Disclaimer: Stargate and its characters don't belong to me. This story has been written for fun only, not for money.
Spoilers: Threads
Summary: Sam can't sleep. Takes place after Jacob's funeral. But Kerry hasn't dumped Jack.
Author's note: Wow, I'm on fire. After a good 6 years of not posting anything here, this is my fourth story in a month hehe. This was written in under a few hours. It just came to me and was written quite easily. I'm in that kind of mood I guess, so this one is a little bit darker than my usual stuff…Hope you enjoy!
NB. I found it hard to make written speech slurred, so I cut some words and added apostrophes here and there. Hopefully it conveys what I intended.
Feedback: Feel free to review! Any advice, constructive comments and suggestions are welcomed. Thanks!
Can't Sleep
By musical-Aven
He woke up at the sound of his cellphone. He reached for it, checked the ID with one eye and stopped a moment before answering, suddenly alerted.
"Carter?" he answered softly but with concerned in his voice.
"Sir." her voice was weak.
His concern grew at a rapid paste. He glanced at the woman sleeping next to him. Got up and walked to his kitchen.
"Is everything okay?" he asked, well knowingly that the question was futile.
Of course not. She had just buried her father today.
*flashback*
The memorial service was great. Carter had kept it together like the good soldier she was. Everyone was around her and Mark, expressing their condolences and Jack just watched her from a distance, gracefully accept and even smile a little to the people around her. But he knew her better than that. She was devastated. Even though she told him she had accepted Jacob's death, it was still hard to go through with all the services and ceremonies. She was exhausted.
After everyone left the cemetery, he waited for her to come back to the car. When she reached him, he opened the door for her and she climbed in without a word. He closed the door, and when he turned, his gaze caught Mark's. Her brother sent him a clear message, telling him to look after his sister. Jack nodded in understanding and went around the car to take the driver's seat.
The road back to the SGC was made in silence. Carter had just looked through the window. She received a call once, looked at the ID (it was Pete, Jack saw), closed her phone and looked back through the window.
Jack wasn't sure what her relationship status with Pete was now. She had come to the Colonel's house, wanting to talk. Really talk. And he blew it by having Kerry there. He should have known that she would turn to him before the wedding. He had hoped. But then as the date approached, his hope had dissipated. Kerry was upfront about what she wanted. He didn't resist too long. And now Carter knew and it had hurt her.
Pete wasn't at Jacob's ceremony. But Jack didn't want to assume anything. Carter didn't talk about the wedding, which was supposed to be the next weekend. And everyone *knew* not to talk to her about it in these circumstances.
They arrived at her house. Jack parked in front. He waited for her to make the move. Either get out of his truck, talk to him, invite him in for company, or not. He didn't want to push her, so he waited.
After a moment, Carter took her bag from the space at her feet, paused, and said.
"Thanks for coming with me, sir. It means a lot."
"My pleasure, Carter. It was a great service."
He saw her eyes fill up with water, but her pride made her exit his truck faster than he thought was possible. Whispering her "thanks" again, she went to close the door but Jack made her stop.
"Carter. Call me if you need anything, okay?" she looked at him with shiny eyes. "Anything" he reuttered.
She nodded slightly and shut the door.
*End of flashback*
And here she was calling him in the middle of the night. Asking her if she was okay was an understatement. She replied none the less.
"Yeah." She didn't sound convinced. She sounded weird too. Between sleepy, sad and confused.
Jack stopped before his patio door, looking outside. After a moment, he spoke softly:
"What's going on?"
"Can't sleep." She exhaled. He heard movement on her end, as if she was turning in bed. She was calling him from her bed?!
"Did you take what the Doc gave you"? he knew, in these cases, the Doc would give her medication to help her sleep.
She didn't respond for a moment.
"Doesn't work." Her speech was slurred. He wasn't sure why.
He heard her sniff. His heart broke.
"Hey, it's going to be okay…" was all he could say.
He knew she was crying.
"Gosh Carter, I hate it when you cry…" it was more a whisper than anything else. Another sniff.
"S'rry sir." She said. Her words were definitely slurred. Had she been drinking? Not that he could blame her…
"Are you alone?" he asked after another moment. He didn't know how to ask that question without mentioning Pete.
Another sniff.
"He d'serve b'tter than me." She managed to say. He frowned. He wasn't sure if her speech was impaired by the crying or something else.
"Now Carter that can't be true. Nobody can do better than you." He knew he shouldn't be saying this but he thought she needed to hear it.
She snorted, sniffed again and he heard her turn to her pillow. Was she drunk? She sounded drunk or even drugged…his heart stopped.
"Carter, how many pills did you take to help you sleep?" he asked seriously.
She didn't answer. And that freaked him out even more.
"Carter?" he practically ordered.
"Wouldn't work…"
"Carter!"
She exhaled slowly.
"I d'nt know…a coup'le."
Okay. Something was definitely wrong. That was not his Carter. She wouldn't take pills and god know what else, even though she had a rough time…right?!
"I'm on my way." He said, non-negotiable.
He closed his phone, went back to his bedroom and got dressed as fast as he could. Kerry asked him something from the bed but he was rushing too much to even respond properly.
In seconds he was out of his house. And in minutes, he was at Carter's. He opened her door with his spare key and went straight to her bedroom. Glancing at the living room, a blanket was on the couch, an empty glass of wine on the table. He entered her bedroom carefully, not wanting to wake her if she had fallen asleep since they talked on the phone. He stepped in, she was facing the window, her back to the door. A glass of water was on her nightstand, the bottle of pills beside it. He looked at it and there was still a few pills left in the tube. At least she didn't take them all. He walked around the bed and was surprised when he was faced with her opened blue shiny eyes.
Multiple tissues were on the bed, the sheets were ruffled, the phone still in her hand. Her swollen eyes were glossy, not really present. Tears were all over her face. She looked so pale, so alone, so sad. His heart broke even more for her.
"My' hero." She slurred. A small smile appeared on her face but he knew it wasn't a smile of joy, but of contentment and shame.
"Hey…" he couldn't say anything more.
"Don't pit'y me…sir." She manage to say while turning her head in the pillow, as if she wanted to hide from him in embarrassment.
He sighed. He went back to the bottle of pills, noted the name on it and called the Doc. It took a few minutes to know that the consequences of Carter taking many pills wasn't too dangerous, as long as someone was with her. It was going to make her dizzy and "slow", but nothing too bad. The Doc was surprised though that Sam wasn't able to sleep with the pills she took.
After he hung up, he look at her, trying to decide what to do. She needed someone to be with her. Jack knew he wanted to be that person but didn't know if she would let him. He made his way on the other side of the bed again to face her.
"Make me some space?" he asked quietly.
Her eyes finally focused on his after a moment. She seemed surprised and started evaluating her option, which in her drugged state took way longer than usual. Jack decided for her and sat on the bed, removed his shoes and turned to face her on the bed. He threw away the tissues, took her phone and put it on her nightstand. She never moved. She was probably just numb from the pills. He hated seeing her like this. He should have been there for her before it became this serious. He opened his arms.
"C'me here."
She didn't move. Tears were still falling from her eyes.
"Carter, come here, please."
After a moment, she made a small movement to get closer to him. He pulled her to him and embraced her with his arms. He rocked her gently. She cried some more. She was completely broken down. He shushed her softly, hoping it helped a little.
"S' sucks…" she managed to say between sobs.
"I know…I hate seeing you like this…I just want to make all of your pain go away, I swear." He said, his mouth against her hair.
"Losin' everyone…dad…Pete…"
So Pete was definitely out of the picture?
"You…" she continued. What about him? He was here wasn't he?
"I'm always going to be here for you, I've told you that before and I mean it Carter."
She sniffed. They were in silence for a moment.
"Y' love her?" she didn't have the strength to raise her head to look at him. Jack stopped for a second. Kerry? Of course he didn't love her, she was just there to pass time. He felt terribly about realizing that.
"No." he simply said. Sam needed to hear the truth. He loved Carter, she had to know that, right?
"I'm all yours Carter, always have and always will."
To hell with regulations tonight. He wasn't going to stand there and not comfort her because of some rules. She needed to hear all this, to be reassured that Jack was there for her, no matter what. She took a shaky breath.
"Thought I lost you too…"
He swallowed. He hugged her a little bit tighter.
"Never."
She let him comfort her. Her head on his chest. His arms protectively around her. The pills helped her not to care about control. She was so sad, and she let it out for once.
They stayed like this for a long time. Sam still wasn't sleeping but at least she stopped crying.
"Can't sleep'." She said again, exhausted.
Jack took a moment before softly answering.
"You're fighting the meds. Just let them work their magic on you. Let them take you to sleep." Jack knew. He had experienced the same problem before. When a mission went really wrong, the Doc gave him something to sleep, but it was no use as long as he was fighting it and thinking too much.
"I'll be here when you wake up. Just close your eyes and let go." He kissed the top of her head.
He heard her take a deep breath. He continued to rock her gently. Until she fell asleep. He knew she would have nightmares, but he would make sure he'd be here all night. And then the day after. And the day after that. He wouldn't leave her again.
The end.
Hope you enjoyed! Please review!
Musical-Aven 02-10-2016