As you may have noticed, I attempted to do a weekly revision of Day Five from the onset last January, but I was demoralized by Day 5: 9:00 A.M.-10:00 A.M., which was less than continuous than I expected and love from 24 at its best.
Therefore, after much consideration, I decided to review the season when it completed and publish what I would believe to be the better version of 24: Day Five. However, my mind never stops creating and so, while watching this season, I've been coming up with improvements on my own and writing them down.
Now that Day Five is done, I've decided to publish my revision-in full-of this excellent season.
After watching, I've come to the conclusion that this was an emotional, powerful, and well-planned season. Unfortunately, it is not perfect. There are several bumps around the quarter mark, but then it picks up speed and quality and goes on strong for the rest of the day. And sure, sometimes the pace is too quick for it to be truly realistic, but as long as the quality and plot remain superior, such a flaw can be looked past.
My revision of Day Five will not require a major restructuring as Days Three and Four did, but there are specific areas which need to be fixed.
Tony Almeida's death at the end of Hour 13 was completely unacceptable, and an utter disgrace to his character and to the show. And to hear that it was Plan B makes it even worse, but makes Jack's curious lack of concern for his best friend Tony's passing more understandable.
I realize that it would have made the season's final act more complex to have Tony as Jack's partner, avenging Michelle's death, but who said 24 was simple? The writers would have had to explain why Tony hated Henderson, and that would have forced them to explain Henderson's involvement in setting up Jack as Palmer's assassin, using Michelle, Tony, and Chloe as decoys. Yes, it would have been made everything more complicated, but 24 should not embrace the simplistic approaches of most television shows today. Having Tony as a major player would have added a new dimension, and the writers should have worked to make it work. Any justification does not forgive their laziness in killing off a MAJOR character almost like an afterthought.
Maybe had they given Tony a better death, a death worthy of the likes of George Mason and Ryan Chappelle, I, and many others I'm sure, would have been able to forgive the writers. We miss Mason and Chappelle, but the show is better for their powerful deaths. So, in order to preserve the effectiveness of Day Five's final act in having Jack work essentially on his own, and give Tony the death he deserves, I've decided to have Tony die a few hours after his "official" passing, in a heroic fashion that does justice to his character.
Tony's heroic death would explain why Jack is more emotionally stable in the last act than he should have been following his friend's brutal death, and explain the curious lack of mentionings of Tony during Jack's encounters with Henderson.
Another major plot restructuring is the cutting of Bierko's escape and hijacking of a sub. It is such a blatant way to get Jack some action after the recording is erased, and to serve as a vehicle to play out the relationship between Jack and Henderson. Not only is it simply there to give Bierko a "fitting" finish, but it is to fill a hole in the story between the recording's erasure and Jack's personal takedown of the President. In my version, Bierko is put away for life. And I actually fill in the hole with, what I believe, a decent bridge that gives the season's final act more continuity and continues the story's momentum toward taking down President Logan. I eat my cake as well, as my version gives Jack and Henderson the exact same opportunity to have their climatic encounter.
Besides that, I loved this season despite all the bumps in the road. It is perhaps the best season since Day Two, and not because of its similarities, but because it tells a better story. It tells a more horizontal, inter-connecting story than the rather vertical and simplistic Day Four. It tells a more clearer, more exciting, and more connected story than Day Three. It dealt with far more powerful themes, such as redemption, betrayal, and the corrupting influence of power. It was more directly connected to Day Four than Day Three was for Day Two.
The initial changes of locale remain, though I have switched from the White House to the Aspen Wye River Conference Center on the Eastern Shore of Maryland in order to better facilitate Jack's two overthrows of the presidency. Not only is the location of D.C. refreshing, it serves a symbol of Day Five's theme: the corrupting influence of power.
Subsequent revisions may come later, as I'm not so sure on some minor issues, but for now, this is the final revision of the powerful and moving 24: Day Five.
I know my revisions aren't perfect, and I always appreciate feedback or suggestions to help improve my plot structuring. So if you have anything to say about my alternative version of this excellent television show, write a review in the reviews section. Thanks.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the following. I am not making any money whatsoever. The characters, concepts and situations of this story belong to 20th Century Fox and Imagine Entertainment.
7:00 A.M. - 8:00 A.M.
7:00 A.M. EST Jack waits to be hired at a fishing pier in Annapolis, Maryland. The captain refers to him as "Frank Flynn."
7:02 A.M.
In Wayne Palmer's Washington, D.C. high rise apartment, former President Palmer works on his memoirs. Wayne notices that Palmer is distracted. As Palmer stands by the window overlooking the city, a gunshot blasts through the glass and hits him in the neck. From another building, the assassin Haas lowers his rifle.
7:04 A.M.
Aides Walt Cummings and Mike Novick prep President Logan at the Wye Woods retreat in Queenstown, Maryland. Logan asks Cummings to look in on the First Lady before the Russian President's visit. "She can't have one of her meltdowns today," he warns. Novick gets word that Palmer has been killed. He is grief-stricken.
7:07 A.M.
At the Pentagon, Defense Secretary Heller and his assistant Scott Borman run through their lists to narrow the search. Logan demands from Heller that the assassin be killed or arrested before the Russian President arrives. Heller advises the President to postpone his signing of the arms agreement treaty in case the incidents are connected. Logan refuses.
7:08 A.M.
Chloe wakes up and kicks out her DoD subordinate, Spenser Wolff, from her bed. She tells him that the night before was a mistake, but Spenser disagrees. Suddenly, Chloe's cell phone gets a text message that Palmer is dead.
7:10 A.M.
Jack watches television reports of Palmer's assassination from his small apartment on the Chesapeake Bay. He tears up at the news. When someone knocks at the door, Jack trains his gun. He lowers it when he realizes that it is his neighbor and girlfriend, Diane Huxley. She invites "Frank" over for breakfast.
7:11 A.M.
Diane's teenage son Derek is not pleased that his mother is seeing "Frank." Derek tries to catch Jack in a lie on his fishing work. Diane doesn't question Jack about his past because she trusts him.
7:13 A.M.
From their Virginia home, Tony and Michelle see the news about Palmer. They argue about whether to call in to their former employer CTU since they were on the investigations into the previous attempts on Palmer's life. Michelle thinks they could assist the case. Tony wants to focus on their current company. She leaves alone for D.C., but when she gets in her car, it explodes. Tony finds Michelle's body in the wreckage. Another blast hits Tony and knocks him over.
-Commercial Break-
7:21 A.M.
At the Pentagon, Edgar Stiles and Spenser look for connections between Tony, Michelle and Palmer. Edgar calls Chloe, who is on her way into the office. He tells her that Michelle is dead and that Tony is injured. Chloe becomes suspicious when she sees a white van trailing her. She hangs up on Edgar and runs. Inside the van is Haas. Chloe loses the man chasing her in the morning commute rush.
7:23 A.M.
While sitting with Diane, Jack gets an urgent call from Chloe who apologizes for breaking protocol. She tells him about Tony and Michelle, as well as the people chasing her. Chloe is convinced that all the people who know about Jack being alive are targeted. Jack warns her to go dark because there might be a leak inside the government. He instructs her to head south out of Washington to a coal plant where he will meet her. Jack pulls a satchel out of the air vent in his apartment and leaves.
7:25 A.M.
Tony is sent to the Pentagon for medical attention because they can't protect him at a hospital. Heller wants his team to find the connection between Tony and Michelle with Palmer. Audrey Raines arrives at the Pentagon. Audrey agrees with her father about postponing the treaty signing, but the President cannot be swayed.
7:27 A.M.
President Logan gives a press conference about Palmer's death at the retreat.
7:28 A.M.
An aide named Evelyn puts the final touches on First Lady Martha Logan's makeup. "I look like a wedding cake," Martha says before abruptly dunking her head in the sink of water. Walt Cummings breaks the news about Palmer to her. She becomes upset because she and the former President were close friends. Martha says she has to talk to her husband immediately. Cummings orders the secret service agents to keep her away from the press conference.
7:30 A.M.
Martha goes outside, and argues with Novick and the agents holding her back. She refuses to tell them what is so urgent and asks to see Logan when he is done.
-Commercial Break-
7:37 A.M.
Jack speeds to the harbor and knocks out a rescue helicopter pilot. Derek has followed him because he is worried about his mom. Jack takes Derek at gunpoint and forces him onto the chopper.
7:39 A.M.
Tony is wheeled into the Pentagon on a gurney. He suffers from head trauma that has affected his speech. Borman shows Heller that Tony's phone records prove he spoke to Palmer on the day Jack was killed. The transcript files have been corrupted.
7:40 A.M.
Logan comes to see his wife and she apologizes for making a scene. Martha thinks that Palmer was killed because of her. She explains that Palmer had called her yesterday and wanted to meet about something involving national security and Logan. The President wonders why Palmer didn't call him directly, but Martha points out that he shut Palmer out of the White House. She was his only access. Martha realizes that her husband doesn't believe her. "I am not crazy!" she exclaims. Logan promises that he will have Cummings look into it. He sweetly asks her to get ready for the Russian president's visit.
7:42 A.M.
Logan tells Cummings that Martha is suffering from another one of her delusions. He recounts what she told him about Palmer. Logan doesn't want Cummings to do anything about her claims.
7:43 A.M.
Aboard the helicopter, Jack assures Derek that he is not being kidnapped. He only wants to prevent him from going to the police. When Derek asks who he is, Jack answers: "Someone who's not supposed to still be alive."
7:44 A.M.
Jack calls Diane and instructs her to pick up her son in Washington. She is freaked out, but he asks her to trust him. Jack explains to Derek will be freed once he's completed his task in Washington.
-Commercial Break-
7:50 A.M.
Edgar is worried about Chloe because she hasn't arrived or answered her cell phone. Spenser assures Edgar that Chloe is fine because he saw her earlier. Edgar realizes that they are dating.
7:52 A.M.
Chloe arrives by taxi at the coal plant to meet Jack. Her jacket gets caught in the fence and she leaves it. Chloe thinks she can tap into the DoD mainframe from the research library at Georgetown. With no car, they get back in the helicopter.
7:53 A.M.
As Jack starts the engine, a car pulls up. He realizes that the men have been following Chloe. The helicopter cannot achieve enough speed to take off. The van and another car approach. Jack throws smoke bombs in front of the chopper, and has Chloe take Derek to hide. Haas and his team cannot see through the smoke. Jack takes the team down one by one.
7:54 A.M.
Haas approaches where Chloe and Derek are hiding. Jack shoots him in the leg. Chloe quickly plugs rounds into Haas, but Jack yells for her to hold her fire.
7:55 A.M.
Jack orders Chloe to walk away with Derek. He tells Haas that he will only receive medical attention if he confesses why they are after him. Haas says that Palmer was the primary target and the others were just a diversion to make it look like Jack did it. Haas doesn't know who hired him. When Jack learns that this is the man who killed Palmer, he shoots him dead. Chloe and Derek wince as they watch.