Okay so uh... I've been around, I've seen a picture. So have all of my friends. That very same picture. One friend decided "Hey, you should write a crack fiction" and I decided "Maybe I will!" So we thought and thought and BAM There was that picture. So the fiction has a picture as inspiration. Wanna see? Read the whole thing, first. Enjoy this yummy crack!

... Sunday, 9:51 PM : : The Mog (A bar just outside of Midgar…) ...

The sensations that threatened to consume him were unlike any other he'd felt before. Fire ran through his veins and bubbled in his groin whereas ice shot up his spine and chilled his skin. What had he ordered? He couldn't quite recall, the fizzy lime green liquid appearing to be a soft shade of purple. No longer could he make out the gentle murmurs of the near vacant bar, the room blurring and spinning before his very eyes.

"Excuse me… sir?" Still, though his body and mind seemed to be in an ephemeral state of bliss, the husky voice that called out to him broke through the haze with a most stunning ease. "Would you mind if I took a seat here?"

Slowly, in a baffled daze, he gave a small nod, hardly able to make out the man's figure as he took to the stool beside him. He watched and watched as the other ordered his drink, watched as he brought the small glass up to his lips, and he even watched as the bulb in his throat dipped and rose when he swallowed.

"What's your name, hm?" Came that same husky and yet smooth voice. For a moment, the world seemed to end as he fought to find an answer to the simple question; his brain was making it quite an impossible feat. "Your name…?"

"Seph… Sephiroth…" There was a smile, hardly visible and still, he'd seen it. It was soon replace with a sly smirk as the other male placed his arms onto the counter, supporting himself as he glanced over at Sephiroth with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Sephiroth, eh? Well Seph—"

"You're eyes are…" There was a hiccup in the slurred interruption, Sephiroth's pale, shaky fingers reaching out to brush against the other's soft, unblemished cheek. "Are really brown…"

But then he chuckled, wrapping his much larger fingers around the ones groping at his face. Sephiroth could only blink, not quite used to the feeling of someone running their fingers through his hair. It was new… and he could easily get used to it. But it didn't take long for the warm tingling to disperse as the hand was removed and placed on his thigh. He almost brought himself to push it away that is, until the gently kneaded began, slowly moving downward.

"You don't look well enough to drive, Sephy." He felt dizzy, his silver tresses clinging to his damp skin as he fought to control his own body. What was the sudden urge calling out to him? "Would you like for me to take you home?"

All of a sudden, the name of his ordered drink rung in his head as he began to remember, in clear detail, exactly where he was. However, none of that stopped him from once again nodding in affirmative; he would just have to remember later that Mountain Dew is a very powerful liquid.

"Wait." Yet another hiccup, this one making his entire frame quake and shudder. "What's your name?"

A pause and a fleeting glance.

"Just call me Mr. Sanders."

Never in his life had he felt more alive, his throat sore from screaming, naked body slick with sweat and many other fluids. It was too much, the room no longer spinning as focused solely on the hips above him jerking forward, thick shaft slamming against a formerly unknown spot inside him. He felt his world explode around him, one final scream ripping from his throat as he released his essence into the night.

... Monday, 10:02 AM : : Inside the bedroom of the Kuolema Residence ...

A pounding headache was all that greeted him the next morning, once beautifully well-kept strands strewn about his head like a halo of pure silver. It was quite unnerving, the silence that engulfed him as his azure orbs finally crept open. It didn't help that the first thing to invade his gaze was a picture he'd been long since avoiding.

"Son of a bitch…" Gripping at the soiled sheets covering his still naked, disgustingly sticky form, he threw them to the ground, trampling over them on his way to gather fresh clothes.

Within only a moment's notice, he was out his front door, already jamming his car key into the ignition; it wasn't every day that he picked up random strangers at bars three hours away from his house.

An hour later and Sephiroth had yet to arrive at his destination, his mood even darker than before as he battled with ever so frustrating Monday morning traffic. It made matters worse when he realized that the remnants of his buzz were lingering, the hype still hidden beneath his skin like a deadly explosive, just waiting to be set off.

And alas, as he pulled into the parking lot of the highly furnished establishment, he had no time to ponder on what the name of the building stood for as per usual. Instead he opted to briskly sweep up to the front doors, giving them only one harsh shove. It was a warning to the inhabitants of the building, one that clearly stated that they should all leave immediately. Upon which they did so.

"Where," Sephiroth spoke clearly as he ambled up to the counter, his aura menacing and sentient, "Is Mr. Sanders?"

"Uh… sir?" Came the feeble response from the frightened receptionist, his already greasy face showing signs of a nervous sweat.

"Where is the Colonel!?" It only took the boy three seconds to raise his arm shakily and point his scrawny finger to a door hidden behind the stall.

It took even less time for Sephiroth to march up to that door, his mind racing with a hundred different questions. So instead of barging in like he'd planned, he stood outside the door, staring at the shiny golden plaque adhered to the wood.

Colonel Sanders

One sigh, or rather one calming breath, before he rapped his fist gently against the door.

"Come in…!" Sephiroth knew he was expected, so when he entered the room, he simply stood and didn't bother to take a seat like the man suggested. He stood and stared, slightly less peeved than before.

"Dad."

:F:I:N:

Okay so, the pic for the fic. Wanna see? It's uh... yea. Check my profile. Wonderful, yea? Jeez. This is so wrong, isn't it? I know it sucks but it's the thought that counts! I also wanna apologize for not updating anything recently. I have problems with finishing stories and whatnot! But I'll try my best because I love you guys(and because I have yet ANOTHER idea playing around in my head.) Gah. Sorry folks--but I hope you atleast enjoyed this one. Love, Shonie/Mizu.