Sitting cross-legged on the couch in her quarters, Kathryn had a PADD in one hand and a full cup of coffee in the other. As she continued to read the report sent to her by her security officer, she slowly took a long and refreshing sip of coffee.
At the sound of her door chiming, Kathryn glanced at the sliding doors. She sat her coffee on the table in front of her and placed the PADD beside it. Standing up, she called out, "Come in."
"Oh it's just you Chakotay. Have a seat," she said with a smile. "Can I get you anything to drink?"
"No thanks, I'm fine," he said standing rooted to the spot.
She gave him a puzzled look, wondering if he knew he was coming across cold. "Oh well, okay then. So how is the crew feeling now that we're out of Devore space? I'm sure everyone got a weight taken off their shoulders," she said picking up her coffee and walking over to him.
"I suppose they all have."
Kathryn stopped. "Chakotay, is something the matter?"
He stood silently, refusing to look at her small frame. Instead, he focused on the floor.
When he didn't reply, she walked closer to where he was standing and gently placed her hand on his chest. "You came in here like you had something to say, but you're awfully quiet. You know you can always talk to me."
He glanced at he quickly and she could have swore she saw a momentary expression of pain cross his face.
Chakotay glared at her and stated bluntly, "I saw you yesterday, with him."
She stared at him, perplexed as she removed her hand from his chest. She whipped her body around to face the other direction and walked slowly to the sofa. "I don't think I understand Chakotay."
She sat back down on the sofa, slowly setting her cup of coffee were it had been previously. "Come sit down with me."
He stared at her with disgust, "Don't you get it? How can you not understand Kathryn?"
He walked slowly to where she was sitting and set down in a chair across from her.
"Who do you mean you saw me with? Kashyk? Well of course, I was with him the entire day," she said smiling in an attempt to lighten the dark atmosphere of the room.
He stared intently at his hands where he sat. Trying to piece together something logical to say but when nothing came, he simply said what was on his mind. "I saw you kiss him."
Shock registered on Kathryn's face as she glared at the man seated across from her. "What do you mean you saw me kiss him?"
"Dammit Kathryn, what do you think I mean!" He lashed out in a tone that made Kathryn cringe. He glared at her with such fierceness in his eyes as he said, "I can't say it any simpler than that, can I?"
She gave him an icy look and said coldy, "Chakotay, what I did or didn't do with him is absolutely none of your business. You have no business in the matter and I want this issue dropped immediately Commander."
He rolled his eyes and looked her steadily in the eye, "Of course you do. You're always at me to talk about how I feel. And now when I do, you pull rank because it's something you don't want to hear!"
Kathryn sat up straighter and folded her hands neatly in her lap, "Look Chakotay, you had no right to spy on Kashyk and I…" She didn't have the opportunity to finish her sentence.
Cutting her off, he said, "Spy? Kathryn I didn't follow you to spy. I followed you that day because I didn't trust him. You were alone in that shuttle bay and he could have done anything he wanted to! He could have grabbed you and wrestled you into his shuttle and then Voyager would be without her captain."
"He wouldn't have done that Chakotay," she said firmly.
He stood up, "So now you're defending him?"
"I was prepared for him to backstab us Chakotay and we're all fine now. He's gone. We're out of Devore space and back on our way home. Everything is fine okay," she said standing up as well.
"Fine? Sure, it is Kathryn, just fine."
"Look Chakotay," she said with harshness in her tone. "I don't know why this has gotten you so worked up. I'm free to do what I like, and with whom I'd like to."
He walked two paces and closed the space between them. "Oh so that means it's okay now for you to get physical with our potential enemies?"
"Commander, I suggest you stop this right now."
"Kathryn, I just want you to know that what you did was wrong and as Captain…"
She cut him off, "As captain, Chakotay, I make my own decisions. Whether they are right or wrong, they are mine to make."
"Fine, well just let me ask you one more question and then I'll leave you in solitude."
She gave him a daring glare so he continued. "Why?" He asked her simply.
"Why what?" She asked backing away from him slightly.
Although she held the higher rank, his height and his build were threatening her now.
"Why did you kiss him?"
"That's none of your business," she said expecting the question.
"Alright then, I won't push you. And I'm sorry for the way I've acted these past few minutes but you wouldn't understand."
"No, apparently I don't."
He turned to leave and walked quickly to the door.
"Wait," Kathryn called out hurriedly.
He slowly turned around, wondering what she was about to say to him.
"You want to know why I kissed him Chakotay? Well fine, here it goes."
She walked to where he stood and took a deep breath. Unsure of what she was going to say, she began. "I… I'll be honest. "
"That would be nice."
She sent him the death glare, which now had no power over him whatsoever. "He kissed me Chakotay. It was almost a way of confirming our trust in each other. And to keep his trust in me… well you know what I did. Yes, I was attracted to him, but I knew in my heart that we would deceive each other." She paused for a moment and looked intently at the floor. "I also knew after I kissed him that I regretted it. Mainly because, I don't do that. I don't kiss someone or do anything of that sort unless I really want to. Even though you may think I did want to kiss him, I didn't."
She looked up at him and gave him a small smile. "There's only one man on Voyager who I truly want to kiss Chakotay." She placed her hand on his chest. "And you know who he is."
Chakotay let out the breathe he'd been holding as he returned her smile. "I certainly didn't expect you to say that."
"No?" She said tilting her head. "What did you expect?"
"Well, I'll be honest," he said with a grin, making fun of her earlier comment.
She smiled and said, "That would be nice."
"I thought you had fallen for him."
A look of surprise was evident on Kathryn's face. She lowered her hand down his chest to his waist and slowly leaned into his left side. Rising onto her tippy toes, she murmured in his ear, "You can't fall for someone, when you're in love with someone else."
She lingered for a moment as she felt him move his hand to her arm where it stayed.
"Kathryn…"
"Don't say anything Chakotay," she said huskily, brushing her lips against his ear.
He lowered her down from her tiptoes and brought her face toward his so that they were less than an inch apart. Both were breathing heavily as he caressed her cheek. She rested her arms on his shoulders as he moved both of his to her petite waist. Their eyes locked for an instant as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Chakotay then closed the narrow gap between their bodies and met her lips with his. Kathryn collapsed into his embrace as the kiss deepened and felt waves of excitement pass through her entire body.
Suddenly she broke the kiss and gazed into his eyes. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this," she whispered to him as she laid her head on his shoulder.
"We have lots of time to make up for the time we've lost," he said softly as he laid his cheek on her auburn hair. "But Kathryn, are you sure? I can't have this today and have you pretending like it didn't happen tomorrow."
She brought her head up to look into his dark brown eyes. She was silent for a moment, which frightened him. "Chakotay…" she strayed.
He let out a long sigh as he thought of what was coming.
"I've never been surer," she said, bringing his mouth to hers.
"Kathryn wait," he said, breaking off the kiss this time. "Why now?"
She took a deep breath of air before beginning. "This whole mess with Kashyk, it's made me think a lot about us. I was attracted to him but you already know that. It was just, when I was with him, and when I kissed him, I felt like I was cheating. I knew technically I wasn't but, nevertheless it didn't feel right. That's why I didn't want to talk about it earlier. I was trying to pretend it didn't happen so I could move on from it."
Chakotay nodded at her and gave her a small smile, signaling her to keep going.
"When I felt like I'd betrayed you, it made me think about my feelings. The ones that I've kept buried and tried to ignore. I really thought about the idea of having a relationship with you. I thought about how it would affect our working relationship, our crew and many other things, but in the end, I went with my gut instinct."
He gave her a wide grin at the mention of her gut instinct. "Well I'm certainly happy that you went with your gut."
"So am I Chakotay," she said with smile as she moved in to press her lips against his.