Broken Dreams

Chapter One

Bella

"I'm so sorry Isabella..."

"It's...Bella...just Bella."

"You should probably have your father here with you. I should have waited to tell you this. I'm calling him." He reached over to his phone on his desk to call my father and I panicked. I had to stop him.

"No...I...won't...hurt him...this...way." I couldn't think at the moment. That one word was constant inside my head, haunting my every thought. Leukemia… Acute Leukemia…

"I'm sorry Bella, but as your doctor I have to call your father in. You are only seventeen; I should have waited for him to be here with you regardless. There is no reason he shouldn't know about this. You're in shock Bella. You need your father."

"This will...devastate him. I can't...tell him. I wouldn't even know how." How do you tell your own parent that you will die before them? I couldn't do it and I knew it. I knew the doctor was right about my shock. I couldn't even form the onset of tears. I couldn't move a muscle and they began to ache from the stiffness. I was very sure that I couldn't blink. How long did I have? How much time did I have to say goodbye to everyone that I held dear to me? How was I supposed to tell all of them? How was I supposed to tell...Edward?

"How long...do I...have?" I didn't recognize the voice that asked the question, but I felt my lips moving. Did I really want the expiration date?

"Bella, I think it might be better to wait for..."

Oh why wouldn't the man just tell me what I want to know? For being a doctor and giving news such as this, you would think he would understand the importance of the answer to my question. I have...to know how much time I had left.

"Just...please...tell me." My knees rattled, my hands tied in knots around each other, my lips shivered uncontrollably as if I were standing in the bitter January winter with only shorts and T-shirt on. I...couldn't...stop...shaking...

"Bella, you have to understand that acute means the onset came suddenly and quite fast. We-you had no way of knowing when you should have come in to be tested for anything. Please don't burden yourself with blame. Live the rest of your days...happy..."

"What exactly is the rest of my days Doc? Stop dancing around the question and just tell me. Do you seriously want me to take a guess or something? Just...say it already..." My arms were flailing in strange directions as I stood pacing the floor trying to remember how to breathe.

"Bella, it's possible that you could get at least two or three months, but I have to warn you though that it has traveled throughout your body and you may not have that much time. I'm calling your father in today." He paused with his brows furrowed and then spoke again. " However, if you can promise me that you will tell him and I would like confirmation that you have than I will wait if you want to tell him."

Did I want some random stranger telling my dad that his daughter, his only child was going to die in a matter of months, if that? "No. Just give me a little time to let this all...settle in and I...I...will decide how he should be told...okay." I was trying to catch my breath as I spoke, but it became more difficult. Deeper breaths, cold chills, my stomach felt painful. I couldn't catch my breath. Breathe Bella...breathe.

"Bella, you're hyperventilating. I'll be right back." the doctor informed me as my knees hit the hard floor, holding my stomach. Before I could look up at the sound of footsteps coming my way; there was a paper sack being pressed up against my mouth and I was told to try and breathe as normal as possible. After a few moments, breathing became easier, but it still didn't stop the pain in my stomach.

"Bella, you're in complete shock and that is very normal with this sort of news. Did you drive here alone? I think it may be best to just have your father come and pick you up. Maybe..."

"No, no...No... I'm alright now. I have to...think of how to break the news to him. Just let me do this my way please? He lost mom and now he's going to lose the only person he has-had left. I have to do this as gently as I can. I swear to you that I will tell him. Please..."

"Alright Bella, I will give you one week to figure this out and no more."

"That's it? One week to tell him the worst possible news that he could ever hear and that's all you're going to give me?"

"I'm sorry Bella, but I shouldn't give you a full day with you being under age."

"Fine..." I walked out of the room after I grabbed the test results and began down the hallway. That hallway went on forever. When did it end? Tears...where were the tears that should have been streaming like Niagara Falls? Why wasn't I crying? Finally, the hallway ended and I stammered into the elevator. It took a long pause before shutting the doors and went down. Seconds went by as if they were minutes. How many floors were there? I just wanted out of this place and fast.

After what seemed like an hour, I managed to walk out of the front doors and was blasted by cold air. It should have taken my breath away, but all I could think about was being able to breathe at all. When would I take my last breath?

Oh my god! "I'm going to...die."

I don't know what possessed me to dial his number before anyone else, but I took a little comfort in knowing that I could trust him to not say anything to anyone until I was ready. It rang twice and I heard a cheery hello on the other end. Too bad I was about to kill his mood.

"Carlisle...uh...please don't let Edward know that I called you. Can you...meet me? I have to talk to you privately. I'm putting all my trust in you right now not to say a word to Edward or anyone else. Please whatever you do, don't think about coming to see me, Alice might see." The tone of my voice told him this was serious and he agreed. I asked him to meet me at his office in thirty. He was there before me, greeting me with a nervous smile.

"Please have a seat Bella." I was nothing but a ball of nerves, jittery and a feeling of nausea kept trying to bring itself up to the surface. "Bella, you're making me very concerned. Please tell me what this is about? Should I be terribly worried?"

"Carlisle, I don't know how to say this. Um, here, maybe this will be better." I handed him the test results and let it come out that way. It would be better for him to read that instead of hearing me try and explain it. He read through it in about a minute or so. I noticed that he kept reading over the same sheets as if he didn't fully understand the diagnosis the first time, but I knew he did. He was in-denial as I was earlier today. I allowed my head to fall forward. I just didn't have the strength to put on a brave face. I didn't have the energy for anything right now.

"Bella..." he said subtly as he came from around his desk to bend down in front of me, taking my hands in his. The tips of his fingers were cold, but so were mine these days. I couldn't stay warm for nothing. "Bella, I wish that I could say everything will be alright, but I..."

"I know Carlisle. Please don't sugarcoat anything. Do you give me the same time frame that he did?" I had to know that Carlisle agreed or disagreed with the other doctor.

"Bella, does Charlie know?" he didn't want to answer my question.

"So then you agree with his final countdown?"

"...Yes. You haven't told Charlie yet have you?"

"I...I have to accept this before I can tell him."

"I understand Bella, but you shouldn't wait too long, considering..."

"I know..."

"Bella, I hate to ask this, but have you decided how to tell Edward?"

"No. How do I tell him Carlisle? He's always assumed that I would live a long and happy life. How do I tell him that I will die before this year ends?"

"Bella..." He held onto my hands and began rubbing them in a soothing manner, trying to calm me, but it was futile and he knew it. "This will devastate him and you know that. Maybe if you still wanted to..."

"Just stop Carlisle. You know he won't do that no matter what. He's said time and time again that he wouldn't do it. It's...useless."

"Let me think about this awhile before you say anything to him alright. I may come up empty, but..."

The door to his office flew open so hard that it hit the wall behind it. I almost jumped clear out of the seat if it weren't for Carlisle. I turned thinking the worst...Edward, but it wasn't. It was...Alice and she didn't look happy at all.

"I can't believe you two. Did you not think that I didn't see this coming? I am constantly on the lookout for all of us." Alice walked up to me steadfast. If she could have, she would have been crying like a two year old.

"Bella, I won't let this happen..." I had to stop her there. No promises are being made in which they can't be kept.

"Alice, there is nothing you can do. Nothing anyone can do."

"I beg to differ. When Edward finds this out and if he still won't change you, I swear to you right now whether he hates me or not; I will change you myself. He won't have a say in it if he declines. I promise you Bella. Carlisle can help me make sure I don't hurt you unnecessarily."

I wish I had it in me to tell her yes, but I would not let this come between them. I had to decline and she already saw what I would say. "Bella, this is absurd. He will...get over it eventually. Just agree, please. I can't watch you die, I just can't.

"Alice." Carlisle said sternly. "We have to look at this from all sides. The three of us need to relax and calm down. We have no clear way of knowing what Edward will say, so let's…at this point give him the benefit of the doubt. Bella, he loves you and yes you were correct in your assumption earlier. He has thought all this time that you would grow to live a long life, but with this...this will change his perception of everything. I think it's best to tell him right away in the hopes that this does trigger him to agree to it. It may not work, but it's worth a shot and for the rest of us, we cannot wait for you to be family. So what do you say, shall we tell him now and see what the outcome will be?"

"Hm, he won't do it and you know it Carlisle, but it is worth a shot. What do you say Bella? We can all tell him together if you want."

Everything began spinning and I knew I wasn't moving. They were asking a lot from me right now. I felt so lost and alone even with the two of them right here with me. I knew one thing and that was I would tell Edward alone. I had to find my own way of doing this. I told Carlisle and Alice this and they accepted it, but they both agreed it had to be done now. As in right now. No way. I wasn't ready yet. This is why I wanted Carlisle not to think about our meeting. I wasn't ready to speak to anyone about this yet. I still had to come to terms with it myself, but with what was going on; I completely forgot to shut my own thoughts off from Alice.

Alice sat on the arm rest and laid my head in her side and whispered sadly, "Bella, we don't have a whole lot of time. We have to act fast. I'm sorry sweetie, but I just can't watch you slowly die until you're ready to tell him. Please don't make me be witness to that, please. I love you Bella."

The tears finally released the iron grip behind my lids and I crumbled, but agreed. We left the hospital and drove together to their house. The ride there was utter silence. A deafening one... When the house came into view, I immediately wanted to run back the way I came. Alice could see that I was trembling and tried to calm me down.

"Bella, we will all be close by. Stay as calm as you can. I can't see what the decision will be yet because you keep changing your mind about whether or not you will tell him right now."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes and relaxed only slightly.

A/N: Hi to all! Let me know if anyone would like to read on. Should I keep it or delete it? Would love to read your thoughts on the chapter so leave some love if you like. Reena