have you ever wanted to tan?"
"How long have you had washboard abs?"
"Are you a virgin?"
"How big is your-"
"Pig! Don't ask that!"
"Fine. Killjoy."
Sai slapped a hand over Sakura's and Ino's mouths, grimaced when both girls licked the palms of his hands, then sat down on the bed between them, looking at the appropriate girl when answering each question. He took a deep breath before speaking in his typical monotone.
"6'0", 180 pounds, large, daily, my whole life, yes, God yes, maybe I'd consider it, doesn't matter, not particularly, a few years, no and haven't been since I was 14, and-"
"Don't answer that!" Hinata and Sakura yelled simultaneously while Ino visibly deflated. Sai smirked proudly at the blush on all of their faces. There was a momentary lapse in conversation, then in three equally shrill voices, "Wait! 14?!" Sai's smirk grew.
Skills A Woman Loves
Sai set a bowl of rice in front of each of his guests, followed quickly by a spoonful of delicious smelling curry on top. Sakura was the first to brave the dish, and all but melted into a puddle in her seat once she had. She nodded vigorously to her friends, who immediately dug into the meal prepared by their gracious host, who at the moment was feeling very proud of himself.
. . . . .
Sai was actually enjoying himself a bit. He was just doing a few chores around his house, folding laundry, washing dishes, tidying up a few things, and getting a very good reaction from his audience. His personal favorite was when he'd vacuumed. Three pairs of very feminine eyes hadn't left his butt for practically an hour. Psht, and they thought he didn't know.
. . . . . .
"I'm taking a shower." The girls watched him leave intently, then plopped down on his couch once he was clear of the premises.
"You know, despite his... well... personality, he's actually a great guy." Sakura said, her green eyes lit up with excitement. "I mean, he cooks, cleans, he's physically fit, he likes to listen and learn about different things. Plus, look at him! He's pretty easy on the eyes."
"Yeah." Ino's blushed lightly and squirmed just a bit in her seat.
"He'd be the perfect guy for just about anyone we know. That is if we could fix that whole jerk-ish mindset he's living in." Hinata nodded in agreement.
"Yeah." Ino tried to curl up in her seat just a bit more.
"And I'm sure if we taught him a few things about talking with girls he'd be able to get just about any of them he went after."
"What are you talking about?" Sai walked out from around the corner, a towel hanging loosely around his hips and another draped around his neck, the end being used to dry his hair.
"Uhhhh..."
"Well..."
"Erm..."
"Hmph." Sai shrugged then headed down the hall to his room to get dressed, perfectly aware that the girls were trying their hardest not to watch as he left.
"He's definitely just about every thing a woman loves." Sakura sighed, thinking happily of her boyfriend, Hinata quickly following suit.
"Yeah." Ino breathed the word shyly.
Nothing Personal, But Your Personality Sucks
It was late that night, and Sai was attempting to sleep on his bed, one member of his company having gone home and the other two sitting on the floor of his room sorting through the clothes they'd have him try on some time soon.
"Do you two plan on going home any time soon?" Both a blonde and a pink head shook furiously in the semi-dark of his bed room.
"Well, I do I suppose. Sasuke is probably freaking out that I'm not home yet, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning." Sai nodded in understanding. "Remember the plan, Pig." She was out the window in a flash. Sai breathed a sigh of relief and lay back on his bed, resting on his stomach, his hands under his chin, doing his best to relax his tense muscles.
Then she sat on him, and his eyes shot open as fast as humanly possible. He tensed back up when she re-positioned herself to be more comfortable, settling into the groove of his lower back. Ino hooked her fingers under the hem of his shirt and pulled it up with ease, up over his head, and then discarded it off the side of his bed. The cool air from the draft coming from the open window hit the warm skin of his back, his pale skin breaking out in goosebumps.
"What are you-" Sai's question trailed off into a low moan when she dug her fingertips into the muscle of his neck, rubbing away the tension.
"We knew that we probably stressed you out with all of this on your day off, so we came up with this as a way to try and make it up to you. That and it'll make it easier for me to discuss a few things with you." He may have nodded, she wasn't sure exactly, but she was fairly certain he had. His face was resting on top of his arms, his legs crossed at the ankles, and his stomach pressed deep into the cushion of his bed. His pillow muffled the occasional moan that escaped his lips, but other than the rare grunt or groan, he didn't make a single noise of complaint from the massage.
Ino's hands moved down from his neck to his shoulder blades, really digging in deeply whenever she'd reach a big spot of tension.
"What-what d-did you w-want to talk to m-me 'bout?" His speech was broken, and he stumbled over a few words.
"Well, to put it bluntly, you're personality sucks, and we think that it's the only thing keeping you from getting a woman, so we want to help you work on your manners and such tomorrow if you'd be willing to." She ran her nails down his shoulder blades unwittingly when she moved to a new spot on his back, and his breath hitched quietly.
"Hn." Was the curt response from the large man beneath her. "S-say, Ino." His voice was low and quiet. Ino's hands paused and she sat up a little straighter at the almost humorous tone in his voice. He looked at her over his shoulder. "Did you still want to know how big I am?" Sai's voice was deep and sensual.
Ino swallowed, her throat suddenly dry, whimpered quietly, then promptly ran from the room as fast as she could, the severely horny young man hot on her heels as he chased her around the house.
Pinching Hurts More Than Embarrassment
"Ow! Sai, stop that!" Ino giggled quietly.
"Why?"
"Because it hurts silly! Ow!" There was a loud smack, followed by a deep growl of satisfaction.
"Feisty."
Sakura and Hinata were a matching pair, their faces practically dyed a deep hue of red. "That wasn't Sai's voice, was it? There's just no way. That was just about the sexiest voice I've ever heard. I just don't believe it." Hinata looked a little woozy, almost looking like she was going to fall over. "Well, at least we don't have to worry about finding him a girl anymore. Mission accomplished." She slapped Hinata heartily on the back, the poor girl whimpering from the blow. "Oh come on Hinata, it's not like it's the first time you've ever heard something like this right? I mean, you and Naruto for sure..."
Hinata ran from the small house screaming, Sakura chasing after her, demanding details.
Ino rushed to the door, the bed sheet wrapped around her tightly. She turned to Sai, "I think Sakura and Hinata heard us."
"So?"
"Aren't you embarrassed?! I feel so embarrassed that it actually hurts." Sai smirked, then promptly reached down to his new girlfriend's practically naked backside and pinched hard, genuinely smiling when she turned around, ready to pound him into the ground. "But that still hurts worse you jerk!" Ino tackled to him to ground, and he happily let her. He smiled up at her as she banged pitifully on his bare chest. She may have come with her friends, but he knew it'd been her idea to help him out, and now she was here with him, but that wasn't quite as important to him as the fact that she'd come a long way just to arrive in his arms.
It was definitely worth accepting their little offer to help him. He hugged Ino tightly as she calmed down a bit. It's really all about the journey to him, and he knew she'd been walking for a long time in a circle to get him to see her. He buried his face in her neck and placed a gentle kiss. This was a good place to be.
The End...
1. Okay... So well I'm not really sure about this at all, but alrighty then.
2. Anyways, my Daddy brought me my laptop, so I can work on a few things tonight! Hooray! I think this whole random fluff drabble thing came to mind while I was coming down off of a pain med high and watching some Spanish soap opera with a pale, black haired guy that was really bored looking (I think he was trying to look sexy) and a platinum blonde (fake might I add) chick with her hair in a pony tail and a purple shirt. Remind you of anybody?
3. This... Sadly was the result of said Spanish soap opera.
4. Heheh, I don't even speak Spanish!
R & R, Love AMB11! Gracias ;)