Author's Note: Hi, all! Sorry I haven't written or reviewed much lately. I've had a crazy busy summer. Things have calmed down for now though, so I'm back! This is from a prompt I saw on tumblr once: "we both got in separate bar fights downtown and now we're waiting in the ER comparing stories." This takes place sometime in season 4, just because I say so. Read, review, and hopefully enjoy!
You Should See the Other Guy
"This really isn't necessary, you know. I'm fine," Niles insisted as each of his pals took an elbow and assisted him through the automatic doors into the lobby of Mount Sinai's Emergency Room.
The two friends exchanged worried glances. "You need to be checked out. You took quite a blow to the head, mate."
The butler tried to shake his head in protest, but a dizzy spell overtook him and he stumbled.
"Niles, you sure you're alright to stay here alone?" the one friend asked.
"We don't mind waiting with you, really," the other friend added.
Niles waved them off. "You guys get back to the bar. It's probably calmed down by now. Enjoy your night. I'll be fine."
The three bid each other goodbye and Niles walked to the check-in counter, where a nurse sat popping bubblegum and filing her nails, her teased bleach-blonde hair and bright blue eyeshadow making Niles' head ache even more.
"Hello," Niles greeted.
The nurse did not look up.
"Um, excuse me?"
The nurse - Jaclyn as her badge indicated - looked up and rolled her eyes. "Can I help you?"
"Yes, I'm checking in. I…seemed to have hit my head tonight."
Jaclyn dropped her nail file and handed him a clipboard with a huff. "Fill out these forms. We'll get to ya when we get to ya."
"I…uh…okay." He quickly jotted down his personal information and handed the clipboard back. "Is there anyway I could get something for pain? Or even just some ice? My head really is bothering me."
Jaclyn had already moved on to more pressing matters: the latest issue of People. "Can't give out pain pills before the doc sees ya. And we ain't got no ice," she said as she flipped through the pages of the magazine.
Niles looked around to make sure he wasn't on a hidden camera show. When he was satisfied he wasn't, he walked into the waiting room and plopped down in a seat in the far corner.
The automatic doors glided open, and Niles decided he was definitely on a hidden camera show, as Miss Babcock stormed through the entrance of the Emergency Room, a frazzled-looking man trailing after her.
'Of all the gin joints,' Niles thought to himself. 'What the hell is she doing here?' She didn't appear injured or sick. Her cheeks were a little red and her hair was a little tousled, but this only made her look better, Niles begrudgingly admitted to himself. Mostly, she just seemed angry.
He watched as she rolled her eyes, snapped at the man, and shooed him away, all while carefully guarding her left hand. The man practically ran out the door, and Niles swore he saw tears in his eyes. Babcock did have a habit of making grown men cry, and Niles couldn't help but chuckle at the poor man's misfortune.
CC, satisfied with a job well done, stuck her nose in the air and strode purposefully past the people waiting in line to get checked in. Niles couldn't wait til Jaclyn knocked her down a peg or two.
He supposed he should have known better. This was Miss Babcock, after all.
His jaw dropped when CC slid the nurse some cash, and Jaclyn immediately sprung to life, filling out Miss Babcock's forms for her. His jaw practically dislocated when the nurse got up and returned with a medicine cup and water. Babcock smiled her fakest smile and tossed back the pills.
He prepared for the inevitable as she turned on her heels and marched by the people she cut in front of and into the waiting room. He watched amusedly as she looked around the waiting room, wrinkling her nose in disgust.
And then her eyes landed on him.
He could see the wheels in her head turning as she contemplated the room. She could sit next to the old woman with the disgusting cough not covering her mouth. She could sit next to a man who was clearly homeless and talking to himself. She could sit next to a nun who had no obvious issues other than the fact that she was a nun. Or she could sit next to Niles.
She sighed in defeat and trudged over to him.
"Well, I see they'll let just about anyone in here."
"It's a hospital, Miss Babcock. They're required by law to let anyone in here. If anything I should be asking you why you came here. Wouldn't an Emergency Vet be more befitting to treat your hooves?"
CC narrowed her eyes and sat down to the right of him.
"Well, thank God for small favors. You at least smell better than him," she gestured to the homeless man.
"You're a shoo-in for this year's Nobel Peace Prize, Babcock."
"Thank you," she said, unfazed by his sarcasm. "So what'd you do to yourself? Inhale too much Lemon Pledge? Mop the floor a little too hard and pull a muscle? Strain your neck from eavesdropping on the intercom all day?"
Niles stared at her for a beat as she grinned faux-sweetly at him. "If you must know, I got into a fight at the pub tonight."
CC's eyes widened.
"What? Didn't think I had it in me?" he puffed out his chest a little.
"No, but that's not it," she waved him off. She shook her head in disbelief and laughed. "That's actually why I'm here, too."
Niles' eyes widened. "You're joking."
"I'm not."
"Well, I suppose you getting into a bar fight is less surprising than me getting into a bar fight."
"For once I agree with you. What the hell did you do? Punch someone for not using a coaster?"
Niles glared at her as she chuckled at her own joke.
"I was playing darts with a couple guys. One of them asked if I needed a beer. I said 'No thank you, old man. I'm good.'" Niles paused.
"And what? They teased you for being a little wuss and turning down the beer?"
"No. I said 'No thank you, old man,' and it turns out, she was not an old man. She was…an unattractive young woman."
He watched as CC bit her lip to hold back laughter, ultimately failing as her body shook with belly laughs.
"It was an honest mistake!" Niles cried defensively. "I mistake you for an old man every day and you don't go ripping dartboards out of the wall and smashing them over my head!"
That only made CC laugh harder.
"I was knocked unconscious!"
CC slapped her knee and wiped tears of mirth from her eyes, laughing so hard she leaned into Niles. Her laughter was infectious and Niles couldn't help but join in.
When she finally caught her breath, she sat up. "Wait a minute. You were unconscious?"
Niles nodded, the movement sending a jolt of pain throughout his head, and he winced.
"You should put some ice on your head or something."
"I tried. The nurse said this hospital 'ain't got no ice.' Meanwhile, you walk in and suddenly everyone is moving out of the way and getting you whatever you'd like, like you're a member of the Royal Family," he pouted.
"Did you slip her a 50? Oh, that's right. Look who I'm talking to. Did you slip her a 5?"
"I didn't slip her anything! This is a hospital, not a restaurant!"
"Your loss," CC said as she scanned the room, clearly not listening to him. "I'll be right back."
Niles watched as she got up and walked to a vending machine. She struggled balancing her wallet and inserting dollars into the machine, all with her right hand. She gingerly reached down through the flap and pulled out a water bottle, but the movement jostled her left hand.
"MOTHERF—"
An alarm for the rapid response team cut off the rest. CC smiled apologetically to the nun - who was clutching her chest in horror - and returned to her seat, handing Niles the bottle of water.
"Here. It's not ice, but it's cold. Put it on your head."
Niles looked at her bemusedly. Did she really do something nice? For him? Even though it caused her discomfort? Clearly he was hallucinating.
"You can still comprehend basic English, right, Butler Boy? That dartboard didn't inflict brain damage, did it?"
He shook his head, the jarring movement sending another ripple of pain throughout his head.
"That's what I thought. Take the damn water bottle."
She thrust the bottle into his hands.
"Thank you, Babcock." Niles smiled gratefully as he held the cool bottle to his head.
"Don't sweat it. Speaking of sweat, it's hot as hell in here," she fanned herself. The nun scoffed and glared at her. CC shrugged.
"Well, you are wearing a winter jacket," Niles pointed out.
CC glanced down at her black, wool peacoat. "Oh, yeah."
"Do you need help?"
"I got it," she said as she fumbled with the buttons.
"God dammit!" she swore as she accidentally bent her left thumb. Niles glanced at the nun, who looked near tears. Luckily, a nurse came in and called for her, so she was spared from any more of CC's profanity.
"That does it. Stand up," Niles ordered.
CC eyed him warily.
"Come on, Babcock. I'll help you."
"You never help me."
"Yes, well, you never help me either, and here we are," Niles waved the water bottle in his hand at her.
"Fine," she consented and stood up.
Niles placed his water bottle on the chair and moved to stand, when another dizzy spell overtook him. CC moved to steady him, placing both hands on either side of his waist.
"Niles? You okay?" she asked worriedly. Niles closed his eyes and took a deep breath. She smelled lovely.
"I'm good. You smell much nicer than that homeless man."
"Helping me and paying me compliments? Niles, you're scaring me," CC said dramatically, but Niles could hear the smile in her voice.
"Don't get used to it, kid."
She moved her hands from his waist to his arms, giving them a little squeeze before letting go. Niles hoped his head trauma wouldn't lead to memory loss.
He quickly set to work unbuttoning her coat, desperately ignoring the fact that he could see her chest rise and fall so close…so close to his hands. He swallowed loudly.
"Turn around. I'll help you get your arms out of the sleeves.
"More help? Niles, your butler is showing."
"Ha, ha."
She obeyed, and he slid the coat off her, taking a moment to appreciate the way her black sweater dress clung to her curves. She spun back around, and Niles hoped his eyes made it back to her face before she realized.
"My coat, please, servant," she demanded in her best socialite voice as she held out her hand, a teasing smile gracing her features.
"Yes, Your Highness," Niles replied, draping her coat over her left arm, when he caught sight of her thumb. "Christ, Babcock!" he exclaimed, grateful the nun had already left, as he gently grabbed her hand.
"What? It's not that bad!"
"Not that bad? Your thumb is purple! And huge! What the hell happened?"
"Some guy got a little too hands-y with me."
Niles took a deep breath, feeling his blood begin to boil at the thought of some creep manhandling his Babcock. "It wasn't the bloke who brought you in, was it? Is that why he looked scared? Because he feared for his life? Because I'll kill him."
CC grinned. "Oh, check you out, Macho Maid. No, that was the owner of the bar. He was worried I would sue."
"Why would he be worried about that?"
"Because I told him I would sue."
"Ah, of course." Niles nodded.
"I won't actually sue, I just wanted him to drive me to the hospital."
"And you like scaring grown men," Niles added.
"And I like scaring grown men," CC nodded agreeably. "Anyway, some perve tried to feel me up after I already turned him down, so I punched him in the face."
"And you broke your thumb? Miss Babcock!"
"What? It would have taken too long to get my mace from my purse."
"No, that's not what I meant. If you broke your thumb that means you're not throwing a punch the correct way!"
"Well, it knocked him to the ground, so I think my form was just fine, thank you very much," CC said with an indignant sniff.
"Let me see how you did it."
"Niles, you already have head trauma. Let's not make it worse."
"No, you fool. Just demonstrate exactly what you did."
"I can't. In case it escaped your concussed brain, my hand is broken." She made to gesture with her hand, when they both realized Niles was still grasping it, tracing lazy little circles on her bruised skin.
"Use your other hand, then," he said, clearing his throat and dropping her hand.
"Why should I trust you to teach me this anyway? Where'd you learn to throw a punch? They teach you that at butler school in between How to Bake the Perfect Lemon Meringue Pie and Proper Use of Doilies?"
Niles rolled his eyes. "My father taught me. Someone had to defend Mr. Sheffield from bullies growing up. His middle name is Beverly, and he was always wearing kilts."
"Oh, alright, fine." She draped her coat over the back of her chair, made a fist with her right hand, and swung in Niles' direction. "There. Satisfied?"
"No, I'm not satisfied! That was completely wrong. You're supposed to keep your thumb on the outside, not tucked under your fingers."
"Like this?" CC adjusted her fist, so that her thumb was to the side of her index finger.
"No, you want to wrap it down, between your first and second knuckles, like this," Niles explained, taking her hand in his and fixing it. Then he wondered why he kept feeling compelled to hold her hand.
"Oh," CC said in a small voice as she stared down at their hands and then back up at him, her eyes filled with questions.
"Yes. Oh," Niles agreed, his mouth suddenly feeling very dry.
The hospital noises faded as he looked at her lips then back into her eyes. He leaned in. She leaned in.
The fading noise turned into loud whooshing in his ears, and suddenly there were 20 CCs spinning in front of him. And Niles couldn't stop leaning in.
Luckily, CC caught him before he went down. The spell was broken, and she snapped into business mode.
"Okay, that does it! You need to get your head checked out immediately. You just sit here and keep your eyes closed. That might help with the dizziness," she said as she maneuvered him back into his seat. She took the seat next to him and held the water bottle up to his head. Niles smiled gratefully.
"Miss Babcock?"
The two looked up to see Jaclyn standing over them.
"Yes?"
"We're ready for ya."
CC glanced at Niles worriedly. "Can you take my …um…my friend back instead? I think he has a concussion."
"But we had a deal," Jaclyn reached into her bra and pulled out the $50 CC had given her earlier.
"Yes, I know," CC said through gritted teeth, her patience wearing thin. "But could you pretend the deal was for him instead of me?"
Jaclyn popped her gum exasperatedly. "I already did all the paperwork for ya. This ain't some Old Country Buffet, lady, where ya can just cut in and out of line and decide who goes up when, ya know. Just 'cuz ya tryin to impress ya boyfriend by pulling this Knight in Shining Armor act and all, don't mean ya gotta ruin my night."
Niles eyes snapped open and he immediately placed a hand over CC's, praying for all their sakes that she didn't utilize her new punching skills on the nurse.
But he was shocked when CC merely laughed. She reached into her purse, pulled out another crisp $50 bill, and handed it to Jaclyn's already outstretched hand. "How about now? Can I ruin your night now?"
"Thank you for ya patronage. Mr. Niles, you can come with me," Jaclyn motioned for an orderly to come over with a wheelchair and slipped both 50's into her bra.
"Babcock, you didn't have to-" Niles started as the 3 helped him into the chair.
CC silenced him with a quick peck on the lips. "I'll see you after I get checked out, okay?"
Niles nodded, not trusting his voice.
"Take good care of him," CC instructed to Jaclyn, who was somehow painting her nails and not listening at all. The orderly began wheeling Niles away.
"Wait! Babcock?" Niles called.
CC rushed to his side. "What? What is it?"
Niles grabbed her left hand tenderly and placed a kiss to her thumb. "You're my Old Country Buffet Knight in Shining Armor."
CC laughed. "That was…oddly sweet, Niles. See if you still feel that way once your brain isn't so concussed anymore."
"I will. I know I will. Hey, when I'm better, I'm taking you out for a drink."
"I like the sound of that.
He squeezed her hand, forgetting her injury. CC let out a string of expletives that would have made the nun say 100 Hail Mary's. Her screaming made Niles' head pound harder and he groaned as a wave of nausea hit him.
Niles smiled sheepishly. "Maybe we'll do dinner and a movie instead of drinks."
CC smirked. "Oh, and here I was thinking we could go barhopping and beat up people."
Jaclyn reminded them they were in a hospital and not at a speed-dating event, and so they wheeled Niles down the hall to the elevators. CC remained behind, watching them the entire way.
"Hey, Babcock," Niles called as he was wheeled into the elevator, "maybe we could go barhopping and beat up people for our second date!"
The elevator doors closed, but not before he saw CC beaming at him.
The end!