Those Painful Words
"Now class, I'd like all of you to settle down!" Mr. Simmons shouted to all of the 4th grade children of the P.S. 118 classroom. The end of the school day ensues, the kids were restless and rambunctious this Thursday afternoon, all in hopes of being released from class soon.
Helga sat silently at her desk in the back of the classroom, scribbling poems about love and her unrelenting desire to be with her destined companion, Arnold Shortman.
Back at home, life was absolute pandemonium with her family, and writing seemed to be her only escape from all of the neglect and abuse she faced at home. With Big Bob constantly and incessantly referring to Olga, her older sister, and chastising Helga for her shortcomings, Helga couldn't help but feel less than capable of accomplishing anything; except writing. When she wrote she felt more at home than she ever did with Bob and Miriam in the Pataki household. It was her only emotional outlet, whether those emotions be gleeful or melancholy or infuriated. And with a hell of a lot of emotions, Helga was always writing, mostly about her feelings. But this adamant and persistent hobby of hers, over time, continually became fine-tuned. Her literary capabilities were as sharp as her tongue. For a fourth grader, Helga G. Pataki's language skills were exceptional. Her love poems and sonnets were comparable to those of Olde English poets and writers. Although Helga possessed a magnificent talent in this literary art she was none the wiser of it, she simply just wrote…
Suddenly, Helga looked up from her poetry journal as the afternoon bell rang, signifying that school was out. The children of P.S. 118 rushed out into the main hall of the school building, giddy that school was over for the day.
Helga let out a soft sigh and shut her journal, holding the little pink diary firmly to her chest. Writing about the turmoil and hardship she experienced at home always set her in an uncomfortable and less than excitable mood. No temper… no threatening outbursts at Arnold or, her silent stalker, Brainy. Helga just remained silent and in wistful hope and longing that her life situation would improve.
Gathering her belongings minutes after the rush after the school bell, the blonde exited the room. With a slump in her step, she sauntered out of P.S. 118. Based on her body language, you'd think she was in a lesser emotional state, and you'd have thought correctly.
The little blonde Pataki started to walk home from school, she dreaded returning to the place, she loathed it. She made a mental note to write about how much she loathed her home and her family when she returned home from school.
"Helga, wait up!" She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard a particular voice beckon to her from behind. She gave a glance backwards to witness her beloved, football headed Arnold.
'Criminy! What could this oblong face want with me?' She cursed inwardly, but responded calmly, "Yes, Arnoldo?"
"Heya, Helga…" he laughed nervously, expecting a more remorseful response from the typically hot-headed blonde. "You looked a bit down today, I was wondering if I could walk you home?" he said with a timid look on his face, yet still bearing a wide toothy smile.
'Oh, how I love those ravishing green pools, I could stare into them for the rest of my pitiful life and yet still die happily!' She swooned again inwardly at the thought of her senpai's eyes. Then spoke up after awkwardly staring at him dreamily.
"Uh… Thanks Arnold…" she mumbled faintly.
"What'd you say, Helga? Speak up." the football head stated sweetly.
"I said thanks football boy!"
She said with more agitation and brashness that neither the boy or herself had anticipated. She hadn't intended to lash out…
"Thanks for what, Helga?"
"Quit stalling and scat, hair boy!"
"What do you mean?" Arnold questioned sincerely.
"I said thanks for walking me home; now get lost Arnoldo!"
"Wait!" Arnold yelped, Helga froze, still standing in the doorway holding the door only partially open. "You don't have to thank me for that. I didn't have to walk you home, I just really wanted to."
Saying that out loud tinged his cheeks and the tip of his ears the slightest shade of pink. He didn't really know why his cheeks were burning after confessing his intentions. "I'll walk you home anytime." he forced a nervous smile. Helga didn't notice his blush. "But I still wanna know what's bugging you, you seemed down in class today. Maybe I could come in and we could talk or hang out or something?" He stared into her sapphire eyes with a half-eyed smile waiting for her response.
Helga was dumbstruck, she wanted to shut the door in his face without a word in order to escape this awkward situation with her crush. But his sympathetic smile and innocent, deep green eyes couldn't let her slam the door on him.
Without a word, Helga opened the door to her home wide open, Arnold stepped inside with a surprised grin.
*Later in Helga's room…
The two fourth graders sat parallel to one another on Helga's pink comforter. It had been silent since they both entered the Pataki household.
Arnold looked over at Helga, "Sooo…" he said teasingly, "How's life?" poking her side hoping to get a smile out of Helga. Stifling a laugh, Arnold hoped this would provoke the girl to reveal a smile, but she continued to glance at the floor of her bedroom; not in the mood for a conversation.
Arnold scooted closer to Helga on her bed, staring at her saddened expression with worry and pity in his eyes. He contemplated his actions, however, he went with his gut and decided to hug her. His sudden yet warm embrace unsettled her, not in a bad way, but his close proximity made her anxious and tense, her cheeks flushed a deep red.
Sensing her discomfort, he slowly let go of her and pulled away, but was surprised when she held him closer before he could detach from her.
Neglected and starved of love, Helga let Arnold hold her and gripped his warm torso more firmly. Reluctantly, Helga began to sob, she despised herself for letting her beloved see her this way. Yet for an unknown reason, she still allowed herself to be consoled. And if she had to let anyone see her in this vulnerable state, it would be Arnold.
Arnold was clueless as to why Helga opened up to him in this manner, but he was glad that she was comfortable sharing her feelings with him.
Persuading him to ask her, "Helga?... Why do you conceal how you feel from everyone? I think that may be why you express so much anger.
"I don't know Arnold…" Helga whispered. Arnold spoke up, "Maybe your inability to express your emotions comes out as anger; just share how you feel once in a while to release all that pent-up emotion. Talk to me whenever you need, okay?"
Helga wasn't up for being all sappy with Arnold right this moment. But his endearing words soothed her and eased those painful words that ran through her mind. Arnold's encouraging advice eased the tension within her and a stroke of healing and tranquility washed over her. Glad that someone cared about her wellbeing. She released from his reassuring embrace, sniffling, her crying ceased.
Arnold also figured Helga wasn't up for a therapy session, "Maybe we could talk about all of this later… what do you say we just… hang out?"
Yet again, reluctantly, Helga nodded her head. "I'll go grab some snacks and maybe we could watch a film?"
"Sure, Helga I'd love to."
Helga, leaving the room, went downstairs to retrieve the snacks for them to share. Arnold stood from Helga's pink bed and stretched, releasing a happy sigh, proud that he was able to lighten Helga's mood, even if only a little.
He put his hands on his hips and glanced about Helga's room; surprised at how much pink there was for the tough, tomboyish Helga.
Arnold's eye was captured by a dim light emanating from Helga's closet door, which was slightly cracked open. Being a polite young boy, Arnold would never snoop around, especially not in the room of Helga G. Pataki. But being the polite young boy he was, Arnold figured he'd switch the light off for her.
Opening the closet door, Arnold was appalled, and to a certain extent frightened. There in front of him, he witnessed an odd looking figurine, that looked much like a makeshift scarecrow except the scarecrow's head was made up of old chewed bubblegum and was shaped just like his head.
Arnold wasn't exactly sure how to react to what he had just seen; so, he just decided not to react at all. Then a few more intriguing items captured his attention. Stacks upon stacks of little pink books, that looked oddly similar to the rosy journal she carried with her everywhere, all lay a strewn around the football headed figurine.
Arnold knew better than to continue prying into Helga's private and… um… interesting belongings; but at this point Arnold's curiosity got the better of his gentlemanly qualities.
Despite the guilt that festered in the back of his mind, Arnold opened on of the petite pink diaries. Here he found poetry, but not just any old poetry. Beauteous literary works written in delicate pen strokes of pink ink.
Arnold's eyes expanded to the size of saucers when he realized it was Helga's handwriting and saw her name signed at the bottom of any particular poem. He marveled at the numerous stacks of Helga's poetry and literary work. He never would have guessed that tough girl Helga would be very fond of literature.
After flipping through and reading a few more poems, Arnold heard footsteps coming upstairs. The blonde boy, remembering where he was, instantaneously proceeded to panic. He set the book down, closed the closet door and sat on Helga's bed once again. He tried to act natural once Helga walked in with the snacks. But failing to conceal his guilt, Arnold's cheeks beamed red.
Helga walked in appearing to possess a significantly more positive disposition. Helga noticed his blush, but Arnold sat frozen and silent.
"What's wrong, hair boy? Cat got your tongue?"
Arnold responded with a sheepish smile and a nervous laugh, "What movie did you have in mind?" He questioned, attempting to change the subject and mask his shame for snooping in Helga's closet.
*30 Minutes Later…
With a cheesy comedy film playing in the background, Helga and Arnold spent the Thursday afternoon chatting and snacking on popcorn and tortilla chips. Chatting mostly about school and other fourth grade struggles. And with Helga in a good mood, both elementary students found this conversation to be very pleasant.
Abruptly, it fell silent as the conversation became harder to sustain. They both felt the slightest bit awkward and tried to focus on the movie instead.
Both children distractedly reached for another tortilla chip, then suddenly their hands gently touched. The blondes blushed simultaneously, and instead of flinching and pulling their hands away from one another, they sat a bit more closely, and clasped one each other's hand. Making sure to absolutely avoid eye contact and smother their embarrassed smiles.
Arnold's mind began to race, he couldn't stop reciting Helga's beautiful poems in his head. He couldn't bear to isolate these thoughts much longer. He decided to subtly entice Helga into revealing her secret through interrogation.
He looked over at Helga timidly, her face almost turned from him in his opposite direction. "So, Helga, got any hobbies?"
"What's it to you, football head?" She questioned him back abruptly yet jokingly.
"Well we are getting to know each other, aren't we?"
Helga blushed, then contemplated revealing her secret fervor for literature. Little did she know, Arnold was already well aware of her little secret. But not being too trusting Helga wanted to know Arnold's hobbies before even considering revealing hers.
"Well how do you pass the time Arnoldo?" She stated inquisitively.
"Well I really enjoy jazz and swing music. I've always wanted to master the saxophone or some other jazz instrument, but I mostly stick to admiring the music, rather than playing it myself. Collecting vintage cd's and records. It's more of a passion for music… You got any passions?" Arnold stated this detail in hopes of making Helga more comfortable revealing and discussing her passion.
Deep in thought, Helga deciphered whether it would be wise to tell him about her writing. Letting out a deep sigh, Helga deemed Arnold as trustworthy, although it required her to let her guard down. She was unsure as to why she was comfortable opening up to the green eyed fourth grader. 'He's so soft spoken and easy to talk to, maybe that's why.' The two were also alone so Helga was less anxious about letting her sensitive side out.
"Well…," Helga almost choked on her nerves and anxiety as she was about to reveal her secret.
"Hey, Olga!" Big Bob called from downstairs made Helga and Arnold jump, almost knocking over the whole bag of popcorn, "What the heck do you want?" she yelled back to him downstairs from her bedroom, interrupting the fourth grader's conversation. Which Helga was grateful for. (I guess you could say Helga was "Saved by the yell" Get it? Saved by the yell… not saved by the bell?... Okay I'll let myself out…)
"Get down here and clean this kitchen missy."
Helga stood and turned to Arnold, letting out yet another deep yet somewhat saddened, disappointed sigh. "Well, Arnoldo, I think it's about time you get going." She said while pausing the movie and heading downstairs, leading Arnold out the front door.
*The next morning
Arnold felt disheartened the next day, he'd barely missed his chance to discuss Helga's secret passion. But Arnold was pulled from his distracted thoughts as he lay in his bed. His alarm went off and he had to prepare for school.
*The same morning from Helga's POV
Helga never really woke up because she never really fell asleep. All through the night after cleaning the kitchen, her thoughts had been shaken up and jostled in her mind. She couldn't believe she had almost revealed her secret to her beloved. A sleepless Helga stretched and prepared for her school day as well.
*On the bus to school
A distracted and dazed Helga sat in the back of the bus, journal in hand this Friday morning. Arnold sitting towards the front of the school bus listening to his jazz soundtrack on his Walkman CD player. Helga wanted to jot down more in her journal, but her thoughts were distracted. She was too busy thinking about Arnold, and about holding his hand last night, and almost revealing her secret love for literature and creative writing. She wondered what could have happened between the two of them if her dad hadn't interrupted.
The bus arrived at school, Helga sauntered off to class and her mind was in a daze the whole school day, as it was usually. She stared at the back of her crush's head and journaled and then stared some more until the bell rang and the school day was over with.
*Arnold's POV
Arnold couldn't help but to be distracted all school day as well. His mind was racing, "Why did I snoop in her closet? Why did I invade her privacy? Why did I hold her hand?" That last question made his eyes widen, and he started blushing at the thought of holding Helga's surprisingly delicate, soft, warm hand.
"Arnold? Arnold!" Gerald waved his hands in front of his best friend's face, causing Arnold to snap out of his thoughts and back into reality. "Oh! … S-sorry, Gerald!" Arnold stammered.
"Man! What has gotten into you? Nevermind that, come on before we miss the bus home." Gerald suggested.
"I think I'm gonna walk home again today, Gerald" Arnold mentioned.
"Alright suit yourself, buddy. See you tomorrow!" Gerald said, the two boys did their special handshake and Gerald rushed off in order not to miss the bus.
Arnold looked around frantically for Helga, hoping he could catch her and walk home together again this afternoon. After last night, he really wanted to get to know her and her softer side. He spotted Helga in the hallway leading to the school's front door and he ran to open it for her.
"Thanks, football head." Helga whispered in response to Arnold's sweet gesture. "Of course, Helga." Arnold paused out of nervousness. "Hey Helga, what do you say I walk you to my house and I can show you some of my music records?" Arnold asked politely and sweetly.
'Arnold wants to show me his music? His passion?' Helga swoon at these thoughts. "Sure, Arnoldo." Helga responded nonchalantly.
*Later in Arnold's room
A nervous Helga clutched her diary to her chest and set her pink backpack down on the floor in Arnold's room upstairs. Helga sat down on Arnold's bed while her beloved put on some of his jazz tunes. He put on his favorite record by Dino Spumoni before joining Helga on his bed and starting some casual conversation. Helga still couldn't believe she was in her crush's room. And Arnold was eager to get Helga to mention her love for poetry and writing.
"So how was your school day Helga?" Helga gave off an annoyed but anxious sigh, "Oh what do you care, hair boy?" She retorted.
"I care a lot Helga, more than you think!" He grabbed her hand in hopes of picking up from where they left off yesterday in Helga's room. "I know deep down you're a really sweet girl hiding behind an aggressive exterior. You don't have to hide from me. Let your guard down if you want to. I wanna get to know you a bit better that's all."
Holding Helga's hand seemed to calm her down a bit. Arnold noticed and gave her hand a reaffirming squeeze. Helga was blushing hard and she knew it herself, she was so nervous that her crush was holding her hand that she could barely think.
Helga managed to blubber out, "Oh.. well… Arnold, my day was okay, just the same as any other boring old school day." Helga swallowed the lump in her throat, "And your day, Arnoldo?"
"My day was alright, but now that I'm here with you my day just got a whole lot brighter." Arnold mentioned while scooting closer to Helga on his bed. Helga's cheeks burned and beamed a shade of raspberry red. Arnold pretended not to notice Helga's red face, "So what do you think of my music taste? This is my favorite record." Arnold said.
"It's lovely Arnold, is so calm and mature. Your taste in music is really a reflection of your character, I enjoy lots of Spumoni's work as well." Helga stated. This pleased and flattered Arnold.
"I'm glad you enjoy jazz and swing music. It's how I like to express myself and relieve pent up emotions. I know you struggle with expressing your true feelings is there a way you release negative emotions, Helga?" asked an inquisitive Arnold who turned to Helga with a soft smile.
"Erm.. Well.." Helga stuttered softly. Arnold's attention was completely captured, and his eyes widened in anticipation. "Well, I love writing poetry. Reading and writing literature is so refreshing and captivating. I write mostly about my emotions and hardships. It's my escape and my passion in life. I'm no Edgar Allen Poe, but I do enjoy writing, even though I don't share it with anyone…" Helga paused. "And if you ever share this knowledge with anyone outside of the room I'll pound ya! You hear me, Arnoldo!?" She threatened.
Arnold didn't take the threat seriously, he was a gentleman and would never share a secret. Arnold felt so special and trusted that Helga shared her her passion with him. If only he knew all of the love poems Helga wrote were about him. "That's amazing Helga, I could never write poetry myself, but I do have an appreciation for poetry and poets. I'm sure you're a brilliant writer. This seems very special to you, you can trust that I'd never share this with anyone." Arnold spoke. He gave Helga's hand another squeeze and glanced into her pale blues to once again reassure her and to proclaim his sincerity. Arnold noticed her face was still as red as an apple. "Thanks for sharing with me, Helga."
Helga couldn't make eye contact with her love but trusted him enough to say, "Would you like to read some of my works?"
Arnold was shocked and honored, "If it's alright with you, I'd love to read a poem or two!" Arnold exclaimed.
Helga turned and reached for her little pink book filled with all of her most recent entries, flipped to a page and handed the journal to Arnold. Arnold accepted it with a smile.
Arnold began reading and was astonished at the vivid vocabulary and intense emotion and literary creativity he was reading. 'Wow.. this is amazing...'. Arnold had never read something so heartfelt and well written.
Helga twiddled her thumbs nervously, hoping that Arnold wasn't judging her writing too harshly. "Do I sound too much like a corny hopeless romantic?" Helga sighed and questioned.
"No Helga, this is amazing and so full of emotion… it's all about love and pain. You're a very talented writer Helga. I feel so honored and I'm thankful to have been given the opportunity to read some of your work." Arnold said as he looked into Helga's eyes.
Helga could feel Arnold's eyes staring at her, "... Thanks, Arnold" she mumbled while looking back into his emerald eyes. The two children were still holding hands and sitting very closely, they grasped each other's hands more tightly, it was just them and Dino Spumoni's smooth voice singing in the background. Neither of the blonde children said a word. Arnold's half-lidded gaze was unshifting, completely focused on Helga's soft blue eyes.
Helga's heart and mind raced, 'Oh, Arnold, my beloved, my dear, could it be? Our souls alone, at last, would this be the moment our souls connect. For it cannot be, he could never know of my undying love for him. Could my lover possess the same fervor I conceal from him?' Helga swooned at her inner dialogue, not realizing she was still staring dreamily back into Arnold's eyes.
Before the moment became awkward, Arnold spoke up softly, and being a gentleman said, "May I?" and placed one of his hand on the side of Helga's face and temple. She nodded. He leaned forward and pursed his lips, planting a soft kiss upon Helga's round forehead. Helga was frozen in shock and was suddenly surprised that years and years of her hidden love had finally been reciprocated and brought to light. Helga's heart fluttered like a bird.
"Love ya, football head." Helga said under her breath. Arnold chuckled coolly, "Love you too, my little poet."
The afternoon sun had faded away and the two children sat silently on the bed continuing to listen to Spumoni's romantic jazz tracks. Both of them knew they'd be closer after this time together. Helga finally felt comfortable opening up to someone about her secret passion. Until now, neither Helga or Arnold had ever felt as content with another person as they did in this moment. And the sweet music playing on into the Friday night.