When did we stop being warriors, and start playing soldier?
His eyes had shifted; they weren't heavy like they had once been. There was heaviness from grief and guilt he used to carry in the entire curve of his body, but now he was carrying his duty of a soldier, like he really was one of them. He carried his shoulders as if he knew the horrors of titans like others did, like we hadn't been the ones to-
It scared me, but mostly, it made me sick. It was like Reiner decided to give himself a second try at life, one he didn't include me in. It was one that was turning his cheek from reality, the reality of what we did- of what we've caused.
My chest physically ached to know maybe Reiner was doing this, even in the slightest, for my protection. That he didn't want me bruised and hurt; he wanted to shield me - distract me from the memory, but those memories were etched into my mind. Was he really that broken to think I could forget, or, was his mind so shattered that he really had convinced himself that he was a soldier. Could Reiner really let go of himself like that?
No. That was stupid to think. He was doing this on his own guilt- more for the sake of our mission, the one I was meant to dedicate myself to. It was wrong, though, so very wrong; the way he acted, the way he talked, how he looked at our comrades as though they were actually our comrades, people we could trust. He'd overdone it.
Even in my loathing of his sickening facade, I have to follow in Reiner's shadow.
If Reiner was allowing us a second chance, we couldn't screw it up, but maybe we were already screwing it up by trying to pretend we had one to begin with.
/uuh reiner and bertholdt! why!
poorly written like usual but its something right? i want to actually write something with plot, not sure what yet, heheh. it will come to me, no worries~ also on ao3