Written for "Smallfandomfest" on LiveJournal, prompts Connor/Becker and Scars. With thanks to wilemina_29 for her help and suggestions. All comments and reviews welcomed :)
Disclaimer: Not mine, no copyright intended
The two men sat on the end of their hospital beds in silence, lost in their own reflections of a day that would change everything.
Becker winced slightly as he shifted to try and get rid of the pins and needles in his legs. His shoulder ached, having been reset into its socket by a slightly over-enthusiastic junior doctor and then trussed up in a sling against his body. He could still feel a trickle of blood on his cheek, but he wasn't concerned. He knew the nurses had other priorities, and putting a few little stitches into his wound could wait. He didn't like being injured, and this would put him out of action for a few weeks – if indeed there would still be action after today. Finding a comfortable position again, he turned to look over at Connor sitting on the bed opposite him. He was covered in cuts that would probably leave scars, but Becker knew it wasn't those that Connor needed to worry about – it would be the emotional scars that would tear him apart.
Connor hadn't spoken a word since they'd arrived. He just stared ahead of him, no expression on his face and his eyes darkened. Even when the doctor examined him to try and determine the extent of his injuries, he just nodded or shook his head. It seemed he'd been relatively lucky. No broken bones, just a few cuts that would require stitching – however, Connor didn't feel lucky at all. It should have been him, not her. He could see the look of terror on her face every time he closed his eyes, and hear her screams echoing around his head.
-o-
It had begun as a routine anomaly, if there was such a thing. They'd all gone out to it, and spent half an hour or so rounding up some tiny lizard-like creatures and ushering them back through the anomaly. Abby had been fascinated by them, and Connor couldn't help but smile as he watched her. He recognised the look on her face; she was half hoping the anomaly would close and leave a couple of them behind so she could take them home. Sadly for her, all went back safely, the anomaly was locked and they all began packing up to go back to the ARC.
That was when things changed. One of the soldiers assigned to watch the anomaly until it closed of its own accord called Connor over. "I think you should take a look, Sir." he said, pointing to the screen of the laptop that controlled the locking device. Connor looked at the display, screwed his face up and typed a few commands into the computer. He'd never seen this before.
"What's wrong?" Danny asked.
"It could just be a computer glitch…" Connor said, kneeling on the floor to get a better view of the screen. "… but the readings are weird." He was shaking his head. "I'd better stay and have a proper look at this."
"I'll stay with you if you like." Abby said. "Keep you company." She smiled, and sat herself down near Connor.
"OK, the rest of us will head back to the ARC, but you have Pinky and Perky over there to help you." Danny said, indicating two of Becker's men who were leaning against the 4x4.
"Connor, should these be making a noise?" Sarah said, holding out her hand-held detector. Everyone's detector was bleeping and Connor scratched his head. At that moment, another anomaly opened, right next to the other one, and seconds later the head of a Tyrannosaurus Rex stuck through.
Becker barked orders to his men, and several guns were raised in unison. He glanced at Danny, waiting for an order. If Becker had his way, his men would be given the order to "shoot to kill" in this situation, but he knew the ARCs ruling – only as a last resort.
"We're going to need some pretty heavy tranquiliser for that!" Abby said, heading towards the 4x4. She began preparing and handing out large guns, hoping there was enough. Her hands were shaking as she passed Danny a rifle. "Take care." she said quietly.
Connor was frantically trying to set up the locking device for this new anomaly, anxiously looking around him as the soldiers ran around trying to shoot their tranquilisers at the creature. He turned away briefly to connect the laptop, and in that instant the air was filled with terrified shouts and a roar so loud his eardrums hurt. The T-Rex had come through the anomaly, moving steadily towards the group of men. Their tranquilisers were having little effect on it.
Becker took control and ordered his men to use bullets, this was becoming a serious situation and lives were at stake now. Abby bellowed at him to stop, but he ignored her. The T-Rex turned, its tail swishing behind it. Both Becker and Connor were swept off their feet, flipping several feet into the air. Becker landed awkwardly and he yelled out in pain. Connor scrambled over to him, ignoring his own injuries and tried to help Becker get up. "Are you OK?"
Becker sat up and yelled out again. He couldn't move his shoulder, it felt like it was on fire. "Take this, Temple!" he said, handing Connor his rifle. "They need all the help they can get." Connor nodded and ran over to join the soldiers and Danny.
Connor fired his first shot and almost fell over; he hadn't expected such a strong recoil. As he prepared himself for a second shot, he glanced down to check it was properly loaded. Then, there was a piercing scream, one that filled his heart with complete horror. He knew without even looking that it was Abby. He hardly dared look, he just knew something awful had happened.
"Abby!" he yelled. The jaws of the T-Rex were clamped around her leg. He joined the two soldiers who were desperately trying to pull her free, his heart beating hard and his body shaking in fear.
"Connor!" she cried. Her eyes were wide in sheer terror and she was sobbing hard. "Help me!"
He grabbed her hand and for a moment he held her gaze. The look on her face was one that he knew would haunt him for the rest of his days. He had never seen anyone so scared in his life. Around him, he was conscious of the soldiers shooting at the T-Rex. It had various wounds, and it was getting angrier. It briefly opened its jaws to growl out in pain, and Abby tried to get away, but it was too quick and it grabbed her again. Her scream of agony sent chills through everyone, it had her by the waist now and it had no intention of letting go.
Connor raised the rifle and aimed straight at the creature's forehead. He heard Becker yell "Shoot, Connor!" as his finger trembled on the trigger. He closed his eyes and pulled it, hoping for the best. The growling stopped, and there were more frantic shouts. He slowly opened his eyes and saw the T-Rex lying on the ground. The soldiers were crowding around Abby.
"Abs!" Connor cried, rushing to her side. He knew straight away that things were serious. There was blood everywhere, and she was a ghostly white colour. He scooped her up into his arms. "It's OK, Abs. You're safe now." he sobbed, looking around for someone who would help.
"Someone get an ambulance, NOW!" Danny yelled. He searched the 4x4 for a first aid kit, but decided its tiny bandages would be useless. He watched Connor slump to the ground, carefully cradling Abby and rocking her. Connor's t-shirt and jeans were soaked with Abby's blood, yet Connor had barely noticed. Danny felt his throat tighten and had to turn away as he blinked away tears. He knew it was bad, and there was nothing anyone could do except let Abby spend her last moments with someone who loved her.
"Connor, I'm sorry, I can't hold on any more." Abby whispered, stroking his face gently.
"No, Abby! I won't let you die! You'll be OK, the ambulance will be here soon." Connor sobbed, pulling her closer to his chest.
"Connor. It's too late." Abby said, her voice barely there.
"Abby… stay with me, please!" Connor sobbed. "I love you!"
"I love you too, Connor." she said, closing her eyes. She gave a soft sigh, and then there was an eerie silence.
In Connor's world, everything stopped.
-o-
Wounds patched up, Becker and Connor sat in the back of Danny's car as he drove them both home. They sat in the car outside the flat Connor had shared with Abby. "I can't do this." Connor said quietly. "I can't go in there without …" the words stuck in his throat.
"How would you feel about me staying with you?" Becker said. Danny looked at him questioningly, that was the last thing he expected from Becker. "It makes sense. You don't want to be alone, I can't be alone with my arm out of action…. We solve each other's problem"
"OK," Connor said. It did seem the sensible thing, he supposed. Having someone around would make the flat seem less empty, even if it was only Becker. They both got out and thanked Danny. He told them both to take as long as they needed off work, before driving off, leaving them standing on the pavement outside the flat.
"Come on, Temple," Becker said. "It's cold out here." He gave Connor a friendly shove, needing him to get motivated enough to take that first, difficult step into the flat without Abby. He followed him up the stairs, giving him the space he needed, but close enough for Connor to know he wasn't alone.
"Tea." Connor said. "I should make a cup of tea." He disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Becker in the lounge area. Connor leaned against the worktop and took a deep breath. Sid and Nancy were dancing around his feet, demanding attention, and Rex was circling around his head. "Hey guys." he said, trying to sound normal, although he didn't know why; they wouldn't understand anyway. As he waited for the kettle to boil, he chopped some fruit and vegetables to feed the pets. He heard a noise in the next room, and for a second he thought it was Abby. His stomach lurched when he remembered it couldn't possibly be her. He put the knife down and leaned over the sink, thinking he was going to be sick. It hit him; Abby was gone and she wasn't coming back. His entire body began to shake uncontrollably, and he heard a noise emerge from his mouth that didn't sound like him. It was somewhere between a scream and a cry of despair, and it echoed through the flat like a siren warning of impending danger.
Becker was at his side in seconds, resting his arm around Connor's shoulders. "Come on, Connor." he said softly. "I can finish up here, you go and sit down." Connor nodded, and slowly made his way into the lounge. Abby was everywhere in this flat, pretty much everything belonged to her. He sat on the sofa and picked up a cushion, hugging it to his chest; even that reminded him of Abby, it smelt of her perfume.
Becker came in, carrying Connor's mug. He placed it on the table and then went back for his own. He was already hating losing the use of one of his arms, and cursed himself for not being more observant. As he turned to go back into the lounge, he saw Connor and immediately felt guilty about feeling sorry for himself. Compared to what Connor had lost today, his own injury was insignificant.
"I do know how you're feeling, Connor. When you feel ready to talk about…" Becker began, sitting on the sofa next to Connor.
"How can you know how I'm feeling?" Connor spat. "How can anyone possibly know what it feels like?"
"Because I've been there too," Becker said quietly. Connor blinked at him and opened his mouth to say something, but no words would come. "It was when I was serving out in Afghanistan."
"What happened?" Connor said.
"Her name was Rachel. Private Rachel Armstrong. She was a medic, assigned to the unit I was in. I used to find any excuse to go and see her, a stomach ache, stubbed toe, the tiniest cut…" Becker closed his eyes and sighed. "We were close, more than friends really, but in a war zone, its not easy having a normal relationship. One day, about a month before we were due to come home, we were ambushed whilst out on patrol. I got shot in the stomach, and she rushed to my aid. They shot her too, and she bled to death cradled in my arms."
Connor felt tears welling up. He had always thought Becker was cold and aloof, but now he sort of understood why. He had suffered, just like Connor was now. "Does it ever stop hurting?" Connor said, almost choking on his words.
Becker leaned back, and pulled up his T-shirt to reveal a large scar across his stomach. "It's like this scar. When it first happens, it's raw and very painful and there for all to see. You have people fussing around, looking after you, making sure you're eating properly and getting sleep. Then, as time goes on, the visible part becomes less raw and fades, but the scar is still there. You live with it, sometimes it's almost like its not there… and then you catch a glimpse of it, something reminds you of what happened and the wound feels like its been reopened."
There was a silence for a moment or two. Connor could hold back no longer, it felt like a flood gate had been opened and he stopped fighting his tears. "Abby!" He leaned towards Becker, who pulled him to his chest, stroking his hair.
"Let it out." Becker said. As Connor cried, Becker closed his eyes and thought of Rachel and shed a few silent tears for her. It was several minutes before Connor pulled away, wiping his face.
"Thanks." he whispered. His head felt numb and his body like lead. Becker nodded in acknowledgement and swallowed nervously.
"Maybe you should try and get some rest." Becker said.
Without a word, Connor stood up. He hesitated for a moment, looking up into the loft to his room before turning towards the door to Abby's room. "Um, are you OK on the sofa? There's some blankets in the tall cupboard under the staircase." he said to Becker, before pushing open Abby's door. He stood in the doorway, unsure if he should go in. He needed to feel close to her, and he hoped being in her room would bring a little comfort.
"The sofa's fine, Connor. I'll find a blanket when I'm ready." Becker said.
"Night." Connor said, disappearing into Abby's room and closing the door behind him. Becker knew exactly how he was feeling right now. He wished he could tell Connor it would all be OK, but he knew emotional scars were there for the rest of your life and things are never quite the same again.