Don't scream don't scream – oh shit oh fuck oh fuck it's almost over almost over, please just let it be over – oh shit not again FUUCCK—

"All done, Mr. Cox! You can pay up front when your ready."

He takes a deep breath before sitting up and nodding to the overly blonde woman. He takes a minute to collect himself before pulling on his shirt – wincing as the material rubs across the sensitized skin of his chest.

He steps out into the hallway of the salon and makes his way back out to the reception counter to pay the bill. Mindy might wear too much make up, but she was a goddess when it came to waxing –

Jordan thought it was silly that he had it done at all ("It grows in so sparse, how the poor girl can ever tell she's done anything is beyond me. Why don't you do me a favor and spend the money getting your balls waxed instead? I could fool myself into think you'd finally gotten that penis enlargement that I've always wanted."), but it was something he liked to do for himself, and if she didn't have to explain $1800 shoes, he didn't have to explain chest waxing.

"Hey, Dr. Cox!"

He groans as he spots Newbie sitting in the waiting area, clutching a ragged copy of "2007's Hottest Short Hairstyles for Women". As much as he'd love to bust the kid's balls for going to such an ah-hob-viously girly salon (the damn place is called "Bienvenue New You!" after all) he's also here, and the kid's smart enough now to call him on that sort of hypocrisy.

His hopes that Newbie will leave it at 'hello' are dashed when JD sidles up alongside him as he hands over his credit card to the girl at the counter.

"So, fancy seeing you here – I've been coming here for ages and never seen you around."

"I don't come here often, because unlike you Hedwig, I don't need a whole lot of help to look attractive to the opposite sex," He grumbles, writing in a generous tip for Mindy on the receipt, while Newbie pouts dramatically.

"So what'd you have done?"

He should say nothing.

"Haircut," He says instead, and immediately regrets it as Newbie's eyes narrow and start taking him.

"No, you didn't, your hair looks exactly the same --"

"Flattered and disturbed you pay that much attention--"

He stops when he sees JD's eyes have focused on the burning skin right above the collar of his t-shirt.

"Oh my god, you got your chest waxed--" Newbie says in a gleeful tone, a malicious grin that Perry finds uncomfortably familiar to his own spreading over his face.

"Did not," He denies, even though he knows he should just shut the fuck up and get the hell out of here.

"Oh yeah," Newbie's smirk is practically sadistic and he's beginning to wonder if he hasn't taught the kid a little too well. "So it doesn't hurt when I do this--"

JD brings his flattened palm down in a loud hard slap across his chest.

His skin screams and a small squeak of pain escapes from his teeth even as his fist comes up and deals Newbie a brutal punch in retaliation.

Minutes later, his chest still stinging from JD's blow, they're evicted from the salon and given lifetime bans to boot.

"Do you know how hard it is to find a good hairdresser in this town," Newbie complains, rubbing at his already purpling cheek.

"Hairdresser? Do you know hard it is to find a waxer that doesn't rip the skin as well as the hair off you?"