[Disclaimer] I do not own High school of the Dead, Fire Emblem or anything else! I'm just writing a story as a fan, and whatnot. All credit goes to the creator(s).
[Author's Note] Okay, first I must say that I really liked H.O.T.D., but the ecchi was too high for me. There's a way to overdo things, you know? And they sure did! I loved the characters and the plot, though; Saya is my favorite character in the show. I always wanted to write about what the characters would say about their show, so here it is. If you're a HUGE, FAT fan of the show, and you have no sense of humor, and you worship ecchi crap, then close this window, NOW! This story isn't for you. But if you're interested anyway, then please read. If you hate it, what can I do about that? You CAN'T please everybody, and that's the truth. Sorry about any typos and other writing errors. I'm not a great writer, okay? But I do love doing it.
(Behind The Scenes of the Dead)
"Hello, and welcome to Ike's Talk Show, a show where Ike talks to people. Whose Ike, you ask? Well, that would be me. My wife, Elincia, cannot accompany me on the show tonight. Sadly, she has caught a cold because of the rainstorm that hit our land while we were in the middle of war. So please pray for her, my friends, or else you'll get no sympathy from me! Sorry, I had to say that." The audience laughed at his words, stopping shortly after. "Okay, folks, tonight we have a very special show for you guys. As you all can see, here sitting next to me as I speak is none other than the cast of the popular anime show, High School of the Dead! Let's give them a round of applause, shall we!"
Ike, and the audience, started to clap; the cast of teenagers smiling and waving at the crowd of people. Ike then started to speak. "Okay, High School of the Dead, what can I say? I'm not a fan of cartoons, or television in general, but thanks to a few of my friends, I heard about your anime series. Now, the first thing that I noticed was that you guys constantly shown shots of underwear, and I just figured that you all were ordinary, perverted teenagers. But when you all wanted to speak on my show, I figured that I was all wrong about you guys. So, let us begin. Takashi, I'll start off with you first. Please, tell us about yourself."
The spiky haired teen sighed before saying, "What's up? My name's Takashi Komuro and I am a seventeen year old sophomore high school student. I enjoy playing sports, hanging out with my friends, and just chilling out."
"Okay, that's all good. Before you continue saying anything else, do you mind explaining why that other guy isn't here? That chubby fellow?" said the blue haired warrior.
"Oh, you must be talking about that fat perv Hirano Kouta. He quit hangin' with us once we quit the show. He told me that he liked it there, and that he wasn't going anywhere, that portly dunce," explained Takashi, anger in his voice.
Ike then rubbed his chin and said back to him, "Oh, I see. Okay then, tell us about how you got the role to play the main character in this show. I mean, what about this show appealed to you?"
The brunette boy then slanted his eyebrows as he began to talk. "Well, to me everything about the show got me hooked, you know? What guy my age wouldn't want to smash zombies up, right? I heard about some guy named Ron who was making a show called High School of the Dead, and they were having acting roles, so I went there to see if I was good enough to get the role. Turns out that I was good enough because I ended up winning, but it wasn't as great as I thought it would be."
"Indeed. So, this Ron guy let you guys keep your names? Why is that?" asked Ike.
Takashi just shrugged his shoulders and retorted, "I'm not really sure. I guess he thought it would be a good idea. I never asked him, so whatever."
The swordsman nodded, and then uttered, "I see, I see. Okay, tell us about the disappointment about the show. Tell the audience how it was like behind the scenes and what crossed the line to make you and your friends quit the show."
Takashi then folded his arms, getting ready to do a whole lot of ranting. "Okay, listen to this and pay close attention. Since I got the role, I thought maybe my girlfriend, Saeko, would like to try out for a part, too. She also thought the show sounded pretty cool, so she auditioned for it, and then got the part. Now, in the show, me and Saeko first meet each other in the second episode, I think. In real life, I and she have been dating for quite a while. In fact, we have been together for about two years now."
"Aw, that's nice," said Ike with a smile.
"Thanks, man. Anyway, since we both were going to star in this show, I thought that maybe my two childhood friends would want to be in it, too. And guess what, Ike?"
"What?"
"They DID want to be in, and they DID get the roles! I knew EVERYONE there, all except that fat dude and Shizuka, but I got to know her during the show. Okay, here's when things just get butt ugly!"
"Let's hear it." The blue eyed swordsman started to look very interested now.
"When you watch the first episode of our show, you'll notice that it seems like a pretty good start, you know? Because in most shows, the first episode is usually boring and uninteresting, I guess. Ron pretty much kept our real information for the characters that we played. He kept our names, true facts, such as Rei and Saya being my childhood friends, he kept all of that crap. But one thing he didn't really let any of us do is use our real voices."
"Yes, I noticed that. You sound a lot more raspy than you do on the anime."
"Yeah, but that's not all, Ike. We also had to act totally different, too. The only ones that were able to use their real voices were Saeko and Shizuka, everyone else had to change it. By the way, those aren't real zombies, which kind of let me down. I kind of already knew before I got the role that they couldn't possibly get REAL zombies, but still! I play Resident Evil and Dead Rising all of the time, and I think that I could really handle a zombie crisis! Once the first episode was finished, we watched it, and it stunk!"
Takashi made the audience, and his friends, laugh when he said that; Ike was laughing, too. The warrior shook his head, smiled, and then asked him, "It stunk, huh? Okay, why is that, my friend?"
"Well, first off, the opening. When we first saw that, we were like, 'WHAT THE HECK IS THIS!' We didn't even do any of that stuff, but yet he pulled it off! I didn't really do anything dumb in the opening, but as for my other friends? Man, let me tell you, they looked like freakin' sluts!"
The crowd once again laughed, and Ike tried his best to contain his laughter. Rei, Saya, Saeko and Shizuka all started to look upset, but they knew he wasn't lying.
The teen then continued by saying, "That perv Ron basically pulled off a Sonic Unleashed with this dumb show! You know about that game, right? Sonic Unleashed?"
"Uh, yes, I do! I'm actually good friends with Sonic the Hedgehog," explained the man.
"Oh, cool! But what I mean is this… you know how Sonic Unleashed mixed 2D with 3D? Well, he mixed horror with ecchi. He put them both together and created a show with it. All of us were the suckers who fell for it! I mean, dang, man! Everywhere you look, every ten seconds, you're most likely to see someone's underwear, or their chest floppin' around everywhere! And the more the show went on, the worse it got! Now, Saya quit when she realized what a pervert this dude was, and that was around episode three, I believe. When she quit, I wanted to leave, so I did. And when I left, Saeko did, which made Rei and Shizuka quit with us. The only one that stood there was that fat dude."
"So you mean to tell me that you guys kept this up for only three episodes?" asked Ike.
The boy nodded as he answered, "Yep, that's true. But even when we watched episodes two and three, we noticed stuff that we didn't notice while we were shooting, such as perverted camera angles, added on cuss words that weren't even our real voices, and added on special effects to make it seem like they didn't have on bras."
"My goodness, that's horrible! Back where I live at, we don't tolerate such indecency. If someone does something licentious, they would most likely get killed for it. Okay, so if you were to sum-up how you really feel about High School of the Dead, what would your words be?"
"My words would be this: STUPID! Scrub you, Ron! I heard you talking in a room to your mother, punk! Saying that you wanted her to be a part of that steaming pile of cow dung that you call a show! Oh, wait! Ike, I forgot to tell you one other thing. From episode four to the ending of our show, and even to our OVA, were completely different actors that look EXACTLY like us! And that stinks! I forgot to also mention that Alice Maresato, that seven year old kid in the show, quit also."
"Well, that's good! What was a child even doing in the show in the first place? Sure, she fit in with the story, but that's not the point. The fact that this Ron guy hired a kid pretty much screams that he's a debauched man. Well, thank you, Takashi, for talking to me and answering my questions! Let's give him a hand, folks!"
The audience clapped along with Ike; Takashi just smiled and leaned back against his chair. After the clapping was over, Ike then started to speak again. "Well, people, next we're going to interview this lovely, young girl. Please, give a round of applause to Rei!" Once again, more clapping, but they soon stopped. The warrior looked at the orange haired girl, and then asked, "Your friend pretty much said everything about the show, but what do you have to say about it? Oh yeah, and also please tell us about yourself."
The young beauty crossed her legs, flipped her hair, and then began to say, "Hello! My name is Rei Miyamoto. I'm a cheerleader, I like to dance and listen to music, spend time around others, and I'm currently taking fencing classes."
"Wow, you're sure full with life, I see! I like that!" Ike said, now looking surprised. "So, how do you feel about the show?"
"Well, I thought it was somewhat bad. Personally, I felt pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. I had no idea that it was going to be that way. Ron never told us that it was going to have a boatload of ecchi in it," elucidated Rei, face looking sad.
The blue haired man started to rub his chin as he asked her, "What exactly embarrassed you?"
Rei then gave him a surprised look. "What embarrassed me? Well, everything did! I always made fun of those shows that had too much ecchi in it, such as popular ones like Ikki Tousen, Sekirei, Kodomo no jikan, and don't even get me started on Kissxsis!"
Ike winced when she mentioned those shows. "Uh, yes indeed. I did hear about those shows before, and I do know that they are very explicit. Please, continue."
"I confronted Ron about his underwear fetish, and he just yelled at me! He said that I was stupid and still a virgin, which I am."
"My word, how rare is it to find kids your age to admit something like that! I saw people who were proud to lose their virginity at ages nine and ten, but you're different. Pardon my asking, but are all of you guys still… you know, virgins?"
All of them nodded their heads, all except Shizuka. Ike noticed that and he looked at her. "Are you the only one that's not?" he asked.
She smiled at him and replied, "Well, I'm actually married and pregnant, so I guess I'm not a virgin anymore, right?"
Ike then grinned and started to clap, and then the crowd of people joined along with him. After a while later, they all stopped clapping. The man then said, "Congratulations! How many months are you?"
"Just two," she replied with a smile, her eyes closed as she giggled.
"Well, isn't that just dandy? My wife and I have four kids of our own. I hope that you and your husband have a healthy baby boy or girl. Of course, YOU will be the one having the baby, though." The audience laughed at his comment. "Rei, is there anything else that you would like to say?"
The girl then looked at the camera and squealed, "I would like to give my boyfriend, Hisashi Igou, a shout out since he couldn't make it here! Hello, Igou!" Takashi shook his head when she said that.
"Well, Rei, thank you for the interview! Our next person to interview is the smart and very beautiful Saya Takagi! Give her a hand, folks!" After that being said, the crowd clapped for her. Ike then wittily declared, "I guess your hands are going to be sore from clapping, huh?" They all laughed. "Okay, Saya, please tell us about yourself and what you think about High School of the Dead."
The pink haired cutie fixed up her glasses as she spoke, "Greetings, my name is Saya Takagi. I like to read and study about things, I like to try on a lot of different styles of clothing, and I just recently got into watching football."
"Okay, that sounds good. So, how do you feel about the infamous High School of the Dead?" asked the man with sea blue eyes; looking very eager to hear her out.
"Well," she began, already sounding distressed. "It started off fine at first. Nothing seemed overly pathetic like in some shows. But the more the show went on, the more demanding and perverted the manager became. I continued to play my role, though I felt very degraded and mortified, but when he started to demand yuri scenes and other foul things, I said enough was enough and quit the show."
"And then the others, not including the fat one, left with you, and soon you all were replaced with pervy doppelgängers?" he then asked.
"Sadly, yes," she answered back, fixing up her glasses again.
"My word, I don't think I can hear any more of this. I really feel sorry for you guys, I'll tell you that! So, what did he do to make you quit? Any specific thing he said or did?"
"I remember it like it was yesterday. I was on my way to the studio, getting ready to act again, and on that very day I bought myself a pair of cute, pink coolots."
"Coolots… I think I heard of that from somewhere before," said Ike.
Saya then continued. "Yes, and I believe it looked very nice on me. Anyway, once I walked inside of the place, I saw all of my friends talking to each other. I walked over to them, and then out came Ron. Soon as he saw me, he started to scream! He grabbed his face and started to scream, loud! I was staring at him and I felt so scared, because I thought he was having a heart attack! But then he started to shout, 'Where is the underwear! Where is the underwear?' I couldn't believe what he was saying to me. After that, I just left and never came back. That was the last straw for me."
The blue haired man then started to point at her as he stated, "You know, you sound like you come from Brooklyn, and I like that. Such a nice voice you got there."
"Oh, thank you. I don't know why, but a lot of people compliment me about my voice. It's nothing special to me, but what can I do, right?" she laughed.
He smiled at her and replied, "I suppose so. There is one more thing that I got to say to you, Saya. You were the one to say, 'enough with this,' and walk out, which made your friends follow you. So just imagine if you didn't do that? No telling how long you guys would have been doing that."
"Good point, but I'd rather not think about that," she said back, laughing; Ike, her friends, and the crowd laughed along with her.
"Okay, well, thank you very much for the interview, Miss Takagi. All right, folks! Our next person to interview is the one called Saeko! Show her some love, boys and girls!" he ordered elatedly, making the audience clap for her. The man in the cape then cleared his throat, and then said, "Saeko, please tell the people about yourself and what you think about the notorious High School of the Dead."
The lovely, purple haired woman looked at the man, and then started to talk. "Ciao, my name is Saeko Busujima. I am a high school senior who enjoys kendo, and I'm also the president of the school's kendo club. I like to be alone a lot, I love to drink sweet tea, and I also like to listen to Smooth Jazz music."
"That's great and all, but is there a reason why you said 'hello' in Italian?"
"No," she simply retorted back, almost no emotion in her face expression.
"Oh, okay then. So, can you tell us about what you think about the show?"
She continued to stare at him as she spoke, "First off, we must get one thing clear, and it's a true fact. What is the statistic? Well, it's this: every anime show is most likely to have some sort of sexual thing in it. It doesn't matter if the show is based on ecchi or not, because most likely something sexual will be in it. Sadly, that's the kind of world that we live in, a world that is perverted and corrupt, and our show is living proof of that. But it is not only Japanese cartoons that have immoral things in it. American cartoons, shows for children, music, videogames, advertisements, radio shows, and the Internet, just about everything is tainted in its own way."
Ike looked stunned. "Uh, you're making good points. You know, it's weird that your show is an anime, but yet you guys acted it out, and… oh, who am I kidding? I'm just a guy from Nintendo's Fire Emblem series, as all. Please, continue."
Saeko nodded. "With that being said, it is no surprise that Ron made our show the way it is. How do I feel about it? I feel degraded, I feel dishonored, and I feel besmirched. There is more to us women then just our bodies, but since a lot of women are degrading themselves and being proud about it, the more respect and commonsense we're losing, and the same thing goes for the men. I can honestly say that at least 45 to 50% of today's men and women are sexually immoral and lost."
"45 to 50%... My word, that's a lot, don't you think?"
"Yes, I do, but what can I do to change that? People make their own decisions, and most of those decisions are flawed. We all sinned in some sort of way, but we all must atone for the sins that we have committed. Why be stubborn and continue to walk down the wide-ranging road of destruction? There is no reason at all, and that's the truth. And do you want to know another true fact, Ike?"
The woman's beautiful and slanted eyes were gazing into the eyes of Ike this whole time, and it kind of made his body tremble a little. He gulped down his feeling of fear, and then unsteadily retorted back to her, "Sure, what is it?"
She then leaned her body closer over to his and said, "Some people, no… a lot of people were born doomed. A lot of people self-condemned themselves because they choose to live by their own rules. They believe that there is nothing wrong with whatever sin they are doing. If someone at least feels the least bit sorry for what they did in the past, then that's good. But if they feel proud of themselves and feel like they have nothing to worry about, then they're wrong. They're DEAD wrong. And they're going to pay with their souls, and there will be no way to change their fate, their fate that is none other than eternal damnation."
The warrior just gawked at her, not knowing how to respond. She then leaned back against the chair and smiled. Ike then shook his head, trying to shake off the weird feeling that he felt, and then he replied, "Uh, I understand. I understand completely! Um, well, thanks for the speech there, Saeko. Is there anything else that you would like to say?"
"Yes," she pronounced. "Our idiot manager told me that the only reason why he was going to hire me was because I have a nice butt."
"What a pervert," was Ike's choice of words as he scratched his head.
Rei folded her arms and mumbled, "It's not all that great."
"Jealousy, much? That's probably the only thing that I and that dumb Ron guy agreed on," said Takashi, now receiving a cold look from his girlfriend.
"Watch it," said Saeko.
Ike then clapped his hands together and shouted, "Okay! We are now down to the last person to interview. Thank you, Saeko, for the interview, by the way! All right, Shizuka, please tell us about yourself and what you think about the ill-famed High School of the Dead."
The rather ditsy, cute, blond woman smiled as she uttered, "Hiya, my name is Shizuka Marikawa. Uh, um, I'm 27 years old, and, uh… I'm married to King Arawn, and… well, uh, I, um… have blond hair."
Silence took place. "Okay, is that all?" asked the man with spiked, blue hair.
"Hmm, let me think a little," she said, looking like she was thinking hard. "Oh, I know! I'm also the school nurse at Fujimi High School."
"I see… that's really great. Okay, well, what about the show? What are your comments on that?"
"I think it's dumb," she quickly answered with a smile. Ike continued to stare at her; someone now coughing in the audience.
"It's dumb? Is that all that you have to say about it?"
"Yep," giggled the grown woman.
Ike rubbed his head, and then looked at Saya. She looked back at him and said, "That's the way she is, believe me."
The swordsman then stood from out of his chair. He then snapped his fingers, which made the holy blade Ragnell fly into his hands. He swung the huge blade, twice, and then placed it on top of his shoulder. "It looks like the show is just about over, folks! Let's thank the cast of High School of the Dead for coming over here and giving us a good time! And thank you for being a beautiful audience! I fight for my friends, and if you're NOT my friend, then you'll get no sympathy from me!" The crowd then went wild as they all stood up and applauded; the Fire Emblem theme song then started to play.
Ike then looked at the camera and said, "See you next time, my friends."
The End!
If you hate this story, then don't tell me about it. If you want to be rude, then go on and tell me anyway, even though I don't want to hear it. I'm not asking for reviews. I don't deserve them.