DISCLAIMER: Everything belongs to their respective owners. But Demolition's mine!
WARNING: Many, many things get bashed in here—it's not nesessarily my opinion. Please forgive me if it offends you!
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At Cloud's Villa in Costa Del Sol, which has been converted into a new Seventh Heaven bar, with rooms for all of AVALANCHE and a media room. It's raining out, so everyone is inside, crowded and bored. Oh, and the FF8 people are there, too.
YUFFIE: (prancing around the room and singing) They SEEK him HERE, they SEEK him THERE, those Frenchies seek him EV-rywhere! Is he in heaven or is he in hell? That DEMMED elusive PIMpernel!!! Ha! Lud, lovely, such conjecturing could drive a man insane! And I'm the one to set this gossip quite to rest! The Pimpernel is me! Indeed! And I'm the queen of Spain. What? The Pimpernel is nothing but a nosy pest
CAIT SITH: PLEEEEEEASE shut up?
YUFFIE: No! And besides, I thought you liked the Scarlet Pimpernel.
CAIT: I do, but not the way you're singing it. And, besides, I've got lots of work to do.
Yuffie stares at him. He's off his mog, and sitting in Cid's recliner, and is, basically, doing nothing.
YUFFIE: What work?
CAIT: Well, first I have to calculate the costs of rebuilding Midgar, Kalm, Fort Condor, North Corel, Nibelheim, and Wutai, and then I have to work out the best way of presenting the total to Rufus, and then I have to bring it to him, and then he'll probably want me to start working out who is in AVALANCHE, and where they're located
He trails off and notices Yuffie staring at him.
CAIT: which will take even longer than normal because I'll have to make it look like I was trying really hard and failed, and then he'll want me to be hospitable to our new buddies, because he wants them to think we're good for some reason
YUFFIE: (realizes) Oh! This is all stuff that Reeve has to do!
CAIT: Yeah, and thanks to a brilliant idea of his, he's controlling me all the time with like a brain chip thingie or something, so I'll be distracted anyways
YUFFIE: Why is it that, a few minutes ago, you referred to Reeve as yourself, and then you referred to him as him', and now you're referring to him as yourself again?
CAIT: (miserably) It's because I'm trying to do too many things at once. Shinra has way too few employees. You think Sephiroth had problems, having to control all those Sephiroth clones? At least he didn't have to control a talking cat robot 24-7 in a madhouse like this
Sephiroth poofs in with a *bamf*.
SEPHIROTH: You called?
CAIT: No.
YUFFIE: Yeah, you can leave.
SEPHIROTH: (plops down on the couch) Screw that, it's boring up at the Crater. Why haven't you guys tried to kill me yet?
YUFFIE: I dunno
Suddenly, Cid and Zell come barreling in the room, followed closely by Squall, Irvine, Cloud, and Barret.
CID: Hah! Yes! I got the remote! Time for Dukes!
ZELL, SQUALL, IRVINE, CLOUD, & BARRET: Nooooooo!!
CLOUD: But what about that thing that guy said would be on?
ZELL: You mean Destructor Q. Smith's Crazy Whirlwind of Explosions?
IRVINE: No, I think he means John R. Eporter's National World Weekly.
SQUALL: Is that the show you guys were watching last week that had all that crap bout the Obel lake monster being an alien planning to take over the world with Pupu, and that they had kidnapped Julia the singer?
IRVINE: Yeah!!
SQUALL: Cool! Let's watch it!
CID: ^#$%#%! You kids don't know the meaning of quality programming!
SQUALL: Sure we do. And it's not Dukes of Hazzard.
CID: %@$@#$$!!!!! (slams down in his recliner, as Cait gets out of the way just in time, and turns on the TV)
TV: We regret to inform you that Dukes of Hazzard, due to incredibly low ratings, has been cancelled this evening.
CID: %$%&$^#%@#%@#%#$^^!!! NOO!!!
TV: Instead, we bring you the shockingly highly rated special, Dawson's Creek on Temptation Island!
EVERYONE: NNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!
YUFFIE: Quick, change the channel! Before it gets to our brains!
Cid mashes the remote with his hand, and the changes the channel to 668, the only FF8 channel that's possible to get in FF7.
TV: Coming up next: it's the tabloid of TV—John R. Eporter's National World Weekly!
EVERYONE BUT CID: Hooray!
Everyone piles onto various pieces of furniture.
SEPHIROTH: Ow! Cloud, get off me!
Cloud moves to the floor.
CLOUD: Sorry. I didn't know you were there.
SEPHIROTH: Well, I am.
CLOUD: So, how's that Meteor thing going?
SEPHIROTH: Slow. I can't believe it's been 6 months since I summoned it and it still hasn't come any closer!
CLOUD: Tough luck.
SEPHIROTH: How's your plan for killing me coming along?
CLOUD: Pretty good. Basically, one of us will summon Knights of the Round, and everyone else will mime im.
SEPHIROTH: Sounds like a plan.
CLOUD: I've been working on mastering KoR, but I got bored, so I quit.
ZELL: Shhh. It's on.
(ON TV) JOHN R. EPORTER: Welcome to this week's edition of National World Weekly. Today, we examine werecoyotes—are they real, or just another stupid myth?
Irvine coughs nervously.
(ON TV) JOHN: Now, while some of our evidence goes back for thousands of years, the most interesting evidence has been within the past 17 years. During the Sorceress War, there were several attacks on soldiers in the field. They were all apparently eaten. One group of soldiers went after the werecoyote they claimed had attacked them. Only one of then is alive today.
The TV cuts to a room with a guy of about 40, being interviewed.
GUY: Well, we weren't about to just let the thing eat us! First Bill, Pete, and Greg went. I was gonna be the lookout. Then I heard gunshots, and all these screams. So I went to look, and there they were, all dead, with this huge nasty-lookin' coyote standing near them, with blood and guts dripping from its mouth. There was also a girl there, pretty little thing, maybe 20 years old, also dead. And I ran outta there like a shot—I wouldn't let that savage beast kill me, too!
The TV cuts back to John.
JOHN: Only 5 years later, there was a series of animal attacks, right here in Deling City. Rumor has it that a sorceress was called in to get rid of the problem, but not before the werecoyote claimed another victim—Julia Heartilly, the singer and the wife of General Caraway.
SQUALL: Hey, Rinoa! The TV's going on about your mom!
RINOA: (coming in the room) What?
(ON TV) JOHN: Julia was driving home from a late-night shopping trip with her 5-year-old daughter Rinoa, when something leapt onto the roof of the car. Julia lost control of the car and crashed into the wall of a nearby building, wrecking the car and badly injuring her. But, according to Esthar's most prominent scientist, Dr. Hisman
ZELL: I thought that was Dr. Odine.
CLOUD: Shh!
(ON TV) JOHN: she would have survived. But the creature that jumped on the roof was hungry—and it smelled blood. Ripping the door of the car, the monster set in to feast on poor Julia.
RINOA: But that's a total lie!
Irvine glances around nervously.
(ON TV) JOHN: When General Caraway came running up to it, he scared the beast away. And we are quite fortunate to have General Caraway here with us tonight.
The TV cuts to General Caraway sitting in the interview chair.
GENERAL CARAWAY: You didn't say anything about a live interview.
JOHN: Can you tell us what your daughter told you?
GENERAL CARAWAY: She was in shock and she barely remembered a thing. She thought she saw a big dog' eating my wife, but, as I said, she was in shock.
JOHN: Uh-huh, and why do you think the creature ran away instead of devouring you?
GENERAL CARAWAY: Because there was no creature. How many times do I have to tell you?
JOHN: Is it true that you organized a special army unit for destroying all the werecoyotes just after the tragedy?
GENERAL CARAWAY: This interview is over!
RINOA: Yeah, you tell em, General!
The TV cuts back to John, standing alone in a dark shadowy room.
JOHN: And there have been a few reports of chocobo mutilations and other animal attacks near the former location of Balamb Garden, just within the past year.
YUFFIE: Omigawd! That's, like, right where you SeeD guys live!
JOHN: The werecoyote is a bit different from the werewolf of legend. Although many aspects are the same, the werecoyote changes at the new moon, rather than the full moon, and is vulnerable to Mythril, rather than silver. So lock your doors at night, stock up on the mythril bullets, and remember: you could be next!
Yuffie screams. Cid turns off the TV.
CID: What a $#¡+load of crap!
RINOA: Yeah, tell me about it. I would remember if my mother were eaten! That guy's just a sick crazy guy who'll stop at nothing to get good ratings.
IRVINE: (stands up) Yes, but now I have to leave on a totally unrelated matter.
YUFFIE: Are you going to get some mythril bullets?
IRVINE: (sarcastically) Yes, Yuffie, I'm going to get mythril bullets. (leaves the room)
CAIT: Who, me, President? Oh, I've been hard at work with those figures you wanted crap crap crap!
Everyone stares at Cait.
CLOUD: Hey Cid, pass me the remote. I wanna play Resident Evil.
Cid throws the remote at Cloud, who manages to catch it and turns the game on.
ZELL: You know what I wanna know?
EVERYONE BUT CLOUD: What?
ZELL: Who was D.I.J.? That guy from that file in RE:CV. Who was he?
CID: Rebecca.
ZELL: Rebecca?
BARRET: You mean dat stupid ditz from RE 1?
YUFFIE: Didn't she, like, drop off the face of the earth after the first game?
CID: She's *very* *smart*.
SQUALL: You are being sarcastic, right?
CID: Oh, god, yes. Now shut the #$$% up!
RINOA: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah. Heaven forbid that we should miss the crappy voice acting of RE 1.
ZELL: Hey, if you wanna diss RE, you can leave.
RINOA: Fine, then, I will. (leaves)
SEPHIROTH: Did you really want to know who D.I.J. was?
ZELL: Hell, yeah!
SEPHIROTH: He's my good friend Demolition X. Jones, from EDA.
YUFFIE: EDA?
SEPHIROTH: Evil Doers Anonymous. I'm a member, and so is he. I think it's a requirement, to be a good bad guy.
ZELL: Are you sure it was him? It doesn't make any sense
SEPHIROTH: Oh, yeah! I can call him if you like!
ZELL: No, that's
SEPHIROTH: Demolition!
There is a bamf and Demolition poofs in. He's one of those tall, dark, and handsome evil guys, wearing a black leather trenchcoat with more black clothes underneath. Yuffie is in awe of him, and swooning.
DEMOLITION: Hey, Seph. You called?
SEPHIROTH: Yeah, tell these guys about how you're D.I.J. from Resident Evil: Code Veronica.
DEMOLITION: Yep. That's me. I was also Nemesis, and I got paid a little extra to drag away the corpses when you leave the room, and change the police station a little bit between RE3 and RE2.
ZELL: But that guy's initials are D. I. J., and you're Demolition X. Jones.
DEMOLITION: (slightly embarrassed) Yeah, well, my middle name used to be Ichabod, but when I went evil I changed it to Xanthus, to sound cooler. And when I was in RE, they changed it back to I so no one would know it was me.
SQUALL: Why haven't you been in any video games or anything? You seem like a pretty good bad guy.
DEMOLITION: Uh.
SEPHIROTH: At EDA we think he's trying too hard. The RE people felt sorry for him, which is why he was in RE at all, but (shakes his head) Nemesis? That's not a good role.
DEMOLITION: (defensively) Hey, it pays the bills! Well, I guess I gotta get back to my latest job.
SQUALL: What's that?
DEMOLITION: (proudly) One of those crusty minion guys on Buffy. Also, sometimes I'm Ben's stunt double.
SEPHIROTH: Oh, I always wanted to be a bad guy on Buffy, but they said too many people knew who I was, and a crossover would be really stupid.
DEMOLITION: Tough luck. Bye!
Demolition bamfs out.
SQUALL: What a nice guy.
YUFFIE: (recovers) Yeah
CLOUD: Aaah! A zombie!
Everyone yells and dives behind various pieces of furniture.
CLOUD: Die! Die! Die!
Quistis comes in the room.
QUISTIS: What're you guys doing?
CLOUD: Die! Playing Resident Evil.
QUISTIS: Hmm.
YUFFIE: You like Resident Evil, don't you, Quistis?
QUISTIS: Well, it's pretty lame.
YUFFIE: Lame?
CLOUD: Lame?? Die!
ZELL: LAME???
QUISTIS: It's not very original. It's only scary because things are jumping out at you and trying to kill you. Oh, and the voice actors are lousy, and it's pretty predictable. But I like the plot in all of the games, even though the whole evil company thing's been done.
YUFFIE: We'll make you one of us yet! Wanna watch?
QUISTIS: Only if people don't attack me for making fun of the game.
CID: Are you #$@#$ kidding? It's like a B movie—it's $@#$@ fun to make fun of!
QUISTIS: Goody! (leaps on the couch; there is room because everyone is still behind various pieces of furniture)
CAIT: (without warning) Hey, guys?
CLOUD: Whaaaaat????
CAIT: Um, you might like to know that Shinra's got some new allies. There's seven of them, and Rufus has convinced them that they're good and we're evil.
YUFFIE: So?
CAIT: The allies are good. And they have a huge honking spaceship!
YUFFIE: That's bad.
CID: Did you say spaceship?
CAIT: Yeah. They more or less live on it.
CID: What are we waiting for? Obviously we have to kill these guys and steal their spaceship!
CAIT: It's not that simple!
CID: Why the #@%@ not?
CAIT: Well, first of all, they're really, really hard to kill. And second of all, the spaceship is sentient. It wouldn't like being stolen, and probably wouldn't let us.
CID: Then we'll get em all to defect!
CLOUD: Oh my god!!!
YUFFIE: What?
CLOUD: A TYRANT!!!!!!!! Aaaah! Aaaaah! Die! Die! Die!
Everyone starts screaming along with him, just for the heck of it, except for Quistis, who is laughing hysterically.
CLOUD: Crap! I died
Quistis struggles to stop laughing as everyone else recovers.
YUFFIE: Lemme play!
CLOUD: okay. But don't save over my game!
YUFFIE: Okay! I don't wanna be stupid Chris anyways. I wanna be Jill, the Master of Unlocking!
Quistis shudders at the amount of cheesiness.
CAIT: Why'd you shudder just now?
QUISTIS: (snorts) The master of unlocking'.
CAIT: Oh, I see.
SQUALL: Everyone? Hello? What're we gonna do about those new allies of Shinra?
EVERYONE: Uhhh
CAIT: You want me to bring em over here so you can make them defect?
CLOUD: If it's not too much trouble.
CAIT: Nah. I live for this sort of thing.
YUFFIE: Shut up! I love this part.
Everyone stares at the TV for a minute, where Jill is running into the first zombie.
QUISTIS: Um. why?
YUFFIE: I just do.
ZELL: We gotta invite those RE guys over sometime.
YUFFIE: Only if they promise not to bring one of the viruses!
QUISTIS: Yeah, then I can make fun of them in person!
CID: And you're not worried that that $%@% Nemesis will bite your $%@#% head off when you do?
QUISTIS: No, see, he's our new buddy Demolition, remember?
CID: Oh, right. Damn cheap RE programmers, couldn't afford a real Nemesis
YUFFIE & CLOUD: Are you dissing RE????
CID: Hell, no. Just the programmers.
CLOUD: Oh, well, that's okay then.
CAIT: A thought comes to mind.
QUISTIS: What?
CAIT: Maybe I should tell everyone else that we've got guests coming over in a few minutes.
YUFFIE: Ya think?
There is a loud engine-humming thumpy noise from outside.
CLOUD: Too late.
* * *
*Outside*
The Andromeda has just landed, just barely fitting in the field next to Costa Del Sol. Reeve leads the crew out.
REEVE: it's right over there. (points at the house)
BEKA: Are you *sure* they're the good guys?
REEVE: For the last time, yes!
BEKA: Because that would make *you* a bad guy.
REEVE:
TYR: I warned you not to trust him.
REEVE: Look, Shinra is the bad guy, but I'm not. I mean, I *do* work for Shinra, but I don't like being evil. I'm the head of Urban Development, and they keep killing everyone. And I'm a spy for AVALANCHE.
BEKA: And we should believe you because
TRANCE: Oh, come on, guys. He sounds serious. I think we should trust him.
BEKA: You and your feelings
HARPER: All I'm saying is I told you so. I *knew* Shinra was evil.
ROMMIE: We know, Harper. You don't have to keep saying so.
Suddenly, Cid comes running outside, followed closely by Cait Sith, Yuffie, Cloud, Quistis, Squall, and Barret.
CID: %$#%#$^#$%^$#%@%@#$%#$$%!!!!!
QUISTIS: Cid!
YUFFIE: Way to give a good impression
CID: But it's a big ^#$^#ing spaceship!!
YUFFIE: Yes, we know.
CAIT: Hi, Reeve!
REEVE: Shut up, you.
CAIT: Hey, it's not my fault you decided to leave me running! You could have shut me down, but noooo, you had to keep being a spy!
DYLAN: So he is a spy.
REEVE: Yes! Just like I've been telling you for the past hour!
QUISTIS (steps forward) Sorry about all these morons. I'm Instructor Quistis Trepe, of Balamb Garden, and these are Cid Highwind, Yuffie Kisaragi, Cloud Strife, Cait Sith, Barret Wallace, and Squall Leonheart. The first five are from AVALANCHE; the latter one is a SeeD. (offers her hand)
DYLAN: (accepting her hand) I'm Captain Dylan Hunt, of the Starship Andromeda Ascendant. These are my crew, First Officer Beka Valentine, Environmental Science Officer Trance Gemini, Weapons Officer Tyr Anasazi, Chief Engineer Seamus Harper, Navigational Officer Rev Bem, and the ship made flesh, who we call Rommie.
Everyone kind of stands around awkwardly for a minute or so.
YUFFIE: Umm Beka?
BEKA: What?
YUFFIE: Did he say your last name was Valentine?
BEKA: (wary) Yeah
YUFFIE: As in Vincent? Oh, and Jill?
BEKA: Uhh I guess?
YUFFIE: Does that mean you're all related?
BEKA: I have a brother. That's it.
YUFFIE: Is his name Vincent?
QUISTIS: Yuffie, let it go.
Yuffie looks down.
CAIT: Maybe we should take them in to meet everyone else.
ROMMIE: Everyone else?
QUISTIS: That would be Rinoa, Irvine, Tifa, Aeris, Selphie, Red XIII, and that Vincent that Yuffie keeps talking about.
DYLAN: That sounds good.
YUFFIE: Omigawd! I left my game running! (runs inside)
Everyone kind of saunters inside.
QUISTIS: You can make yourselves at home I need to find everyone.
Quistis vanishes upstairs. Yuffie, Barret, Cloud, Cait, and Cid go back into the media room. Zell starts to follow them, then freezes, staring at Trance's tail.
ZELL: Hey! She has a tail! Just like that guy!
TRANCE: (slightly taken aback) What guy?
ZELL: This guy in FF9 they're all kinda weird. Do you like Resident Evil?
TRANCE: I've never heard of that.
ZELL: It's a video game that's what they're all doing in there. I'm gonna watch as soon as I get a hot dog.
Zell goes into the kitchen. Trance follows him, for lack of a better thing to do. Irvine is already in there, rummaging in the fridge.
IRVINE: Ah-HAH! I knew we had leftover chicken in here! (turns around, chicken container in hand, and sees Trance first thing) Whoa! Sparkly purple babe at 11:00!
ZELL: But it's 1!
IRVINE: (ignores Zell, puts his chicken on the counter, and turns on the charming grin) My name is Irvine. Who might I have the pleasure of meeting?
TRANCE: I'm Trance.
IRVINE: Trance. What a perfect name.
TRANCE: Why?
IRVINE: Because you've hypnotized me!
Trance giggles. Zell pushes past Irvine and opens the fridge.
ZELL: Damn it! No more hot dogs!
IRVINE: Trance, how do you feel about a movie?
TRANCE: Umm I don't know.
IRVINE: We could walk down to the Balamb movie theater in the mall
ZELL: It's raining.
IRVINE: or we could watch a movie on the TV in my room.
TRANCE: You have a TV in your room?
IRVINE: Oh, yeah.
ZELL: Don't do it, Trance! He's evil!
IRVINE: (glares at Zell) No, I'm not! (turns back to Trance with a smile) Well?
TRANCE: A movie sounds nice. What is a movie?
IRVINE: {Hmm another stupid one. Oh, well.} I'll explain it to you on the way up.
Irvine and Trance leave. Zell decides he can have popcorn instead, and starts hunting for it.
In the media room
Beka, Harper, and Reeve have joined the media room gang. Barret has left somewhere, and Selphie has come in as well.
CAIT: Lemme have a turn! I want a turn! Oh, why won't you let me have a turn!
CLOUD: Because you always die.
CAIT: Well, excuse me! It's hard to get the hand-eye coordination right!
YUFFIE: Reeve, does he just, like, say whatever you happen to be thinking at the time?
REEVE: No.
CAIT: Yes.
REEVE: Shut up! You say what I tell you to say!
CAIT: Make me!
Reeve growls and moves as if to attack Cait, but Squall stops him.
SQUALL: Talking to yourself is a sign of insanity. {Or so people keep telling me.} Attacking yourself *is* insane.
CAIT: I wasn't going to attack me!
YUFFIE: Now that's just disturbing.
HARPER: Wow. Imagine if I had built Rommie to be a cat instead of herself.
BEKA: Scary.
Vincent comes in, whining.
VINCENT: Cid, you used my car again without asking, didn't you?
CID: Hell, no! One of those crazy teenagers musta took it for a @$$# joyride!
SELPHIE: We're not crazy!
VINCENT: Trust me, teenagers are crazy by definition. You should've seen Sephiroth.
YUFFIE: Hey you were asleep when Sephiroth was a teenager, weren't you?
Vincent sweatdrops.
BEKA: Um, confusion?
Vincent turns to stare at Beka. And continues to stare.
BEKA: What?
VINCENT: Have we met?
BEKA: Why does everyone always think they know me? I'm not that much of a slut oops, I've said too much.
VINECNT: What are your parents' names?
BEKA: (taken aback) My father was Ignatious I never knew my mother's name.
VINCENT: Hmm (trying to remember something) Ignatious, Ignatious
BEKA: (sighs) What, are you another of his so-called friends who he owed money?
VINCENT: No, I believe he was my second cousin.
BEKA: (stares at him) Are you Vincent?
YUFFIE: Hah! They are related! I knew it! Now all I have to do is get Jill here and borrow her lockpicks and a rocket launcher (giggles crazily)
REEVE: Wait a minute. You're all Valentines?
BEKA: Yeah.
REEVE: I was under the impression that they were all dead. Minus Sephiroth, of course.
CLOUD: Waitaminnit, Sephiroth's a Valentine?
VINCENT: Yes, if you must know, Hojo was my younger brother. We also had a sister, Jun, and our half-brother Tseng was born right around the time Sephiroth was.
CID: #$%#%#, Hojo and Tseng, too??? Damn, you Valentines sure love to work for Shinra!
REEVE & CAIT: You can say that again!
Everyone turns to stare at Reeve.
SELPHIE: Does that mean you're a Valentine, too?
REEVE: Oh, no. My last name is Owens.
CAIT: But my grandmother was.
YUFFIE: It's, like, a family reunion!
Up in Cloud's room, which is currently being shared with Zell and Irvine. Irvine is going through his collection of movies in his dimensional pocket, while Trance is examining Cloud's room.
TRANCE: (holding up a materia) Wow. It's so pretty!
IRVINE: (glances at it) Yeah what kind of movie do you wanna watch?
TRANCE: Umm, I don't know. Why don't you pick one?
IRVINE: Anything you say.
Trance grins. Irvine decides that a long, happy movie would be better than porn or horror, and chooses The Tenth Kingdom from his box of movies that girls love to watch'.
IRVINE: How about a snack while we watch?
TRANCE: Okay.
IRVINE: Stay here. I'll get us something.
In the kitchen
Zell is making a bag of popcorn in the microwave. He's surprisingly good at making convinience foods, so it's not burning or anything. The mircowave beeps. Zell pulls the bag out, opens it, and dumps it in a bowl.
IRVINE: (pops up in the doorway) I smell rich and buttery goodness!
ZELL: No, way, man! This is my popcorn!
IRVINE: Come on, Zell, pleeeeeasse? Chicks love popcorn during movies!
ZELL: No!
IRVINE: (pulls a few gil out of his pocket) Here, Zell. Here's 50 gil. Go buy yourself a hot dog, and let me have the popcorn.
ZELL: Alright! 50 gil! Balamb Mall, here I come!
Zell runs out of the room. Irvine snags the bowl of popcorn and runs back upstairs.
In the front room
Dylan, Rommie, Rev Bem, and Tyr are still just standing around, afraid that it'll be rude of them to go running around without permission. Tifa saunters in. She sees them, and stops in her tracks. She turns and goes back out. She rubs her eyes and slaps her forehead a few times, then comes back in.
TIFA: .
DYLAN: I, uhh, don't believe we've met.
TIFA: I'm Tifa Lockhart, and I'm sorry, but the bar's closed today.
DYLAN: We're not here for the bar. I'm Captain Dylan Hunt, of the Starship Andromeda. This is Tyr Anasazi, Rev Bem, and Rommie. (gestures at each of them when he speaks, respectively)
ROMMIE: Reeve brought us here. And Quistis let us in. I think she was looking for you.
TIFA: Oh. Oh! The nerve of them! Bringing all these crazy people to my bar?
ROMMIE: We're not
TIFA: Oh, no offense. But you are. This is my bar, my house, and if they want to bring whatever guests they see fit I'll show them! Where is Quistis?
DYLAN: I think she went upstairs.
TIFA: Good. (runs upstairs.)
More to come soon!