Too often Naruto is an open book, blurting out what he wants and vying for attention. Most often, he is more canonical, and wears a slight mask, but he's truly an outgoing, optimistic person; trying to spread his true self to the world. Now, how 'bout the dark, secretive Naruto? Well, he strongly exists in several realities too, but usually cracks out of his shell. The times he doesn't, well…Konoha usually suffers.
This is all besides the point, and just an intro to this idea, maybe it has been done before…
Naruto, a True Deception Ninja (or Looney Naruto…I'd have to change some things, but it would be appropriate) I DON'T OWN NARUTO and hopefully this hasn't been done before.
Naruto bounded happily into Iruka-sensei's class. 'Now he's a sensei that was meant to teach.' Naruto had tried several times, as with any of the numerous academy teachers they had, to get the man fired. Don't worry, Iruka resisted the bait, even recovering from the sexual harassment lawsuit during his Oroike no Jutsu (Sexy Technique) creation testing.
Speaking of Iruka, he smirked as he saw Naruto sit next to an outwardly aloof Uchiha Sasuke. 'I wonder if Naruto's planning anything, or just psyching him out.' Naruto had built quite the reputation in Konoha, or more accurately, several dozen.
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Flashback
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The Hokage was visiting the orphanage for a specific reason today, to check up on little Uzumaki Naruto, just turning 6 years old. It had been difficult to make sure that his caretakers taught him the basics of reading, writing, and math. The aging man still couldn't believe the lingering, misplaced hatred.
"Hello Naruto-kun, how are you doing?"
The young boy looked up from his textbook, "Studying is so boring Jii-san! The symbols play tricks on me!"
"I'm sure they do," the Sandaime chuckled, "Now, would you like me to tell you a story?"
Sarutobi smiled as the boy threw his book on his bed and stared at him. He knew that he was influencing the boy's future to become a ninja, but because of what Naruto held inside him and the boys own temperament, he always told him stories of ninjas saving princesses and defeating the bad guys. He always mentioned that Naruto could become a ninja someday after he finished. Maybe it was time for a more realistic story…
The other kids didn't know the hokage and ninja way of life enough to overcome their dislike of the blonde and listen to the story too. Sarutobi sat on the bed and began to weave a story of a great ninja team. One kunoichi losing her happiness, in the midst of war, despite her abilities. Another goof, who became great and taught the greatest, but was alone and, yet, the happiest of out his team, even if it wasn't much. The third member was great ninja, who deceived Konoha and himself out of happiness, when he could have been the greatest; his name was Orochimaru.
Now, of course he greatly censored the story and noticed something while he spoke, "Now do you know the greatest power of a shinobi?"
"Jutsus? (Techniques) Breaking thru boulders with your fist? I know!"
"No, you probably do not, but it's a subtle thing to those who have not experienced it: deception."
"Huh?"
"I taught the team I just told you about Naruto." "Sugoi! (Awesome!)" "That being said, I believe I understand them, but only after it was too late to do something. Tsunade and Orochimaru were both used to having a life and career full of successes, one being practically royalty and the other being a certified genius. Jiraiya worked hard to meet his goal and become successful, but was constantly rejected because of his vice."
"Vice?" "He was a pervert, and not discrete about it at all. Now continuing…" "You keep going on and on Jii-san…"
"Then I'll summarize the rest and let you get to bed. When something wrong happened to Tsunade and Orochimaru, they reacted badly because they had deceived themselves into believing it couldn't happen. A ninja's greatest weapon is to make other's believe they are something else, Orochimaru pretended to be a loyal ninja to advance his research. Tsunade pretends to be a young woman, to live in the past and ... 'hustle drinks and money from men…' stuff. Jiraiya goes around the world as a perverted author and bath peeker, but his actions have hidden meanings as….WAKE UP!"
"Huh? I'm listening," chibi-Naruto rubbed his eye.
"Sigh, I leave you with a piece of advice each time I visit Naruto. This is going to be my last visit before you get an apartment of your own with a separate caretaker."
"Awesome!"
"So listen well, a good ninja will be able to deceive their enemies into believing something, a great ninja can deceive all others, a true ninja can deceive everyone without deceiving themselves. Naruto, remember that just because a ninja can, doesn't mean they should. People don't need to be truthful to themselves, but I believe they are stronger if they do."
Naruto stared at the old man, "Ok…." He understood most of that.
"Just get a good night's rest."
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End Flashback
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Iruka chuckled when the Uchiha's eyebrow twitched in annoyance. Yep, Naruto was suprising. If you followed him down the street, you could see a cascade of different personalities.
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Naruto had taken the Sandaime's words to heart, but his cheerful (sometimes) twist to things made him seem crazy. The boy decided to act different around different people; he would be normal to Jii-san and other nice people if they wanted them to, but the average person was in for a surprise. He had been hurt emotionally before, and deception sounded like the perfect thing for him to use. Plus he would be an awesome ninja this way.
He greeted shopkeepers while speaking in a code of jibberwash, asking where their Crumple-Horned Snorcacks where, only to relinquish himself into getting some groceries. The same grocer had charged him extra earlier in life, but forgot to get his revenge on the fox and was almost convinced that it had given the boy brain damage.
A few of the parents leading children rushed the other way from him, Naruto believed giving children fingerpaints and smokebombs were a good thing. Of course, to do so he stopped in the street, and spoke in a monotone, robot-like voice, "Oh no, I have dropped these fun and fantastic toys, but can not be bothered to pick them up…" Then he would skip away and do two cartwheels, always two.
There were lots of other rumors to, ranging from insulting housepets for tarnishing his family's honor to what he did to the villagers who called him a demon or other insults. The blond didn't know the reason why they tried to call him those things, but Naruto simply acted like a dog, and bit the villagers in the ass. Some tried to say it was an attack of a demon, but didn't get far as the ass isn't a vital point for someone to attack. Still, no one wants bitten on the ass.
But to anyone Naruto had bitten, afterwards he was very kind to them: offering to carry their bags, asking how their children are doing, the pin on their bank account…you know, the usual pleasantry people exchange.
At Ichuraku's Ramen, he was the most snobbish of anywhere, at least in tone.
"I shall pay for this dastardly ramen, which has murdered my appetite with its deadly taste. Oh woe is me. Now wench Ayame, get me another bowl before I'm bewitched by your presence," a young Uzumaki said using his best Sasuke impression.
The ramen stand had a good relationship with Naruto: they could get him to shut up if they wanted, and sometimes did. But when the boy was on his last bowl, always, "What is this? This feeling…It's heaven on earth! I've been cured! Woohoo! You guys are the best! Come everyone, taste the best Ramen in the world, I beg of you! If it can get me to shut up, think of the possibilities!"
Naruto also took the time to take note of certain civilians and shinobi and made personas just for them. (A/N: Omakes at end for various people)
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'Where are those girls, probably still fighting over Sasuke?' Iruka wondered as he looked at the Haruno and Yamanaka spots on the roll call sheet. Class had not started yet, but they were usually Sasuke-watching by now. Speaking of which…
"I'm telling you, as the last remaining Uchiha, you need to do a proper assessment over your holdings. How else are you going to know how big to build your harem? Girls are expensive you know, I suppose you could be cheap and go male, but there's zero future in that. Guys don't grow vaginas."
Even Sasuke sputtered at that and Naruto knew he had the class's attention, especially the two girls that had just busted in.
'Did he just say what I think he did?' Ino and Sakura thought at the same time. They both were more than wary around Naruto, even if he had been mostly normalish to his classmates. Maybe it was his way of dealing with being the dead last.
"What are you talking to Sasuke-kun about Naruto?" Sakura asked.
Naruto adjusted to a regal voice, "I was informing Uchiha-sama that he needs an accurate account of his holdings in order to form a proper harem Ino-hime (princess), Sakura-hime. As his banker (he wasn't), I would also like to know the dowries you shall be bringing into the Uchiha estate. He is not, as commoners would say, a cheap lay."
Ino and Sakura blushed as fantasies of being married to Sasuke played in their imaginations….
"Oh Sasuke-kun, we're alone at last." "Sasuke-kun, I'm so glad we got married."
"…" "What are you doing here Ino-pig?" "What? Me? What about you?"
Sasuke laid back on a giant pillow with the Uchiha emblem, "Please, girls. I'm more than man enough for the both of you, and my other five wives. Now warm each other up, it will please me."
"WHAT?!"
The girls broke out of their reverie, it had lasted only a second, and jumped apart like the ground was lava, a game Naruto also enjoyed during detention.
"Now that you two are here, we can begin the exams…" Mizuki began.
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Naruto sat on the swing, pumping his legs as hard as he could, trying to see if he could flip over the top of the branch that supported it. So he had failed, he was disappointed and upset with the rest of the graduates, but congratulated them nonetheless. 'Sigh, stupid bushin, I could do so much with that technique.'
In class, he was definitely the dobe, despite his best efforts to succeed. In a fair fight he would usually lose, but after learning henge and some experience, he could when several fights through deception, despite his poor head-on skills.
He remembered meeting Iruka in class the first time. The class had gone through two teachers that year before him, all whom got in trouble because of Naruto.
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Flashback
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"Greetings class, my name is Umino Iruka and…" "DADDY!"
Iruka had been standing at the front of the room when Naruto pounced on him, "DADDY! YOU'RE BACK! You said you were going out for a pack of cigarettes and didn't come back right away. Momma said you were gone, but I always believed!"
Mortified, Iruka tried to shake the orange demon off his leg, 'Damn it, they told me it wasn't his class I'd be substituting for. I asked the superintendent the question directly: "Is the Uzumaki-kid in this class?" and she said, "No, now get to work." Great, now the kids are laughing at me…inner prankster…rising…'
"…and I prayed for you every night! Now we can be a happy family again!" 'Heh, how long will you last, new sensei?'
"I wish it were so Uzumaki, but I'm Iruka's evil twin by the same name, Iruka," Iruka smiled as a shocked Naruto let go of his leg.
'What? …ohohoho, finally: a challenge,' Recovering quickly and adopting to the suave spy persona, "Ah, my evil uncle: Umino "Bastardo" Iruka, so we meet at last. Where have you hidden my family jewels? I miss them dearly."
Some people in the class started to turn red from laughter. "I have hidden them in a vault, whose location can only be determined by listening to my communiqué, or lectures if you will, and doing your schoolwork properly."
'Clever, but…' "So you say, but I have ways of making you speak. Including my trusty paintbucket, Sam."
"I knew you would say that Naruto-chan," Iruka taunted, "but any attack on my person will activate the explosives and crush your jewels into powder. Now class, let's begin with a lecture on Konoha's infrastructure…"
'Damn, touché Iruka-sensei, but it has just begun,' Naruto smiled and opened his notes, pretending to try and decipher the hidden messages…'Sa…su…ke…pi…cks…his…no…se?… Sa…ku…ra…is…a…na…tu…ra…l…bru…ne…tte? Na…ru…to…has…iss…ues? wait, what?'
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End Flashback
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Naruto did a flip off the swing and started bowing to the imaginary crowd, "Please, you're all too kind…Mizuki-sensei?"
"Hey there Naruto. I hope you're not too upset with Iruka, he's just following the rules."
"I know, I just suck at bushin," Naruto turned around; he would go sulk for a while and get it out of his system, maybe visit Jii-san if he had the time.
"Yes, you do. But did you know there's another way to become genin?" Mizuki grinned as the fox took the bait and turned back.
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"Hey Jii-san, can I borrow the forbidden scroll for a moment?" Naruto pouted and tried to do his best puppy eyes. Sometimes the direct approach was the best; Mizuki was strange as it was. Naruto remembered the glares that came when the man thought he wasn't paying attention. 'Maybe he has multiple personality disorder?'
Sarutobi rolled his eyes, "Why would you need it Naruto?"
"Because Mizuki-sensei said if I could steal it from you and hide in training forest 5…or was it 12? Meh, that I would graduate."
Needless to say, the Sandaime snapped to attention as Naruto continued, "And to think, I thought he secretly hated me for no reason."
"Hm, are you sure he secretly disliked you Naruto?" the old ninja asked.
"Pretty sure," Naruto slumped a little and became…normal, "he's glared at me a couple times during my episodes, but I guess it could be something different."
'Hm, true, but I can't overlook telling a student to steal the scroll to graduate. Naruto's assumption/observations are pretty accurate when people don't think he's paying attention or playing around. If only he spent more time on schoolwork and chakra control than making his fake personas and reputations…'
'I worry he goes too far sometimes.' "Well Naruto, I have some news to tell you, but first: how did you think you were going to steal the scroll?"
"Like this: Oroike no Jutsu (Sexy Technique)!" Naruto giggled in his bosomed form and watched as the man fell over with a nosebleed. Telling someone the truth and then doing it anyways was sometimes the best tactic.
Hours later (think about how long Naruto could stay hidden from real ninjas, and then how long he had to practice (3 hours?)) the third hokage awoke, sufficiently recovered from blood loss. 'Naruto! Where did he say he was going? 5 and 12 are close areas on the west side, so Naruto went to the east somewhere on the other side of the village. Time to use that crystal ball.'
Sarutobi quickly found Naruto making some half dead shadow clones next to a shack in the woods. One of the clones was pretty close, only missing a head.
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"Hey Iruka-sensei, you're early! I only learned one technique," Naruto had somehow ended up covered in dirt and unzipped his jacket.
"Naruto, is this a joke? Or one of your "unique viewpoints" as you call them? That's the forbidden scroll."
"Iruka-sensei, of course I know this is the forbidden scroll. This is not a joke either," Naruto swept some of the dirt off his clothes and rolled up the scroll. "Mizuki-sensei said if I took the scroll, I could become a genin. I decided to take a peak on my own. I wasn't so sure about Mizuki-sensei, but I decided to give him a shot at least."
"And I'm glad you did," Mizuki appeared in one of the trees, "Now give me the scroll."
"Naruto don't!" Iruka shouted.
"Hm, not until I get my ninja headband thingy…" Naruto said in a teasing tone, strapping the scroll on his back.
"Then die demon!" the traitor threw a large shuriken at Naruto, who tried to dodge.
Iruka had stepped infront of Naruto and shielded him from a blow that would have punctured his right side, "Naruto…"
"Why do you protect him Iruka? When he was the one to OW! My ASS! Damn you!" Naruto had bitten Mizuki in the ass and dispelled when the giant shuriken was thrown into his head.
"No stupid speeches in the middle of battle," the real Naruto stepped back from Iruka the meat shield. "Now watch my new awesome move Iruka-sensei! Taiju Kage bushin (Mass Shadow Clones)!"
The small clearing was filled to the brim with orange jumpsuits, in the trees, on the rocks, under the rocks, surrounding Iruka and Mizuki.
"Now Iruka, you might want to close your eyes. Oroike no Jutsu and Henge everyone!"
Mizuki paled and pulled out his kunai. This was not going his way. Half of the clones were busty women of all appearances, some were definitely the women he perved about. The other half of the clones appeared to be different ninjas of the village and he thought he sensed that some of the trees were actually several clones. The only thing they had in common was they were closing in on him and he didn't stand a chance.
"Hmph, you can open them now Iruka-sensei," Naruto said somewhat amused.
The clones had stripped the man of all his clothes and pulled out all his body hair, leaving a few blood spots.
"Wow…um, good job Naruto, you caught a traitor," 'And he can make clones now…I guess that could make him a genin.' "Come here so I can put this on you."
Naruto grinned like a maniac and let Iruka put on the hiate for him, "Thank you Iruka-sensei! Thank you thank you thank you!"
"Easy now, I'm injured you know," Iruka chuckled and started to walk Naruto back to the village with Mizuki over his shoulder, "You can wear that until I convince Hokage-sama to let you keep it."
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A/N: Review if you want to. I don't know if I'll continue it, but if you want to take it, I'll tell you more of my ideas for different habits and battle strategies of Naruto.
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OMAKES YAY!
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Naruto meets Gai!
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"Yosh! Young Uzumaki-san, what are you doing this wonderful day in the springtime of youth!"
Naruto stared at this man, he was covered in green spandex, a vest, orange leg and wrist bands, with a bowl cut and super large eyebrows. How the hell could he deceive this man, who had obviously tricked everyone into believing he was a green clown with questionable facilities? Poor Uzumaki didn't know this was the true Gai…
"Ummm…." 'I'll try to pretend I'm him, which unnerves most people…' "Yosh! I'm here to train my flames of youth!"
Gai wept open tears at this beautiful proclamation, "Then we shall do laps around Konoha, while I tell you about the strength of the flames of youth!"
"Yosh! But what about my clothes, I am not dressed for such vigorous training!"
"Never fear young one, for I have this, a training suit that shall increase your vitality!"
Naruto quickly changed, muttering to himself the things he would do to keep up his personas, "OK, henge!" poof
Gai tilted his head and looked at the young lad as the smoke dispersed. "Most excellent! Now follow me as we fuel the flames of youth with our passion! One of the most important things when training is…"
Naruto chased after him and went with the flow, it could be worse. He now sported huge square eyebrows, a bowl-cut, and leg warmers of his own! Repeating the various words the strange man said seemed to get his approval.
The day went by quickly until it was noon and Naruto 'sadly' said farewell. "I'll remember the teachings of youth Gai-sensei!"
Naruto hugged the man and left to get some ramen, waiting till he was far out of sight to release the henge and change back into his jumpsuit. 'This spandex will come in handy for disturbing some of the ninjas who know Gai, I wonder if I can find this Kakashi fellow?'
Meanwhile, Gai wept tears of joy! "Yosh, teaching is so rewarding, I must apply for a team of my own! And then I will have another cute protégé in the flames of youth!" Gai didn't admit it to himself, but he was a sucker for flattery and the thought of a team of mini-Gai's filled him would be the best thing ever! He could picture them now, protecting the Leaf and saving the world. Other countries would forget about the copy-nin and yellow flash, all being replaced by the most powerful Gai-style ninja: "beware the green spandex" they would all say.