INTERCEPTION
Summary: Henry bumps into Miller (from Legal), and they proceed to have an interesting exchange about one fiery redhead: specifically, the company's best sales rep; more specifically, Eliza Dooley. Eliza and Henry are single, and they're still hanging out lots. References to 1x01 (pilot) and 1x04 (Nugget of Wisdom); the following is post-canon, post-series. This story forms a part of a larger narrative which I will follow-up very shortly. Because I also believe in following up on good ideas ...
Having arrived in the office at 7am, the day was off to a rough start. Henry Higgs began parsing through the results of several marketing experiments in collaboration with Research-and-Development: not exactly riveting reading, but "stuff of the business". He'd drunk through a pot of coffee, a mere three hours into the morning. He walked past reception, and ensuring his eyes met Charmonique's, answered her morning greeting in kind.
A mug of fresh coffee in hand and scanning a report in the other, Henry rounded the corner towards his office, and raised his head in time to see two people, heads bowed in hushed animated conversation. Miller from Legal was flirting with Melissa Lawrenson from R&D.
Wait, wasn't Miller still married?!
Henry didn't believe in idle scuttlebutt, but despite what people thought, he was very aware of 'comings and goings'. After Eliza had dropped Miller when she found out he was married, news had gotten back to his wife, and she had been 'extremely unhappy'.
Miller's wife had come close to filing for divorce, but he had somehow worked the necessary miracles to save his marriage.
And there is something to be said after all about dogs and their old tricks ...
Henry cleared his throat. "Excuse me, Miss Lawrenson? May I have your report on the latest findings about our line of children's hair care products?"
"Certainly, sir." Melissa looked at Miller shyly, before she departed down the hallway.
Miller turned angrily at Henry. "What the hell?! I was putting my moves on ..."
"And you were doing a fine job of it ... for a married man. Congratulations!"
Miller looked up and down the hall. "I don't have to take that from you. Especially from 'The Iceman'." That nickname for Henry was an old one from way back, and sometimes found a new uncomfortable life with recirculation around the office.
"You were with Eliza Dooley, and you didn't even have the guts to tell her you were married ..."
Miller made a dismissive gesture. "I don't think she really cared, especially when I was fu ..."
"Dear God, Miller! Don't you have any tact or decency?"
A hunch coalesced for Miller. '"Are you banging her, Higgs?"
"What?! What the hell kind of question is that?"
"You heard me. Are you bumping uglies with Dooley? Because I gotta tell you, between you and me, and the benefit of hindsight, she was a terrible lay."
Henry's initial outrage bloomed into something darker, uglier. Yet, he remained calm, composed. "First of all, do you even know the meaning of the words 'dignity' and 'class'? Second, we don't speak disrespectfully of our colleagues in that manner. Third, you will definitely not speak that way about my friend. Eliza deserves an apology. Though I'm guessing you haven't said a word to her since our company retreat in Washington State ..."
"Why the hell would I? She threw up next to me in first class, where she didn't belong. She embarrassed herself, not me ..."
"You're unbelievable. If you had any characteristics resembling a functional human being, you'd owe Eliza an apology ..."
Said woman in question was in the opposite hallway, eyes glued to her iPhone, marveling at the lengths her competitors would try and dethrone her as queen of social media. Amateurs!
Eliza heard her name, recognizing Henry's voice. But something strange in his voice stopped her in her tracks. She wanted to find out what the hell was going on, and what Henry was saying about her. She leaned back against the wall, shuffled to the corner's edge, and pretended to look at her phone.
"I owe her squat, and I have nothing to apologize for ..."
Oh. Miller. She hadn't given him any thought since the humiliation on the plane and the subsequent embarrassment of her stupidity gone viral.
Henry narrowed his eyes. "I'm warning you. Just stay away from Lawrenson, and keep it in your pants ..."
Eliza was caught off guard. Lawrenson? Melissa? From R&D? Wasn't she already hooking up with Todd from Marketing?
"Are you banging Lawrenson too?!"
"God no! Miller, you would do well to behave ..."
"Or what?"
Henry folded his arms. "Look, everyone knows you're a player. But somehow, I've the feeling your wife doesn't know you're playing around. Again. Why, if word somehow got out ..."
"You wouldn't dare ..."
"You wanna try me? Give me an excuse ..."
Seething, Miller leaned towards Henry. "Fuck you, Higgs. You'll get yours, I guarantee it ..."
Henry was equal to the challenge. "No, fuck you, Miller ..."
Eliza's eyes bulged. Whoa. Henry's got a potty mouth ... so totes not like him ... I liiiiike it ...
"Because I don't care," Henry said. "Because see, this is how things are going to play out. You will stop fucking around. Or your wife gets a letter. And you will apologize to Eliza. She and I are friends, I'm gonna ask, and I will find out. That's the deal: take it or leave it."
"Whatever, Higgs." Miller got in one last swipe at Henry. "It's obvious you're not with Eliza. She's completely out of your league anyway. I mean, you're old, and besides, who the hell wants a boring old man whose winning attributes are bowties and salad ..."
Henry let that slide, watching Miller slink away towards reception. It's not as if Henry hadn't thought about it; he had long suspected Miller's insults were things people had been saying about him for a long time. Henry propped himself against the wall and took a moment to steady himself; the breathing exercises let the anger diffuse and subside. He waited a full minute. Downing the rest of his cold coffee, he stepped into his office, gently closing the door behind him.
Remarkably, Eliza remained still, pretending and yet not pretending. And for the first time in a long time, the smartphone was merely a prop, and couldn't hold her attention. Attention was elsewhere: specifically, on one man; more specifically, on Henry. She snuck a peek and watched Henry, who was visibly troubled, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers.
Wow. Henry burned Miller; totes lit him up ...
Retreating behind the corner, she breathed slowly in confused disbelief. Disbelief she had ever given Miller the time of day, even if she thought the sex was okay at the time. Disbelief because she'd never heard anybody in the office defend her out loud. She could take care of herself, but her belly warmed with the feels when Henry defended her. And finally, disbelief Henry had ever claimed her place in his life was a 'tie' between friendship and job. Please! One, he was a terrible liar, and two, she'd seen plenty of evidence her place in his life was about the abso-quacking-lutely winning combination.
If only he could see that. And I happen to like bowties, but only on him. And well, the salad part, not so much ...
She also had to find a way to reach out to Lawrenson. Girl code states no girl should be caught out with a married man, even if they're competing for the same guy. Not only had she been played, Eliza had been mortified by the B.F.B.S. But an earlier version of her would have jumped back into the "Likes" race, shaking those feelings off with a steady diet of vodka, Taylor Swift, and Candy Crush.
And now? No thanks to Henry, she'd become more contemplative, even if the urge to kill a crazy bird or rope some candy remained as strong. That's right: she 'blamed' her new better self on Henry ...
She realized she was still in the hall outside Henry's office. Poking her head around the corner, she saw the coast was clear, and she quickly scuttled down the hallway.
But she was confused. Not about Miller; god, no. But by Henry and his words.
Sometimes, he had that effect on her, but occasionally, he confused her a lot when she thought she had him figured out ...
She sat at her desk, and began to daydream about Henry. She could see 'it' coming: that elusive 'it' about which something would have to be done. About how they felt about each other, what they would do about each other ...
Or what they could do to each other ...
The ringing of the office phone shook her out of her trance, and answered to talk to a group of doctors to inform them about the company's resurrection of their orange Elephant vitamin product.
Dang ... I'm workin' my sales rep magic, and all I can think about is what Henry and I did with our Vita-nuggets idea ...