Opia: Okay, these will take a little explaining. These were written by both me and Josco (go read some of her stories!). We took a lined paper, or papers, and wrote to the end of the line, then the other person writes one line going off of the last thing the other wrote, even if it is the start of a sentence or the very middle of it. We had a lot of fun writing these and because of the way they are written they can get pretty random! -.-; Somehow, we have gotten most of these stories to tie into each other, as you will see in the next one titled "Talking Cows and Magical Holes"… Scary huh?

Cari: It is rated PG-13 because some of the stories refer to drugs…

Opia: I really don't know how that happened! It just went POOF on the page, I swear! Oh! And the bold print is Josco's writing and the Italic ones are mine! We just did that for fun (and you can see how things were twisted)! Nori and Kindra are made up caracters. Josco's is Nori, mine's Kindra (If you haven't read my other stories).

Cari: Neither Opia nor Josco own Zelda.

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Random Zelda...ness

Bottles

Link sat with Navi on his bed in Hyrule staring at the ceiling when he saw a shadow out of the corner of his eye. "Well… Hello. How are you doing Saria? I almost didn't see you." He smiled cheerfully, "What did Zelda say about getting a cage for Dark Link? He has broken the last three shacks and two of the igloos!"

"Igloos?" Saria asked.

"Don't ask…" Link said, "Anyway did you happen to see Ruto on the way?"

"No, are you hiding from her again?" She smirked, "Has she decided that you're still married?"

"Mebbe…" Link hopped up and stretched, "All I did was compliment her new jewelry and, well, it all went down hill from there." Saria laughed… and laughed… and laughed. "Okay Saria! It wasn't that funny!" Link shouted.

Saria's gales subsided. "I'm sorry, it's just that my other friends have made me laugh all day. Like Mido, it was really funny–"

"Oh shut up about Mido!" Link started grumbling about.

Saria raised an eyebrow, then smiled wickedly, "Link? Are you ok?"

A voice came up. "No! He's gay!"

"Mido! Shuddup!" Link threw a rock at the boy; it made a satisfying clunk.

"Ow! Dammit Link!" There was a scrambling noise coming up the ladder. Mido ran in and tackled Link. Link's head rammed into Saria's waist then the three of them fell.

"Ahhh! Ow!" They fell through the window and landed in a pile of leaves. Link rolled out from between them. Mido was then staring into Saria's eyes. Saria, who was on top of him, blushed and got off quickly.

"Uh, yeah, um… Ok." She stammered. "I just came over to see how Link was doing… so I'll just be heading home now…" She turned and walked off.

Link kicked at a weed. "Nice going Mido…."

"Me?!" Mido shouted. "What did I do?"

"You creeped her out!" He kicked Mido in the shin.

Mido yelped in pain. "You…" He hopped over to Link, "You… stupid…"

"Asshole?" Link supplied.

Mido glared at Link and kicked at him. "That was my second choice…" He fell over.

Link took the advantage and tackled him. "Get it through your thick skull! You are such a jerk no one would ever want you! Especially not Saria! She is way too good for you! Not even Ruto would! Well, on second thought… she's nearly blind so…" An idea popped into Link's head. "Hey…Mido?"

"What jackass?"

"Well, bastard, I was just thinking that you might be useful after all…."

"What?" Link knocked Mido into a tree. "You were thinking?" Mido taunted. "Oh you're a smart guy huh?" Link rolled his eyes and hit Mido in the head with a rock. "Hey!"

"Anyways, I had the idea that we should… Man, you do have a hard head…" Mido fell down unconscious. "Nope, just delayed reactions…."

Saria walked out of her house and saw Mido. "What happened to him?"

"Nothing!" Saria looked at Link suspiciously. "What?" Link walked off whistling 'innocently.'

"Link! Come back here!" Saria caught up to him, "Don't you think I know you better?"

"Nope."

"Come off it!"

Link looked down at the angry Kokiri and stopped. He sighed, "Jeez. Slave driver!" He jumped down and landed right next to Saria. Looking into her eyes he stated flatly, "Mido was being a jackass, I dealt with him."

"Ok." She started to blush. "Uh… a little close Link."

He blinked and noticed his face was barely an inch away from hers. "Oh, sorry."

"That's okay. It was just… yeah, awkward." Link backed up. Mido stirred.

"Not now…" Link said, he ran over and kicked Mido in the head. He stopped moving. "Well…."

"Why'd you kick him and say 'Not now?'"

"Er… I… didn't want him ruining anything…."

Saria blinked. "What could he ruin? We weren't doing anything… I think."

Link blushed a deep red. "Well… er… I… we… um… I was…Oh never mind." Link grabbed Saria's hand and pulled her closer.

Saria looked confused, "Link?"

He knelt down, still holding her hand. "Saria, will you marry me?"

Saria raised an eyebrow. "Have you been getting into the wine again?" Is that what all those bottles were doing around your bed?"

Link yelled, "No! They put me up to this!" He pointed to a bunch of rocks. "Wait, no! They did!"

His finger moved over to Nori and Kindra, who answered with a, "Who? Us?" They both smiled 'innocently.' "Why would we ever do that?"

"Because you want to embarrass me." Saria said, glaring.

Kindra blinked. "Oh yeah!"

Nori elbowed her. "Shuddup!"

Link turned to Saria, "Sorry, they said they'd show Mido… uh…."

"What?" Saria asked.

Kindra giggled. "We threatened to show Mido Link's fiancé."

Saria looked confused. "Ruto? But why would Link be afraid of Mido seeing that?"

"SHE'S A FISH!" Link screamed, "I'd never hear the end of it!"

"MEN!" Saria stalked off and Link ran after her.

"What'd I say?!?" Nori and Kindra rolled their eyes.

"All you look at is the outside appearance!" Saria yelled back over her shoulder, "Ever heard of personality?"

"Huh?"

"Link!" A high-pitched voice rang out.

"Crap!" Link said under his breath. Ruto ran up and threw her arms around his neck. As it so happened Mido woke up from all the noise and the first thing he saw was a fish strangling Link. He grabbed a nearby rock and threw it at her. It was a bulls-eye, Ruto fell down unconscious.

"Link, are you okay?! What was that?"

"That was my fiancé, and I'm okay."

Mido stopped in his tracks. When his brain started working again he said, "W-what? Fiancé?!" He cracked up laughing. "F-f-fiancé?!"

"Shuddup!" Link yelled.

Mido ignored him. "Y-you have a f-f-fish for-r-r a f-fi-fiancé?!" He fell over laughing. Saria glared at Mido. He calmed down a little. "What?"

"MEN! All of you" She advanced towards him, "Care to tell me what is so funny about Ruto?!"

"It has a name?" Mido laughed even harder. "Ruto?!" He got a slap, punch, and a kick from the three girls. To top it off Link smacked him in the shin with his sword hilt.

"She's not a 'fish' you jerk, she's a Zora. And let me tell you, she's actually nice-ish. She waited seven years for me. I won't let you hurt her!" Link jabbed Mido again with his sword hilt.

"Well, you already let me."

Link smiled. "Why don't you try that when I'm not distracted… You'll be sorry."

"Threaten, threaten, threaten. That all you do?"

Link frowned and picked Mido up by the collar. "Try me." He was about to throw Mido when Ruto awoke.

"Link?" Link dropped Mido.

"Ruto, are you okay?" He stooped down to help her up.

"THE FISH IS ALIVE?!"

Ruto turned to Mido, aghast. "What did you call me!? How DARE you call me— the name is RUTO you worm!!" She grabbed Mido and hurled him into his hut. "Bastard!"

Link cheered, "Go girl!"

Ruto blushed, "Was it really that good?"

Link never had a chance to answer; Malon showed up with Platinum blonde hair. "I thought, since you like Zelda so much… maybe… you'd like me more if I looked like her… you'd…"

"Like you more?" Ruto said, "Try being sensible, Link's not going to like you more just because of looks." Link fell into a 'coughing fit.' "Well now Link, is there something you want to share with the rest of us?"

Link looked around at the angry girls. "What? Uh, n-no! I just… uh… got something stuck in my throat!"

Malon raised an eyebrow, "What? The truth?" Link, knowing that no matter how he answered he was in deep trouble, whipped out his ocarina and played the Prelude of Light. "Link!" Malon yelled as he began to disappear. Ruto and Saria tried to grab him. "Come back here!!"

Nori and Kindra whisked out theirs and followed after him. Leaving the three girls and an unconscious Mido behind.

"He's such a cheater!" Ruto screamed.

Saria got an idea, "Maybe we can shortcut through the Lost Woods!"

"OR! We can call Epona!" Malon followed the other two through the woods.

Saria stopped. "Ruto, grab Malon's hand."

"Wha–?"

"Chamber!! Of!! Sages!!" Malon blinked, they were suddenly in a strange fish named Jabu-Jabu.

"What the hell?" Malon yelled.

Ruto looked confused. "Um… this isn't the Chamber of Sages…."

"It is now." Saria said, "You really should come to the monthly meetings."

"Oh, sorry… So, how do we get to Link?"

"Um… Well… I thought that maybe… um…

Suddenly Link burst through an invisible doorway. He blinked, "How did I…?"

"Good, Zelda did not catch on."

Nori and Kindra appeared behind Link. Nori smiled, "The spell worked perfectly!" She and Kindra grabbed Link's arms. "Now then, Link, you were saying something?"

"Uh… um… crap! Okay, Malon." He turned to her, "I… uh… I think you look better as a redhead does… and… uh… I don't really like you as a blonde… I… yeah…"

Malon's eyes grew big, "R-really? Oh… Shit… now I have to wait for it to g-g-grow out-t…" She sniffled.

"Oh don't cry." Link broke out of Kindra and Nori's grip, "It's not all that bad. Really, if you put it in braids it'd look really cute!"

Malon looked at him. "You mean it?" Link sat down next to her, (she was sitting) put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her. Ruto clenched her fists and Saria slapped her.

Link helped Malon up. "Want to get something to eat? It's almost noon."

"I'm just thirsty…" Link pulled out a bottle of milk from somewhere. "Thanks." Malon took a sip. "Link, where did you get that from?"

"Lon Lon Ranch!"

"Duh, but where do you keep the bottles?"

"Um…" Link blinked. "How's about some food?!"

The five girls shook their heads. "Link!"

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Opia: -.-;;;;; Don't ask… we don't know either….

Cari: They stopped there so Link won't get in more trouble!

Opia: Right! Just to let you know, we were both sugar high when we wrote this...Please R&R if you dare!