I own nothing. Don't sue me for this.
Barbed Wire Beauty
All I ever find myself doing is wondering back to her. My body's pace slowing and heart becoming heavy. It's consuming, just the thought of her. And the wickedness of love. Christ what an evil thing it is. Yes it can be beautiful, of course, and it is if you are in it and euphoric, but oh it's so devastating when it's abused. So life threatening. Like a dream that you have, happy, and then wake up to find that you aren't away from your life.
My life. My brother. Chyna. Sean. Tori. They are all gone and so terrible far from me now. That is where love is not fair. That I loved all of them once and it was beautiful, and that now I have nothing but anger and hatred towards them, a longing for vengeance that will never really happen because nothing can equal what has been done to me. It's not fair the way that as much as I hate them all I still cry over them and don't even know why. Because I'm hurt? Perhaps. And I think of everything that we used to do, all the good times, and only cry like a child…but that is what makes it confusing. Like I said, I hate them all. They've made my life hell. I don't want them back. But I still hurt. Still I cry.
They've ruined everything for me. My slight chance at smiling diminished only because I remember how terrible people really are, remember that I shouldn't trust people like I want to. It wouldn't be a good or smart thing to do. Because of them. And because of me, too. That I can't trust myself on making a good decision.
All I wanted was to be happy. What can I say? It seemed a good idea at the time…maybe it was. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it.