Sasuke sighed as he ducked a stray star shuriken, watching a group of young trainees leg by a man he thought he recognized, though he couldn't be sure. Only three faces remained clearly in his mind. He shrugged and leisurely made his way towards the village, concentration his chakra on his feet to bounce against the branches. A disturbance in the leaves caused him to jump upwards instead of forward, just to be safe. It seemed he was right, as a barrage of shuriken fell upon what would have been his next destination. He swerved around, quickly shifting his hands through several seals to execute a ninjitsu move he'd created recently, perfectly fit to him, on he'd found out of desperation to defeat his brother.
"Hokage ryu maboroshi no bushin" [Fire shadow dragon illusion technique]
A large black dragon off swirling energy appeared behind the young man, much more solid than any illusion should be, and launched itself at the thicket of bushes from which the earlier attack had come. He heard a swish behind him and spun around.
"Good technique! *grin*"
He nearly fell from the tree when he realized the attacker's identity.
"YOU!"
…………………………………..
"Now, now… is that any way to greet your sensei?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sasuke and Kakashi were conversing over a cup of tea. Or more appropriately, Kakashi talked. Sasuke mostly listened, inserting a few gruff comments here and there. Their topic easily shifted, but after a few hours of untiring talk that held no importance, the older ninja narrowed his eyes thoughtfully.
"I've been wondering, why was it that you left?"
Sasuke folded his hands together, resting his chin between the ridges. "I needed to find my brother."
"Yes, but," the Jûnin shifted his gaze to his cup, watching the yellow substance slosh around, "Why disappear without a goodbye?"
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "I never thought you would be one for such sentiments, Kakashi."
The silver-haired man shook his head, frowning. "Me, perhaps not. But your teammates…"
"My teammates what?"
"Took it a lot harder than they should have."
Silence fell over the small room, Sasuke lost in his thoughts, Kakashi in his drink.
"He made it, you know. But he lost himself on the way." The soft sound resonated strangely in Sasuke's ear and he turned to face a ponytailed man, scar strait across his nose and cheeks. Kakashi rose to embrace the teacher, while Sasuke frowned and forced his memory to work. He and the academy teacher had never been close and Sasuke strove to forget all about his younger days, but… A flash of Naruto shouting at the man brought his name back.
"What is it that you mean, Iruka?"
"I'm sure you know Tsunade-sama has… retired?"
The man nodded slowly. He'd heard rumors when he was resting in the Land of the Waves.
"He's the strongest and most resilient we've had so far. Hokage-sama, Uzumaki Naruto."
Sasuke blinked, eyes widening briefly. He realized he shouldn't have been surprised, however. Even once the blonde had matured a bit, he never failed to boast about how great a Hokage he would become. The second part of Iruka's statement flashed through his mind. "What do you mean, he lost himself on the way?"
Iruka frowned, glancing at the other ninja. "You intend to start working here again, Uchiha?" Tilting his head as the other nodded, he continued. "Then you shall find out when you see him."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sasuke stood outside the door, unsure, before shaking his head and knocking lightly.
"Just a second!" A female voice came from inside. It was a bit higher than he remembered, but the rounded sound tinkled the same way. The door opened and he caught a flash of pink around the woman's waist.
"You've grown your hair."
His gaze flickered upwards to meet a pair of shocked green orbs. Both stood, motionless, before Sakura blushed, flustered, and stepped aside. "Please come in and sit down, Sasuke."
They made their way towards the living room. The man could feel something was different about his old teammate, something he recognized in many women. "Sakura-chan…"
"Hm?"
"You're a mother, aren't you?" It was more a statement than a question.
She stopped and blinked incredulously, turning to face the blue-clad shinobi. "How could you tell?"
"I don't know," he gave her a tiny, kind smile, "The way you hold yourself, I guess. It's nice to see in you, Sakura." She grinned back towards him, and he continued. "Tell me, who was the father? Naruto?"
The grin turned to a small, partly strained smile and a tense atmosphere suddenly descended upon them. "No, Naruto, he's…" she sighed. "Never mind. You'll understand once you meet him. I met the father in one of the regular villages. Would you like to meet some of the children? They should be returning from the academy soon." Sasuke nodded, a bit uneasy, and sat.
~later~
A loud slam and 'we're home!' resonated through the two-level house and Sakura called out to her offsprings. Two boys entered the room, blinking as they noticed a stranger kneeling before their table. Suddenly, they came to their senses and bowed hastily to their obvious elder. Sasuke inclined his head. "Konbanha."
They slowly went to the table and kneeled on the bamboo mat. Sakura radiated pride, grinning towards her teammate. A small, amused smirk flickered on his lips. She gestured towards her younger son, a pale, blue-eyed, purple-haired boy of 7 years. "This is Tagochi." He tilted his head a bit and smiled. Sasuke shifted his eyes to the Haruno heir. He seemed about 12. One eyebrow rose at the fair, fragile pretty-boy features, just a bit softer than his own had been at that age. Deep green eyes reflected no emotion; raven bangs dropped on either side of the boy's forehead, which was covered by a black band that had an unfilled circle, the preteen's clan symbol. It would soon be replaced with the Konoha badge of adulthood. The rest dropped into a low ponytail, which was highly spiked. 'He reminds me of myself…' The self-appointed Jûnin* thought. "And this is…"
The boy raised his chin proudly. "Sasuke, after mum and Hokage's long lost team member."
Sasuke smirked. "Sakura, I shouldn't have put it past you."
Sakura rubbed the back of the head, blushing. "Boys, this is Uchiha Sasuke."
Silence reigned for a short moment before both boys exclaimed at the same time, "So YOU're the guy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sasuke blinked slowly in the darkness. A strange warmth radiated from his right and he glanced over, noticing a mass of pink hair. He shrugged and returned to- wait. Pink hair??? He shot up, blinking heavily. Red eyes opened slowly and the girl cocked her head to the side.
"Sowwy. Mummy and Daddy's doow was locked."
He relaxed a bit, remembering he'd stayed at the Haruno house. "It's ok, little one. What's your name?"
The girl, seemingly four or five, grinned Inner Sakura-like. "'M Naruka. Mommy says that when Hokage-sama became just that, she decided SOMEONE had to be commonly named Nawuto, but he wouldn't let her name anyone that, 'cause he says it's cuwsed, so when I was born she decided to be inconshi- inconspy- enconshi-"
"Inconspicuous"
"Yeah, that, and named me that so it's the girl vewsion of Nawuto." ^_^
Sasuke felt something flickered inside him. 'He says it's cursed.' He tried to smile towards the girl, but still had trouble showing anyone but his old friends any emotion, and even then, the thoughts swarming his head would not have contributed to the cause. It came out as a horrible twisting of his lips, but the toddler seemed happy enough. He allowed her to settle against his side and go back to sleep, but had immense difficulty following her lead. 'It's cursed.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sasuke stood uncertain before the door, looking upwards towards the top floor. The place seemed strangely empty; no ninjas came and went. He dragged his feet, shoulders hunched, Iruka, Kakashi and Sakura's words pressed on his mind. 'You're teammates took it harder than they should have.' 'He lost himself on the way.' 'Naruto, he's…' /He's WHAT? What IS HE??/ 'You shall found out.' And of course, he wasn't an idiot. He could read between the lines, and than echoed more painfully than he thought it ever could. 'Naruto took it a lot harder than he should have.' 'The Naruto you know doesn't exist anymore.' 'Naruto isn't a topic anyone can, or should, discuss.' 'It's so easy to see, but it hurts so much.'
The voices, looks and disparaged emotions pushed him down, but a clear, innocent voice hit him hardest. 'He says it's cursed.' /How is that possible?/
"I'm the cream of the elite. In fact, on day I'm gonna be the next Hokage! So remember my name, it's Uzumaki Naruto."
/WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED????/
He made his way inside the door and made his way to a couple of ninja. Closer inspection revealed two of the cell 8 members a few years under his own, a group his team had gone on a double-team mission with once or twice.
"Yo, Sasuke! Long time no see!"
He gave them his usual flat glance.
"Same as ever, I see!"
"Where's Hokage?"
"Aw, the sixth? By the cliff, as usual."
Sasuke glanced towards the leader reliefs and noticed something missing.
"Haven't they finished his face yet?"
"Ay, Uchiha, you've been gone a while huh? He wouldn't let us start it."
"Yeah! He says he's only standing in till the third's grandkid gets strong enough to take his place."
The raven-haired man narrowed his eyes and sped away.
"Tch. Damn showoff," grinned the ninja to his friend, "same as always."
"Nice to have him back though."
"Yeah. Too bad Hokage's like that though. He's the only one who could ever get a rise out of the guy."
The second guard nodded, smiling. Meanwhile, Sasuke cursed to himself. /How is it possible for him to do that?/
"I'm gonna be the greatest Hokage ever! My face'll be the biggest on the whole mountain and everyone'll have to acknowledge me at last!"
"What makes you think you'll get past chûnin, dead-last?"
"Hmph. Just you see, Uchiha! I'll beat you all and I'll be remembered forever! I'll be known as the undefeated miser!"
"Undefeated? Hmph. *smirk* I've already beaten you several times, dobe."
"I mean AFTER I become Hokage!"
"Which is never."
"Hmph."
Sasuke sighed quietly. It had always been a fond memory; now that he knew the brilliant personality had ebbed away… He held onto it tighter than ever. Taking the steps 10 at a time, he quickly made his way to the top. He spied a silhouette at a large desk, which was littered with scrolls. A genin team departed, and a C-level mission crossed off. Hokage, alone, carefully removed a scroll from his 6th pouch.** The raven-eyed man frowned, pausing, and carefully concealed his chakra. Watching from afar seemed like the best choice.
"Come. I know someone's there, I'm not the head of this town for nothing." The voice was toneless, stating fact and none else. His frown deepened while the marionettish blond put the mysterious scroll away. "Status?"
"Jûnin."
"Really? What land are you from, and why are you seeking work here?"
"I come from Konohamaru."
"I have all my jûnins' voices committed to memory. Step up, stranger."
"I'm no stranger."
Sasuke stepped before the sixth Hokage and stood motionless. The strange hat lifted slowly. He gasped and dropped to his knees, eyes wide in disbelief, shoulders hunched, mouth agape in horror. Brows accentuated his orbs into a shocked, sorrowful expression. His body trembled as sudden coldness washed over him. He'd expected the worst, a depressed, near-death lost soul but this… this was impossible.
Steely occult blue stared, flat, unwavering; they were almost a smoky gray, what remained of the heart's ashes behind a destroyed façade. Brows entirely strait, neither curving or rising or drooping or furrowing with any emotion, frozen in time and space. Golden hair, though still spiky, had lost its shine, now dropping on the man's forehead. The whiskery marks no longer accentuated his grins, unused for over a decade. The mouth wasn't open in a useless rant, closed in a tight, thin line. The normally tan skin was exceptionally pale for one who spent all their time in the sun.
"Uchiha Sasuke. You do not have any rank." The raven-hair adult shuddered inwardly at the frozen tone. What exactly HAD happened when he was gone?
//You've been gone too long.//
/This NEVER should have happened./
//You weren't there for him when it did.//
/What difference does it make?/
//You could have been the last support needed…//
/I don't want to hear it./
//You know it's true.//
/SHUT UP!/ "I'm by far strong enough for a level A assignment, Hokage."
"We shall see. Meet me at the training grounds in an hour. I believe you remember where they are?"
"Hai."
"Alright then. Dismissed."
Sasuke bowed, treaded away for a few steps, before he fled to his ex-teachers' dwelling. Once he reached the homey place, he barged in without knocking. Lucky for him, they were too occupied with what his return insinuated to have been doing anything.
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED???" he shouted angrily. The two ninja, who had been quietly conversing [and snuggling] on the couch, blinked and stared.
"Nanda?" They replied in union.
He growled and lowered his voice, whispering dangerously. "To Naruto. What happened to Naruto?!?"
Iruka sniffled and hid his face in Kakashi's jacket. The Jûnin glared at the youngest, before sighing. "We don't know."
"What do you mean, you don't know?"
*Glare* "Exactly what it sounds like."
He breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. "When?"
"Around the time you left. We began noticing signs after you left."
*blink* … *blink blink* /That can't be right./
//How would you know? That's what you thought when I revealed to you that you loved him, ne?//
/Hai, demo-/
//No buts.//
/…/
//Heh. Stupid boy.//
/…/ "I can't seem to believe that."
"You should." He swerved around, coming face to face with the Third. He gawked, and a frown came across the old man's face. "Stop looking at me as if you've seen a ghost. As I was saying. I've been watching over the boy since he received the seal. Nothing has affected him the way your disappearance did."
"That's not…" He frowned, bewildered, trying to ignore the fact that the elder was supposed to have died years ago. Everything pointed to the same thing.
"Let me tell you something only I and the boy know. Out of all the pain and sorrow he's had mentally. He only cried twice."
"…so?"
"Once was not from sorrow, put a release from too many emotions, once his faith in the world had almost been shattered, but was retrieved by his teacher, Iruka." The ancient man nodded towards the scarred, raven-haired man. "But the second was not. The second came only from sorrow. It was the night you left, Sasuke."
/……shit!/
"Oh, and that sixth scroll, you should look at it."
Sasuke nodded tiredly and began knocking his head against the wall.
//Useful, really.//
/THIS IS YOUR FAULT!/
//…I told you not to leave in the first place!//
/I shouldn't have come back./
//You're the only one who can save him.//
/Save WHAT??/
//…//
/There's nothing left to save… I'm so sorry Naruto…/
//Stop feeling sorry for yourself and DO something about it! You're being a worthless shit.//
/And you're acting like my brother./
//You want to try getting your beloved Naruto back, yes or no?//
/…/
//Thought so. Now get that scroll.//
/…/
//Don't ignore me. I'm your voice of reason.//
/…*sigh*/
Sasuke nodded to the older men and vanished to his abandoned home.
~an hour later~
He bounded over to the clearing he had so many memories in. Hokage was already there, staring emptily at the sky, splayed out on the dew-stained grass.
//He's too open. Watch your back.//
/Hai./
Suspicious, he approached what must have been a doppelganger. [Though, in fact, it WAS Hokage, but he could probably win even from an open position and usually gave the illusion of seeming a beginner]
"You're late. You should be grateful I am not causing you to start again from graduation."
The Hokage was on his feet in an instant, Sasuke bowing low to the ruler.
"Go through there. Follow the trail of red maples. I'll meet you on the other side."
He disappeared and Sasuke blinked. He'd used the ground for years but never noticed red maples. It wasn't even the right kind of forest." 'Seek hidden meanings within hidden meanings.'
/Red-fire, anger, burning…sun? Go west. Maple- doesn't belong, five-stared, rare and precious. …Foreign imports. Follow what doesn't belong./
His stare darted around the clearing. /What doesn't belong?/ His eyes fell upon a white cedar, surrounded by black-ridged fir trees
/Heh./
He bounded into the tree, just to quickly get knocked down again. /???/
//Watch out, you idiot!// And the voice of reason, indeed, was right. As usual. An array of shuriken fell upon him. Dodging became harder as he started freezing up, slowing his motion. However, he recognized the technique.
"Tiger… horse… Breath of the fireball…"
A very basic technique, but effective nonetheless; his blood flowed normally again.
"Heh, Uchiha. It gets harder. Go on."
//That's it? It takes more than that to beat ME!//
/…You mean me./
//Aw, whatever.//
/… -.-U/
~Several hours later~
The man emerged from the woods, brutally bruised and scratched. //That was… err… harder than I thought.//
/Keh. So much for reason./
//You didn't think, period. Too occupied with a certain blonde.//
/*growl*/
"You're lucky, Uchiha."
"Heh?"
"A minute more and you would be Chûnin."
"So… I made it?"
"Hai. Come back tomorrow for a mission."
He glanced towards the place that carried the cold voice. The blonde sat at his desk again. Or was it really the same one? A thick black tent hung above to cover it from rain or other equally deterring weather. This was probably were single tests were always taken.
"Naruto?"
The frame, bent over work and looking over several scrolls, did not react.
"…Hokage-sama?"
"Hai?" Sasuke blinked. /Has he forgotten his own name?/
"Those scrolls. What are they?"
"I'm sorting."
"Then… why are there six?"
The Hokage did not reply. //Steal it!//
/NANI???/
//Not NOW.//
/But… but…/
//Che.//
/Oyyyyyyyyyy…/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He snuck into the Hokage House. Since the Third had once lived there, he had offered Sasuke directions. He slowly made his way around the bedrooms when a sound caught his attention. It reminded him of heavy, laborious breathing, but he doubted the steel-eyed 'zombie' was getting choked. He approached the barely-open door, and a high, clear voice resonated loudly in his ears.
"Master…"
/Master?? What the hell?/ //*Shrugs*//
"*Sniffle* Don't call me that."
"What is it, master?"
Sasuke edged to the door, peeking in. His eyes widened, pupils reduced to mere dots, though it was impossible to tell in a vast sea of blackness. The tall, willowy greenish creature, a wood nymph and rare creature to observe, was not what shocked him however. Dead, emotionless Naruto was, well… crying. And it wasn't a small stream one would have from serious but non-fatal wounds, but the type of torrent that could only come from a pain so intense one would die if it was physical. His heart wrenched, reaching out to the fragile soul, but he held himself back.
"Sheela…" The blonde sighed heavily, burying his face in a plush pillow, muffling his voice. "Sasuke came back…"
"That's wonderful." Naruto sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut. The pale woodland creature frowned. "I thought you loved him…"
"And how does it help when I know it doesn't matter to him in the least?"
Sasuke froze, heart clenching; his throat constricted painfully.
"You can't know that…"
"Without a shred of a doubt." Clear blue once more, vast depths of pain, despair, loneliness, self-hatred and loss accumulated over the years shone dully.
//I TOLD you s-//
/SHUT UP! Shutupshutupshutupshutup!/ He mentally screamed, covering his ears, falling to the ground. /Narutonarutonarutonaruto What have I done?/
"Master…"
"Good night, Sheela."
The frosty windows to his soul flickered and shut before his lids slid closed. The nymph turned her gaze to the door, where it became an icy glare. Her voice turned to frozen, melodious wickedness, frighteningly enchanting. Pale Clearwater orbs became menacing cerulean.
"Come out, come out wherever you are."
Suddenly she appeared beside him, and he was caught in her captive glare.
"Who are you?"
"U… Uchiha Sasuke."
Her eyes narrowed briefly, before they narrowed, fury racing. "You're a heartless bastard. Get out before I kill you, and kill you I can."
He lowered his gaze and dropped to his knees. "Then you'll have to kill me, because I'm not leaving." /Not again./
She blinked several times, apparently lost. //I don't think she expected that.//
/You, shut up. You're the one that's heartless./
//Damn right. But it's kept you alive all there years, hasn't it?//
/…/
"Fine. Stand and state your business."
He slowly steadied himself against the wall and dragged himself upright. "I just wanted to stay with Naruto"
"Uzumaki Naruto doesn't exist anymore, stranger. He died 13*** years ago."
/That's…/
//When you left?// The Voice of Reason replied 'helpfully.' Sasuke shut his eyes guiltily.
"I want to stay with Hokage."
"And why should I allow that?"
"Because maybe, and probably, you shouldn't, but you can't keep me away unless you kill me, as you stated earlier."
"…why?"
"Because I can't leave him. Not again. Never again…"
She frowned, trying to match the pieces together.
===WARNING: Inner Sasuke will now talk. And he's very poetic in this part. It's ickily sweet. I can't believe I wrote this. *twitch* eck. P===
He continued slowly. "You see, I've always needed to kill my brother, to avenge my family. You know, giri****?" So I had to leave. It took me 13 years to find and beat him." He sighed and shook his head, but continued. It felt good to finally release the dam. "Once that was done and over with, I rushed back to the village. I didn't care what was going on, what had happened in the last decade. I always imagined, somewhat naïvely, that nothing would have changed. I should have expected it wasn't true. But I needed to come back either way, to the team, to Naruto, but…" His eyes opened a crack and he stared, disparaged, at the floor, slumped against the wall. "He wasn't the first I ran into, and somehow I knew he should be the last. Kakashi found me outside the village and we spoke. Little words were mentioned of the blonde boy I remembered, the topic seemed off-limits. Next, I went to Haruno Sakura's. She couldn't describe his 'condition' in words. I stayed the night and her daughter told me off-handedly that he'd declared his name cursed. I knew something was deathly wrong then." The nymph stood still as a statue; he didn't stop there. "I went to him, to get work and see him, maybe go for some ramen, should he not be too busy, to try and salvage the boy I once knew from what little there seemed to be left. No one was at the Hokage House except from a pair of guards we had worked with a few times before. They casually told me he refused to have his face carved into the mountain, entirely opposed to Naruto. It was what he wanted most, his ultimate goal. I could barely think, safe for my 'voice of reason,' the heartless, sadistic bastard nestled deep within my mind. When I found him, Hokage I mean, my insides froze." ===Ok, here's the poetic part.=== "No doubt it was the same person. He had the same posture, same delicate whisker markings, same golden hair that rivaled burning sun and gleaming gold. But the eyes were lifeless pieces of charred coal. No longer did the fox grins, used to hide the loneliness and pain he felt but that lessened each day, glimmer with his laughter; his lips had sealed themselves and emotion had frozen, the high-noon summer skies had ebbed away. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't stand it, didn't want to admit it was really there. So when he dismissed me, I ran. I ran to Kakashi and Iruka, demanding an explanation, that they tell me what had happened. The told me none knew, though signs had began appearing when I left. I couldn't believe what they were saying, but the Third (I still wonder how it is that he's still alive) confirmed their accusations. I wasn't sure anymore… But if there was one thing I knew, it was that I was missing something. Something the others had seen and caused them to look away when their eyes would meet mine. Hokage the Third told me I would understand, should I look at the sixth's mysterious scroll., but I would have to steal it. He sent me here to do so. I knew it was wrong, I creamed at my supposed 'voice of reason' to stop, but I needed to know exactly what it was I couldn't see. …It ended up I involuntarily walked in to your conversation. I tried to leave, but once I saw the fragile tortured creature still hidden deep within the deadened soul, I couldn't move. So I sit here now and tell you my story."
===Ok, ok, it's over now. You can stop regurgitating on your keyboard.===
The woodland creature reanimated. "You may stay, Sasuke of the Uchiha, but don't dare your eyes upon that scroll." He nodded and dragged himself up, falling upon the bed shortly later, cradling the blond in his arms, burying his face in the soft nest of yellow strands. /Naruto…/
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sasuke blinked blearily. Sunshine hit his retina and he shut the again quickly, letting out a short shriek of pain. He frowned before his memory slowly pieced itself together. He shifted again and realized he was alone on the mattress. He shot up, eyes traveling the small, neat room. Everything seemed in place. He left the building, knowing the most likely refuge for the other man. A trip to the cliff's edge proved him right.
"Naruto…"
"Don't."
He moved towards the figure standing a step away from a costly fall. It vanished, reappearing several feet away, but still beside the edge.
"Are you aware that entering the Hokage's private quarters is punishable by death?"
"No."
"Why do you thing no one told you?"
"Because no one thought I'd do it."
"No. Because it's not. However, murdering Hokage is."
Sasuke frowned, trying desperately to connect everything. Naruto turned to face him and he could see the blue eyes were open to the various emotions floating through Uzumaki's soul once again.
"I wonder, does taking away one's will to live constitute as murder?"
"…I don't know."
"If so," blue eyes tinged with regret, he tilted his head, "you've killed me twice."
He froze and the Hokage shut his eyes wearily. "No, make that three times. I'm sorry it had to be this way."
"Wait, Nar-!" The blonde stumbled back, into the empty space and deadly drop below /Naruto!/ Once he regained the use of his legs, he ran fierce speed, moving from rock to jutting rock. He reached the bottom before Naruto, but a sickening, sloshy crack not a second later alerted him that he'd failed. The broken, blood-splattered body lay on a bed of protruding stone. Sasuke pulled himself to his feet and dragged to stand before the body. After standing still for a short moment that stretched a thousand years, he bowed deeply and left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-One year later-
Once again, Uchiha Sasuke stood before the mass of rocks that had been the sixth's demise., though now the body was covered by earth and gray stone, marked by a slab of black onyx within a small memorial house.***** He stood silent, clutching a scroll untouched for the last 365 days. //It's time.//
/I know./ The year marker had been hit. Today, he would read the scroll and die to reach his beloved. Slowly, he unraveled the paper, pulling it to the left. The 1st thing his eyes met within the blood-and-flesh splattered mess was a poem, written in delicate, flowing kanji he didn't know the boy could write.
Looking 'pon the horizon far,The times we'll remember and the times we'll bar.
It all just went a bit too fast,
And now I've lost the very last.
Where did you go,
So quickly so?
I've lost the key,
You meant so much to me.
Who am I now?
I don't know how,
But now you're gone.
I'm all alone…
I've lost my place
I've lost my face
There's nothing here
Lost all these years
And I'd forgotten to say I love you.
He desperately tried not to blink. Though the wind stung, sliding the lids shut would only release the flood of tears. A year was long time to know what could have been 14 long, happy years were desperately forgotten ashes through one wrong choice. One choice that destroyed the existence of one thought immovable. He read on.
~Now I will tell you what I've done for you, 50,000 tears I've cried~
Sasuke… [The single word was shaky, forced.] How could you do this to me? How could you, in a single instant, rip my life away? I lived for you, uncaring of the hatred weighing down so heavily, springing this well of watery pain. Hatred I can deal with, vanished existence deprives me of reality; it drives me to insanity. Do you care what you've done?
~Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you, and you still won't hear me~
Didn't you notice, so many times when I would take your side, when I did anything to protect you? Could you even tell? I lied, I fought, I pushed those I loved away. And for what? Did it mean anything to you that Kyuubi was nearly released for you, but not for Iruka, who was practically my father?
~Don't want your hand, this time I'll save myself~
Tell me, how did it help me to care? HOW?? [An angry stain marred the ink.] As a child, I knew not to depend on anyone, but you were a bit like me too. Admitted, our only similarity was living alone. I never met my parents; you have. I loved attention; you hated it. I never got any respect; you got more than you wanted. But I thought you'd understand. Why did I let you in? What has it brought me? I can hurt myself; I don't need your help. I don't want to be hurt. You don't seem to understand that. I'll have to learn to shut people out again.
~Maybe I'll wake up for once~
And with any luck, your name will stop making me want to scream in agony inside.
~Not tormented daily defeated by you~
It didn't hurt to know you had the upper hand in everything. If I was already ahead, what would I have to prove? I swear it even felt good. Maybe, just maybe, you'd realize 'everything' included my heart. You could control it so much better than I. I was, indeed, a fool.
~Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom~
But after some time, I began gaining ground fast. Once I was above you, what would happen? What would I do? You were slipping away. More and more I noticed you accept, and perhaps return upon, the affection Sakura had given you for so long. How could I live on then? It hurt so much…
~I'm dying again~
And what is that compared to now? Once I decided the deluge cannot worsen, hurricanes decide to join the treacherous hollow within me, tearing at the walls and mask I sacrificed everything to keep. [The writing grew steadily shakier, messier.] I thought it was bad; I didn't realize what pain truly was until I found you had disappeared from life altogether. I didn't know until then that, when you hurt, you can't hold back the tears in, no matter how desperate you are.
~I'm going under, drowning in you~
You won't leave my mind. It's so hard to breathe. Everywhere I go, I can find pieces of you. Can't you just leave me alone? Goddamnit, go AWAY! I never asked for love.
~I'm falling forever~
It's getting worse. The moon hangs low in the sky; she's so much like you. I can't look at the night sky anymore. The stars I loved so much have been swallowed whole by the darkness left in your wake.
~I've got to break through, I can't keep going under~
I need to get you out of my head! Darkness surrounds me; I've lost my way. Who have I become?
~Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies, so I don't know what real and what's not~
A swirl of memories permanently remains in the front of my concentration, but they're so contradicting. I forgot what happened and what didn't. What does it matter? I know you're gone now. What is there left? Why be the best if you don't care for it yourself, and you don't care what the others thing either? …What's the point in life?
~Always confusing the thoughts in my head~
My lifelong dream; become the best so that all would acknowledge and respect me. So you would respect me. But I didn't know you at the time, and then I hated you. But I never hated you! …Did I? And the kiss… [a series of unreadable scribbling covered some area, meaningless to the reader. Imaginary words for indescribable emotions; agony, hope, unblossomed love and dying hatred. Present and future had merged together that instant when neither had even begun to understand the world, or each other.]
~So I can't trust myself anymore. I'm dying again~
Why won't it stop? Why, with every breath, does it hurt more? I beg for numbness, but how can I forget? Numb and cold and warm and hurting… Stop hurting, my heart, please.
~I'm going under, drowning in you. I'm falling forever, I've got to break through~
It won't stop! [Tears were dense, script barely decipherable.] I can't get you out. Why you? Why the cold one, the deceitful one? Why you?
~So go on and scream, scream at me! …I'm so far away~
Aren't you angry I blame you? Well, aren't you? After all, it's not YOUR fault I'm weak and stupid and slow and too caring and so, so FRAIL! What do I care, you bastard? You left! Left me ALONE, out in the COLD the DARK, the RAIN! Torrents you kept at bay are flooding me, drowning me. I let you in… you shattered my walls. And now there's nothing between me and the swallowing darkness. …Is this what you wanted?
~I can't be broken again~
And I swear I don't care what you or anyone else thinks or says, because I won't let this happen twice. None will get to me ever again. I'm never opening up again.
[The handwriting changed abruptly.]
Upon the twenty-second of October, thirteen years after his departure, Uchiha Sasuke returns… home.
~I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under~
I've done it again, haven't I? I didn't let you in, I locked you there because you hid and I did not realize you were still within my heart, behind impenetrable walls. Naturally, since nothing could get in, you couldn't get out. But I know how to get rid of you. My body longs for rocks.
No one quite knew what happened to Uchiha Sasuke after that. There was much speculation on the subject, of course. Tales of enemy ninja, who sought to discover Sharingan's secrets, hunter-nin from another land he'd secretly joined in his 13 years of absence and such stories populated the streets. None noticed the pile of earth within the memorial shrine was larger than it had been. As for how he got there? Subterranean technique, one of the first Kakashi had used against him. Who knew the teacher that had meant to help him thrive had helped him die instead? But no celestial blame rested on the silver man's shoulder. One way or another, death would have come that hour. It was inevitable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Well, He's not a missing-nin because he told the Hokage he was leaving, but he was deprived of all titles. He's technically not a ninja at all right now.
**1st-A-level
2nd-B-level
3rd-C-level
4th-D-level
5th-Unsorted
6th-Mystery scroll
***Damn, and that's my lucky number too. That and 666. )
****Japanese analogy, for pride and respect and all that. Look it up. -.-U
***** If any of you have seen InuYasha, it looks like the place that covers the well
******It's not in the story, but just to clarify things.1) Naruto CAN die that way. I know Kyuubi heals him super-speed, but nothing can heal fast enough to save someone from that many punctures, and something that kills near instantly. Besides, can't heal if the object it still in the way. 2) The reason Sasuke, during the one-year period in between, doesn't have kids to reinstate his clan, is because Sakura told him a secret. You know how Haruno Sasuke really looks like the Uchiha version, except for the green eyes? Well… He was born a bit less than 9 months after Sasuke left. Get it? Sasu got drunk, and the boy's actually his. -.-U And no, he doesn't remember any of it, and yes, he only did it 'cause he had no idea what was going on.