A Shot at Happiness

When Mary returned to the bunker later that night, everything was dark. She went to the kitchen to get a beer and almost got a heart attack when she turned on the light. At the counter in front of the fridge sat Dean, nursing a beer. He had sat in the near dark, only a small lamp below the counter behind him giving a little light.

He looked up at her, squinting a bit against the sudden brightness. A small smile ghosted his face when he saw her, but disappeared as fast as it had come.

"Hey", he said.

"Hi", she replied and walked over to the fridge. "Where are Sam and Cas?"

"In their rooms. Sleeping most likely," he answered without looking up. "It's been a long day." He sounded tired.

"How is he?" Mary didn't have to clarify whom she meant.

"Better. But still… shaken, I guess." he shrugged helplessly and fiddled with his bottle.

Mary took a beer out of the fridge and sat down opposite of Dean.

After a few minutes of silence, in which Dean had picked the label off of his bottle and rolled the bits into tiny balls, Mary asked, "You wanna talk about it?"

He looked up at her and she saw pain and fear in his eyes, "I… I don't know, what…" he broke off.

Then he suddenly burst out, "He almost died! I… We could have lost him!"

Mary put her hand on his. "You know what he meant, when he said… - don't you?"

Dean looked away and nodded reluctantly.

"And you really didn't know before today?"

"No, of course not. How could he? I mean, me? Really? He deserves so much better…" He took a large gulp of his beer.

"Dean, you've got to stop selling yourself short all the time. You're a much better person than you give yourself credit for. I'm so proud of the man you grew up to be."

Surprised, he looked back up at her and gave her a small smile.

"Well," Mary brought the conversation back to the original topic. "But now you do know. So why are you sitting here? Alone? In the dark?"

"Why wouldn't I…?" Then he seemed to understand what she meant and his eyes grew wide in shock. "Mom, no! I don't…"

"Dean." she stopped him calmly and he faltered. Mary smiled softly at him. "You wanna know, how I know? The way you look at him when you think nobody's watching. It's the same way John used to look at me."

She gave her son a small smile which he, after a moment, returned a little sheepishly.

"I'm scared, Mom," he confessed. "Today he nearly died. Again. Our life… it's just not made for relationships."

"Dean, you have two options. You can listen to your fear, ignore what you feel and ignore what you heard today. Or you can go over to his room now and tell him the truth. None of these options change anything about the chance of something happening to him."

Mary lay her hand over Dean's that was still fiddling with the beer bottle and waited until he met her eyes.

Then she continued, "But think about it. Do you honestly believe that it would hurt any less to lose him now, than it would, if you were with him? Nothing can change anything about the dangers of the life we live. Shouldn't you then at least grab any shot at happiness you can get?"

She smiled at him, "And I'd say, what you've got here, is a pretty big shot at it."

Dean held her gaze for a few seconds, took a deep steadying breath and nodded once. Then he squeezed her hand and got up.

Mary took it as a good sign, that he didn't finish his beer before leaving the kitchen.

*#*#*#*#*

Dean's light knock on the door was answered almost immediately. "Come in."

He opened the door and found Cas sitting on his bed and Sam sitting on the sofa in the corner. They'd obviously been deep in conversation and were both wearing stern expressions.

"Hey, uhm…" Dean stammered a little taken aback. "Uhm, Mom's back" he finished awkwardly, not knowing what else to say.

"Oh, ok." Sam took the hint instantly and got up. "Well, it's late, so I'll tell her goodnight and head off to bed. Night, guys."

He patted Dean on the shoulder and left, closing the door behind him.

"Uhm," Dean cleared his throat and looked at Castiel. "I'm sorry; I didn't want to interrupt you or anything."

"No, it's okay, you didn't. We were just talking." Cas was sitting on the edge of his bed in one of Dean's old t-shirts and sweatpants. He must have taken off his own clothes earlier and, remembering hearing the tumbling of the washing machine in the hallway, Dean guessed he knew where they were at the moment. Cas looked almost fragile without his 'Warrior of God' outfit, but at the same time Dean had to admit that it was nice, seeing him wear Dean's clothes.

"Yeah, that's what I came for, too. Talking." Dean took the chair from in front of the desk and put it right in front of Cas, then he sat down in it. It somehow didn't seem close enough, though; so he scooted the chair even closer, until their knees were almost touching.

That's how it'd always been with them. The 'normal' space other people left between them while having a conversation, had always been too far for them somehow. From the start they had unconsciously crowded each other's personal space whenever possible.

"Dean," Cas quietly said, unable to meet his eyes, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"Did you mean it?" Dean interrupted him.

"What?" Cas looked at him surprised.

"Earlier. What you said when you were… Did you mean it?" He met Cas' shocked eyes. "Did you mean it like… that?"

For a moment Cas looked at him with an almost terrified expression. But then he seemed to come to a decision and he finally said, "Yes. Yes, I did."

Dean felt all the tension leaving his body. When he had left the kitchen, he hadn't known what exactly he'd wanted to say to Cas, but it seemed this confirmation from Castiel had been what he needed. With sudden clarity, he knew there was only one thing he could say or do right now.

He felt a small happy smile on his face when he raised his hand to cup Castiel's face. The honest wonder and joy on Cas' face at this intimate touch made his heart skip and it felt like the easiest thing in the world to finally say it.

"I love you, too."

For a few seconds, Cas just stared at him disbelievingly. Then he seemed to have found what he was looking for and, with a mumbled little sound that made Dean's heart skip a beat, he grabbed the front of Dean's shirt and pulled him into a hungry kiss.

Only too happy to go along with his angel, Dean, at least for the moment, honestly couldn't remember one single reason, why they had waited nine years to do this.