Greetings and a happy Easter to the Kimmunity at large. Yes, I'm back after a way too long hiatus, so I thought a quick one-shot might break the ice before posting some new chapters to my stories and catching up on everyone else's.

So now to the story at hand: besides my grueling day job, I'm principal viola with one orchestra and co-principal in another, and every once in awhile I'll look out into the audience and notice someone who really doesn't seem all that happy to be there. An idea soon began to form in my mind, inspired by another non-KP story I had read a while back. Danger, Will Robinson. So here's the sitch...

Ron's given Kim a Christmas gift of tickets to the symphony, but during the concert his mind begins to wander, as usual. Hilarity ensues... (And the timeframe is post-Bad Boy but pre-STD.)

Wait until they're done, don't clap too soon, wait until they're done, don't clap too soon…

So this is the Middleton Philharmonic's Symph-Sational Winter Series.

I sure hope Kim's enjoying her Christmas present. That should make up for missing Ron night three weeks running thanks to Barkin's detention.

Hmm, three concerts times two seats plus parking adds up to about…

Oh man, I could've gotten something I really wanted, like maybe one of those three-wheeled motorcycles.

Now why did that just pop into my head? I've never wanted one of those. I've haven't even thought about one of those before. Well, maybe when I turned into Zorpox that one time…

Well, at least Kim looks happy.

I guess that's worth more than a bon-diggity weekend in Upperton for my fantasy-football draft.

Now that's something I would've wanted.

With a catered Bueno Nacho dinner, while Rufus enjoys the cabana by the pool…

Aw, Fuji. You zoned out, Kim noticed, and now she's royally miffed.

Quick, pat her hand.

You'd think for what these tickets cost me, the seats would be at least half-way comfortable.

This is definitely the second hardest seat I've ever sat in. Like a two-by-four wrapped in blue velvet.

But those balcony seats sure look pretty plush. And they should be, heh, at twice the price.

Well, I guess if you're just about to be assassinated, you deserve to be comfortable.

Ooh, but sometimes the assassins are in those balconies.

That dude on the end looks like he could be an assassin. He's got assassin hair. Wait, isn't that Dr. Drakken?

Nah, he's not blue, and the babe next to him isn't Shego. Not nearly as hot. Mmmm.

Focus Ron, ignore the distractions. Just listen to the music. Listen to the music, listen to the music…

Ahh, yes. Very relaxing.

All except for that conductor flapping his arms around like a crazy flamingo.

Yeah, I know that technically an orchestra needs a conductor, but I never really got why.

Like, if all the musicians are really coolio at playing their instruments, and they all have the music in front of them, couldn't they just play it by themselves?

Sure, somebody has to tell them when to start and stop, but other than that…

Hey, they're not even looking at him!

I bet it really annoys them when he's all, like, "Play softer, play softer, look at my stick getting really low… NOW PLAY LOUD! LOOK AT MY STICK WAY UP HERE!"

If I were playing in the orchestra, I'd probably roll my eyes when he did that. Just enough so the audience could be, like, "Yup, that guy gets it."

Are they done now? Can I clap?

Nah, they're not done.

But the violin section does seem to be where you find the hottest babes. Well, maybe that harpist too, she reminds me a little of Amelia.

But are they just... "orchestra attractive"?

So if I were dating one of the violinists, would I have to learn a lot of stuff about the violin? Like, if she asked, "Gee Ron, how did I play tonight?" would I have to give her a specific, informed answer, like one of Barkin's homework assignments? Or could I just blow it off and say, "Spankin!"

Or maybe, "Babe, you were awesome, just like always. You should totally be first chair. But I get it, it's so political."

Or maybe, "C'mon Yori, you're first chair, why are you still so insecure? Do you understand how many people would kill to be in this orchestra? You're at the top of your game, but you're still not happy because all you can think about is some other orchestra, a bigger one with a bigger paycheck, like maybe the Tokyo Philharmonic. Why compare yourself with… No, I'm not saying you're not good enough to play with them. You're taking that out of context because you don't really want to have a convo about this, you just want to punish yourself for not pursuing your ninja training a little harder. Look, I think you're a bon-diggity violinist… Oh, right, I don't know anything about violin because for the first few months we were dating I just used to say you played 'great.' Well, that was TWO YEARS AGO! You think maybe I sorta picked a little up since then?!"

On second thought, I don't know if being involved with a violinist would be such a good thing.

And is Kim wondering the same thing about the conductor?

And what's with that weird way she's looking at him?

And is it weird that I'm very aware that he is achingly hot?

He looks just like Josh Mankey. Hey, it IS Josh Mankey! Nah, just a trick of the light.

But is he just... "orchestra hot"?

Just look at his hair, all straggly and sweaty. It's all in his face, and he doesn't even care. He's just so lost in… whatever the heck he's doing that I swear the players don't even really need.

Is it really that sexy when someone is so passionate about something?

Do I look like that when I'm chowing down a Naco?

Holy frijole, if we could get take out delivered here that would be so amaz—

Clap now?! No, almost. Whew, good catch.

I swear that with one month of practice I could play the big drum just as awesomely as that guy.

Says here in the program it's called a "timpani."

That's a bad name for it, makes it sound like an eardrum. A big drum like that should have a powerful name, like Bang Box.

On second thought, maybe naming instruments is hard.

Anyway, I'm sure I could play the timpani as well as that guy.

Okay, like, I couldn't do a timpani solo, but whatever he's doing now I could do.

Makes me wonder, are there timpani solos?

I guess '2001' had sort of a timpani solo.

Bwaw-bwaww-bwawwww… DAH-DAHH!

That's brass.

Dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum dum…dum…DUM!

Now that's timpani.

Yeah, I could do that, but what a weird movie. Still gives me nightmares.

"Open the pod bay door, HAL."

"I'm sorry, Ron, I can't do that."

And all those wrongsick monkeys. Brrrr….

Wow, that sure was a phlegmy cough. Dude tried to hide it under the trombones but he just missed.

Those bones players definitely stick together. No messin' around in that row. You can tell.

But I feel like at lunch no one talks to the harpist.

Harper?

Harp player.

Now I'm rooting for her. Poor old harperina, lugging that harp home after every concert…

Hey, Kim was right: classical music is really opening up my mind!

And now that my butt's asleep, the seat's not really an issue anymore.

Hey, they're done! Booyah!

Clap clap clap clap clap!

Aw, Fuji. There's more?

Hope you enjoyed. Now to catch up on everyone else's fics!