Greetings gamers, weebs, memers and a-like! I am Cian-nueral! This is the world's very first Castle Crashers and For Honor X-over! This story though... If you read any of my other stories except for Para-Cross: Reach Saga and Xevious: Fardruat Rising, this is part of a universe of collective comedies called Simply Stupid, where reality mixes with fiction of all kinds to create a different universe... Where we all co-exist with our favorite fictional characters with hilarious twists and inversions of social norms like some women stalking men, robots reading magazines or just like in Stupid Bomberman Rangers, bachelors and bachelorettes hurling lethal objects at their prospective lover as to claim them as their own dating material. Yeah... The Orange Knight will have a REALLY tough trip back to England.
Warning: Just like all of the other Simply Stupid stories, everyone's OUT OF CHARACTER!
Anyways... Read, Review and Enjoy!
April 23rd of 1102... England...
King Henry I was facing the four knights he deemed as champions: The Elemental Castle Crashers, the mystical knight of the order. Each of these young, chainmailed and mostly charismatic warriors were signified by color... Not by rank, but by the very same elements that they weild. Sir Ulysses Dickmane, the Red Knight of Lightning and Thunder, Sir Terence of Kent, The Cerulean Knight of Frost, Sir Owain Cheshiree, The Green Knight of Poison and Pestilences, and Sir Raginold Webster, The Orange Knight of Fire.
"*cough!* My lord... I have a request to aid in a conflict between a warden and an army of knights led by someone named Apollyon."
"... This may kill you, Sir Raginold... But my dear knight, you shall always be remembered if you fall in the battlefield." The King muttered put as he saw the departing knight, Sir Raginold, stand up and announced his current situation.
"Thank you, my lord! I will not forget my homeland and the lord whom I have served." Raginold then proclaimed before sulking. This might be the last time he would ever see the very same knights he had the honor to call brothers-in-arms. "I will miss the three of of you. I have a feeling that the knights will be weaker than what I would expect from you fellows."
"Maybe there won't be any magic users like us. It might be easy for you, Raginold." Ulysses commented, patting Raginold's shoulderblades as his chainmail rattled with under his White and red tunic.
"Well, without your leadership, Terence and Owain would have constantly fight for nothing other than deer, fowl and Animal Orbs." Raginold joked as Terence and Owain smirked at him... Maybe they can fight on valiantly without him.
"True... May your travells be safe!" Ulysses called out in hope for the Orange Knight.
Several months later... Mongolia...
"*cough! huff! huff! huff!* Min wamm sped (My horrible luck)!" A small lone masked warrior was leaning on a tree, trying to recover from a painful sword slice on her pelvis... Her blood was gushing out slowly. This is Tempest, a rogue Peacekeeper of the Black Stone Army. She wasn't looking behind, a vital mistake, who knows if someone will try to kill her in a position like that. *clank... stretch!* An enemy soldier slowly crept behind to her and then aimed at her with a long bow. "An easy kill... Or sell her at the highest bidder to the Ottomans!"
Tempest then glanced back and saw the archer aiming at her abdomen and could only fall and stay prone after the archer pushed her onto the ground. She couldn't even speak due to her only knowing how to speak Anglo-Saxon. "Yfel sodfaest daerflicneswrigian gaestlidnes (I just want to go home)..." The Peacekeeper whispered out to herself.
The archer pondered on what to do with her until a long sword penetrated his abdomen and his throat was choked on by one arm that seared his adam's apple. The archer's lifeless body was then released and slid off of the sword with a silent thud, *thud!* revealing a grumpy Warden with an orange helmet and a white cross on the front. This was The Warden, another traitor to the Black Stone, a mysterious knight and a 'little'bit of a heartthrob to a few of the Knights, Vikings and Samurai's female troops altogether. The Warden arrived without making a sound and was looking at Tempest in partial disappointment and worry. If she could even see through that cylinder of a helmet!
" *sigh* let's get you back to camp, Tempest. Mercy will kill me if I do not retrieve you." The Peacekeeper wasn't listening and darkness overcame her...
"*hiss!* AHHHHH!" Just kidding. The Warden healed all of Tempest's wounds by pouring a strange, but stinging, red potion onto her pelvis' cut before she fell asleep.
Later at the Deserter Encampment's eastern entrance...
"WHY DID YOU HURT HER?!" Mercy shouted towards The Warden. The two were standing at the camp's guard post with Tempest starring at the cliff above them with a dazed expression. The camp's inhabitants of Wardens, Peacekeepers, Conquerers, Lawbringers, Black Priors, Centurions, Gladiators, Raiders, Berserkers, Warlords, Valkyries, Highlanders, Shamans, Orochis, Kinseis, Shugokis, Nobushis and Shinobis left their tents to look at the commotion.
"What do you mean?! All I did was pour a special ointment onto her WOUND!!!" The Warden then shouted, raising up a vial that contains a small portion of the potion.
"WHAT OINTMENT?!"
"THIS ONE YOU FILTHY-MOUTHED CUR!!! IT HEALS ALL WOUNDS!!!" The Warden's already short fuse was growing shorter and shorter. Anymore, then he might set the camp ablaze.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!" Mercy's words fell on deaf ears as The Warden's left hand reached out to the outside of the camp and a blazing torrent of fire blasted out. When the explosion of fire finished destroying most of what was infront of it, the trees were all down, transformed into massive piles of flames, soot and ashes.
"... Nevermind!" The Peacekeeper then winced out after seeing a charred dove fall to the ground.
The Warden then removed his helmet, revealing a scarred red-head with a stubble growing and sweating as though he ran through the inferno he just created. It is Sir Raginold, the Orange Castle Crasher. "I have taken many lives before the Black Stone enlisted me... But this ointment saved my life hundreds of times more than when we were in Apollyon's army."
"What was that?" "Does he have fire magic?" Has Odin sired a son with a fire giant?" "Look at the Warden!" "Red hair?!"
"Saved you from what?" Mercy then inquired.
"A wizard." Raginold then grunted before looking back at the scorched forest. "After all... Who said that Sir Raginold of the Castle Crashers was invincible?"
"... What's a Castle Crasher?"
"HAVE YOU EVEN HEARD OF KING HENRY?!?! I WAS ONE OF HIS BEST KNIGHTS!!!" With that, the Knight picked up his sword and helmet. He walked his way to his tent in embarassment as some of the female Wardens, Peacekeepers, Conquerers and Nobushis stared at him with possible blood leaking out of their masked faces.
"Raginold..." Tempest whispered out as she continued to stare at the cliff above them.
Chapter 1 end...
References:
1. This takes place 3 decades before King Henry I (As in the actual King of England from the late 1100's to the 1130's!) died
2. The Castle Crashers' colors are not based on rank like knights in the 1300's but by element
3. Giggle or not, Dickmane is actually an English name
4. Ulysses translates to Odysseus, the main character of The Odyssey
5. Terence translates to tierre, the Latin meaning of 'Smooth'
6. Owain means Owen
7. Raginold was the predecessor to the popular name Reggie/Reginold
8. All of the knights are wearing chainmail, not iron armor. This isn't the Hundred Years War (1330's through early 1400's)
9. Animal Orbs from Castle Crashers
10. Tempest's name is Catriona, meaning 'Pure' in Old Celtic
11. Tempest only knows how to speak Old English/Anglo-Saxon
12. Mercy's shouting is inspired by soap-operas
13. Shakespearean insults in the 1100's
14. The Castle Crashers use their emotions to activate their powers in this series
15. In this, Mercy's favorite animal is a dove
16. Potions can hurt just-like modern medicine
17. For eight months, Raginold did not use his powers nor revealed his identity to anyone... So of course he would have gartered the attention of the camp
18. For Honor's storyline ended differently. In this one, The Warden, The Raider and the Orochi never created the Iron Legion, Warborn nor The Dawn Empire.
19. Raginold's a ladies man for female knights... But not princessess
That's all for now folks!