The idea came, and I just couldn't resist. I'd say I was sorry...but I'm not.
The characters, obviously, below to J.K. Rowling and not myself. No disrespect is meant towards the author.
"'All was well.' Honestly," Hermione said, letting the book close with a thump. "Trust that Skeeter woman to get everything wrong, and then write an ending like that."
"Oh, I dunno," Ron said. He leaned back in his chair and grinned at them. "I liked the bit where Malfoy was going bald," he told her.
"Yes, but saying Harry used an Unforgivable on Carrow for spitting on Professor McGonagall? And that nonsense with the wands? This is worse than that article she wrote in Fourth Year!"
Harry laughed. "Don't forget what she had Ginny and I name our children," he told her, just as Ron took a drink of his butterbeer.
Wiping up the resulting mess, Ron gave Harry a glare. "You did that on purpose," he accused.
"Just imagine what her reaction would have been to those names. It's probably a good thing she decided to stay home to get ready for the twins' birthday party."
"I can't believe they're going to be seven already," Hermione said absently.
"They're wonderful," Harry said, smiling. He shook his head and returned to the subject at hand. "Hermione, the only people who are going to read that and think that's what happened are non-magical people, and they're going to think it's fiction. I don't mind, really."
"What about the Muggleborns who read it before they get their letters?" she asked him. "What they'll think of Slytherin after reading this..."
He shrugged. "The ones who aren't part of the Hogwarts Early Learning Program will learn better when they get to Hogwarts. That'll be what, one or two a year?"
"If that," Ron said. "Most parents are signing up for it, even the wizarding ones. I'd say the program was a brilliant idea, Hermione, but given that you came up with it that's stating the obvious."
"Flatterer," she said, blushing.
"Stating the obvious," he repeated. "If I wanted to flatter you, I'd call you the most beautiful witch to grace this world-"
"As gifted as Merlin," Harry added.
"Most perfectly wonderful mother of my children-"
"What, Rose and Hugo?" she asked, laughing.
Harry was distracted when an eagle owl swooped in to deposit a folded note in his lap, then swooped out before waiting for a response. Harry unfolded it, laughed, and handed it to his two friends.
That bloody woman wrote I was going bald!