Title: Waited For Love To Pass Me By
Rating: PG for angsty-angst
Author: MissKitieFantastico
Disclaimer: Don't own diddly-squat so go away and don't rub it in.
Distribution: Want. Take. Have. Just let me know where so I can brag that someone likes me.
Feedback: I'm a feedback slut… Don't make me beg.
*Spoilers*: Vague 'Birthday' and 'Waiting In The Wings'
Timeline: Set after Angel goes up to his room after the end of the episode.
Summary: Angel reflects on Cordy after he tried to tell her how he felt.
Author's Note: I was in a mondo depressed angsty mood after watching the ep. tonight and this is what you get on no sleep and bad juju.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter One
Waited For Love To Pass Me By
Angel paced in his room, quietly trying to let off steam without waking Connor. He ripped his tie off his collar and threw the jacket on the bed. His jaw clenched and released in anger over what had just happened to him downstairs.
Timing.
That's what it came down to, and no one had it worse than he did.
He was in the middle of spilling his guts to Cordelia, or more accurately trying to stumble through them with incoherent wording, when who appears out of nowhere?
That damn Groosalugg.
Hadn't they left him in Pylea, or more to the point, hadn't they left him in Pylea where he was supposed to stay?
But no, he had to show up all lost little puppy with no home and big-blue- eyed… Angel decided right there that something was wrong with him, no one had iris's that big and, well…blue.
Finally after what seemed to be an eternity of internal ranting, one might externally perceive it as brooding, Angel sighed with resignation. This was it for him. The end of the line, there was no way he could compete with Groo. Cordelia loved him, and Angel had wasted too much time… Sure with the guy in a different dimension he had a shot, but now…
Angel looked up from the floor to his nightstand. Tentatively he walked toward it and opened the drawer.
There it was.
He took the small silver box out of its hiding place and twirled it in his hands.
It was her birthday present.
He still hadn't given it to her. He wanted to wait for the right moment, but once again it was another failure. Once again he had waited too long. Angel felt his insides twist as he thought about the night he bought it. There it was, on the velvet bust in the shop window. Just begging him to buy it because she was worth it, and he loved her, and she deserved it. Something inside of Angel just knew that if he bought this for her it would make everything ok.
That present was supposed to be how he told her that he loved her.
And everything would be ok.
But now nothing was ok. Now his world had somehow dissolved without his permission and his heart had been taken with it.
He exhaled a strained breath before resigning himself to the edge of his bed and opened the box.
There it was.
The locket.
With a shaky hand, Angel removed it from its bedding of white silk and gently rubbed his thumb over the gold heart. The locket gleamed in the light from the bedside lamp, and Angel searched for his reflection in the brilliantly polished gold, but to no avail.
He had no reflection, because he wasn't a man… He wasn't a man like she always treated him, but a vampire. How had he grown to loathe that word… Because of her, because when he was with her that's exactly how she made him feel—Like a man not a fanged *thing*. Somehow reality had finally found him and he was forced to come to terms with something he had long since forgotten. He was a demon, and she was a beautiful woman and nothing he could imagine would take that away.
His hands were trembling as he tried to open the locket to look at the picture of Connor he put in it for her. He had almost decided against it before, but he put the picture in there anyway. Angel would never admit it to anyone, sometimes not even himself, but… sometimes he would see Cordy with Connor and forget that she wasn't his mother. He chastised himself for it every time he thought that, because Darla was his mother, and she had given him her life… But he couldn't help it.
Angel clamped his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry, as he closed the locket. He finally opened his eyes again to give the locket a good look. He tried to memorize its shape and the intricate carvings etched into the face.
He gently placed it back into the box and replaced the lid.
Angel took a deep breath before standing, and for just a moment, he hesitated, turning the small box over in his still shaky hands. He shut his eyes again as a silent sob threatened to escape his throat and the hot salty tears threatened to flow.
He slowly extended his arm in front of him, everything seeming to move in slow motion, as he let the box drop into the trashcan.
Rating: PG for angsty-angst
Author: MissKitieFantastico
Disclaimer: Don't own diddly-squat so go away and don't rub it in.
Distribution: Want. Take. Have. Just let me know where so I can brag that someone likes me.
Feedback: I'm a feedback slut… Don't make me beg.
*Spoilers*: Vague 'Birthday' and 'Waiting In The Wings'
Timeline: Set after Angel goes up to his room after the end of the episode.
Summary: Angel reflects on Cordy after he tried to tell her how he felt.
Author's Note: I was in a mondo depressed angsty mood after watching the ep. tonight and this is what you get on no sleep and bad juju.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter One
Waited For Love To Pass Me By
Angel paced in his room, quietly trying to let off steam without waking Connor. He ripped his tie off his collar and threw the jacket on the bed. His jaw clenched and released in anger over what had just happened to him downstairs.
Timing.
That's what it came down to, and no one had it worse than he did.
He was in the middle of spilling his guts to Cordelia, or more accurately trying to stumble through them with incoherent wording, when who appears out of nowhere?
That damn Groosalugg.
Hadn't they left him in Pylea, or more to the point, hadn't they left him in Pylea where he was supposed to stay?
But no, he had to show up all lost little puppy with no home and big-blue- eyed… Angel decided right there that something was wrong with him, no one had iris's that big and, well…blue.
Finally after what seemed to be an eternity of internal ranting, one might externally perceive it as brooding, Angel sighed with resignation. This was it for him. The end of the line, there was no way he could compete with Groo. Cordelia loved him, and Angel had wasted too much time… Sure with the guy in a different dimension he had a shot, but now…
Angel looked up from the floor to his nightstand. Tentatively he walked toward it and opened the drawer.
There it was.
He took the small silver box out of its hiding place and twirled it in his hands.
It was her birthday present.
He still hadn't given it to her. He wanted to wait for the right moment, but once again it was another failure. Once again he had waited too long. Angel felt his insides twist as he thought about the night he bought it. There it was, on the velvet bust in the shop window. Just begging him to buy it because she was worth it, and he loved her, and she deserved it. Something inside of Angel just knew that if he bought this for her it would make everything ok.
That present was supposed to be how he told her that he loved her.
And everything would be ok.
But now nothing was ok. Now his world had somehow dissolved without his permission and his heart had been taken with it.
He exhaled a strained breath before resigning himself to the edge of his bed and opened the box.
There it was.
The locket.
With a shaky hand, Angel removed it from its bedding of white silk and gently rubbed his thumb over the gold heart. The locket gleamed in the light from the bedside lamp, and Angel searched for his reflection in the brilliantly polished gold, but to no avail.
He had no reflection, because he wasn't a man… He wasn't a man like she always treated him, but a vampire. How had he grown to loathe that word… Because of her, because when he was with her that's exactly how she made him feel—Like a man not a fanged *thing*. Somehow reality had finally found him and he was forced to come to terms with something he had long since forgotten. He was a demon, and she was a beautiful woman and nothing he could imagine would take that away.
His hands were trembling as he tried to open the locket to look at the picture of Connor he put in it for her. He had almost decided against it before, but he put the picture in there anyway. Angel would never admit it to anyone, sometimes not even himself, but… sometimes he would see Cordy with Connor and forget that she wasn't his mother. He chastised himself for it every time he thought that, because Darla was his mother, and she had given him her life… But he couldn't help it.
Angel clamped his eyes shut, willing himself not to cry, as he closed the locket. He finally opened his eyes again to give the locket a good look. He tried to memorize its shape and the intricate carvings etched into the face.
He gently placed it back into the box and replaced the lid.
Angel took a deep breath before standing, and for just a moment, he hesitated, turning the small box over in his still shaky hands. He shut his eyes again as a silent sob threatened to escape his throat and the hot salty tears threatened to flow.
He slowly extended his arm in front of him, everything seeming to move in slow motion, as he let the box drop into the trashcan.