Titled the same as the song that I believe suits the transformation that is communicated in this narrative.
Song Title: Rebirthing
Artist: Skillet
~Blair
A new day has dawned and the light has brought with it a radiance that has given birth to new life...
I was once a dead man; though I breathed the breath of life, I had none. Consumed by the war I had waged with my own mind, I fought grueling battles.
Battles to win my own soul...
But alas, the longer I fought against what was right in order to pursue the ways of error, I further endangered the very thing I fought to protect. As time went on, my soul plunged deeper and deeper into the abyss and as a result, so did I...
I went down to the place I believed I needed to in order to get what I wanted. But in my mind, I had a weakness that threatened to prevent me and bring my voyage to an incomplete close.
I needed more power...
Power to overthrow this threat. Power to take back what was rightfully mine. Power to reach my full potential. Power to avenge her.
But in my haste, I erred...
I erred to the point of losing not just my own soul, but myself entirely. In my attempt to become strong, I became weak. In my quest to become powerful, I became powerless. And in addition to all I had unknowingly lost already, I lost my mind as well.
A puppet to evil.
I could remember, but no longer recall. I could act but no longer react. I could speak but no longer respond. In seeking more, I lost it all. And I could not get it back on my own.
But something happened...
Once I hit the bottom, the only other place I could look was up. And when I did, everything changed. I returned a scorned man. Bitter and disgusted. Broken and vengeful. Determined and purposeful.
And when I saw him, the one I had sought after climbing my way out of depths, I felt nothing still. But when he saw me, through his shock and anger, he welcomed me back. He opened his home to me.
I saw tears in his eyes as he lashed out at me. As he proceeded to fight me. Hand-to-hand. Man-to-man. I could feel the emotions bleeding from every punch he threw at me. And after the smoke had cleared...after the battle had ceased, he embraced me.
In his rage I felt his pain. The pain of what he thought he lost. In his embrace I felt his relief. Relief of having been wrong about what he thought he lost. And in both, I could feel my father, telling me how foolish I was for doing what I did and how glad he was that I had returned. We were the only ones left from our family. This is what my father would have wanted.
He still called me...brother.
I did not understand it. After all that I had done, I wanted him to hate me. I needed him to despise me. I believed it would be better that way. But he didn't. And though I didn't know why, I accepted his invitation in order to rebuild myself. Rebuild what was left of my bloodline. What else was there for me?
I had nothing.
But I'm glad I did. I'm glad I stayed. Had I not, I would not have met her...
It wasn't until I laid eyes on her that something in me began to stir. Our first interactions were interesting. Though I was cold, she was warm. Though I was venomous, she held her tongue. Through our explosive arguments, she managed to do those things. Though she stood up to me, she never once attacked me. She attacked my actions.
I love her for it.
She didn't save me. But she pointed me to salvation.
I married her.
Even now as I sit and write in the silence of this bedroom, I feel...
That's it. I feel.
I remember a time when I couldn't feel. But now I feel again.
I love her for it.
My heart burns within me as I recall the time we made love for the first time. I had never made love to anyone. I never shared such a moment with anyone until that night. The way she called my name still sends shivers down my spine. The way she looked into my eyes as I let her into my world and she allowed me entry into hers...
I gave her my all. I was quite tired afterwards and she complained of being very sore after the third round, but that is alright.
I love her for it.
I once avoided getting close. But I opened up one last time, even if only to a few.
She helped me see. They are my...family.
I love her for it.
God forbid if she leaves this world before I do. There will never be another. Now I realize that everything she helped me see, my brother had been trying to tell me all along. I didn't see it then, but I saw it later. It was better that way...
I was angry for a while. He had married my nightmares. He had married the reminder of my failure. She looked like my mother, and for a while I hated him for it. I hated her too. In fact, I hated her the most.
But deep within me...buried under my raging hatred, I began to feel sorrow. I was still mourning. Mourning my dear mother who had lost her life before my very eyes. My pain was complete. How was I to bear this?
It wasn't until more time had passed that wisdom spoke to me. She told me to remember the life of my mother. Not her death. Cherish the memories spent with her. Not without.
I don't hate him for it anymore. I don't hate her anymore either...
Now when I look at her, I remember the good. The memories that make me smile. The traits and strength I admired in her. And though she is gone, I still get to see her face.
I sometimes forget, and mistakenly call her mother. My brother told me not to do that. I do not mean for that to happen. He said to try harder to not make that mistake. I laughed at him. I will try harder, for his sake...and probably his sanity too. I still don't know how that came to be. I would never have been able to proceed. I find it odd. But I suppose love is blind as they say. It has to be in this case.
She is my family as well. Though not in the way that she reminds me. She is my sister.
Of course there is one more. Two to be exact. Even when I am gone, my legacy shall live on. My seed. The fruit of my loins.
My son...
Every day, I see him growing stronger and wiser. I have made it a point to teach him. To make sure I tell him what is right and honorable so he never goes down the dark path I once took. To be a good father to him. To make up for lost time. He understands and for that I am grateful. He wanted to fight me too...
I beat him. Because I am father.
He asks me lots of questions. Some of which, I indulge and some I do not. For his sake. It's interesting because through his foul mouth and hard head, he listens to my words and does what is right. I see myself in him and it makes me...smile.
His fiancee is pleasant as well. He made a wise choice in choosing her. So it seems I have a daughter too. However, she is somewhat naive. Upon meeting me, she embraced me and it was odd.
Do not be mistaken, I am a dangerous man after all. I always have been, and always will be. And at that time, I was a stranger to her also. But she hugged me anyway and gave me cookies. They were quite good. I understand now why my son tells me he must constantly monitor his weight...
"Verge, hey Verge! It's time to light the grill!"
It seems it is time to bring this scroll to a close. I have been asked to help with a barbecue. There is a small gathering happening here today. Just like the ones mother used to host when we were youths. My brother is calling to me now because the same was asked of him. I suppose we shall bond over this simple experience. I don't mind it.
I am sure that this letter will not be discovered until I am gone from this body and into eternity. But even if the many thoughts I have recorded in this note are not read in their entirety, there is only one thing I wish to be taken from it. That of which can be summed up into this last small portion that I have written.
Though I lost my soul, it was returned to me. Though I lost myself I was yet again found. Though I lost my mind, it was regained. And now I am free. Not perfect. Still healing. Yet overcoming. But free. Love has found me and I thank God for it. I'm convinced. He is the one who helped me. And now I am better for it.
Dante, my brother.
Ari, my wife.
Trish, my sister.
Nero, my son.
Kyrie, my daughter.
I love you all. My family.
-Vergil