Alex held her hand, rubbing soft circles into the space between her index finger and thumb with the pads of his own digits. It was a pattern he'd picked up, heedless to Christina's commentary: 'You're going to wear the skin right off of her hand if you keep that up'. He hadn't deigned to respond to her and she hadn't pushed him to; neither of them were good with grief and he knew that she was just trying to offer him some solidarity. Meredith had noticed the motion too, had watched his hand rather than look at her face, neither of them breaking the quiet. Before leaving she reached out a hand to squeeze his shoulder, a silent gesture of comfort before she left.
George had been the opposite; he'd had eyes only for her face. He would watch her for hours, one hand resting at the base of her ribs to feel the rise and fall of life under his hands. It was fleeting, though, and all of them knew it. But maybe none so much as George, who knew the measure of that fading motion better than he knew his own heartbeat.
She hadn't looked at Alex for days, hadn't opened her eyes, and he was sure that she was going to leave without a goodbye, was sure that she was going to slip away and that he would miss it. And so he just kept up his rubbing, circle after endless circle, praying that the pattern would not be broken. But at the same time, Alex was a realist, and he knew that he could not sit in this hard hospital chair forever, that he had to move on eventually, that time could not - would not - stand still for him or anyone else for that matter. He'd just have to man up and move on; just have to leave without a goodbye and without his heart, because it would always be hers.
But for all his talk of being hard and cold, he almost cried when he saw her eyelids flutter.
'Iz?'
She met his eyes and held them, furrowing her forehead.
'Alex?' and her voice was a dry rasp, misuse evident.
'Yeah, it's me, do you want anything? Ice chips?' And he stood, keeping hold of her hand, leaning his upper body towards her.
'No, I just...' and she trailed off a moment, eyes glazing.
--
She frowned at the sight of her dead fiance standing just behind Alex.
'Denny?'
'Yeah, I'm here Izzie.'
'Oh. Is it time then?
'Almost.'
'Where are we going?'
He gave her a sad smile, 'I don't know.'
'What do you mean you don't know?' and she almost laughed at his admission, but the gravity of the situation stopped her, 'You're dead!'
He shrugged, 'Sure, but I'm here with you.'
'Well, it doesn't matter, we'll be there together. And that's all that counts...' She trailed off at the look on his face, 'Right?'
He shook his head, 'We won't be together, Iz. You know that I'm not real; I'm just in your head. When you die I die.'
She felt the tears welling; she was already losing everything and she couldn't imagine no longer having Denny by her side, even if he was just a figment of her imagination.
--
Alex frowned as Izzie's eyes focused on something past him, as her lips started moving silently as though she were talking to someone.
'Izzie,' he paused a moment, 'Izzie, come on, don't do this.'
He reached out to cup her cheek with his hand, turning her face towards his own, 'Don't go there; look at me. Don't bother with him. He's not here, Iz, I am. Stay with me.'
But she didn't hear him.
--
'Izzie,' and Denny's voice was almost chastising, 'You don't want have me around forever.'
'Y-yes I do,' she hiccuped, almost childishly, tears fording messy tracks down her cheeks.
He gave her a sad smile, feeling her pain; she could see it reflected in his eyes.
'Look, when you die this is over. You won't remember this. Or you won't want to anyways. You don't want to be lost in your head for your last few moments of life.... you want to be living them.'
'What?'
Denny sighed, 'I would love to keep you to myself, but it's not what's good for you. I'm selfish, but I can't be when I'm with you... never with you. So you need to stop talking to me and say your goodbyes to him.'
And he bobbed his head towards Alex, who was still trying to catch her attention.
'When did he get here?'
'He's been here this whole time. I would have been, but being dead puts a bit of a crimp on being at the bedside of a dying loved one. But seriously, listen to me, Izzie,'
She looked back towards him.
'Let me go. Stop thinking about me and leave me behind. Talk to Alex, as much as I hate to say that. I spent my last few minutes thinking about you, and don't think for a second that I regret it, but I would have rather spent them with you. With someone real and whole and warm.... and with someone that I loved.'
She opened her mouth, about to protest, but he cut her off.
'And don't you try to lie to me - I'm your imaginary figure, remember? I'm in your head.... I know all your secrets.' He gave her a quick wink, 'but the point is, I know that you love him. And he loves you too, even though he has a tough time saying it. And I'm okay with it; I know that you loved me, maybe more than you love him, but who knows. The point is, I'm dead. And you can't love a dead person like you want to love me; it's just plain creepy in some ways. And sad in almost every way. So you have a choice to make: to be with me or him right now. And I'm saying you should choose him, but you had better hurry up and make that decision; you don't have long, Iz.'
She's truly crying now, tears dripping off of the bottom of her chin.
'I wish it could be you.'
'It can't, and you know that. We've had our time, as short as it was. And now Alex needs these last few moments... and so do you, believe it or not. For the record, though, I wish it could be me too.'
'I love you Denny'
'I know. And I love you Izzie Stevens.'
He kissed her then, tenderly and sweetly even though it was over much too quickly, and with one last look into her eyes, that trademark twinkle in his, he was gone.
--
'Alex?'
'Thank god, Iz,' he sighed in relief and gave her a smile, 'Do you need anything?'
'No,' she whispered, 'Just you.'
He ran his thumb across her cheek, leaning in to kiss her.
'I love you Izzie,' came the words against her lips, 'I love you so, so much. And I would do anything, I swear, I-'
'I know Alex. I love you too' A thin sigh escaped her lips and caressed his, 'Hold me? Until I'm...'
'Iz,' he pulled back, a frown on his face, 'Don't say it.'
'It's the truth, Alex, he said so.'
He was confused a moment before he realized who she must be referring to, 'Denny?'
She nodded against him, her hair tickling her chin, 'And he's right. And he's right about me spending my last bit of time in the real world rather than my head... and he's right about it being with you. He's right about me loving you. And really he's me, so-'
'Izzie, just shut up,' and how he could be so tender while saying those words she would never know, 'I'll hold you, alright?'
And he did, all night, until her chest stilled and she was gone.
Alright my darlings, that's all for now! (Because it's snowing and I have to work at four in the morning... bah, that's means getting up really early to scrape my car and drive through drifts) Hope that you enjoyed; reviews would be lovely! (they would also be lovely on my other Grey's fic.... just one please?)
Have a good night! Ciao, Moksgmol