A/N: I do not own any of the characters.

BEING A FATHER

"Hey Teyla, is TJ all right?" John asked as he was limping into the kitchen with the aid of a walking stick.

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"Well he seems a bit quiet. I think he's being crying but he won't talk to me. I was just wondering if anything happened while I was away?"

Teyla was busy getting breakfast ready for her ever growing family. She was seven months pregnant with her fifth and hopefully final child. She loved her family deeply. Her eldest Torren was now 11 years old, then Jasmine at nine years followed by the destructive duo at 7 years, Bethany and Charin. They didn't know what the latest addition to the Shepard family would be they wanted it to be a surprise. Everyone was excited. But Teyla thought she was getting too old to waddle around anymore, it wasn't her favourite mode of transport. This latest pregnancy wasn't planned but both her and John were pleased but somewhat worried as well. They hoped that the new addition didn't follow in Bethany's and Charin's footsteps. She loved her twin daughters but they were a hand full. No adult wanted to babysit them. It was very hard for her and John to have a date night. When the two little girls scared Ronan and Rodney that tells you how much attention they need. When word got out that the uncles didn't want to babysit that meant no one else wanted to either, can you imagine if they can't look after their nieces what hope did anyone else have? Teyla was sure that John's grey hair was down to the girls but she didn't say anything she thought it made him even more handsome. Teyla sighed just thinking about him and here he was granted with a walking stick but that's better than him not being here at all, he came back from his last mission injured thankfully he only had to spend a few days in the infirmary. He bent down to kiss her and she returned the kiss. Jasmine sighed watching her parents kiss and the twins just made throwing up noises. The two adults lifted their heads and smiled at each other. John then went to kiss his daughters. John couldn't believe how lucky he was, he was married to the most beautiful woman in two galaxies, he had a son and three daughters and another on the way. He never thought that he could be this happy but he was, granted he and Teyla were lucky with their first two kids but the twins made up for that. They may look innocent but they could cause so much trouble in the space of five minutes, you wouldn't even see it coming. To be fair they always tried to help but it always went wrong and they didn't really understand. He would like to see the men who would eventually marry his daughters, if there are any men brave enough to take either of them on. Torren came out and sat down. He was more quiet than usual. He usually had a smile for everyone but he ignored everybody.

"You ok buddy?" Asked John

Torren didn't even reply.

"Torren answer your dad." Said Teyla as she placed cereal and toast on the table. The girls started to help themselves. Torren just sat there. He didn't seem to be hungry. Teyla looked at John who looked at her. John could tell that she was now worried.

"I'm fine John."

Silence seemed to fill the room. Everyone just froze, they stopped what they were doing. Jasmine had a spoon full of cereal halfway to her mouth. The twins were midway through a slice of toast. John was just pouring some coffee into a mug and Teyla was lifting a cup of tea to her mouth. Everyone was thinking did they hear what they thought they heard. Torren had always called John dad or some version since he could speak never had he called him by his name. Of course he knew John was not his biological father but that never seemed to matter. Teyla wanted to say something but John put a hand on her arm to stop her.

"Ok everybody ready for their day?" John asked suspiciously perkily.

With breakfast forgotten all the kids just got up and collected their stuff from their rooms.

"We'll talk to him later. Don't worry." John said as he laid a kiss on her forehead and rubbed her belly.

Teyla nodded but was not happy at waiting as she rubbed her belly hoping that everything was ok with her son.

They were all eating lunch together including Ronan and Rodney. TJ usually sat next to John but he was on the opposite side with Ronan. Both Teyla and John looked at each other, John shrugging his shoulders trying to say that he didn't know what was going on. He was slightly hurt by TJ's behaviour, never had the child rejected him until today. He was trying to figure out if he may have done something to upset the boy but he couldn't think of anything.

The girls were talking about what they had done during the morning and John and Teyla was trying to pay attention while covertly looking and TJ. Once the female members of the Shepard family had finished explaining their activities Ronan nudged TJ and tried to get him to tell everybody what he had been up to during the morning. When this wasn't working Ronan spoke for him and told everybody that he learnt a new move in sparring and that he would be able to take down his dad soon. While the girls, Teyla and Rodney laughed, John looked sheepish, great another member of his family to kick his butt he thought, Teyla still did it on a regular basis when she wasn't pregnant, TJ got up and shouted

"HE'S NOT MY DAD." With that he ran out of the mess hall. Again everyone was shocked by the outburst. The girls started to cry they didn't know why TJ was behaving this way. Teyla got up to go after her son but John stopped her and grabbing his stick started to look for his son. He had a pretty good idea of where he would be. TJ may not be his biologically but he did seem to have some of the same traits as John, talk about nature versus nurture, thought John. He slowly made his way to the East pier where he found his son sitting on the edge just looking out to sea. This is where he often came to think when he needed time alone. He struggled but managed to sit down next to TJ. Torren turned his head so John couldn't see it but he thought he saw some tears flowing down TJ's cheek. Torren refused to look at him. He didn't want to pressure the boy so he just sat there waiting until Torren was ready to speak. John thought that moment was close until he heard great sobs coming from his son he looked and saw TJ's shoulders shaking. He couldn't wait any longer he put the walking stick down and grabbed TJ under the arms. TJ was trying to struggle but John was stronger. John lifted the boy up and turned him so TJ was now sitting on his lap. As soon as TJ was in John's lap the boy clung to him as if his life depended on it. TJ's legs wrapped around John's waist and his arms hung tight to John's back. His head found the space by the left side of John's neck and he settled there. All was well John thought, as soon as TJ found that space by his neck John knew it would be fine. That space was reserved just for Torren only. The girls preferred the other side. This was just for TJ and the fact that he settled there willingly said a lot. John held him tight but the sobs kept on coming, he knew something was wrong but there was no use in asking any questions until the sobs had stopped. So John sat there his arms filled with a distraught 11 year old boy, he kept rubbing circles over TJ's back to comfort him and every so often he would place a kiss on TJ's head. It may have been five minutes later when the crying died down but it felt like hours. TJ quieted down for a moment John thought he had fallen asleep but he realised that TJ was still awake.

"Hey TJ" John felt TJ stiffen but he kept on rubbing his back.

"Hey TJ. You are my son, my eldest child. I know I'm not your dad biologically but that doesn't matter to me. As far as I'm concerned you are my son. I love you. I love you like I love Jasmine, Bethany and Charin. Nothing is going to change that. So if you want to call me dad, daddy, father, dude or even 'hey you' that's fine. Your mum and me want you to be happy. If it is making you unhappy calling me dad then we can change it. I'll talk to your mum I'll make her understand. We just want you to be happy." John kissed him on the head after he had finished his little talk.

John thought he heard TJ sigh but wasn't too sure. Then he heard a voice but had to strain to hear it clearly.

"I..I thought if I called you John instead of dad then it wouldn't hurt as much when you died. I've already lost one dad I don't want to lose you as well." TJ ended on another sob.

John was dumbstruck what made his son think he was going to die.

"TJ I'm not going anywhere, what makes you think I'm going to die?"

He felt TJ stiffen in his arms and had to ask again.

"TJ?"

"When you came back from the last mission you were injured. Mum took me to the infirmary because I really wanted to see you. She explained that you would be hurt and that you wouldn't be able to talk to me and I understood that. So I took a book and read to you. I remembered the times that I was in there and whenever I woke up if you were on base you would always be there when I woke up, usually sleeping next to me on the bed. I wanted to do the same for you as you are always there for each of us."

TJ paused John sensing the significant part of the story was approaching.

"Carry on."

"Well on your third day in the infirmary, mum said I couldn't go. She was busy with the girls but I really wanted to see you so I told her that uncle Ronan was going to give me a sparring lesson, she believed me and told me to let her know when I reached the gym so I went by myself. But I didn't go to the gym I went to see you. Uncle Carson and Aunt Jennifer didn't see me. I went to their office to let them know I was there but I heard them talking saying that you're lucky to be alive and if you were just a few hours longer then we would be burying you."

With this TJ started to cry again.

"I was so shocked. I left the infirmary. I went back to my room, mum never found out I lied to her. I thought that if I called you by your name then it would hurt less when you do die. I don't really remember my other dad. The memories I have of him are what you and mum have told me. I don't want you to go please don't leave."

The last was said with TJ clinging even tighter to John and carried on speaking.

"Who would be able to keep the destructive duo in check if you weren't here? Who would help me when I have nightmares or when I'm sick? What about mum? Who would hold her hand when we watch movies or kiss her forehead when you want to tell her you love her? Who's gonna help Jasmine with her flying? What about the baby, he or she needs to know you. It would be really unfair if they don't meet you. You're the best father a kid can have. We all love you so much. Please don't leave us, don't die."

TJ sobbed. John was too chocked up to say a thing. He needed a couple of minutes to collect himself before he spoke.

"TJ, TJ you know I love you, your mum and your sisters. There is nothing, nothing that could keep me away from you. You're also old enough to know that I have a dangerous job and sometimes I get injured. What you need to know though is that I will always do my best to get back to you. I don't want to leave any of you. If I do die during a mission.."

John felt TJ stiffen again and he tightened his arms around his dad.

"..remember I would have done everything possible to come back to you. Somebody has to help protect Atlantis. I do it for you, your mum and your sisters. I want you to have a happy life. I want you to be able to have a life and not worry about the wraith. I hope I don't die any time soon. I want to see you grow up to be a man. I want to be here when you have your first crush so I can tease you, your first love. I want to be here when you tell me you've met the woman you want to marry. I want to see you on your wedding day make vows to the love of your life. I want to be a grandparent. I want to be the one that gives you your first drink. I even want to be the one that has the embarrassing talk with you about where babies come from. I want to be here for all the birthdays, Christmas', Easters and everything else. I want to see if there are any men brave enough to take on the destructive duo, do you really think that I would miss seeing that? If anything does happen to me remember just think of all the good times we've had and I'll be there. I will always be with you, you'll just have to think of me and I'll be there. You know your uncles Ronan and Rodney will be here for you if anything happens?"

John felt Torren nod his head.

"I love them and I know they would look after us but they're not you. I know you would do the same if anything happened to them, you and mum would look after their kids but they would still miss their dads as well.

"I know." sighed John.

Torren lifted his head from John's shoulder and looked him in the eye.

"I'm sorry for calling you John earlier and saying you're not my dad. You're the best dad. Ever!"

TJ kissed Johns cheek and hugged him tightly. John kissed him on the head and hugged TJ back.

"What do you say we go and find your mum?"

TJ grimaced.

"You're going to make me tell her I lied to her aren't you? That means I'm going to be grounded."

TJ slumped his shoulders and John just chuckled.

"If you play your cards right, yes you'll be grounded but mum will make sure you have your favourite meals while grounded. I'll need to tell her what you told me so she won't worry."

"No you don't, I'll tell her. Maybe she'll make me some cookies, what do you think?" TJ asked.

"If you start off with you lied to her and then tell her what you told me then it is more than likely she will make you cookies, make sure you save some for me."

"Of course."

They got up TJ more easily than John. TJ went to pick up the walking stick and handed it to his dad and went to the other side and they walked together back to their quarters. Everyone was there. Ronan and Rodney were trying to keep the girls occupied they seemed very solemn. As soon as they walked in John notice that Teyla had been crying and guessed correctly that she must have followed them to the pier and overheard the conversation. She was trying to be brave. TJ walked up to his mum, Rodney and Ronan left the girls to play and come to see if everything was ok. TJ confessed everything, how he lied and why he behaved the way he did. The men were shocked and started to worry about what their kids thought. Teyla cried and hugged TJ close to her. He was right he was grounded for two weeks and was not allowed to wander around Atlantis by himself until he earned their trust again. Ronan and Rodney tried to comfort him as well letting him know that they are always there for each other. TJ hugged both of them. They left to find their own kids and make sure they knew they were loved and hopefully nothing would happen to their parents.

That night John and Teyla decided to move the sofa from the sitting room and drag their mattress as well as TJ's and Jasmine's mattresses into the living room. They were going to have a sleep out. All of them would sleep together, all six of them on three mattresses. So they not only watched a few movies and ate popcorn, crisps and chocolate. They slept together as one big happy family. You had Elizabeth at one end, then Teyla with the twins in the middle followed by John and TJ at the other end snuggled into the left side of his dad. They all had a great night's sleep and made this a monthly event for years to come.