Summary: After nearly two hundred years as a vampire, Bella Cullen wants out. She misses the warmth, the tears, and the heartbeat. Bella is ashamed that she is jealous of her own daughter for having Jacob. Her love for Edward had ended after forty years of marriage and she is uncomfortable while secretly loving Jacob who is married to her daughter. When a thousand year old witch offers her a chance to go back in time and change everything, she takes it.

My hand broke the vase I was holding as I clenched my fist. The green-eyed monster coming out again as I watched Jacob and Renesmee pull apart from their current make-out session. I don't care if they have been married for one hundred and seventy year, he is my Jacob.

"Are you okay, mom?" Renesmee asked me.

I put on a fake smile "Of course, dear" I saw Jacob look at me for a split second before looking back to Renesmee.

My need for him was unhealthy, I know that but I can't help my want for him. I had tried to subtly seduce him on more than a couple occasions. The latest was merely two weeks ago. He was coming over to get the dress for Renesmee that Alice had bought her. I was in the bathroom when I heard him come through the door; everyone else was hunting so it was the perfect timing.

"Bella!" He had called out "You here? Nessie needs her dress that Alice bought her!"

"In here, Jake!" I called from the bathroom "It's in my room!" I could hear him bounding up the steps to mine and Edward's bedroom. The bathroom was connected to the bedroom, thankfully.

I dropped the towel I had on since I just finished my shower and was still partly wet. I opened the door and saw Jacob grabbing the flowing lavender dress from the hanger it was on. He looked up and his eyes widened, his hand fell limp to his side and dropped the dress on the floor as he stared at me, in all my naked glory.

"Bells" He gasped before jumping and grabbing Renesmee's dress and running down the stairs and out the door as fast as he could.

I could only sigh as I watched him leave. Another fail, I had thought to myself.

I looked down at the couple again and growled quietly. Renesmee was playing with Jacob's belt buckle and he was nuzzling his nose to her chest.

I took off through the window and started running before anyone noticed. I was seventy or so miles away when I stopped running. I started to think back on the last 200 years. Twenty-three years after the Volturi came, Edward met a young vegetarian vampire. She was beautiful, with straight black hair and bright golden eyes. She gave Rosalie competition. Apparently she was changed just three years before at nineteen by her older sister. Her coven was small, from Finland, only her two older sisters and she. Her name was Atela, she wasn't even conceived yet when Edward and I had gotten married. We met her and her sister's while shopping. There was a new clothing line that came out and Alice had to drag everyone with her, even the blind would see the immediate connection with Edward she had. They were mates. Edward and I weren't mates but I was his singer. Apparently from the information I gathered a singer is just the mate replacement, just there until the vampire finds his actual mate.

I knew that Edward tried to resist Atela but she was everywhere he went. Her power was teleportation and everywhere he would go, she would be there acting surprised. After three years I began to notice that Edward was more distance. Jasper and Alice would shot me sad looks. After five years, Edward began to leave and go on 'hunting' trip by himself more and more often.

I always had a feeling that Edward and I couldn't last an eternity after I was change. But when I was changed I was still young, my brain was immature and I was only after the eternal beauty and being with a handsome man forever. I can't help the disgust in my mind when I think about it. Was I really that shallow in my teenage years that I would give up my family and humanity for beauty and a guy? It's not fully my fault; I thought to myself, Edward should have known better. He was over a hundred years old, he should have known that a young seventeen year old girl would follow him about and would want to be with him forever. He even told me that a vampire is meant to attract humans; humans always succumb to the vampire's looks and attractions.

And Jacob, I wanted to sob, sweet, sweet Jacob. I wanted nothing more than to hold him in my arms and never let him go. He was supposed to be mine, destined to be mine. Edward was a bump in the road in our relationship. If I had known, or if Edward had came to Fork's a year later, Jacob would have been mine. Jacob would have never imprinted since Renesmee would have never been born. She's just a replacement me.

I stopped and stared at a tree as the wheels in my head started turning faster than ever before. Jacob said that an imprint is until death and when an imprint dies, the wolf unusually kills itself. Jacob should have acted like a regular sixteen year old boy and let me go when he realized that I had chosen Edward. But no, he continued to pursue me and the pack had let him.

Did Jacob imprint on me? When I was turned into a vampire, I technically died and Renesmee was half me, she was all that was left of my human self. Did Jacob's imprint on Renesmee only happen because I died?

Jacob was supposed to be mine! If only I had known…

What would have done if I had known? I was too obsessed with Edward to even notice that Jacob had truly loved me. I probably would have told him that he had to ignore the imprint because I just wanted to be friends with him. Maybe I would have told him to stay away to see if he could break the imprint. I let out a dry sob as I thought of the Life I could have had with Jacob if I never succumbed to Edward.

Two beautiful children, a little girl named Sarah Renee Black after our mom's and a little boy Charles William Black after our dad's. My two little angles, perfect little children with Jacob's everything but my eyes. I had ruined all my chances of that life, ruined my chances of a normal life with ordinary kids who age normally and who I would have been able to take to kindergarten and dress without Alice hovering behind me telling what looks good on them and what doesn't and be able to feed them without my throat burning. I could have been the one that my kids go to when they are scared or have nightmares without five other vampires all huddled around them before I could get there.

I wanted a family with Jacob, just me and Jacob and our kids living in a small family house.

I could have had that; I could have had that life with two kids and a loving husband if I hadn't been so stupid!

Please Review!

I want to know if I should leave it a one shot or continue and make it a full story.