Instinct
By Arica, Princess of Rivendell
Summary: "She's a survivor; she'll pick whichever one of us can keep her alive;" Gale Hawthorne told him. But to Peeta Mellark, the words had the same glossy feel his tampered memories held since being captured by President Snow.
Disclaimer: The "Hunger Games" is owned by Suzanne Collins and Lionsgate; I am neither.
A/N: There were points while reading the Hunger Games series that I wondered what Peeta was thinking during certain scenes. Anyways, I was watching the 2nd Part of Mockingjay the other night, it got me to seriously start thinking about what Peeta was thinking during this particular scene with Gale Hawthorne. This was born from the thought process.
Gale Hawthorne sat down beside him. Peeta had vague memories of Gale and it with President Snow highjacking his memories in order to twist them to his own ends, Peeta wasn't sure what to trust when it came to the other male.
But then Gale said the words, "She's a survivor; she'll pick whichever one of us can keep her alive;" and Peeta froze.
To him the words had the same glossy feel as the memories Snow had tampered with in order to use him against Katniss; and, they left the same feeling in his veins as the venom the Capitol doctors had flooded his veins with on orders from President Snow.
Peeta's mind raced trying to find the reason for it; and suddenly the glossiness faded as a real memory surfaced.
Katniss in the pouring rain as she dug through the garbage bins looking for food. His mother going out and chasing her away. Katniss slumping down in front of tree. The bread he had burned, suffered a beating over, and threw to her instead of the pigs.
He remembered her words when he'd summoned her to his bedside in District 13 where he'd asked her about it. Her words then had been, "We hadn't eaten in weeks;" not "I hadn't eaten in weeks."
In that moment after Hawthorne's words, he could see it so clearly; Katniss snatching up that bread and finding the strength to go home without taking a bite from the bread first. He saw her reaping once more as Prim's name is shouted out and Katniss screaming out, "I volunteer!"
His heart quickened as the memories rushed in; and when he looks up once more, he knew why Hawthorne's words reminded him of the same glossy pictures and venom that flowed through his veins that his tampered memories gave him.
It was because knowingly, or not, Hawthorne's words were false. Katniss was no survivor; at least not just a survivor. Katniss was a fighter.
Between the two of them, Katniss had braved peacekeepers, forbidden wildernesses, Presidents of Nations and Districts, arenas, and war for the sake of her loved ones.
He could remember her attitude throughout the games and with the words from only a few short nights ago in which she had informed him that she was still trying to protect him ringing in his ears, he knew that she was willing to die, so long as everyone she cared about lived. That wasn't a mark of a survivor; it was the mark of a fighter.
Peeta recognized it; because he had once been just a survivor. While under his mother's roof as she beat him for burning bread and where he endured his love for Katniss in silence for fear of what his mother would do if she found out he loved the girl from the Seam.
He had known and so to protect himself, in order to survive his mother's reign over their household, he had hidden it as best he could and tossed her crumbs where he could.
It hadn't been until they'd hit the reaping, that he had given up surviving and instead turned to fighting. Fighting for her. He had used his words to make the crowd sympathetic to her.
He wanted them to see her the way he saw her and bit by bit he had started fighting to keep her alive; instead of himself.
Little had he known, but in hindsight could see, that she had also started fighting for him. He could not pinpoint where she had decided he had to live; all he knew is that somewhere down the line, Katniss had decided Peeta was one of the ones that had to live so that she could live with herself.
As he looked at Hawthorne, he dared not say the words he so dearly wanted to; because even as the glossy memories had faded with Hawthorne's tirade, they came rushing back with a vengeance as the other male fell silent.
He knew not whether what he had seen was real or not real; and he dared not ask Katniss in front of the other male lest he be embarrassed to learn that these memories were false, he kept quiet and resolved to think on it another day.