Olivias pov

8 years. 8 long years since anything in boston. We don't speak of it, we basically don't act like anything has happened. It haunted me in my dreams for a few months after we got to Ireland. They subsided though with the help of Connor and murphy. We live on Noah's sheep farm now. The boys tend to the sheep all day while I help out around the place with Noah. The house isn't much but it's something. Murphy and I don't even have a room. We all sleep on a mattress in the living room area. Sometimes I really wish for a bed with just my husband. Murphy and I got officially married about a year after Boston. We went to a church and his uncle Sebeal married us. I never wanted the huge weddin with the white puffy dress so it worked for me. I was helping cook dinner for the boys since they've been out all day when the door busted open causing me to jump and Noah to look towards it. It was just the boys. I swear sometimes I didn't even notice em with the beards. God I hated the beards! There was so many times I tried to convince murphy to shave but he refused. They just looked at me and their father with emotionless eyes. The boys weren't the same since Boston. They're playfulness was almost completely gone. It killed me. This week had been different though, they're eyes were a little darker. They didn't say a word as Connor sat down at the table and murphy crossed the room to me and kissed me on the forehead without a word.

"dinners almost done" I whispered.

he just nodded. That was basically our conversations now a days. Later that night I had went to bed early, but had been tossing and turning. A few days ago the dreams had returned. Why in 7 years they decided to return now, I had no clue. Plus it was storming outside so that didn't help. All I kept seeing was that day in the courtroom with yakevetta. The dream was so real. I could still feel the air, the adrenaline. I woke up breathing heavy and sat up looking around the room. The boys were snoring logs. I knew I couldn't get back to sleep right away, I was wide awake from that dream. I quietly got up and grabbed my sweater off the table and put it over my undershirt and headed to the patio. Maybe watching the storm would help me calm down. I was met by the cool night air which immediately felt wonderful on my now sweating body. I crossed my arms and leaned against the house. A few minutes later I brought my left hand up and started playing with my wedding ring. I sighed, I missed the old times. I missed the old Connor and I definitely missed the old murphy. I was brought out of my thoughts by someone clearing their throat. I jumped a little and noticed murphy leaning against the doorway. I gave him a small smile and looked back out towards the storm. I heard his footsteps get closer as he stopped right next to me. We were silent for a little bit until he asked,

"the dreams back?"

i just nodded and heard him sigh, "what about dis time?"

"yakevetta...in the courtroom" I whispered.

he nodded,"it's over now ya don't got ta be afraid of im no more"

"I wasn't afraid of him" I said finally meeting his eyes.

he arched an eyebrow and I continued,"sure I was scared when he had us all in that room under his house, but I was never afraid of him"

"den why the nightmares?" He asked.

"they're not really nightmares, they're memories. And the memories are not what scares me and can't put me back to sleep" I said.

"den what is?" He asked.

"adrenaline. What scares me is how much adrenaline I felt and feel in my dreams. It's like I was actually enjoyin it." I whispered.

"Connor and I felt da same way, but it wasn't from da killin. It was from knowin dat families could sleep a little easier at night knowin ders one less asshole on da streets." He said.

I nodded and looked out towards the weather again and then without thinking I said out loud,"I miss you"

he stared at me confused for a few minutes, but then his eyes softened and I saw that glint in his eyes that I haven't seen in 7 years.

"ever since we got here and ever since the baby..." I started but was cut off,

"I'm sorry, I know me and con are actin different round ya. It ain't fair to ya. It's just liv every time I see ya I see dat girl who was dragged into that room by yakevetta and beaten to a pulp. I see da havin to deliver da baby and it lyin dead in is hand."

"murph it's been 8 years" I said comfortingly and placed my hand on his arm.

"I know, but dat was my family and I couldn't protect it" he said defeated.

"murphy look at me" I said.

his crystal blue eyes hesitantly met mine,"you still have your family. You're brother and father are right inside. I'm right here and I will always be here. Right by your side. And Anthony is watching over us always"

"Anthony?" He asked.

i sighed and felt tears fill my eyes,"yea I just figured the baby deserved to die as someone and not a no one"

"Ya tink it was a boy den?" He asked.

"I figured." I smiled and blinked back my tears but one unfortunately slipped.

his hand went to my cheek and immediately wiped it,"ey"

I looked into his eyes as he continued,"I still want ta have a family with ya"

my eyes widened a bit,"you what?"

"I don't know when, but definitely soon I want ta try again." He said.

this was surprising the hell out of me,"but murphy what abo..." He cut me off,

"I know what happened last time, but dis time will be different" he said sternly.

"I don't..." I started to say but was once again cut off,

"Anthony would want it"

i starred into those determined blue eyes of my husband. The dark and emotionless ones were gone. The ones that belonged to my murphy had returned. Tears filled my eyes again as I knew he was back. I finally nodded and he leaned in and kissed me passionately on the lips. Butterflies and electricity filled my stomach. We hadn't kissed like this for a long time. Sure I did not enjoy the beard rubbing against me, but my mind was other places. I felt whole again. We were brought back down to reality when we heard someone clear their throat. We pulled away and saw Connor leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, and smirking. THe playfulness had returned to his eyes as well.

"Didn't mean ta interrupt" he smirked.

"aww fuck you" murphy said.

yep my boys were definitely back. My happiness was short lived though when we saw headlights pulling into the driveway. It was like 3am who could this be? Murphy immediately pulled me behind him and both him and Connor watched the car carefully. A man got out and quickly ran to us in the pouring rain. The boys relaxed when they saw who it was. It was their uncle Sebeal. I smiled welcomingly at him, but immediately noticed the worry in his eyes. My heart started pounding and I immediately grabbed Murphy's hand. Sebeal's eyes met all 3 of ours as he gulped and said,

"something's happened."