Title: LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART
Author: Brokeback Mountain
Genre: Slash
Rating: R
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx. I make
no money off of them.
Summary: This is my idea for an alternate ending after the big fight.
LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART
They had argued before but never like this. They said terrible
things to each other; made threats. The last thing said was by Jack
calling Ennis a "son of a whoreson bitch." and adding the final
nail, "I wish I knew how to quit you." He stood staring off across
the water to the mountains; a postcard perfect scene; except for the
two men tearing each others hearts out.
He wasn't even sure he had heard it at first but he turned to look.
Ennis was on his knees, fists scrubbing into his eyes, entire body
shaking with sobs.
"Jesus, Ennis." he ran to him, holding the shaking body close to
his. "It's alright. It's alright. You know I didn't mean that."
"I can't take it no more, Jack. No more! I can't take no more a
this." He was gasping for air, still shuddering with emotion.
"Ok. It's OK. I'm gonna fix this right now. You hear me, Cowboy?"
He pulled Ennis to his feet and walked him over to where a log
rested beside their fire pit.
"Can't be fixed, Jack. We just gotta stand it." He wiped his eyes
on his shirt sleeve.
"I'm gonna say somethin that's been a long time waitin, Ennis." He
held onto Ennis's arm and pulled him around to face him.
"Look at me! I need you to look at me and hear what I'm sayin." He
took Ennis's chin and forced eye contact.
"Whut?" His voice was small and sounded as useless as he felt.
"It's been 20 years now, Ennis. I been waitin on you to make a
decision for 20 God Damn years. Now I'm makin it. You hear me?"
"Uh huh" His eyes were dark and still filled with tears but he was
listening.
"I'm gonna give you a choice. You can either come away with me right
now; or it's over. I'm not spending another 20 years with things the
way they are. I can't. And neither can you. Tearing our guts out
everytine we see each other and havin to say goodbye. That ain't no
kind a life."
Ennis put his head down and stared at his dirty boots and said
nothing.
Jack stood and walked a few steps away. "You told me once that when
you talked with your girls and wanted them to really listen that you
told them to listen with their hearts. Well, that's what I'm tellin
you now. I want you to listen to what I have to say and listen with
your heart. Can you do that for me Ennis? Can you just listen and
hear what I gotta say?"
"I'm listening." his gaze remained downward.
"Junior just turned l9 a coupla months ago. Jenny will be 18 and
graduating in three months. My boy is 17 now. Our kids are almost
grown. Junior is the same age we was when we first met. They are
all good kids, with good heads on their shoulders and will be off
getting married or off to college. We stayed with them; we got them
off to a good start and soon they will be off living lives on their
own. Then what?" He didn't expect an answer so he went on. "I'll
tell you what. You and me will be the same two miserable bastards
that we are today, living hundreds of miles apart and seein each
other a cupla times a year. You really want that for the rest of our
lives? Did you hear what I said? OUR LIVES. It's not just you in
this thing, Ennis, it's me too. Is that the kinda life you want for us?"
"You know it ain't, Jack. But..."
"I don't wanna hear any more 'buts'! I know you're afraid." He came
to him them and knelt down in front on him, placing both hands on
Ennis's knees. "What you saw when you was a kid, terrified you.
It's burned into your very soul; but for God's sake, Ennis, you gonna
throw away both our lives cause of somethin that happened 30 years
ago? Sure it could happen again. Anything could happen. I might
get killed in a plane crash. You might get throwed off your horse
and killed. But all that's just a part of life. You can't spend
your life hidin from the scary stuff. If you do that, then the
bastards win. Those who killed your neighbor, those who killed that
other boy cause he was gay. Is that what you want, Ennis. You wanna
let them win?"
Tears rolled down his cheeks and he wiped at them with the back of
his hand. "Jack...I ..."
Jack sat back down beside him then and pulled him close. "Ennis. You
and me never said the words but whether you know it or not, we love
each other! We need to be together. We can take your trailer and
haul it up to Lightning Flat. We'll build us a cabin. Pa ain't
gonna be around for much longer and the place will be ours. With
your ranchin no-how and my business experience we can make a go of
it. As far as anyone in the area is concerned, we're just two long-
time friends, got divorced from our wives and decided to go into
ranchin together. Don't think there will be all that much said on
the matter. We'll be careful and make sure we don't let ourselves
get in any kind of dangerous situations."
"People will find out. They always do." He tried to make Jack
understand just how dangerous this could be.
"Let 'em. I don't care no more. I love you and I ain't ashamed of
it. If someone wants to beat me to death with a tire iron, then I
say let them try. And if they kill me, well hell Ennis, can't be
much more painful than what we been goin through for the last 20
years. And besides that...it'll still be worth it. Whatever time
we have left, if we can spend some of that together sleepin beside
each other, wakin up in the mornin, sharing coffee together, Hell.
It'd be worth it."
They were silent together for a while.
"You'd let someone beat you to death, just to be with me?" Things
began to tilt just a little inside Ennis heart.
"Well, I wouldn't stand 'round and just let them. But if they wanted
to try, and that's the price I have to pay to be with you; then,
yes; in a heartbeat!"
"Yer a crazy son of a bitch, you know that Jack Twist?"
"Shit. Now yer sweet-talkin me." Jack grinned at him.
Ennis leaned in and kissed him; soft and lingering. "I never been
much good at sweet-talkin, but I'm willin to learn." The decision
had been made and neither of them actually knew that yet.
Jack gulped and tried to read the look in Ennis'e eyes. "I got
Money; been savin all these years. We could get all the supplies
and stuff we need to get started and have us a place up before
summer's end." He licked his lips, prayin this was going the right
direction for a change.
"I got a little in the bank too. Enough for the last two child-
support payments and a little for Jenny's graduation present.
Trailer's not in that good a shape. Needs some work, but it'd do I
suppose, least until we get a place up."
Total deafening silence. Nothing but the sounds of the water lapping
at the shore, nickering of the horses as they waited paitently in the
trailer. A few birds flew over head, chasing one another across the
sky.
"It's settled then?" Jack's voice cracked with emotion. "We're gonna
do this?"
"Uh huh. If you haven't found anyone else you want more'n me in all
this time; I guess I can stop worrin 'bout that now."
Jack jumped to his feet and started hooping and hollaring; exactly
like he did so many years ago when Ennis had told him his dad felt
like all rodeoers were fuck-ups.
This time he didn't fall over though. He made it back to a grinning
Ennis who stated, "I guess my daddy was right about you rodeo boys."
"I wish your daddy was here right now. I'd give him the biggest hug
he ever had and thank him for havin a son like you." He pulled Ennis
close and held his head against his shoulder. "It's gonna be
alright, Ennis. I promise you. You won't never regret this."
"I been living with regret for 20 years now. I think it's time to
start living with something else for a change. I'd really like to
see what it's like to be happy. Whatever time we got left to us
Jack, it ain't gonna be spent regrettin." They stood there just
holding on to each other, swaying back and forth. They stayed like
that for several minutes in silence, then got in their trucks and
headed towards Riverton, then Lightning Flat, to begin their lives.
THE END