How You Came Along

"Hey, Al, is that who I think it is?"

Alphonse, human for three years now, dressed sharply in a three piece suit, glanced at his elder brother. They had both been invited by Major General Roy Mustang as guests to the Military's Formal New Year's Event of Doom, or at least that was how Roy had worded it. The main reason he had invited the two Elric brother's was to make them suffer like he had to suffer. And considering that Edward had decided to stay on in the military after everything had been said and done, they really didn't have much of a choice.

Well, to be more accurate, Alphonse had a choice in whether to attend or not, but he found watching his brother squirm during similar events to be highly amusing, so he couldn't pass up the chance.

Alphonse glanced to where his big brother was pointing, and his eyes widened slightly at the sight in front of him. Across the floor, sitting as demurely as she could possibly could, which wasn't very demure, Envy was nervously clenching her silk gloved hands. The no longer homunculus, now human, green haired woman was dressed in a stunning evening gown, a new fashion among the ladies of central. Al smiled at his brother and nodded his head goodbye, before making his way over to the green haired woman.

"Hello there, Evelyn," Alphonse said to Envy, making sure to call her by her new name.

Envy looked up at Alphonse, before rolling her eyes, "Hello again, Tinnie."

Alphonse smiled charmingly at her, "What have I told you about calling me that, sugar muffin?"

Envy's face blanched, "Please, don't call me that, Alphonse."

Alphonse laughed before sitting next to her, "So, how have things been with that position at the Trenov Trading Company?"

Envy shrugged her shoulders, glancing at the big jazz band that was about to perform. "It's all right, I guess. The paperwork to set everything up is a bitch though."

Alphonse tutted, "Now, now, Evelyn, ladies shouldn't use such language."

Envy growled softly in the back of her throat, "Fuck you, Alphonse Elric."

The young man smirked at her, "Let's wait till later, when I can get us a room, and then I'll be happy to oblige you."

Envy's face immediately turned red in embarrassment, "That's not what I meant, asshole." She paused, before glaring straight into his eyes, "You can be so much like your brother sometimes."

Alphonse reached out and gently held Envy's hand in his own, giving her knuckles a light kiss before saying, "Thank you."

Envy rolled her eyes. She smiled softly as she gently hit him on the forehead, "Not a compliment, Alphonse."

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Envy slammed Alphonse up against the closed and locked door of the hotel room, stealing his attention as she kissed him with obvious intent. Her arms pinned his body where she wanted it to be, while his arms were quick to encircle her body.

Al smirked as they both gasped for breath between kisses, "I guess that's what you really meant, Evelyn." He gently slid the dress she was wearing off of her body.

Envy ripped off Al's shirt, his jacket already missing from his torso, growling in the back of her throat, "Shut it, Al. You're my bitch, remember?"

Al traced his hands on the contours of her breasts, eliciting a moan from Envy, before throwing her onto the bed, along with himself, of course. He smiled as they began to finish fully undressing one another, "That's right, and you need to teach your bitch a lesson, isn't that right?"

Envy flipped Al onto his back, her body sitting on top of his. She smirked and said, "Exactly, and you'd better not object, either."

They kissed again as she allowed him to enter her, "Wouldn't dream of it."

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This was not exactly how Al envisioned waking up a month and a half later.

Envy stood in front of him in nothing but a night gown, a pissed off expression on her face, with tear stains on her cheeks.

A large butcher knife was embedded in the wall all the way to the hilt, less than two inches away from his head.

Alphonse gulped audibly before asking, "So, how are you this morning, Evelyn?"

"You got me pregnant, you fucking bastard!"

Alphonse's eyes widened noticeably, "Y-you're pregnant?"

She started to cry, "Yes, you ignorant buffoon, I'm pregnant and I don't know what to do. And it's all your fault!"

Alphonse carefully made his way over to where Envy was bent down on the floor of his bedroom, "If it means anything, you kind of helped that along, if I recall correctly."

"Not helping."

Alphonse sighed, before kneeling down and cupping Envy's chin in his hand, "What's wrong, Evelyn, didn't you tell me that before you became a homunculus you always wanted to have children?"

Envy hiccuped, "Yeah, but now that I'm going to have a baby, now that there's actually a living, breathing individual inside of me, I'm scared." She let out a half-hearted sardonic laugh, "Me, the former great evil bitch Envy, is afraid of a little baby inside of my own body."

Alphonse wrapped his arms around the green haired woman, "Don't worry Envy, we'll figure something out." He began to run his fingers through her hair in an effort to help calm her down, "We could always ask my brother for advice."

Envy stared at him with a disbelieving expression on her face, "You seriously want to ask your brother of all people for advice for this type of situation. What are you, stupid? Don't you recall how spectacularly he handled his own mess?"

Al scratched his head, "Oh yeah, I kind of forgot about that..."

Envy began to wipe away the tear tracks on her face, "Come on then, Alphonse, we've got quite a bit to do today."

Alphonse's face grew puzzled, "What do you mean? What are we doing today?"

Envy stared at him with a no-nonsense look about her, "We're getting married. So we're going to go out, set up the arrangements, invite whoever we like that's in town at the moment, get the rings, then get married, and come back here and sleep. Any questions?"

Al raised his hand, "Do I have to wear a tux?" Envy glared at him, and he sighed in disappointment, "All right then. I'll go call my brother and let him know while you get cleaned up and ready to go."

Envy patted him on the head and smirked, "Good boy."

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FIN

AN: Hope ya'll enjoyed it. This was my third of three oneshots that I wrote for the Nov/Dec. round of the FMA Exchange on Livejournal. I liked it the best, and submitted this one to the contest. And I actually did better than I thought I would, taking third place.