A/N: Just a short bit of silliness in which Mac is miffed, Sid is impressed, Don tries his hand at real estate, Lindsay gets a good laugh, Jo gets an invitation, and Danny and Adam do a little too much research! Not to be taken seriously! Warning : rated T / borderline M for sexual references and innuendo.
Edifying Reading!
Mac Taylor sat on the high-stool at the small round table in the break room and stirred his coffee while gazing idly at the slim tablet computer. To a casual observer he looked like he was taking well-earned break after tackling mounds of paperwork but despite the fact that he was skimming through crime scene photographs, Mac was, in fact, doing a little soul searching.
He was, for want of a better word, miffed! Disgruntled, you might say. Slightly put out. Vexed even. Not angry, not hurt, not insulted. Just slightly … miffed!
He slid a finger across the screen and looked at the picture of their victim Ricky Blake who had been temporarily dubbed Mr Phone Porn until they had finally been able to make a positive ID. In his early thirties, clean shaven, not bad looking, his eyes were wide open and he had a half-surprised, half-horror-stricken look on his face. A fast-acting neurotoxin, Sid had said. It had taken him quickly by surprise as he lay in bed clearly caught in the act, the white bed-sheet twisted round his lower body being the only thing preserving his dignity. Mac wondered how long it would take to narrow down the poison or to identify who his partner had been.
Mac glanced surreptitiously out of the corner of his eye towards the trace lab where he could see Danny and Adam playing rock, paper, scissors. He could understand it. He wouldn't want to have to process Mr Phone Porn's used condom either. At least there were some advantages to being the boss. He allowed himself a small smile as for once Adam won and he danced away leaving Danny looking miserable. Mac watched them both glove up and begin to process the evidence. He didn't normally spy on his staff. He knew he could trust them implicitly but the reason he was studying Danny and Adam was that they were the cause of his present mood.
.
Not two hours earlier he had been in the store room hunting through the shelves for that most elusive of creatures, a 1042C toner cartridge for the recalcitrant,vindictive, bloody-minded piece of machinery he had the misfortune to call a printer. Why they had to make so many different types of cartridge was beyond him. One would think it would be possible to come up with a universal one. He had just spied the object of his search down in the darkest, dustiest corner of the room when he'd heard voices outside the door.
"So Adam, you get anything off the vic's phone yet?" he heard Danny ask.
"Oh yeah … plenty. You should see his private photo album. He's clearly into big girls with big ..." Adam broke off but his voice dripped with innuendo. Mac could imagine Danny's eyebrows rising. "I was just on my way to show Mac." Adam laughed. "You know ... perk up his day a bit."
Danny huffed. "I'm sure he'll be thrilled. Just don't make jokes like that Adam. You know Mac. He's a bit straight-laced when it comes to that kind of thing; he ain't got a sense of humour."
"Yeah … tell me about it."
.
And there it was. The reason for Mac's current moment of reflection. He bristled slightly as he stirred his coffee and stared at the crime scene photos for the fiftieth time. It wasn't true. He had a sense of humour. Admittedly he didn't show it often. Work wasn't always an appropriate place for humour. After all he was the boss. He had to set the standard, run a tight ship, brook no nonsense, that kind of thing. He couldn't allow the lab to be compromised but that didn't mean he didn't have a sense of humour. He played with the spoon in his cup and discovered a bit of undissolved sugar. He scooped it out and licked the spoon shuddering at the sudden sweetness after the bitter coffee. Unbeknownst to him a small pout played on his lips giving him the air of sulky eleven year old who had just been told that his new joke was in fact at least fifty years old. It just wasn't true; he did have a sense of humour.
Mac's moment of introspection was, however, interrupted by a call-out. He slurped at the hot liquid trying to down as much as possible as he glanced at the message on his phone. Two DB's. Upmarket address. He thought for a moment. Sheldon was out on a mandatory training course much to the good doctor's disgust. Mac had to agree. Sheldon probably knew more than the rest of the class and the instructor put together but he was required to clock the appropriate amount of training every year and some courses were mandatory. And Jo and Lindsay were off trying to track down one of Mr Phone Porn's girlfriends, a certain Petra Gomez. Mac sighed; he would just have to take Danny and Adam.
.
Thirty minutes later, Mac pulled up in front of a large house with a tall iron railing and large gates. Several uniformed officers stood around trying to keep on-lookers and photographers away from the house. Mac, Danny and Adam ran the gauntlet of questions from the press. They ignored them as they pushed their way through the crowd and ducked under the tape. Don Flack was waiting for them.
"I have no idea how they got onto this so quickly." Don said by way of apology. Mac looked around at the crowd most of whom were tapping away on various portable devices. They say news travels quick. In this day and age of instant messaging, it travelled quicker.
"Hey what's Sid doing here?" Danny asked as the tall lanky M.E. pushed his way through the on-lookers and headed towards them.
"I … er … thought that he would like to see them … in situ!" Don answered cryptically.
Sid joined them. "Well, this should be interesting. Lead on Macduff!"
Mac tutted amiably, "Misquotes in Manhattan Sid?" Sid laughed. Danny and Adam looked blank. Mac sighed. They all trooped up the stairs into the three storey brownstone. Don led them into a large hall with marble floors that was dominated by a huge crimson velvet sofa in the form of a doughnut, oversized flower arrangements and less than tasteful wall art. Mac noted Danny and Adam pausing to look at the oversized oil painting of a nude with heavily painted lips and a hand strategically placed to draw the viewer's eye where any man with an ounce of decency wouldn't venture to look. They all cringed and turned away.
"It's been fully converted," Don explained as he led them towards the staircase. "Reception, small kitchen and recording studio." They climbed and emerged onto the next floor which had been opened out into a huge space. "Living area and family kitchen, oak floors, radiant floor heating, solar panels on the roof, four bedrooms, two bathrooms, all marble. They say these places go for three mil."
"You thinking of moving into real estate Don?" Mac quipped. Sid smiled. Don rolled his eyes. Danny and Adam looked blank. Mac sighed. "Our vics are in the bedroom. Michael Morisey and an as yet unknown female. The maid found them."
"Wow, no wonder there are paparazzi outside. Michael Morisey?" Danny exclaimed. "EmmTwo? DJ, rap artist, cyber-celebrity?" Sid shrugged. Mac nodded doubtfully. Danny rolled his eyes and Adam smiled benevolently as though to let his boss know that he couldn't know everything.
They followed Don up another flight of stairs and Don paused by a set of double doors. He opened them with an expansive gesture and stepped aside for them to enter. For a moment no one said anything. Mac knew they were waiting for him. He put his case down and pulled on gloves. He stepped carefully into the room and looked around slowly, his eyes missing nothing. Clearly no expense had been spared. The white furniture was pristine, the golden handles sparkling in the afternoon sun that poured in through the high multi-paned windows. The white carpet was thick and almost new. Almost everything with the exception of the drapes and the black and gold rug was white. But the one thing that dominated the room was the huge oval bed with it's black drapes at the head that drew the observer's eye down to the couple lying beneath.
The others waited while Mac 'took in' the crime scene following suit by putting down cases and pulling on gloves. Finally Mac moved to one side of the gigantic bed while Sid mirrored his actions opposite, with Danny and Adam approaching the foot. They exchanged glances before studying the couple lying in front of them. Don stood a short distance away, his arms crossed, jiggling from foot to foot eagerly awaiting their reaction.
The young man's face was partially buried in the dozen or so snow-white pillows at the head of the bed while his partner lay with her eyes open and her lips parted, her rich dark hair fanned out on the pillows at the foot of the bed. Both looked faintly surprised. Mac frowned. There was no obvious sign of trauma. Clearly following Mac's line of thinking Sid bent down at the same time as Mac and they both lifted the white silk sheet that discretely covered their bodies. All four men peered under the sheet.
Mac arched an eyebrow. Sid squinted and leaned a little closer. Danny and Adam's mouths fell open.
Don grinned.
"Whoa!" Danny rocked back on his heels, his eyes bulging. "Are they actually …?"
"In flagrante delicto!" Sid finished, his voice registering his surprise as he studied the tangle of legs. He and Mac tactfully lowered the sheet as Mac looked around the room a second time.
Danny and Adam exchanged surprised looks. "I didn't know ... that … was even … possible." Danny spluttered sotto-voce, nodding at the bed doubtfully. Adam shrugged desperately hoping he wasn't blushing.
"Mm … it's called the Catherine Wheel." There was a moment of absolute silence. Nobody moved though four sets of eyes flicked towards the senior detective.
"Er ... excuse me! What?" Danny looked at Mac curiously. Mac turned his head away from the window he had been contemplating unaware of the others' scrutiny.
If Mac was surprised by their reaction he didn't show it. "The position ..." He gestured towards the young couple. "... it's called the Catherine Wheel." Don, Danny and Adam looked at him blankly. Sid looked merely impressed. Judging by the look on Danny's face an explanation was called for. "It's one of the positions from the Kama Sutra."
"The Kama Sutra?" stammered Don looking flabbergasted. If he had been a cartoon character his eyes would have popped out of his head on stalks. He cannot know this!
"Yes. It's an ancient Indian Hindu text written by Vātsyāyana somewhere between 400 BC and 200 AD," Mac answered matter-of-factly. "Contrary to popular believe, it is not just a sex manual; it's actually a guide to virtuous and gracious living that discusses the nature of love, family life and other aspects pertaining to pleasure oriented faculties of human life." Though he was strongly tempted to burst out laughing at the looks on their faces, Mac kept his face straight and his voice even as though he were quoting directly from Wikipedia.
Get outta here! Don's face was a picture. "Er … you mean you've … er … actually read the … er … Kama Sutra?" Danny and Adam looked no less surprised. Neither were capable of speaking as their jaws were almost touching the ground.
Mac nodded nonchalantly. "Of course." He looked at them all for a second his face a mask of innocence. "It's edifying reading." He took one last look around the room. "Right, well we'd better get on with it. Adam, take overalls then check for prints in the doorway and the night-stands. Danny check out that window and there's some unusual looking trace on the dresser not to mention an imprint in the carpet there." He gestured to the floor near the open window behind him. He turned to Don. "Don't suppose there's a surveillance system?" he asked hopefully. Don managed to get his brain into gear enough to respond that there was and it was linked to a computer in the study next door. He also said that the maid was waiting downstairs with an officer and he had someone checking on next of kin. "Great, Adam see what you can get from the computer." He smiled at Sid. "Sid, I'll leave you to it. Danny can assist. Don and I'll talk to the maid. Call if you need anything." And with a last smile that disguised the grin threatening to take over he pulled off his gloves, grabbed his case and swept out of the door leaving behind one highly amused M.E. and one incredulous detective and two dumb-struck lab rats whose minds were running a little too wild.
Sid grinned to himself at the looks on their faces and shook his head in dismay. Mac could be such a tease sometimes. He clapped his hands startling them from their reveries. "Right Adam, you had better take your pictures and then you and Danny can help me separate our poor unfortunate couple."
.
A little more than six hours later everyone had eventually regained the lab. Sid was pacing his office waiting for tox results. It was a clear case of neurotoxin poisoning that strongly resembled the Ricky Blake case from the previous evening though how the killer had managed to poison two victims at once still remained a mystery.
Through some clever data manipulation Danny and Adam had managed to work up a profile of their killer; they had combined results from shoe-print analysis, smudged finger-prints and the distance from the window to the low roof adjoining the bedroom window to come up with a suspect that was at least six-foot four with wide hands and large feet. Danny was waiting for his results to come back from the sample he had taken from the dresser when he saw Adam heading zombie-like towards the break-room. Danny grabbed his tablet from the desk and followed him.
Adam walked like a man entranced, invisible tendrils guiding his steps. He felt sure that anyone looking at him would see his eyes transformed into endless black and white spirals from having been staring at a screen too long. He fell upon the coffee machine as though bewitched by the aroma emanating from the freshly brewed pot. He grabbed a mug and poured a generous cup inhaling deeply.
"Hey buddy?"
Adam turned around to see Danny. "Hey Danny, you got anything yet?"
"Nah, just waiting on the Mass Spec. You?"
"Yeah smoke and shadows." Adam looked unhappy. "I've tried every trick in the book but whoever it is knew exactly where the cameras were. All I've got is a shadow moving across a wall, a gloved hand appearing in front of the lens and a film of grease that distorts the image. Mac is not going to be happy."
Danny looked around nervously. "Yeah speaking of Mac, get a load of this ..." Danny held up the tablet. "There's an on-line version..." Danny tapped at the screen pleased to see Adam's eyes widen. Like two naughty schoolboys who had discovered their first copy of Playboy they gazed at the web-pages. Danny scrolled through the images and stopped on one frowning.
Adam's jaw dropped and he tipped his head to one side. "Oh you have got to be kidding me! That … that is not possible."
Danny huffed as he pulled a face unwittingly copying Adam's stance. "Maybe if you're an Olympic gymnast … or a contortionist."
"What's not possible?"
Both men shot out their skin at the cheery voice behind them. They spun around rapidly, Adam's coffee slopping everywhere.
"Lindsay!"
"Hey babe! You're back."
"What's not possible?" she repeated looking suspiciously at the two startled faces in front of her, particularly at her husband who was desperately trying to hide the tablet behind his back. "Give," she demanded staring at Danny like he was a naughty puppy who had been caught chewing her best shoes. Danny hesitated but she lunged forward grabbing the tablet. Her eyes widened as she looked at the image on the screen. Then she grinned. "Research?" she asked innocently.
Both men nodded, Adam more enthusiastically than his partner in crime. "It's just that Mac said … that our vics were … well they were found ..." What the hell had Sid called it? "... caught in the act so to speak and ...er..." He looked at Danny pleadingly.
"Er … well Mac … said … it … was … er … edifying reading."
Lindsay raised an eyebrow. "Edifying reading?" She shook her head in amusement and handed back the tablet with a smirk. "It is," she whispered. Lindsay winked at her husband causing him to redden further as she turned and headed for the door. "Mac wants you both in the conference room. Now!" She turned back as she reached the door. "Our cases are linked!"
.
Mac stood at the screen selecting pictures as they entered. Jo and Lindsay were sitting together conspiring. Lindsay was whispering and Jo was looking highly amused. Much to Danny and Adam's embarrassment they caught the words 'edifying reading'. Deciding that discretion was called for they slipped silently into the nearest seats opposite the girls. No sooner were they seated than Sid came in. He waved a manilla folder at Mac. "Tox just came in. Batrachotoxin "
Mac's eyebrows shot up. "What? As in the toxin produced by poison dart frogs?"
"Among others but you're right." Sid nodded wondering to himself why he should be surprised that Mac knew that. "The Golden Poison frog to be precise, one of the most poisonous animals in the world. The poison seeps through pores. Just touching it is enough to kill. This is not the easiest poison to get hold of."
"Do we know how it was administered?" asked Jo.
Sid pulled a face. "Ah yes, unfortunately!" He took a seat next to Jo. "I'm afraid to say it was on the condoms used by both our vics." They all cringed.
"You've got to be kidding me." Danny pinched the bridge of his nose. "So our Mr Phone Porn from yesterday ..."
"Ricky Blake," supplied Jo with a pointed look.
"Yeah, sorry, Ricky Blake, dies from the same kind of poison as our victims from this morning Michael Morisey and Carla Gomez." Before he could say anything else there was a tap on the door. A nervous looking young man with sandy hair and freckles put his head round the door.
"Danny, your DNA results." He handed the file to Danny, smiled nervously at Mac and made a quick exit the moment Danny thanked him. Danny looked at the file. "Okay! There are two sets of epithelials on the condom from the Ricky Blake case, his and … whoa! Carla Gomez!" Danny threw his hands in the air. "Okay let me get this straight. Carla Gomez sleeps with Ricky Blake last night and then we find her with Michael Morisey this morning."
Mac turned and, tapping at the interactive screens, pulled up four photographs. He pointed to each in turn. "Ricky Blake, Michael Morisey, Carla Gomez and … Petra Gomez."
Adam pointed at the fourth picture on the screen. She was a pretty young woman with coffee coloured skin, a cascade of dark curls and a rather shy expression "The pictures I found on Ricky Blake's phone were of her. Petra Gomez."
Jo looked grim. "Lindsay and I discovered that Petra Gomez committed suicide three months ago."
Lindsay nodded. "Your victim from this morning, Carla, was her sister. Petra killed herself because of those pictures you found on Ricky Blake's phone. She was tricked into having them taken and then they were posted on the internet for all to see." There was a moment of silence.
Mac tapped the screen again bringing up that morning's crime scene photograph and one of the photographs Adam had found on their first victim's phone. The people were different but from what they could see from the close-up photograph the white room with the black drapes was the same. "Ricky may have taken the photographs but they were taken in Michael Morisey's bedroom."
Lindsay looked disconcerted. "If the poison was on the condoms and Carla slept with Ricky before sleeping with Michael, why wasn't she poisoned at the same time as Ricky?"
Sid waved the manilla file he had brought with him. "I think I might be able to answer that. The poison was on the inside of the condom – the male side so to speak. It takes very little of this toxin to kill, less than the equivalent of a few grains of salt."
Danny nodded thoughtfully. "The condom that we recovered at the Ricky Blake scene was intact but the one we recovered this morning from Michael Morisey wasn't ..." He looked at Sid.
Sis nodded. "What if we didn't tear it when we separated them? What if it was already torn? Perhaps that was how Carla ended up being poisoned too."
Jo shook her head and fiddled with her necklace, clearly unhappy with the picture that was emerging. "Petra Gomez kills herself because of photographs taken by Ricky Blake and Michael Morisey. They probably did it as a joke without thinking of the consequences. But then why would her sister Carla sleep with both men unless..." She looked at Mac who was tipping his head side to side contemplating the possibilities.
"... unless she was a second victim of our two phone porn aficionados or … she was the black widow!"
Adam stared at Mac in confusion. "Huh?"
"Black widow as in the common name of some spiders who are reputed to kill the male after mating."
"Oh!"
Jo merely nodded and Lindsay's eyebrows shot up. She looked at Mac and then at Jo. "Oh … you don't think that ..." She gasped. "... that Carla Gomez deliberately slept with both men to poison them because of what happened to her sister."
Jo nodded. "But she fell victim to her own poison when the condom broke."
There was a moment of silence as they all tried to get their heads around the theory.
Adam frowned and waved his pen. "Okay but what about our six-foot-four-big-handed-big-footed intruder that I got on camera?"
Don Flack strolled into the conference room just as Adam uttered his question. "Paparazzi Pete!"
"Huh?"
"Pete Mulhoy aka Paparazzi Pete. Six foot four, big hands, big feet, big camera, small brain, no morals," spat Don. "Just talked with a neighbour who said he was always hanging around. She caught him climbing on the fence to take pictures of our cyber-celebrity. Apparently he even asked her if he could camp out in her spare room. The guy's a real public nuisance." Don looked at Mac in anticipation. "Please tell me you've got evidence that can put him in Michael Morisey's bedroom. I've been itching to get this guy for years."
Mac jiggled his head from side to side as he compiled the evidence in his head. "Not for murder … but I can guarantee you a B&E, maybe an invasion of privacy and possibly interfering with a crime scene." He looked at Adam and Danny for confirmation. They both nodded. "Will that do?" Don looked ecstatic.
"Yeah! Sure I can't pin the murder on him too?" he asked in a manner reminiscent of a four-year-old hoping to get another cookie when he's already got one in his hand.
Mac shook his head, "No, not unless he's travelled to Colombia recently."
"Columbia? Paparazzi Pete?" Don huffed. "The closest he's ever got to Columbia is Elmshurst. Why?"
Mac gestured at the pictures behind him. "Because Ricky Blake, Michael Morisey and Carla Gomez were all killed with a neurotoxin that is obtained from the Golden Poison frog, Phyllobates terribilis, that is only found in the rainforest on the Pacific coast of Colombia."
Adam stared at Mac in disbelief. "No way! You just happen to be an Amazonian poison frog expert or something?"
"Or something." Mac gave him a scathing look. "National Geographic. It's edifying reading!" Adam shuffled uncomfortably as Danny muttered something unintelligible. Don was amused to see Lindsay and Jo stifle giggles. "Adam get hold of Carla Gomez' financials. And run a background check on her and her close relatives and friends. I suspect that you may find she or someone she knows intimately has been to Colombia recently. Danny, Lindsay go check her apartment but be careful what you..."
Lindsay nodded. "...touch? Double gloves. I know!" She smiled at him reassuringly. He could be such a worrier, sometimes.
Mac looked back at the pictures of the two sisters. "It was a risky way of getting revenge."
"Perhaps she didn't care?" Jo offered. "From what we found out Carla and Petra were very close. Everyone said that Carla was devastated by Petra's suicide."
Mac turned to look at her sadly. "Perhaps." Unfortunately in his time he heard all sorts of reasons for killing. Such a waste. He sighed and clicked off the screens gathering up his files. Looking at Danny, Lindsay and Adam. "Let me know what you find. Do what you can tonight but don't stay late. Finish up tomorrow." He scooped up his tablet and headed for the door where a pretty dark-haired lab tech was hovering with what looked like an urgent request to be signed.
Having overhead a little of Jo and Lindsay's conversation earlier, a wicked thought popped into his head as he passed Danny and Adam. He paused behind them and then turned back. "So Jo, you … er … almost done for the day?"
Jo nodded. "Bar a couple of files to put the finishing touches to. Why?"
Mac's eyes twinkled but he kept his face perfectly straight. "Just wondered if you fancied trying the Lotus Flower tonight?"
Jo flushed with pleasure surprised that Mac had asked her in front of the others but then her pleasure turned to annoyance as Danny and Adam made noises like strangled pigs. She glared at them as they stared back at her in shock neither of them daring to turn around and look at Mac who was standing behind them. She bristled at their reaction and unwittingly played right into Mac's hands. She put on her best smile trying not to preen. "I would love to. I've always wanted to try it."
Mac's smile broadened ever so slightly, his eyes boring into hers. "I know. It's about time we were a little more adventurous don't you think?" He was gratified to hear even more embarrassed noises from his two young employees who suddenly seemed to find the surface of the table highly interesting.
Jo returned his smile. "Absolutely."
"Around seven then?"
Jo nodded eagerly. As Mac left the room hurriedly before he burst out laughing, Jo caught the looks of utter stupefaction on Danny and Adam's face. "What?" she demanded irritably.
"Er … nothing … er … " Danny spluttered. Adam swallowed heavily and shuffled uncomfortably under her piercing gaze.
"What is the problem?" Jo was stunned at their reaction. Surely they knew that she and Mac had been getting closer and had been out to dinner several times. Danny and Adam both shook their heads clearly embarrassed. "I can't believe you're acting like this. It's not like we haven't done it before." Danny and Adam's jaws dropped. Lindsay who had caught onto the double-entendre a little quicker having seen the mischievous twinkle in Mac's eyes, was barely able to contain her laughter and was forced to slap a hand over her mouth as she exchanged glances with Sid who was watching the proceedings with much mirth.
Don looked confused not quite following what was going on. "Well Jo I've got to say I'm impressed. I can't believe you talked Mac into that." Danny and Adam looked at him in amazement. "I always thought he hated sushi."
Danny and Adam jumped. "Sushi?" they echoed. They glanced at one another before turning to look back at Jo as it slowly dawned on them what Mac and Jo had been talking about.
"The Lotus Flower is ..."
"... a restaurant?"
Jo's eyes narrowed. "What exactly did you think we were discussing?" Danny and Adam flushed bright red, their eyes growing rounder and rounder as they desperately searched for a way out.
But before either of them could say anything Lindsay burst out laughing. "Oh Jo, you had better stop there before they have heart attacks," she giggled. Lindsay looked at Adam and her husband. "I think you two have been doing a little too much edifying reading!"
Jo thought for a moment and then suddenly like a light-bulb switching on she made the link between her conversation with Lindsay at the start of the meeting and what Mac had said. What Mac had said! She realized that he had phrased his question very carefully. Her mouth opened and a deep blush flooded her cheeks. "You thought that we were … oh really!" Her eyes flashed daggers at them making them cower but then the source of her anger changed. She whirled around. "Mac Taylor!"
Mac looked up from signing the documents being held out for him by the young lab tech who was clearly startled by Jo's cry as she was staring at her wide-eyed. Mac, however, had a devilish smile on his face. Jo planted her hands on her hips and stared at him shaking her head. "You have a very wicked sense of humour. You know that?" Mac tipped his head in acknowledgement, winked at Danny and Adam who had twisted around to look at him and disappeared down the corridor with a smug little smile on his lips leaving a baffled-looking lab tech standing outside the room with her mouth open wondering what she had missed.
Jo turned back to grab her files before storming off to give Mac an earful only to discover Lindsay and Sid explaining to Don who was unsuccessfully trying to hide his laughter. Danny and Adam were still sat side by side looking liked they wish that the ground would open up and swallow them. They looked at her sheepishly. She glared at them. "Edifying reading indeed!"