Disclaimer: So, here I am, sitting home alone today with absolutely nothing to do. And what do I find myself doing? Writing fanfiction, of course! This is my first post under my new pen name, so I hope you all enjoy!

Psychology Sucks: By: Black Magic Rose

Prologue: Mutinous (And Slightly Comical) Planning

Queen Thayet of Tortall burst into the quarters of Alanna the Lioness, King Jonathan's Champion. She was in quite a state, her cheeks were flushed from running and her ebony hair had escaped it's bun, giving her a flustered and flyaway look. Her crown was askew and her eyes bright. Alanna, who had been dozing at her desk, immediately snapped to attention when she heard the door slam behind the queen.

"George, put that away!" shegiggled as she jolted awake, violet eyes fluttery. Once she realized that she was no longer in dreamland, she turned her head to the queen, blushing slightly.

"Sorry about that…Hey, what's wrong?" Alanna asked, standing and laying a hand on the queen's shoulder. Lucky for the champion, Thayet had not noticed Alanna's shout upon waking. She was too busy muttering curses.

"Dirty, low-down chauvinist pig! I'll skin him alive! I'll shove his precious crown with down his ungrateful throat! I'll bite off his-"

"Calm down!" Alanna said, cutting Thayet off and steering her over to the bed. Thayet sat and took a deep breath before speaking again.

"It's Jon! I just caught him flirting with one of the new maidens at Court…" she trailed off and resumed her previous string of curses. "Poison his steak, read his diary to all of Corus…"

Alanna cut her off once more with a grimace. "Wait, wait, slow down. Are you telling me he was almost cheating on you?"

"Practically!" Thayet said. Anger ignited in Alanna's eyes.

"I'll decapitate him and feed his head to the Stormwings!"

"And I'll feast on his internal organs!"

"We'll dance around a bonfire naked like wild animals, drenched in his blood!" Alanna proclaimed excitedly.

"Um…maybe not that far, Alanna." Thayet said cautiously.

"Yeah, that is a bit much…"

"But we can't just let him get away with this! We have to do something."

"Something that won't land us at Traitors' Hill." added Thayet. "But what?"

Both women appeared thoughtful for a moment before Thayet suddenly shouted, "I know! Therapy!"

"Therapy!" Alanna said questioningly. "My dear Thayet, I think you've gone insane."

"No, think about it! Think of how embarrassing it will be for him! Knowing how the servants gossip, all of Corus will know by the next day. We'll just have to make a point of assigning a particularly popular servant bring drinks. We can pretend it's couples' therapy!"

"But no psychologist will play along. It goes against their honor code."

"Which is why you'll be our psychologist!"

Alanna's jaw dropped. "What! You really have gone insane! Jon knows me too well!"

"Well, you kept people from knowing you were a woman all those years. Why would this be any different?"

"What about my eyes? He'll know me by them for sure. And my hair. And the fact that I hardly ever wear dresses or anything. In order to pose as a man I'd have to cut my hair, and then it would be dreadfully obvious."

"We'll straighten your hair and pull it back with a ribbon. And the University students are all wearing colored contacts now, so it'll be no problem hiding your eyes. You'll actually dress like a woman instead of a flabby-chested man and then he'll never know! Come on, Alanna! This is perfect revenge!"

Alanna looked down at herself. "Do I really look like a flabby-chested man?"

"When I don't look at your face, yes." Thayet said impatiently. Alanna appeared hurt. "I mean, no. You look perfect all the time."

Alanna brightened considerably at that. "Well, I guess it would work if we did things right. You think he'll go for it?"

Thayet smirked evilly. "He won't have a choice." she said, fingering her pregnancy charm. "If he refuses, he'll be sleeping alone in the sitting room for a long, long time."

Alanna grimaced. "Thayet, you are an evil, evil woman. And I like it."

Most of the time my chapters are longer, but this is just a prologue. If I get good reviews, the next chapter will be up in the next week. See you then!